Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from the Harry Potter story...nor do I own Ewan McGregor (Prior warning for a future chappie), much as I might like too. The other characters, Nindi, Kye, Kat, Robbo and Nome I joint own with Kewlausgirl...the phenomenal Kye!

Next: I am warning you now; this story is filthy, but not highly descriptive, thank god! Just suggestive in all the wrong places... so I suggest that if you are easily offended you do not continue in your perusal of these words.

Without further ado.... I give you.... CHAPTER ONE: OF THE EAH: OR, THE EROTIC ADVENTURES AT HOGWARTS...

Walking out of the cinema, a short brown haired girl was telling off another much taller girl with bright red hair layered and about four inches long.

"You didn't need to diss him every five minutes Nindi!"

"Kye, you have no sense of humour," and with that the girl called Nindi turned to the three girls behind her and gave an exasperated shrug.

Another girl, only fractionally taller than Nindi said, "She does have a point. You wouldn't shut up the entire movie!"

"Fine! I won't take you to see any more of these bloody films then!"

"Nindi?" said a girl with a nose ring and long brown hair, "You didn't pay. We all payed for ourselves."

"Oh Yeah!" The sudden dawn of comprehension on Nindi's face was hilarious to watch, and Kye cracked up.

"Good one Robbo," she managed between gasps of air, "I mean, that was brilliant!"

The girl, taller than Nindi flicked back her blonde hair, and said, "So, we set for your party tomorrow Nindi?"

"Yeah, Mum said ok to the alcohol, and too the boys, so it's all rockin' and good. Oh, and bring your pillows! And your Harry Potter books, so we can quiz each other."

A sudden groan came up from the second shortest girl, who had thus far remained silent.

"You know I've never read the books!"

"Nome! How could you! And before my party too!"

The blonde girl turned and said,

"Yeah Nome!"

"Kat, I don't need your help."

"Fine." And the blonde one glared with mock hurt at Nindi.

"It's not as if you don't know the story anyway, I mean, Nindi and Kye have told you the stories often enough." This from Robbo.

"True."

"OK! WE ALL SET!?"

"NINDI!"

"What?"

"Shhhhhhhh."

"Shut up Kye."

And with that, the girls walked straight through a wall of solid brick, and found themselves in a room full of beds and with a flustered looking nurse staring at them in disbelief.

"Uh, Kye? I don't think we're in Kansas any more!"

"What? Shut up Nin..."

"Yeah."

The nurse seemed at a loss for words. Suddenly comprehension dawned on Nindi's face again, but it was far from funny this time.

"No!" She gasped. "No! It's not!"

Nome was staring in wide-eyed shock at their sudden shift in scenery. Kat screamed, but quietly, and Kye all but fainted, sitting heavily on one of the small beds in front of her. Robbo was examining a small bottle on one of the bedside tables.

"Nindi," Robbo's voice was very quiet. "Nindi, I think you need to see to Kye."

"Huh? Yeah, oh! Ok. Yeah."

Striding forward to where her friend was sitting in shock, Nindi pulled from her pocket a silver blanket, and wrapped it tightly about her friend. Nindi pulled from a small gold pouch a small crystal phial of pale gold liquid. Opening the stopper, Nindi forced Kye to take a sip. Suddenly the nurse was at Nindi's side, gently rubbing Kye's back.

Kye suddenly sat up, coughing and spluttering, while Nindi hastily put away the crystal phial, swishing her crimson coat over the spot on her belt where the pouch hung. The Nurse glanced askance at Nindi, and then stood up and said,

"Albus! Albus, over here!"

Hearing this name, Nindi quickly turned on her heel, and met the most amazingly sexy sight she had ever seen.

Walking towards her and her friends was none other than the personification of her wildest and most x-rated dreams, Albus Dumbledore. Tall, thin, and as ancient as time would permit, his beard and matching silver hair were plaited and twisted into mini ponytails all over the place. His face was crinkled in shock, and Nindi couldn't help the lascivious grin from spreading across her face. She loved to shock men, especially old men. Very old men.

Turning on the old charm, Nindi said,

"Hi, you must be Professor Albus Dumbledore, I assume you knew we were coming?" The face recognised no inch of their beings, except their rather pleasing physical attributes.

"Of course!"

"Wonderful. If we could retire to your office, I'm sure that Madame Pomfrey will be more than willing to show my fellows their rooms and look after my rather shocked friend Kye here."

"Cer- certainly Miss, er..."

"Nindi. Call me Nindi."

A.N. The crystal phial and gold liquid will be explained later, so sit tight. Read and review please people; this is the dirty version of We Are Here For A Reason, by Kewlausgirl. Great story. Anyway, please enjoy the EAH... and concrit welcome. Oh! And if you just want to complain about the story, and how disgustingly rude and crass and vulgar it is, don't bother. I know. I'm writing it. I mean, what's the use of having a good story if you can't poke fun at it? If parody's exist, take it as a compliment people!!!!!!!!!