Greetings!

Most of these one-shots will be my attempt at humor. Hope you enjoy! There will be more to come.

Legend of Zelda belongs to Nintendo.

Regards,

Hayal

P.S. This story is insipired by amoniakAngel's artwork "Tell Me Your Story." You can find this lovely piece of art on deviantArt.

"Tell me your story."

"It's not as fascinating as yours."

"If that is so, then why not tell me?"

"It's not for anyone to know."

"False."

"Excuse me?"

"I said 'false', Princess."

"That doesn't even make sense."

"Neither does your refusal to tell me your story."

"Link…"

"Tell me your story, O beautiful and wise ruler."

"Heh… fine. Once upon a time there was a man…"

"That's not how it starts!"

"Who are you to tell me how my own story starts?"

"I am the man who is currently kneeling by your feet while you perch upon a stone bench and who is gazing at you with glowing admiration…"

"Shush! None of that silly talk. Do you want to hear my story or not?"

"But of course!"

"Then keep quiet and allow me to speak."

"As you wish…"

All the man ever did was chop trees. He never made a fire or cooked a meal. He just chopped trees all day long. He gave the chopped trees to people and the people gave him food.

He slept beneath the trees and, when weather permitted, he would sleep in caves. He wore clothes that were at least ten years old. Certain holes had to be covered with leaves. Some of the women he met patched up the holes for him since he could not sew.

One day he was chopping a young birch tree when the tree moved. Startled, the man stepped back and looked around for the tree. It had gone six paces away from its original spot.

"Hey!" he called out to the birch tree. "Where ya goin'?"

"Away," replied the tree.

"You ain't git 'way a'fore," said the woodcutter.

"You have never tried to cut me before."

"Why's you a'goin'?"

"I would rather not be cut down, wouldn't you agree?"

The man thought about an axe plummeted into his stomach, and he shuddered. "I's a'reckon you ain' a'foolin'."

"Indeed," said the birch tree as it glided over the ground and disappeared into the dark forest.

The man watched his supper walk away. He sighed, put down his axe, and stretched out on a blanket of grass. He would cut down another tree tomorrow.

As he slept the man dreamed of birch trees surrounding him with axes, ready to chop him down so they could have their dinner.

"Wait wait wait… I don't really want to hear any more."

"You asked for it, hero."

"Did not!"

"…"

"I asked for your story! Like, your childhood story or the story of when Ganondorf captured you! Not some fairy tale about a woodcutter and cannibalistic trees."

"You are implying that the trees eat each other."

"Huh? Are you acting all smart again?"

"Always."

"Whatever, Zelda. I'm the one who solves tricky puzzles to save your rear end. A nice rear end, I might add."

"Link!"

"What do you expect? I'm a normal man with normal man thoughts. I don't know why you or anyone else expects me to be any different."

"Uh-huh… quite normal."

"Do I see a smirk on that lovely face? Do I hear a sarcastic tone in that honeyed voice? Tut tut, Princess, where's that polite demeanor you're always supposed to have?"

"Anyway, you shouldn't say such things to me, or to any woman for that matter. It's degrading."

"My apologies, your Highness."

"Where are you going?"

"To find a woman who'll appreciate my compliments."

"LINK!"