DIE HARDON 4.0 (Human man the third) PART 4
Recap
It was had been almost 5 minutes since human man part 3. And tbh not fuckin much happened. After realizing that the world was in jumanji he was just taking a break from worrying. Sat down on the shitty floor n decided to um 'play' with his riddle stick.
Chapter 1
The oliphant
2 hours after human man 'played' with his disco stick he decided to clean himself, he saw a shitty napkin and wiped his coliguli stick. To his AMAZMENT he saw there were words written on the shitcumy napkin it was said 'Dry Clean only' D: human man was curious why this shit was shaped like a bat. He took a huge smell and got a big ass wift of shit up his nose. 'UHHHH' said the human man he felt so sick that the plug up is bot... I mean cave came out and there was so much fucking wet fart slimy shit shooting out his bum bum.
'Ahhhhh felt like i was gunna explode mate' said the human man, he then looked around to realize no one was there. He started whimpering :'( he was all alone :( no one loved him :(, his fans hated him :( he was the human gayyyyy boi man :(
'NOOOOOOO' HE SHOUTED WITH PLENTYSOME OF REMORSE. 'I WILL NOT BECOME LIKE THAT MAN BAT'
Man Bat was in his Cave Bat with Morgan Freeman. Man bat said to alfie 'Did you hear that Mitch?'
Morgan replied 'What is it? More those 'sluts' that need 'attending' to? Im not cleaning those shit stains off your bed again Wayne Bat'
'Alfred... Don't be a dick, now go get me the toilet i need a shat'
Man bat puts a sample of zombimans shat inside and a sample of his own shat, unfortunately he realized he needed to shat first, so when Morgan came back he got ready to shit and put his hand under his ass*hole and had so much slimy shit come out.
'Ahhh here we go a sample' he puts a bit of shit in the Cave Computer Bat Shit ANALyser.
A fly comes into the room and SUDDENLY lands on Man bats face and starts to bite iz flesh off.
'ey get off mate' man bat slaps his face with his shitty hand and then wipes the dead shitty fly on his Symbol Bat Chest.
'We have the results afreroid :D iz ryt da beans oh yea oh yea im the best i have a small dick oh yea...' :( Alfreid had left :( he left a note saying.
'Bruceman, you like me brudda from anudda mudda. But me time az cum, gtg, going out and endin me lyf. I aint dealin with your bullyshites anymore lad, ive touched ya shit so much its stained me hands brown and they permenantly smell like well ya no, piss, so yea brb i will cum a zombiman and eat ya shit then tear your eye balls out your eye sockets, then rip ya balls off, and put ya balls in your eye holes, and your eyes, in your ball sack!'
'what a fucking douche' man bat shouted as he cried.
*Bring Bring* :O To the PHONE BAT
DUNANANANAN DUNANANANA DUNANANANANANA DUNANANANA MAN BATTER.
Chapter 2
The forthcumming
'WHORES THERE' whisperee man bat.
'It is I human man, and you mr are stealing my screen time, prepare to face your shitdoom'
Human man called his best friend the police force to go kill man bat, unfortunately the police force were zombimans, but they love a good snack so they went to kill man bat eh heh heh.
Human man casually slid his hand down his pants and made sure no one was looking, he pulled out his trusty BOP IT.
'I need answers bop it, tell me why they like our shit more than zombimans shit' The human man demanded :(.
He wiped the bop it in zombimans shit and nothing happened, he then wiped it in his own shit then suddenly 'BOP IT, YOU WIN WELL DONE' :O
Bop it was right, human shit was more pure, smelled better, mmmmm, yum... I mean uh lets go get a babeh.
A loud whoring noise cummed from the sky, and down cummed. WONDER WO-MAN
*Plays wonder wo-man theme tune music*
'I have realized that the world is in such JUMANJI D:' cried the stupid Wo-man.
Human man had sudden realization :D he needed to find the board of jumanji :D.
Three hours later had passed and human man was still in the line for buying jumanji, a bunch of zombimans were ahead of him and they were taking forevererrrrrrr.
Human man needed a shit so badly, he couldn't hold it in.
*FAAAAAARRRRRTSHITFARRRRRTTTT TSHITSHITSHITBOWSERSHIIIIIT*
'Oopsy' the human man said as shit slid down his costume.
'blarrererelajbkqj, shiiiit shiiiitnshiiitshiiitshiiitsh iiiit' said ALL the zombimans in bumgellatropetan, they turned around and slowly crept up towards human man.
'Um wtf dude' human man turned around and walked away slowly.
Human man had finally found some decent food after week of searching, it was a SUPERMCPIZZA BURGERLAND BURGER :D he tucked into it like a zombiman eating his first shat.
Mmmmmm tastes like shat and chicken and bogeys and a bit of cum... *cough cough* the human man was SUDDENLY ALLERGIC TO SHIT. 'NOOOOOO' he said, fortunately due to his brain problems he couldnt be SUDDENLY ALLERGIC to things.
Hey at least some good came out of human man having a brain tumor the size of a football.
Anyways
Human man just got out the store with jumanji, he thought damn i need a partner to play with. There was no sign of man bat, wonder wo-man, iron man man, edward scissor man or anyone he knew.
BUT, he realized that china is directly downwards from his point, so he started to dig downwards till he got to Chinatown in Asia.
Due to the brain problems of the writers of these series of books, the world didnt have a core or crust or toast for that matter, so it is perfectly ok to dig down till you get to chinatown.
So human man got to China, he called his OTHER best friend, Chucky Chong, :O the legendary CHUCKY CHANG, imagine meeting him, he kick yo ass fool.
Human man walked up to Chucky Chum and asked him to play Jumanji with him, Chucky Chank couldn't speak so he nodded with his foot.
Chapter 3
The big CUMback
Human man and Chucky Chong had almost completed it, one last move to go, human man had won! Omg seriously? Ukidding? Human man actually won something? In his life? Wow what the shit i was not expecting that what a great build up in the storyline.
He got given 3 wishes, he wishe that he actually had one ability, he wished for a sandwich... With NO shit, and he wished Zombimans didnt exist.
The world started to tumble and get all hazy as his wishes came true.
He slowly became unconscious.
Is this it? The end of human man? Could man bat of survived his fatal attack?
And what happened to wonder wo-man? Is she alive?
Youll have to find out!
In the next few lines -.-
Fuck i was hoping to take a break from writing this shit... I mean amazingly awesome action packed book
Human man arose slowly, he was in some mad castle or somethink, he got up and started to walk around, there were mad school kids, ghosts, midget people, this giant person with this beard. 'what's a beard' the human man said to himself, he saw there was a sign POINTING towards the main hall, so he took a stroll there, had a bash, had his sandwich, tested his new power, he could control peoples shit with his bear hands.
He got to the man hall and he was greeted by LOTS of mad people. This old geezer was like 'Welcome to Shagwarts. A place where even magic cant stop you from getting raped in the mouth, or ear, or eye, or front bum,or asshole... Anyways... Welcome child, you are the newest member to join our Shagwarts school of bitchcraft and whorizy, what is your name?' said ye ole man.
'I am the amazing Human Man! I am the protector of worlds, i defeated the Zombimans, i stopped a bas guys with a baby, im the city this hero needs, not the one it thinks it needs, but the one it deserves to need, im human man' passionstely said human man.
'Ah everyone his name is Man Human, how strange eh? What a retarded name... Put him in a duel with BARRY POTHEAD' shouted ye ole man with aggression and a hint of horniness...
:O the man human against Barry Pothead, a duel to the death :O with magic :O who could possibly win :O i mean it has to be human man weve signed him on for 6 more upcoming books so...
Will he survive the duel? Will he ever get to be in the next 6 books hes signed on for?
Find out NEXT TIME!
BUYER COMMENTS
Humanmanfanjosh - Best series yet, i heard a spoiler that he has sex with Heroin Ginger?
Stupidsluts2000 - God this is so shit, it doesn't make sense throughout it, its called consistency, also half the characters just disapear along with the storyline fuck man
Voldermank - God i hope my character isnt brought into this bullcrap -.- only read it coz someone mentioned its like Harry Potter but twisted. Complete shit dont buy it
Ryxen - Ahhhhhh fuck yes i wa*k to this book because its that good god i wish the characters were real life people :D
AUTHOR COMMENTS
Thankyou all for buying our newest collection to the human man series, we see all of our 5 star reviews and use them in our story as much as possible to keep you readers happy :D
Haha jk wtf is this shit, another 6 books come on wtf people are actually killing themselves after reading it, why do people bother it makes no sense, ive lost half my IQ writing this book, i may aswell just ask someone to kill me no...'
He was stabbed to death
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ONLY IN THE NEXT BOOK, promotion ends tomorrow.