Title: Fragmented Memories
Author: Traxits
Fandom: Final Fantasy VIII
Rating: Teen.
Content Notes: Angst, mild descriptions of violence.
Chapter Word Count: 5302 words.
Summary: Ellone moves back to Winhill, and she's surprised to see that Seifer is living there as well. Perhaps even more shocking is the fact that he offers to help her remodel her parents' home in exchange for a place to stay.
Author's Note(s): This was originally my submission for Megaflare, a Final Fantasy Big Bang hosted on Dreamwidth. However, due to personal issues, I couldn't finish it in time. With this year's Megaflare on the horizon, I wanted to finish this one before I sign up to participate.
[[ ... Chapter 1: The Girl ... ]]
The car rolled to a slow stop just in front of the house, and a young woman stepped out, reaching up to stop her short, dark hair from blowing into her face with the breeze. She smiled just a touch, her hand lowering as she stared up at the forgotten building. Of all the houses in Winhill, this one showed the truth of history. She shut the car door, walking up to the entry way. Her fingertips brushed against the cool metal of the door handle, and she flinched before jerking her hand back.
A swallow, she glanced around to see if anyone had noticed, and then she pushed the door open. It wasn't locked. Didn't have a lock, actually, but in a town like Winhill, it didn't need one. Her hands trembled as the light from the doorway splashed over the battered kitchen. Bullet holes decorated the walls, and for one moment, her eyes closed and her throat tightened as she remembered the first time the soldiers had come for her.
The blood had been cleaned long ago, but when her eyes opened again, it flashed over her vision before fading. She swallowed and pushed her hair back out of her face. Her fingertips ghosted over the counter top, and she felt heat pricking at the backs of her eyes. Blinking quickly, she let the green scarf slide down off of her arms to the floor, and she picked up the first over-turned chair, tucking it neatly under the small table. Nicks in the blue paint on its surface brought back her smile, brought back visions of Laguna sitting there, telling her stories while he struggled to think of what to say to Raine.
Then, drawing a deep breath, she stepped around the table and touched the wall across from the front door. Her fingertips— smooth from a lifetime of being shuttled from one safe haven to another— brushed over one of the bullet holes, feather-light. Her throat tightened, and a tear rolled down her cheek when she didn't let her hand drop. She connected, and the memories flooded her, coated her.
Estharian soldiers, the shouting and demanding and her mother's screaming. Blood splashing and the bullets ripping—
She let the tears come, sinking to her knees on the floor. Trying to catch her breath, she turned around, putting her back to the wall. The tears hurt when they escaped her. Her chest was so tight that it ached, and she sat, her legs tucked under her, her back and head against the wall still riddled with the bullets that had killed her parents. The bullets that had taken her own life and offered only a mockery of a childhood in return.
The tears were for her parents. For Raine. They were the tears she dared not cry when Sorceress Adel forcibly took her to Esthar, when Dr. Odine strapped her into the chair and began analyzing her. They were tears for Laguna, never seeing Raine again; for Squall, never knowing his parents. They were the tears that deserved to be cried, that needed to have been cried years ago.
She cried until she had nothing left, until she was so bone weary that she wasn't even certain she could go back to the car to fetch her bag. She spent the night in that kitchen, curled up against the baseboard of that wall, unable to move, unable to think. For the first time in her life, she dreamed of the sea. No infringing memories. No unexpected appearances somewhere long before she had been born.
Just salty air and waves lapping at the side of a boat.
She woke laying on the floor, one arm folded under her head. Her side hurt, and she hissed as she pushed herself to sit on up. Her knees were screaming from being locked under her like that, but somehow, she felt … better. The sunshine poured into the room from dirty windows, and idly, she stretched out one of her hands to reach for it. The warmth of it on her skin made her smile, and she forced her protesting body to cooperate as she stood up.
She fetched her bag from the car, but instead of returning to that house, she stepped inside of the pub next door. She was armed with the deed that Kiros had provided her with when he purchased it for her, but it was an unnecessary precaution since no one was living there. She headed upstairs, taking them two at a time, the way she'd always wanted to as a child.
Her throat tightened only momentarily, and she dropped her bag by the stairs to hurry over to the window, looking out over the town with a smile on her face. The entire place was smaller than she remembered, but then, all childhood memories were distorted, weren't they?
She showered and changed into a pair of jeans and another sleeveless top, this one dark green instead of teal. She hesitated when she realized that she'd instinctively reached for her scarf, and for a moment, she rubbed the material between her fingertips. It was impractical. A fashion accessory that she'd fallen in love with because Edea had given it to her the day she'd been put on the ship. The day she'd been banished.
Compromising with herself, she wrapped it around her hips and knotted it, letting the ends fall loose around her legs. It made her think of a skirt, and she happily pulled on her socks and brown loafers before heading back downstairs.
She glanced around the pub, deciding that she would clean Raine's home first. It would give her a sense of accomplishment to clean and air it out, and perhaps offer the burst of confidence she needed to tackle her own house. She was well aware that she was making excuses, trying to avoid going back in there right away. At least she'd thought to stop and pick up cleaning supplies and general 'house' items before she'd gotten into Winhill though, and before long, she was wiping down the bar top, the tables, dumping out the dead flowers still sitting in stale bowls of water, and humming softly to herself all the while.
The strangest thing, she had to admit, was not the idea that she was the owner of a pub. It was the idea that it was all over. Honestly, she didn't know what to do with herself, suddenly adrift, her anchor raised. Laguna had wheedled and pleaded for her to stay in Esthar with him, but she could hardly expect him to pay for her... well, everything. What would she even do with herself? No marketable skills, no work experience. She was certain that there wasn't a spot on the job applications: Spent most of life running from evil Sorceress from the future. Can connect one's consciousness back in time to experience the past. At best, she had a lifetime of babysitting experience from living on the White SeeD ship, and she'd figured out pretty quickly that one couldn't live on babysitting alone.
Instead, Kiros had pulled her to the side and confessed that she had a large trust that Laguna had set up for her in Esthar, once he realized that he wasn't going back to Winhill right away. She could buy a property or two wherever she liked. He would push the paperwork through and be there to help her each step of the way. She had immediately known that there was only one property she wanted: Raine's pub.
He had handed her two deeds, both the pub and her old home, and she'd taken them with shaking fingers before getting on the train to go back to Winhill.
After almost eighteen years, she'd finally arrived back at home.
She finished downstairs with a good sweeping, deciding that she would mop later. By the time she got back upstairs, her body was protesting quite firmly against any more cleaning, but she didn't really have a choice. She realized as opened her power bar that she should have cleaned the room she would be resting in first, but it was too late to change anything. Instead, she simply drew a deep breath, finished the sweet granola bar, brought up her cleaning supplies, and went to work.
All of the bedding was thrown out, along with anything that looked too worn out to use. The previous owner had left a lot of things in the house though, and Ellone discovered several small trinkets— a gorgeous silver button, a silky smooth pebble, and a fountain pen that she was certain had belonged to Raine— that she piled up near her bag.
Most of the furniture that had been left was original to the house, but almost all of Raine's decorations were gone. Sold, probably, or 'saved' by the townsfolk who had known her. Ellone spread out her own few possessions, living on the run her entire life had not exactly given her ample opportunity for shopping trips, over the room, and when she fell back on the bed, she surveyed it happily.
Her stomach growled, and she sat back up. She had to eat something, something real, not another power bar. Sighing, she slid off of the bed and untied the scarf around her hips. She shook it out as she walked down the steps and to the front door, draping it over her elbows as she pulled the door shut. She lifted her head, looking down the street, and then she started walking, her throat tight.
The last time she'd walked down that street, the lady from the flower shop had been taking her to Edea, to the orphanage. She could still feel the weight of carrying Squall, refusing to let anyone help her, as they sent her away. No one had cared enough for her to keep her, not when Esthar had invaded Winhill twice already for her. She didn't blame them. Couldn't. No one would have been able to keep her safe the way Edea had.
She swallowed back the memories, finding herself standing in front of the hotel. She could smell bread baking, even in the middle of the afternoon, and her smile eased back onto her face. She stepped inside, and the scent of basil and oregano filled her nose. She exchanged a warm smile with the woman at the counter— not the owner she remembered, but then, several of those people had died years ago.
When she got her bowl, Ellone carefully placed her gil on the counter top, and then she sniffed her lunch, her eyes closing. The woman had changed, but the recipe was the same. She hadn't had spaghetti like this since she had been a very young girl. A forkful, and her eyes closed briefly.
When she opened them again, the hotel lobby flickered before her, and she swallowed, forcing herself to focus. Slowly, her vision cleared, leaving the memory lost in the proverbial wind while she stared at the present. She scolded herself silently for being so careless; she could have easily connected someone if she didn't keep a tighter reign on her abilities. The next bite tasted like ash, and she sighed, pushing the rest of her food around in the bowl. Guilt had a way of destroying even the most fleeting happiness.
"Are you new here?"
She lifted her head, looking up at the young man leaning over her table. He had short, dark hair, cropped close— Garden cut. He wore a SeeD cadet uniform. She sat a little straighter, one of her hands reaching for her scarf. "Yes," she replied quietly, leaving her fork in the bowl. "I arrived yesterday."
"Did you now?" He smiled easily, pulling out the chair opposite to her and sitting in it. "Welcome to Winhill then. I'm Devin, one of the town protectors." His smile widened into a grin, and she found herself laughing a little at his expression. Clearly used to it, he simply sighed loudly, waving a hand. "Laugh all you like, but Jules and I are the only reason you can even walk down the street."
She put a hand over her mouth to hide her amusement, and she tilted her head slightly. "You patrol for monsters then?"
"That's right. Caterchipillars and bite bugs are no match for us. … Which house did you move into?" He leaned forward, folding his arms over the top of the table.
"In the square by the pub."
"The one that's all shot up?"
She stilled, but her smile didn't move from her face. Her eyes lowered back to her bowl. "Yes," she murmured, her hand tightening around the fistful of her scarf. She knew what the house looked like, but it still sent chills down her back to hear someone describe it so casually.
He didn't notice her reaction though. "Gonna need to fix that one up. Pretty lady like you gonna be able to by yourself?"
"Probably not. I don't know the first thing about repairing walls." She didn't look back up from her bowl, pushing a few of the noodles around with the fork. He reached for her hand, and she quickly dropped it under the table. Her gift didn't require physical contact, but it was greatly enhanced by it. Physical contact wasn't something that she encouraged. She offered an apologetic smile, lifting her gaze to meet his.
"Well," his brow was furrowed, probably confused over her reaction, "I asked because if you need it, I'm sure that Jules and I could find some time to assist you."
"Don't you patrol?" She tilted her head curiously and forced her fingers to slowly release the scarf she held so tightly. "I would hate to detract you from your duties—"
"Oh, it's no problem. The monster population has gotten low enough that just one of us could patrol at a time if necessary. Of course, there would be the issue of payment..."
She nodded; that was understandable. Everything revolved around one's ability to pay for it, and thanks to her Uncle Laguna, she had a little money of her own. "I can pay you for your assistance." Had she any faith in her own abilities, she would have gladly done the work herself. Perhaps she could coax them into showing her how to do it?
"Yeah? Now, we're talking some pricey work, dear. I've been in that house." He leaned back in his chair, tracing some pattern over the top of the table with his fingertip.
Ellone stared at him for another moment before she nodded again. Of course it would. It was an older house, and it hadn't been taken care of since her parents had been alive, almost twenty years ago. "Yes, I suppose it would be. How much would it cost to repair?" She had some money on her, although she had left most of it in the bank in Esthar.
"Well..." His finger dragged in a circle over the tabletop. "With materials, perhaps... forty thousand gil?"
"For the whole job?" Her brow furrowed. She could afford it, but she would have to see about withdrawing more money from her account. Perhaps Kiros would send her some?
Devin laughed. "No, no. Per day, my dear. You have an expensive house."
"Or you're just eager to cheat someone. But that wouldn't be your intent now, would it, Devin?"
Her eyes widened as she looked up toward the stairs that led to the second floor. Seifer was crossing the room; tall, blond, and menacing, his hand wrapped around the handle of his gunblade. He didn't even look at her. His gaze was focused on Devin, who visibly crumbled in front of him.
"O-oh, no. Of course not, Seifer." Devin fidgeted for a moment, and she watched as he finally stammered out some excuse and fled the room. It was only after watching him go that Seifer looked at her, and she couldn't bring herself to look away.
Seifer wasn't like Squall or Zell or Quistis or anyone else. There was no slow recognition, no confusion in those eyes. He didn't have to stumble through his memories blindly to figure out who she was. He saw her, and he knew her. She supposed that she could thank the fact that he'd held her prisoner only a few months prior.
But she felt like she couldn't count the first time that she'd seen him after leaving the orphanage. He'd been consumed by Ultimecia's powers and outright insane. His eyes had slid right over her, recognizing her not as a person, but as the thing that his mistress was seeking. She had forgiven him for it the moment that she had seen how far gone he had been.
"Ellone." He openly stared at her, his hand still lightly resting on the handle of the gunblade, and for a moment she returned the favor. He wasn't wearing the gray jacket, and he looked thinner. She wasn't entirely certain if he actually had lost weight, or if seeing him without his over-the-top confidence and dramatic flair simply served to make him appear that way. It wasn't as though he were exactly small, still looming over her with a frame far larger than her own.
She reached up and pushed her hair back from her face, smiling warmly, a blush tinting her cheeks as she realized she'd been staring. "Seifer." Her voice didn't tremble, much to her own surprise, and she motioned to the chair across from her. "How lovely it is to see you."
He lowered himself into the chair, and his eyes narrowed at her. It was unnerving to sit so quietly across from that expression, but she managed as best she could, pushing noodles around in her bowl again. Finally, he asked her lowly, "What are you doing here, Ellie?"
She closed her eyes at the way he said her nickname so easily, the way he remembered what he'd always called her. If she had been able to forget the past year, it would seem like he'd never forgotten her at all. "I moved here yesterday. Bought Raine's old pub." Belatedly, she realized he wouldn't know Raine, and she blushed a little darker. "The one in the square?"
He leaned forward, propping his head up on one of his hands as he continued to study her. He didn't apologize for staring, but then again, he wouldn't. It wasn't his nature. "It needs work?"
"No." She reached for her scarf again, and she twisted a small piece of it around her hand. "No, the house next door does. It's..." She hesitated, and then admitted softly, "It was my parents' house." She reached up and pushed her bowl away from her, the smell from the sauce almost too much given the emotions roiling though her. "So, now I have to figure out how to fix walls, I guess." She made herself smile and looked back down at the tabletop.
"Let's go look at it." He stood and held out a hand to her. She swallowed, staring at it for a moment before she gingerly slipped her own into his grip. She was so braced against the onslaught of memories that she simply sat there, her hand in his, until he cleared his throat. A blush darkened her face when nothing happened, and she let him help her to her feet, sweep the bowl back over to the counter for the woman to pour into a plastic container, and then open the hotel door for her to exit.
Ellone drew a deep breath as she walked with him back to her home, and she marveled at the feeling fluttering in her throat. She could barely breathe, and when he reached for her to guide her around a pothole, she felt her skin tingle. She wasn't scared of him— how could she be? She knew him, knew him in the same way she knew Squall, Laguna. She had linked with him before, in a way she'd never explained to anyone.
He had been strange with her before, when he'd been so thoroughly spelled by Ultimecia that he had breathed the Sorceress, but never had he been so quiet, so aloof. He kept glancing at her, clearly expecting something. Perhaps he expected her to hate him? Or at least be angry. That would be the normal reaction, she supposed.
But she wasn't normal. In fact, she was as far from normal as they came. A very faint smile touched her lips at the thought.
They didn't speak on the walk back, but it was far more comfortable than many of the conversations that Ellone had ever been part of. She opened the door to the house, and he held it open until she entered before him. He handed her the white plastic container holding her leftovers, and he walked across the room, his fingers ghosting over the shattered wall. Ellone felt something in the back of her throat, and she quickly looked away. She set the container on the counter and placed a hand on either side of the sink. Her eyes closed. She breathed.
"Ellie?" Seifer's voice was surprisingly soft, and when she turned to look at him, his eyes were searching, roving over her face for any expression that would have given her away.
But Ellone had been on the end of that particular gaze her entire life. Her response was immediate, learned. "I'm fine. What do you think?" Her smile was easy, a lie without even crossing her mind. She had to be fine, had to be okay her entire life. Anything less would have only made her an even more pronounced burden on her protectors.
Seifer glanced back at the wall, and he shrugged. "Looks easy enough. Needs some re-plastering, but it shouldn't be a big job."
"I can pay—"
"I can't take your money." He waved a hand, and then he stopped, a thought having come to him. "Can... Do you have room for us to stay here while we work on it?"
Ellone's eyes widened, and she shrugged. "I suppose so. I'm staying at the pub until this place is fixed up anyway. There's two bedrooms here. Fujin and Raijin are with you?"
"Yeah. Letting us stay here instead of at the inn is payment enough."
Ellone nodded, and she glanced at the wall. "How long do you think that it would take?"
"That eager to be rid of us?"
"Oh— No. No, don't think that; I'm just—" She stopped herself though when she saw how Seifer was studying her. She reached for the edge of her scarf, twisting it absently in her hands. "What?"
"I was teasing you," he finally explained, and he shook his head just slightly as he looked toward the door. "It shouldn't take but a few weeks. We'll make sure the place is sound before we leave you in it."
Ellone touched the counter top, her fingernails raking lightly over the scuffs and scratches. "I can't imagine Winhill without this house." She licked her lips, and then she looked back up at Seifer. "I can feed you and let you stay here in exchange for the work. If Fujin and Raijin would like payment as well, I can manage that. I'm not... I have my own resources, Seifer." She held her head up as he glanced at her again.
"I just didn't imagine you had many, given your lifestyle," he responded, and he shrugged. "Are you planning on staying here then? Running the pub?"
Ellone held the scarf firmly, refusing to twist it any more. It gave away too much. "I am. This is my home. I belong here."
The words lingered between them, and after a few minutes, Seifer nodded.
"Let me get Fuu and Rai. We can get to work in the morning. Is the pub in good condition?"
"Oh... yes. The pub just needed to be cleaned." She swallowed, and she wondered briefly at the way she seemed so nervous around him. "Actually, there are two rooms over there, so Fujin could stay with me if she liked."
Seifer smiled, just faintly but it was there all the same, and he held out his hand to her. Ellone took it, her heart thumping in her chest as she did. "I'm glad to see you're well, Ellie," he said quietly, and then he was gone, heading out the door, hand on his gunblade handle once more.
Ellone stood in the small kitchen, trying to catch her breath. She spent the rest of the evening, her productive mood gone, in the pub. Her leftover lunch became dinner, and by the time she laid her head on the pillow, she had developed a firm resolve to not let Seifer unnerve her.
Ellone woke to noise on the first floor, and she stumbled blindly around her room for just a moment, having forgotten where she was. Her shin cracked against the dresser, and she hissed, the pain enough to jerk her back to the present. Her eyes focused, and she pulled on the first clothes that her fingers could find.
She was stopped once more at the door to her room, and it took her another minute to figure out that the door was locked; that was why it wouldn't open. She frowned, not remembering locking the door. Finally free, she slipped down the stairs, brushing her hair back from her face. She wasn't entirely sure what she was expecting to see there, behind the bar where the noise was coming from, but it certainly wasn't Fujin, straightening bottles and rearranging glasses.
Ellone stared at her for several moments, reaching up to comb her fingers through her hair as she realized that if Fujin was here, Seifer and Raijin wouldn't be too far behind. Fujin turned, looked at her, and the silence stretched between them. They looked at each other, and in a sudden flash, Ellone realized that Fujin was probably waiting for her to say something.
"I ... I wasn't expecting you so quickly," she managed, and then she felt like a fool. Seifer had assured her that they would be there, and she had even offered the second room in the pub to Fujin so that she didn't have to stay with Seifer and Raijin if she didn't want to. "My apologies. You... I heard you," she motioned vaguely toward the stairs, and a blush began to heat her face. "It scared me." It was a feeble explanation at best, but it was the only one she had to offer.
Fujin tilted her head to one side, her finger tapping lightly on the surface of the bar. "Locks," she finally said decisively, and she resumed her work, this time wiping down the counter.
Ellone hesitated, uncertain exactly what Fujin meant. "Did... you lock my door?"
Fujin nodded. "Safer." She didn't look back up though, and instead, she wiped her hands, surveyed the bar, and then picked up a small sheet of paper that she held out to Ellone without looking at her. "Requirements."
Confused and still a little more than half-asleep, Ellone crossed the room, took the paper, and looked it over. It was a list of alcohol and food products. Things that Ellone would need in order to run the pub. She smiled. "Thank you," she said softly. "Look, I'm going to go and ... actually dress properly. I'll be back in a few minutes."
Fujin didn't even seem to notice her, and Ellone shook her head slightly as she climbed the stairs again. She rubbed her shin as soon as she was in the room, and she took her time, reevaluating her dress and taking the time to brush her hair and secure it with a narrow green headband. By the time she was done, she could hear more noise coming from the bar, and she took the stairs two at a time as she headed back down.
Seifer and Raijin were at the bar, and Fujin was pouring something for each of them. Both of them turned when they heard Ellone enter the room, and while Seifer just nodded slightly toward Ellone— simple acknowledgment— Raijin openly stared at her. Ellone blushed under the scrutiny.
"You're very pretty, Ellone. Miss Ellone?"
"Just Ellone," she said with a slight giggle. She hoped it didn't sound as hysterical as she felt. She might never live it down. Seifer elbowed him, but Ellone could see a faint smile on Seifer's face all the same.
"Well, she is, ya know! You were pretty when we met you in Esthar, but..." He stopped momentarily to make a face at Seifer, but then he plowed on, full steam ahead. "I had other things on my mind, ya know?"
"I'm aware. Thank you." She placed a hand on the bar surface, and she watched as Fujin handed them both their drinks. It wasn't alcohol, or at least, Ellone didn't think it was. Truthfully, she wouldn't have known. It wasn't as though she'd had very many opportunities to drink after all.
"Fuu says that you don't lock your doors," Seifer finally said with a raised eyebrow, and Ellone looked back at him curiously.
"I've never needed to. Do you think I should?"
Seifer's eyes closed for a brief moment and then he exchanged a glance with Raijin. "I suppose if you had an army of SeeD to protect you, it wouldn't be a problem, but... There's a certain lack of them here in Winhill."
"Yeah! Those white SeeD aren't here, ya know?" Raijin leaned forward. "Would be sad if somethin' happened to you."
Ellone tilted her head. "No one is chasing me any more."
"There are other dangers in the world besides Sorceresses," Seifer said quietly. Ellone wondered if he was speaking of something in particular.
"Right," she said. "I will do my best to remember to lock my doors from now on."
"Ya know, it's awful nice of you to let us stay here, Miss Ellone. Since we kidnapped you an' all."
"Just Ellone, Raijin. And no, it's..." She stopped, uncertain of what exactly she could say. 'Fine' wasn't actually right, since it was decidedly not 'fine' that they had kidnapped her with the intention of giving her to Ultimecia. "In the past," she finally said. "You're not going to do it again, are you?"
Raijin's grin was wide, genuine. "Course not."
Seifer raised an eyebrow. "He answers that sort of thing so easily." He looked up at Ellone, and for a minute, Ellone felt trapped by that gaze, by the expression he pinned her with. "We don't plan on it."
"Well, that's that then." She leaned forward just a little, doing her best to appear unaffected by the intensity of Seifer's gaze. "Why are you here in Winhill, Seifer?" Her eyes narrowed. "You should be in FH."
Seifer offered her a very small smile. "Why are you here in Winhill, Ellie?" He leaned a fraction closer, and it took everything she had not to lean away from him. "You should be in Esthar."
The moment stretched, and finally, a glass appeared between them, breaking their staring contest. Fujin pushed it into Ellone's hand. Ellone took it with a small smile, and she shrugged slightly. "Dodge the question all you like," she said. "You'll tell me eventually."
Seifer shrugged as he pushed himself away from the bar. "We have work to do, Rai."
Raijin offered Ellone another one of his earnest grins. "See you later, Mi— ... Ellone."
Ellone watched them go, and then she turned to Fujin who handed her a bottle. For a heartbeat, Ellone was uncertain what was going on. Then Fujin raised an eyebrow and motioned toward the empty glass in Ellone's hand.
"Lessons."
Ellone's eyes widened, and she smiled. Fujin was going to teach her about bar tending.