A Normandy Christmas
(A/N: Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all! This story is going to be suitably AU as some characters will still be alive. Be warned, spoilers for Citadel DLC and the end of the game within, but if you haven't finished the game yet then go get it done. Also be warned, this got a little M-rated at a couple of points which wasn't my original intention. You'll know 'em when you see 'em.)
"So… what's the point of this holiday again?" Garrus asked.
The turian was standing in Jane Shepard's apartment with the woman herself balancing on his shoulders putting up tinsel. Nearby, Liara, Samara and Jack were carefully levitating James, Cortez and Ashley over the balcony stringing a large line of Christmas lights across the apartment. On the other side of the room by the grand piano, which Glyph was currently half-submerged in compiling a list of suitable Christmas music to play, Grunt and Wrex were wrestling a Christmas tree into an upright position while Miranda and Oriana exercised their biotics to keep the top sections level.
EDI, next to them, was busy overlaying Christmassy holograms on the massive windows with the (albeit bickering) help of Ken and Gabby, Traynor was taking an inventory of all the various alcohols and such behind the bar while Joker "assisted", and even Zaeed had grudgingly (after serious "persuasion" by Jane) donned a chef's apron and toque to cook with assistance from Kelly and Falere, whom had been given permission from Councillor Tevos (after Shepard called in a favour) to leave her monastery provided she didn't drink anything stronger than wine (human, not asari) and stayed within Samara's eyeline at ALL times. Once she entered the apartment the young asari had immediately hugged Shepard and thanked her, which the bemused redhead had accepted with good grace.
Overall, the apartment promised to be packed. Miranda had brought her sister, Jack had brought Rodriguez, Prangley and Eezo (who was now sleeping in front of the fireplace beside Sophie, the SR-2's mech-dog), Wrex had brought Bakara, Ashley had brought her sisters (currently out buying extra supplies with Rodriguez and Prangley), Liara had brought Aethyta and (surprisingly) Aethyta's other daughter Seyla, Garrus his father and sister (the former giving Jane a particularly icy once-over before nodding in greeting, and the latter shaking her hand vigorously), and even Jacob had brought Brynn and their boy Preston (after Brynn's father) along. Kolyat had also shown up after Shepard had sent him an invitation, and the young drell had been oddly close to Oriana for most of the evening (though never where Miranda could see him).
As Jane leapt down to the floor however, smiling and reassuring Garrus that it was easier for him to see than for her to explain, her eyes found one person she had not been expecting, but had shown up and more or less worked her way back into her life a year after the end of the war.
Her clone, now tentatively named Ann, had survived the fall from the Normandy's landing bay because she crashed through the side of a passing freight container carrying mattresses. She had spent the rest of the war in a coma, unrecognised and unknown by any other name but Jane Doe, until she had woken up nine months after the war ended. After three months of physical therapy and a lot of confusing paperwork for Jane when they checked Ann's DNA and Liara had to quickly fabricate a false identity for the clone as Jane's long-lost twin sister, Ann had more or less settled into her new life and now sat in one of the leather armchairs in the corner by the widescreen television making sure that all the presents were accounted for… though most of her attention seemed caught by a small pile of packages bearing her name, which she was regarding with a kind of childlike wonder… at least until one of the packages from another pile seemed to vanish and she barked at an invisible Kasumi to put it back or be tackled.
"Shepard!" a deep voice from the doorway said, and Jane's head turned to see her mentor entering. Anderson had survived meeting the Illusive Man on the Citadel because Jane had managed to resist the man's control ability to shoot him in the head before he could force her to shoot Anderson. Her mentor had since settled down with Kahlee and had a child, named Ursula Anderson after his mother.
"Anderson!" she hugged the man before shaking hands with Kahlee, "How are you two doing?"
"We're fine," said Kahlee, linking arms with the tall male at her side, "We left Ursula with a sitter who didn't mind-"
"No," said Jane, shaking her head, "Feel free. She can play with John. We'll just have to make sure she doesn't go near Eezo."
"Are you sure?" said Kahlee.
When Jane nodded she beamed and turned to head back to their nearby apartment.
"INCOMING!" yelled a voice from above and Jane sidestepped rapidly as Ashley plummeted from above, only to be caught at the last second in a biotic field.
"That was close," said Aethyta's voice as the matriarch walked out from the corridor leading to the downstairs bathroom, hand outstretched and wreathed in blue, "Nearly got crushed there, Shepard."
"Thanks Aethyta," said Ashley as the matriarch lifted her enough that the woman could get her feet under her.
"No problem kid," she said, "I got a call while I was in the can," she addressed to Jane, "Apparently you might have unexpected guests later."
"Any idea who?"
"Nope," said Aethyta, though it was patently obvious the woman was lying through her teeth, "Not a clue."
"Why don't I believe you?" Jane deadpanned, before slinging an arm around Ann's shoulders as the clone tried to slip past her, "Hold it right there you. You're going to say hi."
"Do I have to?" whined the clone, but she didn't resist as Jane dragged her round so that Anderson could see her.
"Anderson," grinned Jane, "I'd like you to meet my twin sister who recently came back into my life, Ann."
Anderson gave her a speculative look, "Strange, nothing in your files about a sister," he remarked.
"I didn't know about her either until after the war," Jane lied, "She was in a coma and when they DNA-tested her and got a hit on my record, it took me a while to get it all sorted out."
Ann nodded, using the agreed-upon half-fiction that her skycar had hit a freight vehicle here on the Citadel and she had ended up in a coma.
Perhaps it was that Anderson was practically a father-figure to Jane, or that he'd seen her growing up practically from the minute she started basic at the age of eighteen, but he saw through the story instantly, "And the truth is?"
Jane simply laughed and escorted him into the apartment, quickly explaining the truth once they were seated comfortably upstairs.
"A clone? Really?"
"That's almost exactly what Miranda said when she found out," laughed Jane, "Honest as Ann and I sit here, it happened."
Before Anderson could respond, Ann's omnitool suddenly chimed and she stood up and ran to the rear stairwell. "KASUMI!" she bellowed in the direction of the bar, "PUT IT BACK NOW OR I'll TIE YOU UP AND LEAVE YOU HANGING IN ARMAX ARENA BY YOUR ANKLES!"
"Boo!" a voice yelled back childishly, but the thief apparently complied as the chiming stopped and Ann returned to her seat.
"She didn't think I would booby trap the present pile," she said smugly.
Jane suddenly stood, "I should probably get back to work. Ann, will you help me?"
The clone nodded, smiled at Anderson and followed Jane out.
"Anything I can do?" he called after them.
"Hmm…" Jane thought about it for a second before she said, "No, I think we've got everything in hand right now."
At that moment there was a CRASH from the front room, a yell of "PYJAK!" from Grunt and a loud yell from James.
"Oops," said Jack's voice, "Did I just drop the musclehead on ya there, big boy?"
"QUIET!" barked Bakara's voice, and the dispute was instantly silenced by a loud CLANG Jane couldn't immediately identify.
"Thank god for krogan females being scarier than their males," muttered Jane.
"Ann!" called Traynor, "Can you help me with drinks?"
Jane looked back at her clone, who had visibly perked up at the sound of the communications officer's voice, "Oh go on. But no fornicating on the bar this time; we have guests!"
Ann punched Jane on the arm and said, "For the last time, she pinned me for a kiss, we weren't-"
"Hey, the hand action I saw said otherwise, Annie," teased Jane, "Now shoo!"
Glaring, Ann ran off in the direction of the bar.
"Whoo, tongue action!" Joker's voice piped up a second later.
Jane seized a bauble from a tray that Kolyat was helpfully carrying towards the tree, where a grinning Jack was now lifting a bruised James up to add decorations and Bakara was standing over an uncharacteristically meek-looking Grunt with fire in her eyes and a suspiciously dented frying pan in her hand, and hurled it across the lobby like a hand grenade. A second after that, there was a yelp of pain as it hit Joker on the forehead, "That's technically me you're perving on, Joker!" she barked, "and I'm not sure EDI would approve!"
Laughter from Ann and Traynor was her only response as Jane took a moment to lean against the wall and wince, gripping her shoulder tentatively.
"Are you alright?" said Garrus from beside her.
"Yes," winced Jane as she settled onto the stairs, "…I'm still having issues acclimating to this."
"How so?"
"After I decided to control the Reapers, my own body was destroyed, you remember."
"Yes," said Garrus softly, "But if you recall I was also there when that Reaper opened up its superstructure and you walked out of it."
"Yes," said Jane, "I had them build me a new body… Conveniently Reaper tech made it possible for me to get the same body I've always had, just with dextro-DNA instead."
"I'm not complaining," Garrus smirked, tracing one of his claws over the blue mark bridging Jane's nose and covering her cheeks. It was one of the first things she had done on returning from the Reapers; she had located perhaps one of the last surviving tattoo artists on Earth (who had been on the frontline of the resistance and had the misfortune of losing a leg to a Ravager shot) and getting the same colonial markings Garrus bore tattooed onto her cheeks. It was one of the few distinguishing marks one could use to tell Jane and Ann apart, aside from Ann having a fair few more scars from her passage through a thick metal container.
Jane laughed and kissed him, "Of course you aren't. But come on, I have to get back to work." With a small amount of effort she stood up and walked out into the middle of the room, just as the door opened and the Williams girls entered with Prangley and Rodriguez, all of them carrying bulging bags. Behind them was Kahlee carrying Ursula.
"Where're those goddamn girls?!" Zaeed's voice yelled.
"Right here!" Abby Williams called as she and her companions bustled past Shepard to the kitchen.
"I'm not a girl!" Prangley protested.
Jack burst out laughing and almost dropped James again as she heard Zaeed's response, "Until I've seen you kill a krogan with your bare goddamn hands and then pissed on his corpse, that's up for debate, now shut your yap and bring in that food!"
Solana Vakarian stopped Jane at that moment, offering a turian brandy, "My brother told me you were dextro like us, somehow."
"Thanks. It's a long story." Jane said, accepting the liquid and taking a swig. She started coughing as it burnt on the way down.
"Yeah," chuckled Solana, "You might be dextro, but you're still soft like a human. Still, this stuff'll polish your gizzard something fierce!"
Jane laughed as Tali tugged on her arm, "Hey Jane, can you help me with hanging some decorations?"
"Sure, Tali." Throwing back the last of the drink (and incurring laughter from both Tali and Solana at the way she almost coughed it back up between breaths), Jane followed the quarian back into the melee.
-ANC-
Eventually, it seemed like everything was ready. The food was set out on several tables that had been set up, the drinks were all ready, and Glyph had festive music playing through the piano. The Christmas tree loomed over all of them, the star at the top shining with light as they all sat around the tables. Miranda was alternating between trying to ignore the advances of a rather drunk Jack and staring at Kolyat, who was trying to talk to Oriana on the other side of the table, Ashley was being heckled on her relationship with James by her sisters and Aethyta had a suspicious grin on her face as she occasionally glanced at the door.
Jane was just about to interrogate the matriarch when the doorbell rang and she stood up.
When she opened it, she was immediately surprised by who was standing there.
"Councillor Tevos?"
The asari councillor herself stood in the doorway looking a little sheepish, "Hello, Shepard."
Jane leaned against the door frame, "Would you like to come in? We were just settling down for some Christmas dinner."
"Well that would- eep!" Tevos yelped as a blue arm encircled her waist from behind and Aria's smirking face appeared over her shoulder even as the pirate queen herself stepped into view, holding a bottle of Noverian rum in one hand, "Hello there Shepard. Is this sufficient payment to enter?"
Jane's eyes narrowed as she accepted the bottle, "Aethyta invited you without telling me."
"Yup," said Aethyta, appearing at Jane's elbow, "Figured you forgot about them."
"Aria I can understand but… why the Councillor?"
Aria smirked as her arm tightened around Tevos' waist and one of Jane's eyebrows vanished under her long red fringe, "Huh. I always wondered about how you two knew each other."
Aria snickered, then moved aside as another person stepped into view, "Commander."
Jane started in surprise, "Nyreen!"
The female turian leader of the Talon mercenary band nodded cordially. Jane had saved her life on Omega during the war, hurling a special kind of hand grenade that Wrex had given her into the middle of the Adjutant horde outside Afterlife. Like all krogan weapons the thing was ridiculously stronger than any conventional weapon, befitting the brief warning Wrex had issued to her when he gave it to her, "Go big or go home".
The hand grenade was called a Ruzadok, or "Judgement" in krogan, and the effect was comparable to the blast given off by a shot from an M-920 Cain, except with more flames and shrapnel. Nyreen had spent a few days unconscious afterwards for overusing her biotics shielding citizens from the concussion, but had otherwise recovered with no issue.
Aria had afterwards remarked that she owed Shepard so many favours for not only saving Nyreen but also letting her kill Petrovsky it wasn't even funny anymore.
Now, Shepard allowed the trio into her apartment and hurried to fetch three extra chairs after directing Nyreen to what was and wasn't safe for her to eat. Finally she reclaimed a seat beside Garrus and eyed the large bird right in front of her. She had called in a favour to have a few turkeys shipped in specially for this party, and she had never missed human food more than she did now, looking at that large steaming bird sitting in front of her, being carefully dissembled by Zaeed with a large carving knife.
"Oh well," she murmured to herself, "The Palaven equivalent is just as nice."
"Agreed," said Garrus, dropping a massive steak from the bird he was carving with an equally large knife onto her plate, "Still. At least we enjoy it just the same way."
"Learning something about Christmas now, Garrus?" she smirked.
"Yes," he said, and bent to kiss her again.
"Oi!" said Ann, "No kissing at the table Jane, you'll put us off our- EEP! SAM!"
Ann jumped in her chair, going brilliant red and staring at an unrepentant-looking Traynor, who simply waggled several fingers at the clone.
"Do I want to know?" said Jane sardonically.
"Don't worry, Commander," said the communications officer in an amused voice, "Ann here is just discovering that these fingers aren't just magical when working on communications techn-"
"HEY!" Miranda said, restrained from lunging across the table to clap her hands over Oriana's ears only because Jacob grabbed hold of her shoulder and held her in her chair.
Jane's response was to give a piercing whistle which drew everyone's attention, before she stood and raised a glass of turian brandy into the air. "Let's toast," she said, as everyone else grabbed their glasses and held them up as well, "To friendship, togetherness, and to family! Merry Christmas everybody!"
They all cheered and drank.
After three courses and plenty of drinks, things were starting to wind down. Solana, seated next to Tali, was now having to hold the suitless quarian girl upright because she had drunk so much she kept threatening to fall face down into the remains of her dextro Christmas pudding. Finally Jane gave up and she and Garrus carried her upstairs.
"Didn't this happen last time?" Garrus asked her, as they tucked Tali into one of the guest beds, whereupon she immediately curled up and fell asleep.
Jane chuckled, "At least this time she isn't drunkenly ranting about wanting to share you with me."
"A fair point," Garrus's mandibles fluttered in a turian smirk, at least until Jane sauntered around the side of the bed and pressed herself against Garrus' side.
"I'm dextro now… I really do sometimes wonder what a turian-human baby would look like."
Garrus' mandibles fluttered and he stroked his talons through her hair. Jane shuddered and closed her eyes, enjoying the contact. "Garrus?"
"Yes?" he said in that damnable verbal smirk she could always just about hear in his subharmonics, "What is it, Jane?"
Jane shuddered and this time pressed herself completely against him, "Take me to bed. NOW."
"Your wish is my command," he chuckled, before bending and pulling her into his arms bridal style and setting off along the hallway to their room.
-ANC-
Jane woke early the next morning, a most pleasant ache between her legs. Casting a quick glance at the still-sleeping turian at her side, she climbed unsteadily out of bed and pulled a dressing gown around herself before heading out to see what became of the others they had somewhat abandoned the previous night.
It appeared that they had continued to party after she and Garrus had gone to bed; there were empty bottles and glasses everywhere. Falere was slumped over the piano and drooling somewhat while Samara was seated beside the window and meditating calmly. It appeared that Jacob, Brynn, Anderson and Kahlee had gone home at some point, taking their children with them, while Eezo was still stretched out in front of the fireplace.
To her surprise, Bakara and Garrus' father were seated quite placidly in the chairs by the bar drinking what smelled to Jane's sensitive nose like tea. Stumbling behind the bar herself, she poured a generous measure of an old Marine hangover cure she didn't necessarily need and gulped it down. It tasted foul, but it served to wake her up as Bakara greeted her… at least until she had to empty her stomach into the waste disposal under the bar because she had forgotten that it was a hangover cure for levo-amino lifeforms and was less than advisable for her to drink anymore.
"Morning," she said, collapsing onto the settee herself and hiccuping, taking a swig from a bottle of dextro beer to wash the taste of vomit out of her mouth, "Did you have a good night after we… retired?"
"Yes," said Bakara, "I was forced to break up a fight between Wrex and Grunt by throwing Wrex across the room, but fortunately Samara and her daughter had their wits sufficiently about them to hold Wrex apart while I was beating some sense into Grunt."
"I see. Thank you," Jane said before turning to Garrus's father, "And you, Investigator Vakarian?" She was careful to use the title he had in C-Sec, not sure quite how to address her lover's father without offending him.
"It was enjoyable… however I am concerned by some of your… guests."
"Such as?"
"A mercenary leader? The pirate queen of the Terminus Systems? And then there is the fact that you yourself-"
"Are a Spectre," Jane finished for him, "I know. Garrus told me your opinion on us."
"And what is your response?"
"To each their own opinions. All I will say is what I told Garrus when he asked me about a similar topic; just because I can break the rules does not mean I should. I did not defeat Saren and Sovereign by sinking to their level, nor I did not defeat Harbinger or the Illusive Man by sinking to theirs. Being a Spectre may put me above the law, but I do not consider myself such. That I turned myself in willingly after the Alpha Relay Incident and the destruction of the Bahak System should prove that."
Garrus' father surveyed her for a long minute, before he said, "What about my son? Do you consider yourself his equal? His love? When did you begin to feel for him? How could you even begin to feel for him when you could not even eat the same food without potentially dying?"
Jane scowled, "I love Garrus. If I do not consider myself his equal, I know he considers me his. I fell in love with him when he was the only person on the SR-2 I trusted, I continued to love him even when I thought I would never see him again. When I saw him again on Palaven, when I knew he was safe and when he rejoined me on the Normandy, I felt that love as never before. Nightmares plague me of the final charge to the beam, of seeing him splattered with his own blood and begging him to go on the Normandy. I gave my life knowing that Garrus would live, I knew I would never see him again but I would die knowing he was safe… even if he would not be happy."
"So Garrus' happiness is more important to you than even the rest of the galaxy? Is that why you took control of the Reapers rather than destroying them?"
It was a loaded question and Jane knew it; the turian view that the whole was greater than the individual meant that if she answered wrong she would forever lose her lover's father's respect.
"I had no idea I would be able to come back if I took control of the Reapers. But I thought it was easier than condemning us to a massive step back because our technology ceased functioning. Look at the quarians, they would not be where they are today without the geth. Look at the Citadel, destroying the Reapers likely would have damaged it beyond all repair. The mass relays would likely have been impossible to repair without the Reapers; your fleets would have been condemned to remain in the Sol system forever; for the quarians and turians that would have been a death sentence with no dextro planets here. I wanted the Reapers dead as much as anyone for what has been taken from me and mine, but I set my personal feelings aside and took the option which would best benefit the entire galaxy, and I would do it a thousand times again if it were required of me."
They looked at each other for a long minute, retired C-Sec investigator and galaxy-saving Spectre. Then the turian nodded, "I see."
Jane's head slightly tilted to the side. She had a feeling she had won her love's father's respect.
Before anything more could be said, they heard the sounds from above which suggested others were waking. Soft voices, then a yell of "HEY!"
A second later, Kolyat sprinted out onto the balcony and hurdled the railing as a biotic Warp narrowly missed him, Miranda chasing the drell out and swearing the entire way. Once they had passed, Jack wandered past looking rather placid.
"What just happened?" asked Jane.
Jack chuckled, "Cheerleader just found out that her sister not only spent the night, her first night as well, with drell-boy but she also got a lot of his skin venom so she's experiencing one hell of a drug trip right now."
Jane started chuckling… at least until Jack's next sentence penetrated.
"Bet she's not half as shocked as your sister though."
Jane was on her feet and passing Jack on the stairs before she even knew she was moving. Reaching the door of Ann's room she briefly knocked before opening it, "Ann? Ann, are you oka- OH MY GOD!"
The first thing she noticed was that Traynor and her sister were spooning. The second thing she noticed the complicated-looking rope harness wrapping around her sister's top half, holding her arms firmly behind her back, and the third was the rather large gag in her sister's mouth. The fourth thing she noticed however, as Traynor stirred and sat up, was the krogan-sized (she would never forget the day after she had woken Grunt from his tank when she had ended up having to teach him that he had to wear a towel when he came out of the shower, or that Okeer really had made him "pure krogan" and "genetically superior" in every single way) strapon her communications officer had strapped around her hips. The fifth and final thing was what sealed it, as she noticed that the krogan-sized strapon was currently inserted into her sister's ass… and the woman herself was moaning in her sleep as it was tortuously extracted.
For the first time since she had been hit by the Prothean Cipher on Eden Prime, Jane Shepard actually fainted.
-ANC-
When Jane came around she was lying back on her bed with Garrus bending over her.
"Garrus, please tell me I dreamed that? Please tell me I didn't just see my twin sister being dominated and screwed by my communications officer?"
"Well I could but I would be lying."
Jane curled into a ball and groaned, "I am going to need so many drinks to forget that."
"Well you'll be pleased to know that Ann is still asleep but Sam made sure to clean up after herself before she left to go back home."
"Is anyone else still here?"
"Only Tali, and only because she's currently too hungover to move. Everyone else has already left. My father told me about your conversation… he says he's impressed by you."
"Thanks," mumbled Jane, not feeling up to doing anything aside from sitting there and trying to repress that memory.
"C'mon," said Garrus, tugging her up, "Get dressed, I want to take you out somewhere."
"Where?"
"You'll see."
Once Jane had showered, dressed and breakfasted (though she had almost lost her appetite when Ann walked in fairly bandy-legged and moving very gingerly), they got into Jane's skycar and headed up to the Presidium where (much to Jane's surprise) Garrus flew up to the top and settled on one of the large spanning buildings across the divide.
"Another shooting contest after I beat you at the last one?" she asked playfully.
"No," said Garrus, "I just wanted to say it here."
"Say what?"
They got out of the car and stood near the edge.
After a second, Garrus turned to her and, as much as a turian could, got on one knee, holding out a small box in his hand and flipping it open with a talon. A ring gleamed up at Jane, whose eyes widened with shock as she realised what Garrus was about to say.
"Jane Shepard…" he said, "Will you marry me?"
Jane stared at him for a long second before she blinked tears out of her eyes and said, "Yes, Garrus! Yes!"
(A/N: So yeah. Just as with the Naruto one last year, I don't quite know how this turned to romance midway through. I can always hope next year's won't turn out the same way. Regardless, I wish every last one of you a wonderful Christmas and a happy New Year when it comes around. It is now twenty past midnight on the morning of December 25th, Christmas Day, and I am just about to turn in for the night. Have a good one everybody! Leonineus, OUT!)