A/N: Got bored and wrote this. A potential LucyxNaruto story idea that I may or may not continue.

Prologue: Just Hangin'

It was here, at possibly the hottest, most volatile region of Fiore, that a member Fairy Tail's most notorious mage duo decided to hold an impromptu team meeting, much to her partner's dismay.

"Naruto... there's a few things I'd like for you to explain to me..." Lucy began with a tone that was earnest if not slightly accusing.

Naruto grimaced and looked over to see an endearing smile, clearly fake, spreading across the blonde girl's face. "Err... Lucy, now's probably not the best time for a chat."

Her smile widened. "Please?" Judging from how she said that single word, this was no request. "It's not like there's anything else we can do at the moment."

Naruto knew that look all too well on Lucy. He saw through the false smile on her face as soon as he saw it; knew that whatever lurking underneath that smile would surely be the end of him if he refused her. Oh why did he have to know her so well? Life seemed so much simpler when he was clueless about the blond bombshell he had taken in as a partner. "Okay fine, shoot. What did you need to know?"

Lucy drew in a quick breath, giving Naruto the the split-second he needed to brace himself. "First of all," Lucy said with that sickeningly-sweet voice of hers. "Remind me. What was our mission again?"

Naruto suddenly found himself gulping down a brick of anxiety. "G-grocery shopping."

"Mhhmm. Right. Grocery shopping," Lucy confirmed. "For Mirajane. A D-rank mission. Simple. Easy. Practically a free three-thousand Jewels for fifteen minutes of work."

"It was E-rank, actually," quipped Naruto. Lucy ignored it.

"Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but our grocery list had but three items on it. A carton of eggs. A sack of flour. And... um... what was it again?"

"A bottle of milk."

"Right," Lucy confirmed again. "A bottle of milk."

Naruto began to feel himself sweating now, and it wasn't only because of the intense heat. "L-Lucy, I can explain..."

"Now, all of these things we can find at the local market in Magnolia Town..."

"...it's just..."

"The local market is only a few blocks away from the guild..."

"...breathe, Lucy. In... out... in..."

"So tell me, Naruto..."

"...It's not my fault! These things happen when you go to the market. Seriously, it should have been C-rank or something..."

"WHY THE HELL ARE WE TIED UP AND SUSPENDED OVER AN ACTIVE VOLCANO WHILE A DRAGON - YES, REAL LIVE STRAIGHT-OUT-OF-STORYBOOK DRAGON - PONDERS ABOUT HOW WELL DONE IT WANTS TO COOK US?"

Naruto thought about it for a second. It was a valid argument and frankly he didn't really have a reasonable explanation. It just happened. Just like how last time, when their mission was to find a missing cat, the two of them had somehow mistakenly created their very own dark guild that was responsible for the destruction of several other perfectly legal guilds. Oh, and they blew up the council's tower in the process. The dark guild, Ramen Heart, and it's mysterious two members, to this day, are at the top of the National Magic Council's most wanted list. Good thing they were both wearing masks at the time of that incident. As for the cat, it was probably still out there somewhere.

But back to the current predicament. Bound in rope from neck to toe, both Naruto and Lucy were hung from a rock above a clearly active volano. Molten rock bubbled and boiled only several feet below their toes. They were each also spinning slightly, which Naruto was glad for, if only so he didn't have to see Lucy's angry glare at him the entire time they dangled.

"Hey, you were the one that took forever getting out of the bathroom. If you just-"

"I was in there for TWO minutes!" Lucy snapped back. "TWO! MINUTES!"

"...seemed longer than that to me..."

Something inside Lucy broke and she began sobbing. "Oh god, we're going to die, aren't we?"

"We're not going to die, Lucy," Naruto comforted. "We can get out of this. Let's just think things through." Somehow, Naruto didn't seem entirely convinced of this himself.

"Why? WHY! I didn't even get a chance to tell Natsu how I feel about him."

Naruto lifted an eyebrow. "You... and Natsu? Really?"

"Why are you looking at me like that? I've always wanted to tell him how much of an idiot he was for burning down my apartment."

"Oh... that..."

"My furniture. My clothes. All those books I wrote. All gone because of that pink-haired pyro."

Naruto hesistated but he figured now would be a good a time as any to come clean. "About that... it was actually my fault."

"I want to strangle him so badly - wait..." Lucy expression turned maniacal. "WHAT!"

"I had a new mission for us so I went to find you but you weren't home. So I decided to wait there and practice some of the new wind-make magic I learned. For some reason it came out as fire and I tried to-"

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

Naruto sighed. "Lucy, it was an accident."

"KILLYOUSTUPIDDRAGONLEMMEOUT RIGHT NOW !"

As if on cue, a shape rose from beneath the molten lava. Great clawed wings reached upwards and beat down, revealing a dark horned beast covered in scales as black as darkness itself.

"You called, human?" It roared.

Lucy screamed hysterically in response.

It was a dragon. The dragon that had captured them both. And if Naruto remembered correctly, it had a name too. 'What was it again? Oh right, Acnologia.' Now if only he could remember how he got into this mess in the first place.