I don't want to talk
About the things we've gone through
Though it's hurting me
Now it's history
I've played all my cards
And that's what you've done too
Nothing more to say
No more ace to play
-The Winner Takes it All, ABBA (1980)
"Wow. Four dates in three days. You like her."
"Yeah... Why?"
"She just… she doesn't seem like your type."
"Well, she's fun and uncomplicated. I think that's what my life needs right now."
"You're right, Castle. You deserve to be happy. I just... I just want you to be happy."
She turned away, preparing to return to her desk so she didn't have to watch him leave, but his derisive snort stopped her in her tracks. She turned back to face him, aware that her lips had parted and she was probably gaping like a fish, but... she still wasn't used to this new Castle, the one who flaunted blondes and whose comments were laced with malice instead of kindness, the one who didn't love her any more.
She flinched as she met his gaze, steel gray and stormy eye staring into hers, where just last week they had been blue with hope.
He opened his mouth as if to say something – something acerbic, probably, given both his expression and his recent behavior – then snapped it shut again, squaring his shoulders and tilting his chin up. In that moment she could so clearly see him as a little boy, defiant and stubborn in the face of being caught with his hand in the cookie jar – and for just a moment, the vision before her altered to child with her own dark curls and lankier bone structure but still with those same Castle blue eyes, a child that had she had only dreamed of in her wildest fantasies of the future, and her breath caught in her throat.
"It's true," she murmured, then took a deep breath and stumbled onwards. "Look – Castle, I don't know what I've done to make you... upset... but you're still my partner and my best friend, and..."
He snorted again, this time to her face, and his voice was thick with barbed sarcasm. "Yeah, Beckett, we're the best of buddies, aren't we?"
She recoiled, took a full step back, defenseless against the only man to have come so close to scaling her walls, and her shoulders curled in in an attempt to shield herself from his venom. "C-Castle?"
He deflated a little, but his voice still held the steel undertone of anger. "You can stop pretending, Beckett. I know you don't care. Or, well, not like I... you know what? Never mind."
Her hand shot out to grab his sleeve without conscious thought. "I care. I do. I care about you more than... more than you know." She could feel the heat rising in her cheeks, had never been more aware of the bustle of the bullpen around them.
He closed his eyes as if in pain, his body still angled away from her, tense and poised to leave. When he spoke, his voice was cracked, raw with emotion or anger or... something. "Kate, don't."
She took a step closer, then another, creating their own little bubble, closing the world out, so they were almost chest to chest. "Why not? It's the truth."
He opened his eyes, blue and broken. "You think it is, but that's not – we mean different things. If you truly cared about my happiness... but that's a pipe dream." His eyes narrowed.
She tightened her hold on his sleeve, ignoring the play of muscles burning through the fabric, gripping tighter to stop herself from reaching up to glide her fingertips across the faint stubble of his cheek. "Castle, what are you talking about? Just tell me what's going on."
He squeezed his eyes shut now, a little boy attempt at blocking her out. A tear leaked out from under his eyelids, and she couldn't stop herself from brushing it away with gentle, lingering fingers.
His eyes flew open, and he all but yelled. "You don't love me!"
Around them, the bullpen stopped, the silence deafening for a moment that stretched to an eternity before a desk phone rang and the spell was broken. Kate could still feel the weight of eyeballs on her back as the precinct eased back into an echoing cacophony of its usual bustle, and knew they would be the subject of precinct gossip for weeks at this rate.
She tugged on his sleeve. "Let's take this somewhere else, shall we? Where we can talk without prying eyes?"
He sighed, his whole stance radiating misery. "What's the point? There's nothing to talk about."
She shot a glare at a lingering uniform, who scuttled away at being caught. "Yes, there is. Come on."
Pausing to gather her coat and bag, with one hand firmly on the small of his back, she guided him to the elevator. He shuffled along beside her, lost in his head – wallowing, she suspected.
She waited until the elevator doors were closed and they were cocooned in privacy. "You're wrong, you know," she said casually, her eyes on the panel displaying the floor numbers, descending in the usual slow, lurching rhythm.
It took him a moment to answer – and when he did, he sounded preoccupied. Still wallowing, then. "Wrong?"
"Mmmmhmmm." She waited a long moment to draw him out of his gloom, knowing her partner well enough to suspect his natural curiosity would prevent him from sinking back under.
The elevator dinged, signaling their arrival on the ground floor, and she spoke at last.
"If you think I don't love you, you couldn't be more wrong."
The doors slid open and she stepped out, hoping her long strides would disguise her trembling knees. She forced a cheery wave at the desk sergeant and strode through the main entrance and down the steps, her natural flight tendencies kicking in at her confession – even if the tone of it had been like their usual banter.
Halfway down the steps she stopped short, and a moment later he stumbled into her shoulder, gasping. "Kate!"
She didn't answer him, staring instead at the sight in front of her – the familiar cherry red Ferrari, with the beaming blonde in the driver's seat who waved enthusiastically when she saw them.
Taking a deep breath, she turned to her partner, and squared her shoulders. He deserved this. He deserved his partner to face him bravely, for her to be truthful for once, and he deserved to be happy – even if that was without her. "I hope you have a good time on your date, Castle."
He looked bewildered, and only then seemed to noticed the blonde in front of them. "Kate-"
"I meant what I said. You deserve to be happy." She began to back away from him, stumbling over her words as her courage deserted her.
He reached for her, catching her arms before she could flee, holding her closer than she was prepared for and she all but swooned at his sudden proximity. "I don't have a date. I'm just meeting her here to collect the Ferrari. We aren't... anything. Can you give a minute? Please?"
She nodded. "I'll be here," she managed, and he searched her gaze for a long moment before turning back to the car.
She watched him open the door for Jacinda and helped her out. The blonde dropped the keys in his hand and they exchanged a few words, then he hailed a cab as she took her overnight case out of the back seat. A moment later, she kissed him on his cheek, slid into the back seat of the waiting taxi, and was lost to the whirl of New York traffic.
Castle came back to the sidewalk, hands in his pockets, his eyes burning into Kate's as he leaned against the vehicle parked illegally in a loading zone directly in front of a police station. She approached him slowly, still unsure of where they stood with one another, but at least positive that the last few minutes had boded well for them.
"So what now?" she asked, her voice barely discernible over the traffic.
He jerked his head in a gesture at the illegally parked Ferrari. "I think we need to talk. Can I offer you a lift?" His eyes were bluer, clearer than they had been all week, alight with hope and... yes, she could admit it. Love.
He extended a hand, palm up in invitation, and she as slid her hand into his, she watched his expression change into something closer to awe as he stared at their entwined fingers, then flickered up to meet her eyes once more, his pupils dilated with desire.
She bit her lip, holding his gaze for a long moment as she squeezed his fingers.
"Your place or mine?"
A/N: Prompt taken from Castle Fanfic Prompts blog: "Anonymous asked: 4x20 AU- "Well, she's fun and uncomplicated. I think that's what my life needs right now." Before Castle leaves, Beckett stops him. "You're right, Castle. You deserve to be happy. I just... I just want you to be happy." Beckett then turns to let him leave. And GO!"
Many thanks to Jo for the beta, and to Lindsey (and maybe Esther?) for reading this over back when I first wrote it, and MarmelFred for the title inspiration.
Castle belongs to AWM and ABC.