PLEASE READ THIS LONG-ASS A.N. ~ Hello! First off, before anything: I do NOT own Star Wars or anything within the realm of it. Second, this story is purely fictional. I had this idea recently and thought, 'Hey, why not? I can do that. I have some ideas for that. Sure!' Third: if you are uncomfortable with anything from the LGBTQA+ side of things, this is not the right story for you. This story's premise is based on a clone's path of self-discovery and understanding of sexuality and gender.

Next! This story does contain mentions of penises, testicles, vaginas, and has cursing. If you aren't comfortable with any of that, then this may not be something you'll enjoy. Following up with that, if I accidentally misrepresent someone in their sexual/gender identity, please let me know in a kind and coherent and detailed comment so I may fix that. And no one is perfect, so if you notice that I've made a spelling/grammatical error, please let me know so I can correct the mistake. Thank you!

Finally! If you're a hater here to get pissy about A) the fact that I have a queer clone in this story, B) that I exist in general, or C) myself/things I've made exist and offend you and you have to stay here to be angry and spend even more time around something you dislike just to insult it in the comments with insults or claims that it doesn't exist or it's wrong or blah blah blah, please kindly remove yourself from my comments section, my story, my profile, and my life. You're no big damn hero if you spend time trying to make people who may actually like the story or themes within the story feel bad. That just makes you rude and unpleasant.

Have a good day/night!

ENTRY ONE

For me, the world started as a grey plain. Over time, colors fell over that plain to form my reality. Each one represented different kinds of information, and each shade or hue were extensions of that generalized knowledge. Growing up as one clone among thousands of others near identical to me, for a long time I was sure all of our mental plains were the same. We all looked the same, were raised the same, were taught the same things, and so on. What could be different?

But as we grow older and get closer to graduation, our personalities have become more defined and separate. Sure, we still have many similar traits, but at the core of things, it's gotten obvious over time that we really don't have the same colors in all the same places, and sometimes the landscapes of our minds are completely different. And...I'm pretty sure my mind has always been different at its very base for a long time.

Something from the start felt a little off, probably around the time I really grasped that there were male and female Kaminoans. I always wondered what the difference was, and later throughout training, I found out about a lot of other species and their different sexes and genders. Basic understanding of what some dressed as and how they acted, how to refer to them by different pronouns, and all the stuff you should know as a soldier who'd likely encounter these species some day.

The longer I heard, saw, and learned about females, the more interested I got. Yeah, go ahead and think "but you're a man, so of course you are!" It's not like that. It's not that I really am interested in them for any reasons like wanting sex. I mean, we all learned about sex during training, and I don't think I really want to shove my penis in anyone. Honestly, I don't even really like my penis.

It's just...there, I guess. I don't know how to explain how I feel. I don't want it there, I don't want anything really hanging out there. It feels wrong and awkward... Don't get ahead of yourself, I don't think there's anything wrong with anybody who's got testicles and a penis, I just don't really want mine. Your next question probably is "then what do you want?"

I don't know. I don't understand. I don't even want to admit it, because it feels like if I even say it to myself, I'll be in trouble. The Kaminoans aren't forgiving of anyone out of the ordinary. If anyone found out...if I let myself even think enough to find out whatever it is that's going on in my head...well, I don't really like the idea of how that would go.

Something's wrong. Off and doesn't fit. But I'm too confused and afraid to really let myself figure it out. I feel...ashamed for some reason... I want to understand, but at the same time, it feels like taboo to try. ...Kriff, even when I write about it, it just makes me feel really unsettled. I can't keep all this here. Time to delete this whole thing before anyone finds it. My chest feels tight like there's something heavy on it. Whatever...