Rushing out of Starbucks, I weaved in and out of the crowd on the street. I was late, I hated being late. I made my way down past the parking garage, past the blue glass office building, and was stopped dead in my tracks when I made it halfway past the book store on the corner. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught sight of a book that looked all too familiar. Its cover showed Sweetwater River with a small green boat upside down on the shore, and a single white glove next to the oar. I stopped and stared at the cover for a moment before rushing inside and grabbing it from the shelf. Realizing I didn't have time to stand there in shock, I quickly paid for the book and made a mad dash for my office that was just a few more doors away. I rushed out of the elevator and sat down at my desk just as my phone started ringing.
"Elizabeth Cooper." I said slightly out of breath. "Yes, sir. I'll have the piece ready for you before lunch…Yes. Thanks." Hanging up the phone I grabbed the book from my bag and took a longer moment to look at it. The title was foiled across the front in silver and a very familiar name was also foiled across the bottom.
"The Death by Sweetwater River…by JFP Jones." I whispered to myself. "He really did it."
I flipped the book open and there he was, his crown beanie was gone, but it was him. I quickly read through the biography and sat back in my chair and started remembering my old life back home. I couldn't believe it had been ten years since the murder. I couldn't believe it'd been eight years since I'd had my heart broken so badly that I still hadn't recovered. After our break-up, I had thrown myself into school, when that was done I threw myself into my career and I hadn't really stopped since. Come to think of it, I hadn't even seen Polly and the twins in a few years either. I hadn't gone home for Christmas in three years, and almost five for Thanksgiving. I wasn't sure I was making the right decision, but something about seeing his name in print for the first time tugged at my heart. I picked up the phone and called the extension to my assistant.
"Hey, Margot, can you book a flight for me?" I asked quickly, I was being impulsive. I hated being impulsive, it never led to anything good.
"Sure, Ms. Cooper!" She said brightly, I wasn't sure how she was always in such a good mood. "Where to?"
"Riverdale." I said hanging up the phone and turning my chair around to see out the large windows behind me.
I looked around the empty airport and made my way out to the rental lot. I had been very close to not boarding the plane a short time ago, my mind had been wracked with second thoughts. What if he had a family now? What if I knock on his door and he doesn't recognize me? What if my parents are so starved to finally see me that they don't even let me leave the house?
No, you can't think that way. You're not going to just drive to his house and randomly knock on the door.
I shook the thought from my head and started the car. I hadn't called my parents to let them know I was coming, but I figured in a town like this there couldn't be that much going on. When I hit the winding road that led to my parent's house a strong sense of familiarity hit me like a punch in the face. All the times he had walked me home along that sidewalk, all of the stolen kisses on a ladder outside my bedroom window, and the night on my parents front porch when he broke things off. I slowly passed the Andrews' home and saw Archie sitting on the porch swing with a guitar and a small child playing down in the front yard. I parked the car at the street between the two houses and slowly stepped outside. The air even smelled the same, there was still a heavy feeling in the air that had been there that night.
"Betty?" Archie said squinting at me. "is that you?" He said setting his guitar off to the side and stepping slowly down the stairs.
"Wow, no one has called me that in years!" I said as I felt a panic attack coming on. I had stopped going by that name after the break-up. It was too much to hear people always calling me by a name that he'd used.
"Oh my god, you have a kid." I said before covering my mouth in embarrassment. He cracked up laughing at the look on my face.
"Freddie!" Archie called to the child. He tottered over and held his hands up to Archie, wanting to be picked up. He swooped down and put the child on his hip and pointed to me.
"Betty, this is Frederick. Freddie this is Betty." I smiled at the name, he'd used his father's name. The little red haired boy smiled and hid his face in Archie's neck as I shook his tiny little hand.
"Nice to meet you!" I laughed.
"BETTY COOPER?" I hear a familiar voice call from the house behind us. There was Veronica, gorgeous as always. The same shoulder length black hair, the same perfectly wavy curl, and the same set of pearls around her neck.
"Hey, V!" I said in complete shock. The two had dated in high school, but it had never really been a serious relationship. "Wait, are you two…?"
"Married two years next month." Archie said smiling and putting his free arm around Veronica. "We sent you an invite, remember?" Archie said trying to jog my memory. That was when I realized that they had. I'd put it in my desk drawer with every intention of sending a response, but never got around to it.
"Oh! Right! I'm so sorry I couldn't make it." I said shyly. That was when I heard my name called loudly from next door. My mother had spotted me. Archie and Veronica and their cute little kid had distracted me from preparing to see my own parents.
"I better go, I think my mother is having an aneurysm." I said backing away and trying to confidently step across the lawn. "Hi mom." I said as I made it to the front door with my bags.
"What are you doing here? Are you ok? Are you dying? Did you get fired?" She asked all at once.
"No, mom. I just felt like it was time to make a visit home." I smiled, I wasn't entirely lying to her. I didn't have to tell her that the book was what prompted me to return.
"Well, you're just in time! Your dad's just finishing up a meeting in his office, and I've already got dinner started!" She said excitedly pulling me inside. The house smelled like home, as it should. There was a smell of dinner being made and a sense of belonging that I'd so desperately lacked. I excused myself from my mother and took my bags upstairs to my old room. The posters were still hung at the head of the bed and the same comforter and sheets were on it. The same lacy curtains hung over the windows and there was the familiar crown beanie. Hanging on the post of the bed. I didn't remember leaving it there when I left. Though when I did leave that day everything happened so fast. I sat down for a moment on the edge of my bed and closed my eyes. I was trying to ignore the tsunami of emotions that was going on in my head right now. I took a deep breath, counted to ten, and made my way back downstairs.
Just as I reached the bottom step my father came from his office. My heart stopped in my chest when I saw him standing next to my father. They were shaking hands, he still had the shy boyish smile that lit up his face.
"Hal! Look who finally came to visit!" My mother said as she came back into the room. She put one hand on each of my shoulders and pulled me closer to my father…and him. He had the same long dark eyelashes, the same steel blue eyes, the same dark unruly hair that stuck up all over, the same cologne he used to wear back when things were good.
"Betty!" My father said smiling and pulling me into a hug. Neither of them knew why we had broken up, they didn't know the reason I avoided coming back was because of the primal fear of a moment like this happening. He was avoiding eye contact me, and I was avoiding eye contact with him.
"What brings you home, Betty?" My dad asked quizzically.
"Just needed a break." I said quietly. I should have stayed in New York. What am I doing here? Why am I exposing myself to rehashing the most painful memories of my life? You shouldn't have done this, you could have just ignored the book in the book store. Why didn't I just ignore the book in the book store?
"I'm sure you remember, Jughead?" My dad said. Just hearing his name was a knife to my heart.
"Jughead." I said quietly, nodding my head in his direction. I was desperately hoping that he couldn't see through the calm exterior I was trying to portray. I was hoping he couldn't see me crumbling on the inside.
"Hey, Betts…" He said. He didn't even think twice before using my nickname…his nickname. The one that he would call me. I couldn't do this. I'd make a mistake. I could feel the tears coming and I didn't want him to see me cry.
"I need some fresh air." I said quickly before walking quickly out the front door and halfway down the stairs to the front yard. I stopped in my tracks and tried not to let the tears fall, but they did. I heard the door open behind me, but I couldn't move. I should have prepared better for this. I should have taken a few days to plan this. Why did I let myself be so damn impulsive?
"Betts?" He asked putting a hand on my shoulder.
"Don't call me that." I said shortly, turning around and looking at him. "Don't do that to me."
"What are you doing here?" He asked shoving his hands into his pockets.
"I can't do this, Jug." I said stepping away from him slightly.
"Betty, it's been eight years since I've seen you…I'm just-"
"Just what? Trying to pretend that we're just old friends that haven't seen each other in a while? I'm supposed to pretend that you didn't hurt me so badly I've never recovered? It happened two feet behind you, Jughead!" I said pointing.
"I'm sorry." He said looking me in the eyes. "I made a horrible mistake, I was young, I was scared. I didn't know what to do." He said, I could see his eyes start to water.
"And I wasn't?" I said throwing my hands in the air. "I need to just be alone." I said finally before going back inside and up to my room. I had only made it inside the bedroom door before I collapsed against the back of it. The tears had been held back and pent up for the last eight years. I had tried to pick myself up over that time and date other people. I had given them a chance, but every single time all I could ever do was compare them to him. They weren't as funny, they weren't as good looking, they didn't pull my chair out for me at a table. I tried to stop remembering that night but it was coming back, crashing against me like tidal waves.
"What exactly are you saying, Juggie?" I asked as I started to realize what was happening.
"Maybe this is a sign. Maybe this is some greater power telling us that we just aren't meant to be. We're only seventeen…we're not equipped to handle that." He said crossing his arms and looking down at the ground.
"After everything we've been through. After all of that, you're just going to walk away?"
"I'm doing what's best for you, Betts. You don't need to be tied down, stuck in Riverdale forever. You know you didn't want that."
"Maybe I did, Jug!" I yelled. "Maybe I did want to be stuck here, as long as I was with you I could care less where the hell I am!"
"You have a future, Betty! You have things going for you!" He yelled back.
"I hate you!" I screamed after him. He stopped for a moment, taking in what I'd just said before he continued down the stairs and out of my life.
"No, no, no, no." I whispered to myself trying to stop the heaving sobs. I made my way to the bed and crawled between the sheets. Thankfully, I had exhausted myself so completely that sleep came easily.