Anger Management
Disclaimer: If I owned Slayers, I wouldn't be writing fanfiction for it, now would I? For those of you too dense to comprehend, that means that I don't own Slayers any more than I own "Whose line is it anyway" or Drew Carey. Aw, what the heck! I don't own Powerpuff girls either. Not that I'd want to. (so don't sue me ^_^)
Summary: Basically this is what happens when the Slayers gang, the Authoress, and the Authoress's little red pen Tib take an anger management class together. One word: All heck breaks loose (so it's not all one word! Sue me! O.K.- having second thoughts. Don't sue me. ^_^)
A/N: Konnichiwa, peeps! (If I spelled konnichiwa wrong, forgive me 'cuz I don't speak Japanese at all) Ulita the Divine Authoress would like to say that this is my first fanfic so be nice. This idea came to me while drinking bad coffee and I just had to write it! Enjoy! Also, if I spelled Seryuun wrong, DON'T FLAME ME!
*-*= action
'-' = thoughts
Psychiatrist (in a cute voice you use when talking to toddlers): Hello, everyone! Welcome to our wonderful class entitled Anger Management. Today we will tell the group what makes us angry and discuss ways to control all of that nasty rage building up inside of you.
Amelia: *blink* But then why am I here? I'm not angry at anything!
Ulita the Divine Authoress: You're here because me and Tib believe that no one should be spared the torture of the Anger Management class. Even people we like *looks apologetically at Zelgadis* And besides, you're angry with anyone who isn't "just". Isn't that right, Tib?
Tib the Little Red Pen: Yup!
Psychiatrist: Yes, well, let's get all of those angry feelings out in the open now, shall we?
Xellos: *appears* Yay! I wanna go first!
Ulita'D.A.: Gahhh! Xellos, go away! You're not s'ppost to be in this fic!
Xellos: *pouting* But you said no one should be spared the torments of an Anger M…
Ulita'D.A.: I meant people who I could write about without them getting all out of character and stuff. I'd bet that you're already OOC, seeing as I only know about you from other fanfics. Now LEAVE!!!
Xellos: Make me.
Ulita'D.A.: Don't mind if I do. Tib, come here. Bring paper, too.
Tib T.L.R.P.: Okies! *brings paper to Ulta'D.A.*
Ulita'D.A.: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! I call upon the Divine Authoress powers to help me reach my goal! Prepare yourself, Xellos! Nothing can stand against me! MWAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Lina: Is all of that maniacal laughter really necessary?
Ulita'D.A.: No, it just makes me feel powerful.
All: *sweatdrop*
Ulita'D.A.: eh, he,… *picks up Tib* Anyways… *using Tib, scribbles on the piece of paper. Xellos vanishes with a small "pop"*
Gourry: Where did Xellos go?
Ulita'D.A.: *evil smile* Oh, just… somewhere.
Tib: *giggles*
Meanwhile – Somewhere
Xellos: um… where am I? *all of a sudden, he is dive bombed by three things that leave trails of pink, green, and blue light where they fly* Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Blossom: We're the powerpuff girls!
Buttercup: And we're here to kick some major butt!
Bubbles: *giggles*
Xellos: Ahhhhhhh! Demons! *starts to run like heck* I'm sorry Divine Authoress! Please let me back and I'll never bother you again! Ever! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! *powerpuff girls start firing laser beams at him*
Ulita'D.A.: (voice comes out of nowhere) promise?
Xellos: Yes! Yes! I'll be good!
Ulita'D.A.: Okies! *sound of scribbling is heard*
Xellos: *disappears with a small pop, and reappears at the Anger Management*
Lina: Um, Xellos, I was wondering- why didn't you just teleport back?
Xellos: Ummmm… That is a secret!
All (minus psychologist): *sweatdrop*
Xellos: eh,he… *disappears*
Psychiatrist: *bangs head against wall repeatedly and mutters to herself* They told me this was going to be a nearly impossible group, but did I listen? No, I had to go on and on about my talent and how challenges were good for me…
Amelia: Um, Miss Psychiatrist, we're ready to start now.
Psychiatrist: *stops head banging* Oh! (cheery voice) all right then! Who is going to start? How about you! *points to Lina*
Lina: Why me? *glares at everyone*
Gourry: probably because you fireball everyone you get mad at.
Lina: FIREBALL!
Gourry: *ducks and the Fireball hits Ulta'D.A.
Ulita'D.A.: HEY! WHAT WAS THAT FOR! TIB! COME HERE!
Tib: *brings paper*
Ulita'D.A.: *scribbles with Tib on the paper*
Lina: *turns into a cow* MOO? Moo, moo, moo! (rough translation) WHA? I'm a cow!
Psychiatrist: O.K. I see your problems! Explosive tempers!
Lina & Ulita'D.A.: *glares at psychologist*
Ulita'D.A.: *picks up Tib and starts to scribble on the paper*
Lina: *turns back into a human*
Lina & Ulita'D.A.: FIRE…
Psychiatrist: Meep…
Lina & Ulita'D.A. …BALL!
Psychiatrist: *is roasted by two fireballs* Owwwwwww…
Everyone else: *sweatdrop*
Psychiatrist: *coughs* well, maybe we should do someone who is a little calmer now. (quails under death glares from Lina and Ulta'D.A.)
Tib: Me!
Psychiatrist: O.K., shoot.
Tib: I'm……………………
Psychiatrist: go on.
Tib: under……………………..
Psychiatrist: yes?
Tib: a…………………………..
Ulita'D.A.: Tib, should I explain?
Tib: ^_^
Ulita'D.A.: Well you see, it all started one night while Tib was watching "Whose line is it anyway" on TV (you know, the one with Drew Carey?) They were doing this thing where the contestants could only say a certain number of words at a time. When it was over, Drew Carey said "and now, some lucky person can only say one word at a time!". From that day forth, Tib could only say one word at a time. She still hates Drew Carey.
Tib: *scribbles on piece of paper* Read!
Ulita'D.A.: Alright, Tib says "Drew Cary is a ………" Gahhhhh! *smacks Tib on the head* Bad Tib! This is a G rated fic, PG at most, we do not use language like that!
Tib: -.-
Psychiatrist: Great. Just great. I have two insane girls who like to play with fire, and a little red pen who uses R rated language and thinks Drew Carey put a curse on it. My day can only get better.
Rezo: I'm a good priest who goes around curing other people's blindness, but I can't cure my own because there is some evil guy named Shabranigdo locked within my vision, and I'll let him out if I open my eyes. I did that once. I could see! It was great! But then, of course, I had to sacrifice myself to keep him from destroying the world. Stupid evil demon.
Psychiatrist: O.o I spoke too soon
Zelgadis: Humph. He thinks he has it bad. He is not the one with a practically incurable curse that turns you into a human-demon-golem freak, oh no. He is the one who puts the nearly-incurable curse on people, namely his grandson/great-grandson. *gives Rezo death glare* By the way, what is the cure?
Rezo: Oh, you want the cure? Why didn't you say so? The cure is…
Gourry: Hey Rezo, aren't you dead? We killed you twice!
Rezo: Oh yeah! *disappears*
Zelgadis: NOOOOOOO! What about my cure? *glares at Gourry* I hate you.
Annoying DBZ announcer guy: Will Tib ever get her cure? Will Zelgadis murder Gourry? Will Lina & Ulita'D.A. kill the psychiatrist? Will the psychiatrist kill herself? Find out in the next exciting episode of Anger M…
Ulita'D.A.: *turns off cassette player* OK, who plugged the tape thing in?
Shabranigdo: Sorry. That was me. I thought it was the doorbell.
All: Ahhhhhhhhhhh! Shabranigdo!
Shabranigdo: It's OK! I'm just delivering pizza! *pulls humongo stack of boxes from thin air*
Lina & Gourry: FOOD!
Everyone else (minus psychiatrist): *sweatdrop*
Psychiatrist: So, ah, Shabranigdo?
Shabranigdo: *Is eating pizza with everyone else* Yah?
Psychiatrist: Shabranigdo, what makes you really angry?
Shabranigdo: hmmmmmmm, let's see. Well, I really hate to see evil dark lords trying to destroy the world.
Lina: But Shabranigdo, you are an evil dark lord trying to destroy the world.
Shabranigdo: Maybe once, I was just like them *meaningful music starts playing* but now, I have seen the error of my ways, and am a good lord, fighting for the ways of goodness and light! So vote for me, Shabranigdo, President of the United States of America, 2004-2008!
Ulita'D.A.: *pulls the cord of the cassette player out of the wall socket. Meaningful music stops.* Stupid machine.
Amelia: You see? Justice has triumphed! Shabranigdo is no longer evil!
Lina (ignoring Amelia): And being a pizza boy helps you fight for happiness how?
Shabranigdo: I need money for my ad campaign. I'm going to be president!
All: *sweatdrop*
Psychiatrist: Okay, moving on… what is your name? *Points to Amelia*
Amelia: I'm Amelia, princess of Seryuun and champion of Justice! Quail before my wrath, oh those of you who are un-just!
Psychiatrist: O.o Okay, I'm prescribing heavy-duty medical treatment for everyone. *hands everyone big bulging bags that say "warning, do not overdose"* Take at least ten pills an hour *grins idiotically and swallows an entire bag* @_@ seeeee?!? Happyhappyhappyyyyyy… @_@
Lina: I wonder what would happen if… *throws bag of medicine into the air and Fireballs it*
*bag explodes in pretty colors*
All: OOhhhh, ahhhh
Lina: *Takes all bags, throws them in the air and casts various spells on them*
Ulita'D.A.: this is better then fourth of July!
Tib: Yep!
Psychiatrist: Wow… the pretty colors… *falls over backwards*
THE END
A/N: Sooooo, what did ya think?? Funny? Stupid? Tell me in a review! Want a sequel? Want me to go to hell? Tell me in your review! Okay, I guess what I'm getting at here is PLEASE REVIEW!!!
Tib: -.- *points up* Desperate.
THE REAL END