Title: The Silence Before
Notes: Heero POV, NOT A SONGFIC!!!!!!!!! ::peasantry rejoices::, 1x2, ect, ect, ect.
Disclaimer, Claimer and Such: I don't own GW, Heero, Duo, or the safe house. I do own the phrase "peasantry rejoices", the phrase "and the peasants rejoiced", and the storm. Yeah, I bought a storm. They're damn cheap on the black market.
I stare out the window of the safe house at the clouds massing on the horizon. Shuddering, I turn away. It's too quiet. I hate it- that silence before the storm. It lulls you into a false sense of security before the danger. And you let yourself feel safe, even when you know the worst is coming. I don't like feeling safe. Why? For one, I rarely experience such a feeling. Second, the few times I have felt safe, it was immediately followed by the storms of my life with Dr. J- beatings, lectures, "lessons". Weapons don't feel safe. We're always ready, alert, prepared to destroy.
Never safe, never loved.
I start at that last thought. Loved? Where'd that come from? Burying the idea for later scrutiny, I resume watching the oncoming storm. It's nearly here, and thunder booms reassuringly. I realize suddenly the house is silent. I nearly give in to panic- then logic kicks in. Quatre and Trowa are picking up supplies, Wufei is working on Nataku, and Duo. I don't know where Duo is. His absence is the reason for the silence. I tell myself to enjoy it- after all, I complain about his chatter enough- but for some reason I feel uneasy. The storm breaks over the house, thundering loudly. As rain covers the window, I breathe a sigh of relief. I don't feel safe- I am actually more on guard. But it's easier for me to deal with storms, war, and danger than safety, peace or love. I shake my head and drop onto the sofa. Love again. I decide to figure out why this needless emotion continues to appear in my thoughts while I wait for Duo. I pause, frowning. Why is Duo the first to materialize in my thoughts? He's the only one whose location- and therefore safety- is unknown to me, I decided after a minute. It has nothing to do with my recent fixation on love.
I groan, laying back on the sofa. Of course it does. I've never been able to lie to myself, even if it takes nothing to lie to others. I reexamine my line of thought. I am, for some reason, connecting love and Duo in my mind. What could this ever mean? That I love him, of course.
Shit.
It does make sense, now that I think about it. I've found myself smiling when I hear his laugh, my chest tightening when I think about him- Yep. From my observations of Quatre and Trowa, I can safely say I'm in love with Duo Maxwell.
Again, shit.
I can't be in love with him. Weapons aren't allowed to feel love. And love tends to lead to feelings of safety and trust. Not allowed. As I contemplate, the front door opens and Quatre and Trowa enter, soaking wet and laughing. "What happened?" I ask. Quatre gets around his laughter to answer. "The umbrella blew away! We got bloody soaked!" Trowa grins at his koi and peels off his jacket. "I'm freezing," he says, with a suggestive look at Quatre. The blonde boy smiles back. "I think I can help there." I shake my head as they leave. Those are just the thoughts I needed put into my head. I let my mind wander back to Duo and my apparent love for him. After looking back at my feelings towards him from the past few- well, months really- I determine that my earlier suspicions are very true.
I'm about to begin cursing at myself when the door slams open and a drenched and indignant Wufei stumbles in. Without a word he storms off to his room, squelching slightly as he walks. I shake my head and sigh. I really should see about dinner since Quatre and Trowa are- uhm- otherwise occupied and I'm the only other half-decent cook in the house, but I don't want to. I let my eyes close and I drift off to sleep.
I wake suddenly as the door flies open again. Sitting up sleepily, I barely register and grinning, dripping Duo standing in front of me before he hugs me. "Duo, what th' hell are you doing?" I ask, struggling half heartedly to get out of his tight embrace. "Getting you wet of course," he says cheerfully, stepping back to admire his handiwork. My shirt is now entirely soaked, and my shorts aren't in that great of condition either. "And now, I'm going to go lock myself in the bathroom and never come out, seeing as you're going to kill me." Duo grins again. "I'm not going to kill you, Duo," I mumble, rubbing my eyes. Duo fakes extreme astonishment. "What? Mr- Omae-o-korusu, saying he's not going to kill me?" He falls dramatically into a nearby chair. "I've seen everything! I can die now!" "Don't," I say suddenly, surprising myself. "Aw, Heero, I didn't know you cared." "And don't say I don't care." I stand and go to the window, telling my face to stop turning red now, thank you very much. "Heero, you ok?" Duo sounds concerned. His reflection appears next to mine. "Fine, Duo. Just fine." Duo still looks worried, but he shrugs and heads off, presumably to find dry clothes. I remain at the window, watching the storm.
You don't love him, I tell myself. You can't. You live for the storms, not the safety, and when the storm is over you'll disappear. "Because you're never safe," I whisper to my image. "Never safe, never loved." The storm moves on into the distance, leaving silence again. And me, suspended, waiting for the next storm, not wanting- but still needing- to feel safe.
Cute Fun End Of Story Notes: (henceforth known as CFEOSN) Ha! I did it! I wrote a story that didn't have a happy ending! ::Rhiannon looks exceptionally proud of her little demoness self:: And I whole-heartedly apologize for misspelling Omae o korusu (however it's really spelled.) Now go click the pretty purple review button, hmm?
Notes: Heero POV, NOT A SONGFIC!!!!!!!!! ::peasantry rejoices::, 1x2, ect, ect, ect.
Disclaimer, Claimer and Such: I don't own GW, Heero, Duo, or the safe house. I do own the phrase "peasantry rejoices", the phrase "and the peasants rejoiced", and the storm. Yeah, I bought a storm. They're damn cheap on the black market.
I stare out the window of the safe house at the clouds massing on the horizon. Shuddering, I turn away. It's too quiet. I hate it- that silence before the storm. It lulls you into a false sense of security before the danger. And you let yourself feel safe, even when you know the worst is coming. I don't like feeling safe. Why? For one, I rarely experience such a feeling. Second, the few times I have felt safe, it was immediately followed by the storms of my life with Dr. J- beatings, lectures, "lessons". Weapons don't feel safe. We're always ready, alert, prepared to destroy.
Never safe, never loved.
I start at that last thought. Loved? Where'd that come from? Burying the idea for later scrutiny, I resume watching the oncoming storm. It's nearly here, and thunder booms reassuringly. I realize suddenly the house is silent. I nearly give in to panic- then logic kicks in. Quatre and Trowa are picking up supplies, Wufei is working on Nataku, and Duo. I don't know where Duo is. His absence is the reason for the silence. I tell myself to enjoy it- after all, I complain about his chatter enough- but for some reason I feel uneasy. The storm breaks over the house, thundering loudly. As rain covers the window, I breathe a sigh of relief. I don't feel safe- I am actually more on guard. But it's easier for me to deal with storms, war, and danger than safety, peace or love. I shake my head and drop onto the sofa. Love again. I decide to figure out why this needless emotion continues to appear in my thoughts while I wait for Duo. I pause, frowning. Why is Duo the first to materialize in my thoughts? He's the only one whose location- and therefore safety- is unknown to me, I decided after a minute. It has nothing to do with my recent fixation on love.
I groan, laying back on the sofa. Of course it does. I've never been able to lie to myself, even if it takes nothing to lie to others. I reexamine my line of thought. I am, for some reason, connecting love and Duo in my mind. What could this ever mean? That I love him, of course.
Shit.
It does make sense, now that I think about it. I've found myself smiling when I hear his laugh, my chest tightening when I think about him- Yep. From my observations of Quatre and Trowa, I can safely say I'm in love with Duo Maxwell.
Again, shit.
I can't be in love with him. Weapons aren't allowed to feel love. And love tends to lead to feelings of safety and trust. Not allowed. As I contemplate, the front door opens and Quatre and Trowa enter, soaking wet and laughing. "What happened?" I ask. Quatre gets around his laughter to answer. "The umbrella blew away! We got bloody soaked!" Trowa grins at his koi and peels off his jacket. "I'm freezing," he says, with a suggestive look at Quatre. The blonde boy smiles back. "I think I can help there." I shake my head as they leave. Those are just the thoughts I needed put into my head. I let my mind wander back to Duo and my apparent love for him. After looking back at my feelings towards him from the past few- well, months really- I determine that my earlier suspicions are very true.
I'm about to begin cursing at myself when the door slams open and a drenched and indignant Wufei stumbles in. Without a word he storms off to his room, squelching slightly as he walks. I shake my head and sigh. I really should see about dinner since Quatre and Trowa are- uhm- otherwise occupied and I'm the only other half-decent cook in the house, but I don't want to. I let my eyes close and I drift off to sleep.
I wake suddenly as the door flies open again. Sitting up sleepily, I barely register and grinning, dripping Duo standing in front of me before he hugs me. "Duo, what th' hell are you doing?" I ask, struggling half heartedly to get out of his tight embrace. "Getting you wet of course," he says cheerfully, stepping back to admire his handiwork. My shirt is now entirely soaked, and my shorts aren't in that great of condition either. "And now, I'm going to go lock myself in the bathroom and never come out, seeing as you're going to kill me." Duo grins again. "I'm not going to kill you, Duo," I mumble, rubbing my eyes. Duo fakes extreme astonishment. "What? Mr- Omae-o-korusu, saying he's not going to kill me?" He falls dramatically into a nearby chair. "I've seen everything! I can die now!" "Don't," I say suddenly, surprising myself. "Aw, Heero, I didn't know you cared." "And don't say I don't care." I stand and go to the window, telling my face to stop turning red now, thank you very much. "Heero, you ok?" Duo sounds concerned. His reflection appears next to mine. "Fine, Duo. Just fine." Duo still looks worried, but he shrugs and heads off, presumably to find dry clothes. I remain at the window, watching the storm.
You don't love him, I tell myself. You can't. You live for the storms, not the safety, and when the storm is over you'll disappear. "Because you're never safe," I whisper to my image. "Never safe, never loved." The storm moves on into the distance, leaving silence again. And me, suspended, waiting for the next storm, not wanting- but still needing- to feel safe.
Cute Fun End Of Story Notes: (henceforth known as CFEOSN) Ha! I did it! I wrote a story that didn't have a happy ending! ::Rhiannon looks exceptionally proud of her little demoness self:: And I whole-heartedly apologize for misspelling Omae o korusu (however it's really spelled.) Now go click the pretty purple review button, hmm?