11
THE HUMAN MAN – Part Un + Deux = Trois – Deux = ONE
Chapter 1
Becoming the Man
There are people in this world, good guys, bad guys, and neutral guys... Oh and women.
The good guys save people and bad guys hurt people and steal money. Then once upon a time all the good guys were OBLITERATED!
The Neutral guys didn't know what to do... BUT ONE!
His name was... He didn't have a name... or a face for that matter... but all we know is that he calls himself the Human Man!
This is his story, the origins.
There once was a man who was a man. He wore a suit. He carried a case. With lots of money in it. One day the Bad guys robbed him of his lots of money. He was devoed.
THEN he decided that he needs to step up into the light and become a HERO! He couldn't think of a name because he had serious brain problems from all the beatings he has had... previously mentioned...
He worked day in day out trying to figure out a cool name for his new Ego. He came up with all sorts of names such as;
Spider human
Super kid man
Terminator man
The incredible Man
Captain Man
Iron man man
Sergeant Slip
Wonder wo-man
Man Bat
Stretchy Man
Fire Guy man
Jedward scissorman
Human Man
He realised that all these names were taken by other users online .com
BUT the last one wasn't :O *gasp*
He stuck with the name the Human Man. He unfortunately had no weird powers, and his arms couldn't turn into stuff. So he realised as well that he didn't think of that he only thought of the name.
He fashioned a costume using his BEAR HANDS and some wool. But he realised the wool wasn't enough as it only covered quarter of his little finger WIDTH ways.
He so went out and bought a suit with the lots of money he has. He found a mask on the street and picked it up and put it on his face. He sniffed up to breathe and got a big wift of sh*t, he felt sick so he threw the mask onto the ground and stamped on it and threw a tantrum. He then stormed off to his room and cried for hours thinking he could never be the Human Man.
The next day he awoke and had an APIPHONY and then realised that he can read! So he picked up the nearest comic and read it unfortunately it was called 'Teletubbies the manga' he saw a mask at the back of the comic and thought it looked perfect so he bought it online off eBay.
Chapter 2
The figure
Later that week the man with no name received a parcel and so he opened it and saw the mask... DVD so he put it in the DVD player and watched the movie. Later he thought after watching a movie maybe wearing a mask wasn't such a good idea as he didn't want to turn into a green suited psychopath. He thought maybe wearing makeup would be a good idea so he went out saving people but had to carry a handbag round with him so he had his makeup just incase it came off.
He couldn't find a suitable handbag so he stitched a hood onto his suit and wore sun glasses so people couldn't see his face.
*Sirens from outside*
'OH MY GOD SOMEONE IS IN VERY MUCH TROUBLE AND THEY MUST BE IN NEED OF A HERO'
The man with no name gets so excited as this is his first save so that he quickly throws on his suit and his hood and his glasses and also puts on some socks and shoes and some aftershave so he smells nice for the ladies ;)
The human man runs outside and some people see him and say 'AHHHHHHH MATE LOOK AT THAT MANK'
He starts to cry but goes into his handbag and pulls out a tissue and wipes the tears away.
He continues to run and realises that the crime is ACROSS THE CITY he is not impressed so he calls for a taxi.
1 Hour later the taxi arrives and takes the Human Man to the location of the crime.
He gets out and there is a bank robbery in progress, he gets out quickly and runs into the bank and gets shot by a Bad Guy. He then rolls out the way and picks up a baby and throws it at the Bad Guy. The Bad Guy catches it and the baby throws up from the speed of the throw and then the Bad Guy is allergic to sick and then dies a terrible death from being thrown up upon.
The Human Man comes out of the Bank holding the Dead Bad Guy and the police praise the lord as the Bad guy is now Dead.
They ask him 'How did you do that? What do we call you?'
The Human Man replies 'I ate my vegetables and carrots; you can call me THE HUMAN MAN'
The cop replied confuzzled 'So superman became a hero with powers because he ate his greens...'
Human Man replies saying 'NO WAY REALLY I WAS JUST JOE KING :O'
The cop pulls a blank face and says 'Fu*k you Human Man, now go save Mary Janine'
Then the Human Man runs off into the shadows and then suddenly trips up and sprains his leg 'OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW, SHHHHEESSSSSSh, UHHHHHHHH, EAAAOOOOWWWWW, UHHHHHGGGGGGG THE PAIN'
He stands up and walks away into the darkness in pain with a fractured spine.
HE managed to get back home and then got into his magic carpet and it flew him to the top of the roof where .
'EWWWWW GROSS, as he stood there looking heroic... Until a bird took a big dump on his I have had a long hard day saving uh I mean KILLING a very bad bad bad bad bad bad bad BAD GUY'
The Human Man once proved that there is still some justice in Wallasey.
Chapter 3
The Sleep Demon
The Human Man decided after a long hard day at old people's school he wanted to have a big fat sleep on the floor... he couldn't afford to buy furniture.
He lay down on the floor and fell asleep peacefully...
Later about 2 mints later to be very precise he found that he was falling and then suddenly stopped and banged his head on a door. He arose looking confuzzled and looked into the shadows and saw a biggie figurine.
Chapter 4 - Quartieme Partie
It was been 2 weeks since the Dream enemy, it was quite quiet outside in the city of Bumgellatropetan… The people were normal there was no sign of a Bad Guy.
He took a stroll outside and 'accidentally' stood in lots of birdie shat. 'FU*K' he was not impressed and he sat down to wipe the shat of his shoe. He sat down and saw crime happen. 'OH NO….. CRIME' He shouted blissfully. He ran into his house and threw his costume on and ran outside.
He was running to the Crime and saw a man standing there with a piece of paper in his hands.
The Man Paper turned around and spoke 'Human Man I presume, I've been expecting you to show up, now faces the wrath of my PAPER!'
The Human Man looked dazed and ran at Man Paper, he tripped up on boulder and fell downwards. 'OWWWWYYYYYYY MY PEN*S' He stood up and threw a rock at the Man Paper and he said 'Take that Crime'.
The Man Paper wasn't hurt :O the Human Man didn't know what to do !
Could this be the end of the Human Man!
Could Crime finally of beat him down with a phone!
Will the Human Man have a cum back!
Yes…
The Human Man shouted 'Ahhhhh well if rock can't beat paper MAYBE my trusty scissors can!'
The Paper Man was frightened and didn't know what to do :O.
The Human Man quickly reached into his Handbag trying to reach for some scissors.
'Hmmm not my lipstick… no that's my other Handbag….. Nope that's just my lip balm….. OWWWW FU*K my flbleeping hand'
The Human Mans finger was GONE….. Oh no there it is in the bottom of his Handbag…..
He dealt with the pain by reaching into his Handbag again 'Nope that's my slave….. That's my little bum chum friend… nooooo that's Little Buff…. There! My Pain Kickass'
He ran at the Man Paper with scissors and cut him in half, the Man Paper screamed in agony 'OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCC CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC CCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHH که واقعا شما را آزار و نه معنی شخص ، چرا که من به شما صدمه دیده است من می خواستم تا در کیف دستی شما خوب باشد'
(To read this part of the translation please refer to Google Translator….. Copy the text you do not understand and please paste it into the text box…. Then translate from Persian to English…. Now you will be able to read what the Paper man Said)
The Human Man said 'آه خدای من فارسی صحبت می کنید'
The Man Paper then replied 'بله نه دوست خوب من من یکی از شما نرمال بچه ها ، من اینجا هستم تا به کمک به مبارزه با جرم و جنایت ، در حال حاضر دریافت در کیف دستی من'
:O the Human Man was shocked He needed to Kickass this mans ass wipe and smack his bottom ked lad. Ahhhhh mate the Human Kidda Bean Man was like, He picked up iz cell fone and chuked it at the Man Papers Head and it was like Ahhhhh mate.
The Human Man was like 'J'ai battu, à la criminalité Oui je gagne'
(To read this part of the translation please refer to Google Translator….. Copy the text you do not understand and please paste it into the text box…. Then translate from French to English…. Now you will be able to read what the Human Man Said)
Teh Human Man was like 'Iz ryt da scizzors laaaaa' He was a very happy man BUT then he realized there was something very BIG….. no children not his willy… it was Little Buff .
Little Buff said with his mouth 'Oh que nous rencontrons à l'homme de l'homme dernière, Préparez-vous à répondre à vos gay soi et être gayified à gaydomcum'
The Human Man was furious at the Gay boiiii, he said to him 'Sorry I don't speak bullshat'
The Little Gay Buff man Stupid was very unaffended and felt like he was a little Gay boiii who just got touched in the penis by a Good Guy.
He got his BIG man pole and threw it at the Human Mans head. *Ducks* the Human Man was very scared man and was like 'uHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH meanie bo beanie' He got out his phone which was at home….. and called the Wonder Wo-Man.
Chapter 5 – Enter The Wo-Man
WOOSH came down Wonder Wo-Man 'Hey there sexiiiii' he/she said to the Human Man. 'Gotta catch em all…. POKEMON!'
'Go big gay mannn I choose you!' *throws pokeball and big scary gay man appears*
Oh no you encountered a WILD Man.
The Human Man shouts in anger 'Go Big Scary Gay Man touch penis attack!'
'Uhhhhhh' The WILD Man said as his penis was touched *50hp decreased on Human Man*
'WHAT HAPPENED' The Human Man shouted at the big bad guy in aggression.
'I used my Yu-Gi-Wa*k card! It blocks and reflects all attacks on all of my Good guy enemies'
'Oh maaaate and you expect me to believe that bullshat that comes out of your bullshatting lying mouth fiend'
'Yes friend because my name is not Little Big Gay Boiiii….. its…. *Big explosion happens*….. SEAN CONNEROY'
Sean Conneroy shoots electric at The Human Man.
'SHAT SHAT SHAT SHAT SHAT SHAT SHAT SHAT SHAT WA*K SHAT SHAT SHAT SHAT STAIN!' Screamed the Human Man in a Microsoft Sam Text To Speech voice.
'MUYHEHEHEHE EH HEHEHE EH HEHEHEHE EH HEHEHEHEHE EH HEHEHEHE my big gay electric voice can disembeloy your voice box'
'Uh no my voice box I cant speak… Oh my voice box is annihilated I cant speak what should I do' The voiceless Human Man spoke.
The Human man was blinded so he quickly reached for his HandBag of goodies. He quickly searches through the Handbag of mystic and manages to find a Gayness potion.
'hehe j'ai trouvé ma potion gaynessatoy dans mon sac à main de la recherche plutôt gay, maintenant vous vous sentirez la colère de ce que ça fait d'être lesbienne'
The Human Man throws the potion with all his might but then trips on a random Dildo and he swallows. And he drinks all the potion for himself by 'Accident'…..
The Human Man turned LESBOGAYNESS!
Oh no is this FINALLY the end for the Human Man?
Will ever not be so LESBOGAYNESS every again?
Will he beat down the Little Buff with another telephonic communications communicator sound voice developer passive energies device?
UNFORTUNATELY YES -.-
Chapter 6 – Gaining the Bop
Wonder Wo-Man says 'I will save you Human Man with my rather long flexible stick'
He/she whips the Human Man and he says OW. He becomes unturned LESBOGAYNESS. 'Yes I finally like normal Wo-Man s*x now :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D'
Wonder Wo-Man whips the Sean Conneroy and he gets SERIOUSLY emotional and he cries and then pulls his pants down and has a rather big Bop It game…..
'WTF' the Human Man says sorta turned on.
'I challenge you to Bop It Human Man if you win you will get my special Bop It to keep until your first party which you will be late for and then decide not to turn up and just play Bop It for some hours and you will get VERY tired'
'mmmmmmmmmm ok baby lets play ;)' Human Man pulls his pants off and gets his lucky charm out.
'WTF IS THAT' Little Buff says in a horny voice.
'Mmmmmmmm its my lucky charm its my big rather red hard lollypop'.
'Oh right ok LETS PLAY'
The Human Man looked confuzzled as his brain problems took action and he forgotted how to work his hands he quickly reached for the telephone which was too high up and called for the RAF.
The RAF turned up and he said 'Hey Human Man whats up?'
'Uhh mah hedd iz lke in loads of pain n I need help with mah mummah as she needs a bath and I cant reach her feet coz I bend over an my cousin fu*ks me '
The RAF man was gone and was no where to be seen, he turned around and clobbered Sean Conneroy 'ITS CLOBBERING TIME!'
The Thing came out of NO WHERE and clobbered the Human Man 'THAT'S MY WORD MUTHA FU*KA'
The Humain Mane aroused was like mmmmmmmm. He stood up and he felt in pain in his foot. 'OUCH my spine has been broked again' The Human Man Walked away in pain cause of his fractured Finger and couldn't walk properly.
He lucky and got home just in time for his wife to give him long pleasurable card trading session.
His wife jumped on the Human Man and 'Accidently' Fractured his spine.
Once again the Human Man has proved what a Good Guy is being all about. Tune in someother time to read these fu*kin stupid books.
SERIOUS WHO THE FU*K WOULD MAKE SUCH SH*T UP I MEAN WTF IS WITH THIS GUY…. HES NORMAL AT FIRST THEN HE HAS STUPID BRAIN PROBLEMS I MEAN OH MY GODDDDDDDDDD. I MEAN LIKE IF I MADE IT UP I WOULD ASK SOMEONE TO FRICKEN SHOOT ME DEAD RIGHT HERE RIGHT NO…. (He was shot dead).
The End of Book 1