8
The Human Man part deluxe
Chapter wone
The end where it began
There was a breeze, it was 8pm and the streets were clear.
Out came a man from the sidelines of an alley. This guy didn't have a name, or a face, but all we know is that he was called The Human Man!
He had saved many in the past with his 'weird' powers and his 'dis'abilities, he is respected by all and hated by Bad Guys :/
This is the beginning of the end where it all began, the beginning of the end, where it ended.
*SCREAM*
There was a sudden scream coming from the end of the alley. The Human Man knew it was time to act! He put on his suit and his hood and shoes and socks and his aftershave to smell nice for the ladies ;)
HE HUFFED AND HE PUFFED to the source of the scream and was confronted with a man holding a man wearing lots of make-up and a hand bag. The Human Man didn't hesitate to CLOBBER this whelp to the ground.
Unfortunately due to Brain Problems, the Human Man accidently killed the other man on purpose. "Whoops" he said, noticing that the other man was not breathing.
*ring ring*.
The HUMAN MAN rose up out of bed realising that it was alllllll a bad dream.
Some Bimbo comes out of nowhere claiming to be his 'Fairy Godly Mother' But he decided that she was on crack so he punched her and her head fell off into the street, down a gutter into a stream of smelly poop and then an alligator ate it.
The very next day there was a sudden 'ping' as the microwave finished cooking his ready meal fruity pie.
Six days later, his cooker broke down and had to be repaired, unfortunately due to brain problems, he didn't know how to work the phone.
The day after, he ordered a pizza over the phone and said 'I would like a sweet and sour packet of chewy worms and a bottle of chicken nuggets, kthxbye'. The man replied 'we only sell fish and chips you idiot!' so he hung up the phone with some rope and sticks.
That very night he drove his car to the cemetery to grave rob some unlucky mo'fo's of their pocket money. Unfortunately due to brain problems he didn't know how to drive a car so he ended up crashing it into a church yard and thus couldn't make it to the graveyard.
Chapter deuxieme partie
3 gays in the life of the Human Man
Days have passed since the Human Man ordered a pizza and he was bl**dy hungry
Because he failed and ended up hanging up the phone too high for him to reach and his step-ladder had a cold.
"j'ai mal ala tete" he said to himself, so his hit the sack (which means going to bed), but in shock and awe, he realised that his bed wasn't there :0!
So he ended up sleeping on some bricks made out of bricks. "Ouch" he shouted as he noticed that something was pinching his a$$.
IT WAS A Good Guy!
"I am the last of my kind" the Good Guy said. The Human man thought that this guy was a fanboy of Doctor who so he beat him down with his phone.
The next day, the Human Man got up early. He tripped over something. It was just the dead body of the Good Guy :/ "oh I forgot" he said and then he went to bed.
It was 2Am when the Human Man heard a Voice
"MWAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAH" said the unknown voice. "Hu iz dat" Human Man said.
"silly Human Man" the unknown voice said "IT IS I, BIG BUFF" said the unknown voice.
"Oh" said the Human Man "sorry for the confusion".
"No problemo" said the Unknown Voice
And they decided to go home and have a BIG…..FAT….Cup of tea with biscuits on the side.
However, the Human Man still hadn't quenched his hunger and was very hungry so he decided to go outside since his phone was still hanging too high from the roof.
As he stepped outside, the sun shined through his windows and reflected onto his eyes "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRG GH" he shouted as the realised that the sun was too bright for his eyes. BUT! Due to his brain problems, he didn't know how to go blind so he carried on walking to the restaurant 'Super McPizzaBurgerLand' :D
The restaurant was empty, not a Good Guy in sight, BUT there was signs of a Bad Guys.
"qui est la Bad guys?" the L'homme Man Said. "HAH" said a few unknown voices.
Out from the sidelines jumped 3 Bad Guys, 2 Hostages, 4 Cowboys, 1 Spider man, 2 Fishies on a dishy, and that Unknown voice guy from before. "help us!" the hostages said. The 4 CowBoys Screamed in fear and ran out followed by a scared spiderman.
"Never fear I'm just here to get my burger" said the Human Man, but due to his brain problems, he didn't bring money with him, nor did he know how to give something to someone.
The Bad Guys sniggered and ran out with the hostages stroking both men on the head, "NOPE" said the hostages.
The Human Man shrugged and walked over to the counter however, he realised that no one was behind the counter until he looked over the counter and saw a boy ducking down.
The Human Man was furious at the level of service the 'Super McPizzaBurgerLand' Had to offer so he went on the bounce home listening to ghost busters but getting all the lyrics wrong.
He went home just to realise that his house was on fire OMG! So he quickly grabbed his phone and called the ambulance. The ambulance swiftly arrived, for a change, and asked the Human Man "why did you call us when it should of been the fire brigade?"
The Human Man looked furious as he didn't like the attitude of the Medics so he phoned the police. The police arrived and asked "what?" the Human Man explained that the ambulance had a bad attitude disorder. The police arrested the Ambulance men and took them to the cubes.
The Human Man was satisfied at this type of justice so he went home and laid his head to rest. BUT his house was still on fire OMG! and he couldn't call the fire brigade since his phone was too high up so he ended up sleeping on fire listening to 'The ring of fire" and "Burn Baby burn" by whoever sang those songs.
After a good nights sleep, he rose up the following morning, his house was still on fire but due to his serious brain problems he couldn't feel the buurrrrn!
"Mwahahahahah" said a familiar voice "It is I, BIG BUFF!"
"Ever wonder who burned your house down?" said the unknown voice. "I do actually, yeah" replied the L'homme le Man. "oh...right" said the unknown voice. The Guy with the Unknown voice walked out of the house, laughing to himself. "Why am I laughing?" he said.
The Human Man, realising that is was 3pm :0! Went back to sleep. When he woke up, his house was rebuilt! There were 3 Bad Guys standing over him.
Oh NO! Is this the end for the Human Man!?
Is he Finally Beaten?
Is this the Beginning of the end, the end of the Beginning where it all began for the Human Man at the end?
Nope….
"Thanks for helping us the other day" said the 3 Bad Guys, "those 2 Guys Got a mouthful when we took them home". "No Problemo, Happy to help" said the Human Man. "We rebuilt your house and took your phone down from the roof, some phsycho must have hung it up there, hahahaha" laughed Bad Guy 1. "Yeah, hahahaha" laughed the Human Man.
"Good Bye" said the Bad guys. "Bu-Bye" said the Human Man. And the Bad guys and the Human Man shook hands hand made an oath. The oath was to help eachother if they needed help having a W***.
The Human Mank felt satisfied knowing that he has the help and services of Bad Guys so he decided to throw a party at his house. As per usual, due to his brain problems, he forgot to turn up to the party and ended up being Human-Man-No-Mates because Billy isn't his name.
He felt lonely so he slipped his hands into his pants and pulled out a bop-it. After many tiresome hours of failing the first stage he slipped it back into his pants and rested in his bed because he didn't want to look like an idiot turning up to the party late. "Give it BACK" a little Buff voice said but it quickly faded.
Anywho, the next day was a new beginning, it was 5pm and the sun was shining, the Human Man called his best friend, the police force, and invited them over for a tea party. The police force refused his offer and the L'homme De la après le Man felt suicidal :/ *hmmmmmm*
Unfortunately due to his brain problems, he didn't know how to die proper. He decided to read up on how to die, so he went to a library and picked up a book called 'How to die proper' by professor Xavier. "OMG" He said as he flicked through the pages.
The book was filled with pictures of red, blonde, green, black, and brunette haired people! :0
The Human Man felt ripped off, he bought a book on how to die but it didn't contain instructions on how to die using hair so he went back to the library for a refund. But OH NOES! He got lost on his way there, he then asked a man, who had his face covered, where he was.
The man Replied "we're stealing your tele so you must be in a living room". "oh" said the Human Man "do you know the way out?". The man replies "I came through the window" then he picks the tele up and starts moving. "oh, I'll just follow you out then" says the Human Man.
The Human Man suddenly sees the outside light "thanks" he says, "no problem" said the masked man. But then CRASH! The Human Man Got hit on the head…
Chapter = Sides of a triangle
The contract on the Human Man
The Human Man awoke, faced with a man wearing A ton of Makeup. The makeup man said "ah, you've finally awoken, Human MAN!". The Human Man looked Puzzled. "you might remember my Son, Big Buff!". The Human Man turned his head only to realise that it was that Unknown voice guy from before.
"UNKNOWN VOICE GUY FROM BEFORE!" the Human Man shouted. "ah Yes, It is I, Big Buff!" said the unknown voice.
"What's the big deal?" said the Human Man. The Makeup Man replied "you must beat my son in a battle to the death!". "name your Weapon" said the Human Man.
"BOP IT!" said the Unknown voice.
"NOOOOOOOO" said the Human Man but due to his brain problems he had accepted the offer.
After many hours of FAIL! The Human Man fell to the ground in anger "I lost" he whimpered to himself "How did I lose?" he questioned. "easy" said the unknown voice "it's because you suck, hahahahahahaa".
"Yeah, hahahahah" said the Human Man said then he QUICKLY GRABBED THE BOP IT AND THREW IT, like a boomerang, AT THE MAKEUP MAN!
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWCHCH CHCH" said the makeup man in pain. The bopiterang rebounded and smacked the unknown voice in the noggin, "OOCH" said the unknown voice. Big Buff then shouted "I SHOULDA SEEN THAT COMING!" but the unknown voice guy didn't see it coming, did he.
The Human Man proved once again the joys of being a hero of the world. He walked out of the cave, to the light, to find that he was in a meadow filled with sheep, cows, and Bull shat. "wheres the way home?" said the Human Man
He was LOST :0!
The Human Man was Deadly confused then he Shouted "WHERE AM I?". Coincidently a tribe of foresters found him and started calling him whereami?
Chapter 4 – Remeeting Man Bat
The Village was on fire and the Human Man rose up from the fire with an evil glint in his eye.
A few days before that incident, the Human Man was on a stroll out into the wilderness when suddenly all these tribe dudes started calling him whereami, he got p***ed and decided to play a game called 'through the fire and flames on expert', thus setting the village on fire.
Back to the present, he walked out of the flames "help meh" a voice said coming from the ground.
IT WAS A GUY DRESSED IN BLACK with WHITE EYES AND A BAT ON HIS CHEST.
"ALALA HEEEEY ARA ARA?" said the Human Man with his new understanding of the tribal language.
"My name is Man Bat a- oh wait, I know you!" said Man bat "it's the Human Man!" after years of being called whereami, the human Man got most of his insanity sanity back.
The Human Man Had to save Man Bat but didn't know how as the fires were spreading at a break neck pace. "brb just goin' the fire brigade init' said the Human Man, "kk" said Man Bat.
The Human Man stormed off into the distance to find a fire brigade but he was out of luck, instead, he found Dr Man Freeze. "OMG Dr Man Freeze!" the human man said in shock, "you gotta help me help Man Bat".
"Hah!" said Dr Man Freeze "he is my greatest Good Guy, what makes you think I will help him?". The L'homme de la après la pingas Man was stuck as he didn't know what he could do to prove himself…..
Could this be the End of Man Bat?
Could the Human Man actually save someone?
Could Dr Man Freeze be Joe King?
Maybe…..Perhaps….and Yeah.
Dr Man Freeze took off his helmet. "OMG" shouted the Human Man "Its Joe King!". "Yes, I am Joe King" said Dr Man Freeze who is also Joe King "Now you DIE!". With a flash Dr Man Freeze shot Human Man in the head with his boomerang "take that moite" he said.
This looked bad for the Human Man, not only was his head hurting, he was also being watched by the president of the United kingdom of England Land. "GET UP I HAVE 20 BUCKS RIDING ON YOU SON!".
The Human Man mistoke this guy for his father and then pulled out a lightsaber and tried to slice him up.
Chapter 5
The awakening
After a tiresome battle with Lord Vader, the Human Man hit the sack (which means going to bed)
He arose the next day.
Chapter 6
The Grand Finale
After years of looking for a way to get home, he finally found Home! :O
He was just inches away from the door when SUDDENLY!
"MWAAAHHAHAHAHA, It Is I Big Buff!" said a familiar unknown voice. The Human man turned to the source of the noise, only to find that it was that unknown voice guy from the cave/super mcpizzaburgerland/Home!
The Human man got a strange feeling that this unknown voice is really a BAD GUYS *Gasp*
The Human man got ready for battle but noticed that he was confronted with that unknown voice guy holding a man wearing lots of make-up and a hand bag. The Human Man didn't hesitate to CLOBBER this whelp to the ground.
Unfortunately due to Brain Problems, the Human Man accidently killed the other man on purpose. "Whoops" he said, noticing that the other man was not breathing.
Or…so..he thought…..
What really happened was that the unknown voice guy dodged out of the way but the makeup man was still dead! AAAHHHH MATE!
The Human man came up with his own title for this moment that is definitely not ripped off from Michael Jackson. This moment was called 'This is it' but he also had another moment called 'never say never' but that's just sh*t because some douche bagger came up with it when its not his saying anyway….the PR*CK
Anyway THIS WAS IT!
Oh no is this FINALLY the end for the Human Man?
Will ever not be so LESBOGAYNESS every again?
Will he beat down the unknown voice with another telephonic communications communicator sound voice developer passive energies device?
UNFORTUNATELY….. YOU WONT EVEN FIND OUT TILL THE NEXT BOOK AAHHHHHHHH MATE UNLUCKY XD so er yeh jus like wait another few years n manbe we actually make the time to make these such stupid pointless books!
SERIOUSLY WHO THE FU*K WOULD MAKE SUCH SH*T UP I MEAN WTF IS WITH THIS GUY…. HIS HOUSE IS ON FIIRE SO HE CALLES THE POLICIA? WTF! HE DOESN'T TALK BULLSHAT AND HE WAKES UP IN A FIELD AND TRIBALS CALL HIM 'WHEREAMI'? THAT'S JUST A RIPOFF FROM CHUCKY CHAN'S WHATAMI. SOMEONE KILL ME NOWWWWWW…. (He was also shot dead).
End of book too.