Sideway had always wanted a wiper, but never like this. He was in the men's camp one morning when he saw it. A pristine white handkerchief, sitting on a barrel. He walked casually over to the barrel and snatched it up, holding it close to his chest. He delved into the folds of the wiper, bringing it to his face. He felt the softness of the cloth against his cheek, a feeling of pure bliss washed over him.
"My wiper..." he moaned into it, moving it in slow circles on his face. He gently brought it to his nose and over his mouth. He sneezed violently, a loud noise emerging from his mouth and nose.
"No one will ever buzz you again," Sideway whispered lovingly to his wiper, moving it away from his face to marvel at its beauty. Sideway delicately folded the wiper before placing it in his back pocket.
A few moments later, Sideway reached into his back pocket for his wiper, yet his search was unsuccessful. His wiper had been buzzed.
"My wiper!" He exclaimed, "someone's buzzed my wiper!" He walked threateningly towards Second Lieutenant Ralph Clark, "there's a wipe drawer in this crew, Mr Clark."
Lieutenant rolled his eyes as it began to rain heavily.
He was crazy and his wiper was his queen, god have mercy on anyone who messed with his queen.
He sank to his knees in the pouring rain, 'If only I had my wiper yo dry my eyes with' he sobbed, as tears and rain trickled down his face. Lieutenant and the other men hurried off to shelter leaving the lone man in loss of his lover.
But there was something glistening in the distance, a speck of white approaching him. It was Liz Morden, returning a shirt she had used as an apron for the play back to the men's camp. There she was, his soft lover in the folds of the apron Liz had borrowed. That whore! Stealing his beloved wiper! Sideway sprinted towards her, snatching the silken fabric 'My wipers a delight, don't you ever buzz my wiper again!' He snarled at the woman, 'Or else I shall have to buzz your face. Liz sniggered, 'Wouldn't be the first time' she winked before dropping the shirt and making her way back to the women's camp. Alas she did not understand their connection.
Safe and sound.
He pressed his wiper to his cheek, it was soft and warm like a little kitten. 'You are safe now my darling' He waited for a response, something to prove his wiper returned his love, but there was nothing beyond its soaked folds. She was not as warm as she used to be, she had become cold. The man screamed after Liz as his eyes filled with tears 'What has you done?' He fell to the floor, cradling his lover. 'My wiper..'
His hands uncurkrd and the wiper fluttered from his grasp away through the Australian winds, up and up towards the Heaven where she belongs. 'May angels sing thee to thy rest' he prayed.
She was free.
Sideway grimaced, thinking of all the angels tears she must be wiping, all but his.
'Have mercy on my wiper.' He cried.