Disclaimer: I do not own Gakuen Alice.
Untold
(a gakuen alice fanfic)
I stood here by the shore looking through the horizon. The hues produced by the sunset gives me and the person I love the opportunity to reminisce the past and why we are here now.
It was mid October when our story begun.
A 15-year old girl was walking towards her classroom. She was in deep thought about the lesson yesterday that she failed to understand. She was in a hurry because she is late-again. Her thoughts were interrupted by girls and boys calling for her name.
"Mikan! Mikan! Someone wanted to see and talk to you". Shouts the voice from a nearby classroom. When she turns around, she could see students smiling and saying words that she could not understand. She noticed that they are pointing to someone behind their door. Then her confusion draws down when one of them said: "Natsume she's over there. Get out It's your chance." Suddenly, the bell rings and all the students proceed to their respective classes.
"You know what, when I am walking towards the classroom, I am still thinking why on earth they knew my name and constantly calling me. I was a bit dense during those times." I said. Honestly, I am not that dense to know what was happening but I keep it denying it to myself. I did not have any confidence about myself. I mean look what I am, not pretty, short and an average student.
"Hn. You were always dense." A vein popped out on my head on his comment. "You know the reason why I fall in love with you." Natsume said.
It was after the lunch break that Mikan decided to go back to her classroom. She was greeted by her classmates and said that there is a letter for her.
A love letter.
She found the letter on her desk and opens it. She read the letter and she discovered that it is from a guy on the other section named Natsume Hyuuga. 'Wait Natsume Hyuuga? The campus crush has written a love letter for me? Is the world going to end?' she thought. All the giggling sound in the classroom were not heard by Mikan due to the sound of her heart that beast faster as she continuously read the letter.
Every word in that letter I can still recall. Those times that he states that he like me. I never thought that someone will notice my ordinary beauty- if there is. He told me that I'm beautiful, kind and the sweetest and radiant smile he ever known. At first I believe that it is only a joke.
I refuse to give back his love. I broke his heart and told him that I only want us to be friends. We did.
Many of our classmates believe that we are in a relationship. We often talk with each other during lunch break at the sakura tree. During those times I feel so happy and contented.
Slowly, I fall in love with him. He told me that he will wait for me to love him back. I did. Too bad I never had the courage to tell him for my reasons.
One reason that I never admitted is because I'm afraid of commitment. I am not yet ready. I make a fool out of myself that he will wait for me no matter how long until I'm ready.
Another reason are my family and my dreams. They say that a relationship while studying is a means of distraction. According to them we are too young to handle both love and study. Yeah right, as if they never experience being a teenager.
There's a girl that proclaims her love for him. I felt angry to her. She is Sumire. A beautiful, kind and talented girl in his class.
I do stupid things because of my jealousy whenever she's around. Heck. I even try to hug him just to show Sumire that he's mine. I know I don't have the right to act like that because in the first place I am not his girlfriend. To piss her off, I call her permy because of her curly hair.
As times go by, we grew distant towards each other. The only reason that I could found is that I slowly fall in love with him. I don't know exactly how to react and what to say whenever he's around. It feels really awkward.
During our graduation, we bid each other goodbye. I wanted to tell him how I really feel but I can't. We tell each other that no matter what happened, we will still be friends- forever. In that moment I feel a pain shot right through my heart. But, I decided to ignore and hide it because of the fact that we will move on our separate ways. We have different universities to attend.
"So, how many girlfriends you have in college?" I asked.
"Nah, only two caught my attention. They are both kind and intelligent. But none of them last." James said.
"Haha. At least you have two." I said. "Why? What about you?" he asked.
"I do not have any."
"You're kidding right? I won't believe you." He said.
"Believe me or not it's the truth. I'm too occupied with my studies." I insisted.
Actually, that is partially true. The reason behind being single during those times is that I still love him and when the time will come that we will see each other again, I will tell him. I don't want to forget him. I love him with all of my heart until this very moment.
" Anyway congratulations, I've heard that that you were promoted to become the general manager of the company. You really deserve it." He said.
"Thank you. You know that this is what I wanted. This is my dream come true. I am successful now and know the reason of my existence." I smiled at him.
"Well you fulfilled your dreams already. I can see that you were really happy."
"I know. You too congratulations. You deserve each other. You were really meant to be." I said as I plastered a fake smile on my face.
Yes, they deserve each other. Natsume and Sumire were meant to be.
I do not want him to see me cry nor see the hurt in my eyes so I do not look at him directly. What I am going to tell him, another lie? I cry because I am so happy that he found his true love? Tch. As if I am really happy. I am really hurt deep inside and this fake smile I showed him will mask my true feeling. I did my best to pretend and not ruin their relationship. I am a friend right? Yes a friend.
Sumire went on the same university as Natsume. I've learned from our other friend that she purposely enrolled on that University. That was the start of their friendship. After his two past relationship and on their last year in college, they officially become a couple. I remembered the first time I saw them together.
I was walking on the crowded street o the city when a familiar face showed from a distance. I knew it was him. raven hair and crimson eyes. I am so glad that after four years of missing him we will see each other again. 'This is the time.' I thought. 'I will finally tell him what I feel. I will hug him very tight to show him how much I miss him.' I ran towards him.
But my hopes shattered when a familiar face also showed and kissed him on the cheek before I even get near him. Luckily, they did not see me nor sensed my presence when I hide on the nearby post. I've heard what they are talking as they sat on the bench.
'Morning hon. you really look beautiful." He said as he gave the bouquet of roses to her.
"Thank you hon. I love you. Happy anniversary! Sumire beamed.
What? Did I hear it right? Anniversary? What's going on? Questions filled on my mind as I watch the scene in front of me. I step backwards and started to run. Tears started to fall on my cheeks as realization hit me.
When I arrive in my house, I cry my heart out. This is the first time I cry so hard and feel the painful feeling inside my heart. When I am a little bit calm, I called my bestfriend Hotaru. She told me the truth. Her boyfriend is Ruka- the bestfriend of Natsume. It hurts a lot to know that I've lost my chance to love and be loved.
I continued my life and career. I work so hard in the company. I distract myself from the pain by working hard. I always avoid the two of them when they wanted to get together and tell them that I am very busy. When there are occasions or gatherings such as wedding of Anna and Koko, I did my best to pretend that I am okay. Luckily, I did. My friends know that I am in pain so they did their best to make me happy. I am a great actress!
"Thank you for everything. Because of you, I am happy now. In a week we will begin our life together. She will become my wife and I'm so happy." I heard him say.
"Why are you thanking me? I did not do anything."
"Well literally not. But did you know that during those times that we are apart. I've stated to learn how to live my life without you. I never thought that I would until she came." He said.
Yes it's true. She is his reason now. Not me. And it huts to know the reality.
"You will be there right?" he asked.
"Yes of course. I won't miss the special event between two hearts that belong with each other." I teased. 'So, I guess this is it. I want to run away from this place. I can't take it. I want and need to be alone. Please stop torturing my shattered heart!'
'By the way thank you for your time. I must go. Sumire and I are having dinner together. See you next week." He bid goodbye. I knew heaven sympathize and granted my wish.
He turned on his back and slowly walks away from me. I look at him as he slowly fades away from my sight. This time, I let my emotion to pour down through my tears. Tears full of pain, agony, envy, regret and sadness. I cry hard and don't care if people will see me in this state. I want to let it all out until my heart become numb. I hate this feeling.
I pick a ring on my pocket and stared at it. This is the ring he had given me when he is still courting me.
"Shane I have something to give you. A present."
"Why? What's the occasion? As far as I remember today is not my birthday." I said
He did not answer me instead; he held my hand and gives me the ring. I was truly dumb folded and don't know what to. The time seems to stop and I only heard is the rapid rate of my heartbeat.
When I am out of my trance, I spoke. "What's the meaning of this?" I stuttered.
"Well, since we are about to graduate and soon go to different universities, that is my remembrance to you." He said.
"Oh." My intelligent reply for not finding any words to say.
"That was only fake. You know that I can't afford a real one. Maybe in the future I could buy you a real one when you become my wife." He joked.
We shared laughter when he said those words. Our friends seen the ring and assume that we are engage.
I smile bitterly as I reminisced that very sweet moment. How I wish that he will be able to give me a real one. But now, it was really impossible.
As the ring slowly drops off my hand, I started to realize about the love that I've lost.
They are right to say that Love does not consist of gazing in each other but looking in the same direction. In our case, we refused to look at the same direction rather, we choose a different path. Path with no trace of each other existence.
When you love someone, tell her or him what you really feel. The importance of the one we have will only be acknowledged when it's already gone. One will never know the importance of it unless when it is taken away, when it's too late.
I wish that I also have the courage of Sumire. To never give up and fight for what you really feel.
I am nothing but a mere looser. I may have success, money, and career. I only want to prove myself to everyone especially to him. I wanted to be a better person and worthy of love. But it was too late. I guess I overdone it. I could never bring back the time and now,…he's gone.
The calm solitude of the shore and the brightness of the stars knock on my senses. It was already deep night I could say. Oh great! How long I had been crying in this place.
As I leave, I did not bother to pick the ring and let it just be washed away by the sea. Why would I keep the ring that reminds me of being in love?
A week has passed and today is the day I hated the most.
His wedding day.
I arrive at the church and there I've met my old friends. Somewhat, I feel relieved because it will be the last time that I have to put my mask on and pretend that I am okay. My best friend Hotaru is sitting beside me. "I know you can get through this. I'm just here when you need someone to lean on." She said. At least I have her right? I'm very thankful about that.
"Thanks a lot. Sorry for leaving so soon. Just tell them on my behalf okay."
"Don't worry I will. Take care of yourself there. Wait for me." She said as I wipe away her tears.
"I will call you when I have time. I will try my best to survive there. New York I'm coming." I flashed a true smile in this time.
Yes, I will be out of the country soon. I was assigned by my boss to manage the branch there. I gladly accept it rather than seeing them happily married and have family. It will surely kill me slowly.
The ceremony begins. I look at him. He looked back and gives me a smile. Our gaze broke by him and looks at his wife-to-be.
How I really wish that I am the woman in white gown walking down the aisle. The one that he is waiting for.
I heard the priest say, "if anyone who will object the sacred union of these two, please stand and state your reason."
I wanted to stand and stop the wedding. I wanted to declare my love in front of him and everyone. But I can't and I won't. I'm not that selfish to ruin his special day. I also save myself from humiliation because whether I stop it or not, they still love each other. I will only hurt myself further.
The wedding goes on and soon the priest said, "Do you Natsume Hyuuga, take Sumire Shouda to be your lawfully wedded wife for richer or for poorer, for better or for worst, in sickness and in health till death do you part.?"
I wanted him to say: "No, I love Mikan!" I wanted to hear those words from him but my heart was broken into pieces when he said the opposite.
"I do."
That's it. I can't take it anymore. I wanted to cry right at the moment. Hotaru look at me worriedly and squeezed my hand. I hug her for the last time and whispered goodbye before I silently exited the church.
I take a one last glance at the couple before heading to my apartment and get my lagguage. In few hours is my flight to New York.
I let him go before and so do today. It is not because it's the right thing to do but rather I have to. I have nothing to fight for. I lost the fight before I even started.
Things change, people change,…so does the heart. Before I knew it I've lost the love that was once mine. No heart can truly wait that long if it's not true. It's not true because it never meant to be true. We are not meant to have a happily ever after. Yes, not all of us have a happy ending. Sometimes we are just a part of once upon a time and its reality.
Unknown to her, during the wedding, Natsume was also deep in thought.
I heard the priest asked if someone will object on the wedding. I look at the crowd and silently prayed that Mikan will stand. I wanted her to tell me that she loves me. I was disappointed that she never did. I guess this is really the answer I am looking for. When we talk at the shore, she looks very happy and contented that she fulfilled her dreams. It hurts to admit that I am not part of that happiness. She never wanted me into her life. I will marry Sumire not because I love her but because I am tired of waiting for the love that was never mine. I know that it is unfair for Sumire but I will try to forget Mikan and love my wife. So, I say the anticipated word. "I do."
The last Cherry Blossom has fallen as it symbolizes an untold love story…