it was a boys night out, a trip to the old abandoned church, we came to meet god, but I think we murdered him instead.
a dead angel, folded crumpled wings, bone marrow, blood and dirt. a useless pile of nothing defeated on the altar, only a couple teenage boys with baseball bats and switchblades,
the clock strikes twelve,"do you think we've done a bad thing?" I ask.
"Burn it all," nico decides. "Burn it all to the ground. God was never here. And neither were we."
Lighter, flick, drop, whoosh, like a jet engine, the fire roars and swallows everything whole.
Nico, the nihilist howls and says it reminds him of a jack-o-lantern, the church burns and the smoke covers the dead moon. The rest of us howl at the killing of Jesus Christ like a pack of wild dogs.
the year is ending and I broke all my promises, the angel we killed that night disappeared in a gout of flames and there is no one to turn to for forgiveness, this death will only be the first of the year.
the boys disappeared one by one; Jason's engine caught fire and blew up his car as he was driving down 98th. The plane that Nico took to go visit his cousins family in New Zealand crashed somewhere off the coast of the rocky shores of South Africa. Leo got in a collision with a train because his car broke down right on the tracks.
I returned to the church in November, digging through the burnt mess, tearing it down, brick by holy brick, digging until my fingers were raw, down to the last chamber. The alter where we murdered him. Final breath, uncovering the soil to see Jesus' charred flesh and bone, his hallowed skull staring back at me, Joan of Arc, he knew I'd be back as soon as the gunshots started going off.
A haunting grin on his dead charred skull. the last laugh, he died knowing that he would pull the trigger a thousand times before killing us all.
it ended with a night out, the boys were dead, back to the church, I came to re-invent God but he was never truly gone… just like the memory that comes back to haunt you every October. A deathly memory frightening enough to wake you up in the deafening silence of your bedroom at four in the morning thinking that your whole world was on fire. A violent image, but nothing that compares to chill of looking outside your bedroom window and seeing the same angel that you murdered two weeks ago standing under a street lamp.
fuckk this was supposed to be for halloween but I fell asleep
bye again