This a Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fic. I don't own the characters, or their back grounds. This also contains Yaoi, possible rape, thoughts of suicide. All just a warning. Also please don't plagiarize my work. Other then that, enjoy.

Kurama's Diary Entry June 10th

This is how it was supposed to end. This is how it was supposed to be. And here I am torn into a million different pieces not knowing which way is up and which way is down. And there you are hiding your hurt by joking, pretending to everyone else that you are fine, and most of all pretending as though I meant nothing to you. Nothing at all.
My heart feels like there is no glue that can put it back together again because there is no heart left. There is no feeling left. You took it all with you when you decided for me that all was done, that you no longer felt anything for me.
Yes, I plan on pretending, myself, like nothing is wrong, but deep inside its all just a façade, a front that I show to the world to hide how I really feel. To hide from you, how hurt I really am. And that's all it will be. So hear me now and really hear me. I love you unlike you could ever imagine, but I will move on, I will grow up out of this love, but you my friend will never find another that was as good as I because you will always wonder whether you made the right choice. I will know you made the wrong choice, because of that I will be able to move on from this point. I just hope you can. I never dated you for you, I dated you for love. Understand that.

Kurama softly closed his journal not wanting to wake anyone else around the house, while still trying to hold back a tear. He had not cried all day and was able to go through school with out anyone knowing the truth. He had been able to hide his broken heart and now he just needed to give it time to heal. Lightly he turned off his flashlight and slipped it under his mattress along with his diary.
Kurama thought long and hard about the past day and began to wonder how he was able to pull it off. How was he able to hide himself so well? Maybe it was the fact that no one really knew the truth, or maybe it was the fact that it wasn't meant to be. He didn't know, but the sudden remind of Hiei's smile began to chock up Kurama. He didn't want to remember Hiei's smile, or the devilish look in his eyes. The Fox demon wanted nothing to do with that anymore. He wanted nothing to do with him anymore.
The Fox pulled down the bed taking a look at the clock. It was late, and he had another day of school ahead of him. It was another day where he had to show to everyone that nothing was wrong, that all was as it should. But he wasn't sure if he could bear to see Hiei's face. Today was easy only because Kurama had not seen the Fire demon, but tomorrow was a whole new story. And with new stories comes new beginnings and new endings.
The night sky was dulled by the passing clouds. Tomorrow wasn't going to be a bright day. Kurama's eyes passed by the tree that he and Hiei had slept in many times over the last couple of years, and a slight bump in his throat appeared, but he swallowed hard and turned away. Hiei wasn't worth the tears. He wasn't worth the anguish. Hiei had done nothing but hurt Kurama. At first Hiei was always teasing Kurama about his feelings for the Fire demon, and even though they spent countless nights together in the mist of passion Hiei never once expressed his love, and always told Kurama it was nothing more then a release of stress. That's all Kurama was to Hiei, a toy to be used and abused.
But as Kurama thought more he also knew that Hiei had a great love for Kurama, and though he would never admit it, Hiei saved the Fox a few times, and even pushed the Fox to reach limits he never knew it he had. Only when one loved another would they do that, but then again Hiei might have just pushed Kurama farther passed his limits for the simple fact of winning which was a big part of Hiei. He could never lose.
Kurama wanted to kick himself for ever thinking the Hiei could love. Hiei wasn't built that way, and because of that it was Kurama that was torn apart. He didn't want to be part of this world any more. Hiei had used Kurama for his own pleasure, and now Kurama felt dirty. Purely and utterly dirty. "Why would I let myself be used for such an awful purpose!" He shouted in a whisper.
"Shuchi? Are you still up?" His mother called through the door
Kurama fell into silence, damning his voice. "Yes mother, forgive me, I had a bad dream."
"Alright sweet Shuchi, sleep well."
Kurama listened for his mother's door to shut, and he went off into his own bed and cuddled under the covers. He would just have to take day as it came.