Impossible Love
Chapter 1: Alice and Jasper
(Alice and Jasper's little run-in with rogue nomads on their journey to the Cullen's residence)
Ours was a love that belonged in fairy tales…bloody, epic fairy tales…but at least we had each other…
It was easy walking out the door with her, he found. It was easy to let himself be totally and utterly taken care of by this liltingly beautiful creature. Philadelphia had been cold and unwelcoming when he'd arrived. Wandering for so long had been bad for his soul and ultimately bad for his mood. So it was such a relief to find her. Or have her find him. He couldn't really be sure which way it had happened. Now he just didn't care.
Her hand was warm in his. Her thoughts were calming and optimistic. He had a funny feeling that this is the way things were for her. She was presumptuous of course, but that was part of her personality. Time would tell if this was where he was supposed to be. He very much hoped so.
He was curious however. Just as the question was on the tip of his tongue, she answered him. "We're going to Washington," her voice sparkled somehow. "There is a family there that I think we'll be very happy with. We can live there for as long as we choose."
"How do you know this?"
"I've seen it. It won't take us very long to get across the country. A day maybe, if we dawdle. Doesn't that sound good?"
"I suppose. I don't know Alice. It feels wrong."
She stopped and took his other hand, looking him squarely in the eyes. "I know it's hard. Believe me, I know. I never wanted to hurt people, but I suppose you've had no other option for a long time now. There are other ways. Jasper, there is another life waiting for us somewhere else. You don't have to be a monster."
His eyes shied from hers as he looked down at their clasped hands. He wanted to believe her. He terribly wanted to believe that there was an alternative to what he had been doing for the past eighty-seven years. He just didn't know if that was possible. Instead he chose to focus on the thoughts and emotions brimming with life and affection from this newfound creature in his hands. He would feed off her life and forget all the thoughts that could bring him down like hunger, pain, suffering, and an endless life with all of these things.
They continued walking through Philadelphia, going into several shops and picking up things that Alice deemed necessary for their journey to Washington.
By the time the sun was beginning to brim on the city skyline, Jasper was hauling around various packages and items that he couldn't fathom had anything to do with their trip. They all seemed frivolous and unnecessary.
"Before you say it, I'll have you know that these things are certainly necessary and each and every one of them will prove useful for us in our new life." She silenced him with a single look of her cute round face and those bright words. A slight smile lifted the corner of his mouth and he could feel amusement bubble on the edge of his mind.
"Wouldn't dream of it, ma'am," he nodded.
She tilted her head to one side to look at him. She set down her packages lightly and he did the same with his. There was always the chance of being robbed, but Jasper didn't think it would be much of a problem with a precognitive vampire and an experienced fighter. Alice reached up to him, wrapped her arms around his neck and bringing her head in close.
"Why do you fight it, Jasper?" she asked.
"Fight what?"
"Why do you fight the happiness due you? I've seen the slightest smile on your face this entire time, and each time there is a moment when it could get bigger, when your happiness could truly bloom, and yet you restrain it."
Nose-to-nose, Jasper didn't know how to respond. He wasn't used to explaining himself. Maria never cared. He certainly didn't have a handle on his thoughts as much as he had a handle on his emotions. He didn't know why. He just felt it was something he had to do.
He opened his mouth to speak but Alice dipped in quickly and kissed the corner of his mouth delicately. She retreated. "I understand. I just hope that someday it'll be easier for you to smile. As impossible as it sounds, maybe you have hope."
She bent to pick up her packages again and gave him a sideways glance. Her smile was so intoxicating, he thought. There was nothing in this world that compared to seeing this little creature smile. He thought that perhaps there was hope. Only time would tell.
Alice decided that the evening was not to be spent travelling as Jasper previously assumed. Instead they took their belongings, now having been stuffed into large packs they would lash to their bag as they leapt through the wilderness, and found a motel near the outskirts of the Philadelphia area. They would begin their journey at the break of dawn.
Jasper didn't know what they would do for those night time hours, but he was somehow glad for the downtime being offered to him.
Alice was talking even as they walked through the door to their room. It was fascinating watching her as she thought and talked at the same time. She was very sweet, he thought, which was not a notion he had every before encountered. She was unique in more ways than one.
"Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to sit still for hours. But I've never had the willpower to do it. Of course I don't need to move, but I want to. I'm sure that whoever I was in my previous life was someone with a lot of energy. I also wonder if I had this special ability of mine in that life as I do now."
"You don't remember your human life?" Jasper asked.
"Not a single iota of information from it. It is as black as night, except I have no hope of seeing the dawn. An endless night. It frightens me to think about it sometimes. Tell me about your life."
Jasper cringed and turned away from Alice, looking out the window at the clash of city and country. "It's not a pretty life."
"It doesn't have to be pretty for you to tell it."
"No, I suppose it doesn't. Some might find it fascinating. Others might pity me. I don't want pity. I don't want my past to affect this future, except I know that I cannot run away from it as easily as I wish to."
"We can replace it with new memories though." She paused and he could hear her pad across the carpet to his side. She grabbed onto his arm. He made an effort not to flinch as the physical contact with such tenderness was still alien to him. How could she show such affection to him after all the things he had done? "Jasper…"
He leaned his head to the side to look at her. She was smiling again, that bright and infectious smile. He couldn't resist her, a concept that was also alien to him. "I grew up with war on every front. My parents, siblings, northern and southern states; it all raged on with me at the sidelines. It took every ounce of courage I had to sign up for the Confederate Army. But after entering and going through training, I knew that it was where I belonged. After the chaos of my youth, I almost demanded the order of the military. It was easy for me to succumb to that routine life."
He paused to look back out the window. "I've gone from one extreme to another in my life. Chaos to order to downright maddening thirst to life-ending depression, if it weren't for the fact I can't die. Basic instinct has taught me to fight all of it. I fought chaos with order, thirst with discipline, and everyone else who thought to harm me or my companions at the time. Depression was the one thing I couldn't kick. It's the hardest thing you can imagine. I thought once to surround myself with laughter, to soak up the energy by little children, but I found myself focussing on the scent of the people surrounding me instead. I made myself leave. I went the next three weeks without a single drop. I thought starving myself was the answer. Instead I went stark raving mad and shamed myself so deeply I don't think I'll ever make up for it."
Alice's grip tightened on his arm. She wanted him to lean on her. Need her more than he had ever needed anyone. She didn't want him to leave her now that she'd found him at last. She didn't have to say any of it, but somehow Jasper knew.
"How did you know I was looking for you?" he asked in a very soft whisper.
This question seemed to surprise her, though not for the reasons he originally thought. Surprising Alice would be the toughest thing he would ever do, that much he knew. He suspected it was a surprise to her that he even asked at all.
Instead of replying she simply wrapped her arms around his neck and brought his head down to hers. Their first kiss. She didn't demand, she comforted, and she wasn't greedy. In this kiss he wanted to give her something, something that no one else could give her, not that anyone would ever try to kiss her after this. He poured his feelings into this kiss; his thankful and thoughtful feelings of affection and passion and desire. No one had ever made him feel quite like he did right now, except for Alice. There was a time when he would have sworn he'd felt this all before, but Maria had never given him this unconditional affection before. There had always been an objective, a favour to be done on her behalf. Alice didn't want for anything, except him, wholly and unreserved of thought or feeling. He would give her what she needed, without her even having to ask.
Fire exploded between them. Like two clashing forces, fire and ice, they rode the wave of desire that had brought them there. It was pure, unadulterated passion, unlike anything they had ever experienced before. They gave into it and let the happy feeling wash over them. To have found the missing puzzle piece to their lives with a mating so raw and exquisite was life-altering.
As night closed in around them, and passion locked them in a tight cocoon, they took the time to get to know each other.
"I never wanted to hurt anyone," Alice told Jasper later that night as they lay awake. She was resting on her stomach, her arms curled up beside her, the blankets pulled up only to her waist and her hair mussed from their love-making. "When I discovered what I had become I fought so hard to keep a level head, to keep a conscience separate from a desire for blood."
"It must have been difficult all by yourself," Jasper noted quietly by her side, also on his stomach, looking at her.
"It was. And the trouble was I could see the lives of those around me unfolding with the everyday decisions they made, and yet I had no idea where my life was going. I can see people coming in and out of my life, of course, but my direction is pretty much up to me. And as a newborn I had one direction: blood. I didn't like that direction. I could see the human's fate. Sometimes I would decide to give into a specific person. Then I saw the fear and the panic that would come. It terrified me. I turned around and never looked back."
Jasper thought about what she was saying for a while. Somehow it made sense. She didn't want to see their futures, just like he didn't want to feel their pain. "You're very brave," he told her quietly. "I don't think I would ever have found the willpower to turn away on my own. There were always others egging me on in the background, but despite the feelings of my...victims," he coughed out the word, "hunger would always win."
A slow smile spread on her face. "It's a good thing I found you when I did then. I wouldn't have wanted you to go mad. What use would you have been to me then?"
She was joking. He could see the twinkle in her eyes. He let go of a nonexistent breath he was holding when he realized this. He wasn't easy to trust those around him. Jasper by nature was easy to trust, but experience had taught him to be cautious of others, which is why he'd never trusted a soul in his new life. But, he was fast learning to let go of those fears with Alice at his side.
At the dawn, as Alice had foreseen, they packed up their belongings and left the city area at a fast pace and moved across the States to Washington on the Pacific Coast.
About half way there, not even at midday, they stopped, putting their packs down by Missouri River in North Dakota to drink in the scenery and see what kind of meal they could find. Alice was determined to feed Jasper, whose last meal was wearing off quickly.
They stalked some deer with Alice as graceful as the deer and Jasper more aggressive. He knew what he was doing. He didn't need to be taught. He just had to learn to get used to the taste of animal blood. He cringed as he brought his mouth closer to his latest kill but hesitated only a second before driving his teeth into the animal's pulsing neck vein. He drank to his fill. Then he had another. And another. Five deer later and he was just beginning to feel the fullness of his replenished system. Strength was coming back, slowly seeping through his veins. Alice had long ago finished, only having needed two deer to keep herself strong.
"You sure can drink a lot," she commented when Jasper came walking back through the woods to where she sat waiting for him. "I don't think I will ever fill myself that much. I'd probably burst."
Jasper's smile spread more quickly across his face. "You're a tiny little thing."
She hopped up to kiss him on the cheek. "I'm going to take that as a compliment."
"You should," he replied.
Alice had gone rigid though and her expression blank. Her eyes glazed over for a few seconds, barely enough time to see it, but enough for Jasper, and immediately he knew something was wrong. "Alice, what is it?" he asked in a low voice.
"We've got company," she whispered.
Jasper's eyes darted through the trees surrounding the clearing they were standing in, his senses hyper-alert to new sounds of the forest. A twig snapped to his left and Jasper knew what Alice knew. "Good company or bad company?" He didn't smell human blood or any blood at all. Rather in its place was a sweet and tangy smell, that of another vampire.
Alice met his wary glances and replied, "I'm not sure yet."
"How many are there?" he asked as if he was already accustomed to following her predictions to move around obstacles, such as an impending confrontation with these newcomers.
"Three. Two men and a woman."
"And they're nobody you know, correct?"
"I've never seen them before. They must have heard us through the trees while we were on our hunt and came to investigate."
"Nomads?"
Alice nodded. "Young nomads."
Jasper's chin lifted a notched. He was prepared for this fight, if it came down to that. Newborns were his speciality. But Alice put her hand on his arm and his eyes immediately found hers. "Don't worry," he told her, "you're safe."
This seemed to aggravate Alice, despite Jasper's handle on the emotions surrounding them. "I know. I can take care of myself, Jasper. And the sooner you know that, the better. Don't bring this to a fight unless absolutely necessary. Remember the life you are trying to find. Let that be the light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak..."
Her words drifted off however as their nomads came through the trees to their left. The man and woman flanked the woman. She was tall and elegant with flowing ebony hair, and dressed in neutral colours. The men were similarly dressed, also with black hair, though cropped closer to their heads. They walked swiftly towards Jasper and Alice. The men shared a knowing glance that made Jasper slightly uneasy, whereas the woman kept her eyes firmly planted on him. Emotions were dripping off the nomads as water drips into a trough. They were very young indeed, perhaps a few years old at most. Their eyes were bright red and livid. They were thirsty, and looking to test their new strength.
The trio came to a halt a few feet away from Alice and Jasper. The woman nodded to them. "I am Liana," she said. "My comrades and I are not from around here and were wondering where the closest town or village might be."
Jasper opened his mouth to speak but Alice interceded instead, stepping in front of him and subtly slamming her tiny foot into his. As tiny as she was, it still hurt a lot. "I'm afraid we are not from around her either. We haven't been traveling through towns, so we really couldn't tell you."
Liana's gaze never wavered from Jasper's face. There was something in her stare that he just did not like. If Alice managed to keep this from blows, he would be impressed. Otherwise he foresaw this ending badly.
"That is unfortunate," Liana said. "And we were so hoping you would be able to help us. We've been traveling for days and haven't seen anyone."
Jasper caught a snort in his throat, highly doubting this woman in front of him. She must think them entirely clueless. Perhaps she thought vampires were rare and a fairly new entity, because she obviously guessed Alice and Jasper knew nothing about the continental US. He spoke up from behind Alice, "Head south," he pointed in the direction, "in a straight line and you'll find someplace."
Liana inclined her head, "Much obliged."
Anger flew out in every direction from Liana. Jasper found himself tasting the atmosphere and hoping to calm the trio and turn them away. As much as he relished the thought of a fight right now, he also didn't want to disappoint Alice.
It took Jasper a second to lose his grip on the calm mood around them, a second to think of Alice instead of newcomers, and they were upon them.
Liana launched herself forward to catch Jasper off guard and directly in the chest. The two men lunged for Alice.
While on his back struggling with the newborn Liana, all Jasper could think about was getting to Alice. She was so tiny and so innocent to this world. She had been around for barely thirty years and she was not prepared for this kind of fight. This distracted him and soon enough, Liana not only had her arms wrapped around his sternum to crush him into oblivion, but she'd also raised her teeth to his neck, poised and aimed to strike true.
Alice had drawn the two men towards a set of trees. Her back was up against a large tree trunk, her feet clambering over the roots. Anyone looking at the scene would have sworn she was done for, but Alice had something else in mind. She focused on their futures; saw the one man leap forward and she decided she'd slip to the side. As sure as it had happened in her head, it happened seconds later in reality. This continued for a few minutes, the predicting and avoiding of their attacks. Soon the two men became frustrated with the little dance she was dragging them into and both clawed forward with more anger than tact. Alice jumped high onto a tree branch above her and then back down to the ground, this time behind the men. A swift kick to the head, slamming it off her foot and then against the tree trunk, one man stumbled back from the blow. Alice faced the second man, gave him a knowing look and jumped. She landed on his shoulders, her hands reaching for his head. In mere seconds she had jumped back to the ground taking his head with her and flipping his body up and over her tiny figure, slamming him into the soft earth, creating a nice crater for him to lie in.
In the minutes that took her to finish these men off, Jasper had been struggling and rolling around with Liana, who was stronger than he'd anticipated. He should have known. Something had been clouding his judgement, an occurrence that had never happened to him before, save for when he was filled to the brim with thirst. The moment Jasper was sure he'd lost Liana was gone. But it wasn't just that she was gone; she had been taken. Alice had grabbed Liana by the feet and swung her with more strength that Jasper had thought possible for such a small creature, landing her exactly between the V in a large oak tree.
Alice snarled in the general direction of the two men and Liana who was loosing herself from the trees. "You will take your business elsewhere!" Alice said in a menacing tone that Jasper had never expected. "You brought this on yourself and now you will leave now before we are forced to finish your young lives for good."
Liana looked positively livid with anger. Her hands were clawed and her gaze was low and terrifying. Alice simply smiled.
The two men were at Liana's side once again. Liana reluctantly turned to exit the clearing and the men followed. They risked shame rather than the end of their being. Jasper thought that was very ill-advised for they could do harm to others, but he would follow Alice's merciful lead.
Alice turned on him then, a look of amusement and slight annoyance tainting her cute pixie-like features. "Jasper Whitlock. Did I not say I could take care of myself?"
Jasper then felt one thing he was absolutely sure he had never felt before: embarrassed. There was something about Alice that distorted his senses and impaired his judgment. He knew it was totally new, and he knew he didn't like it. He was angry now, and he didn't have a logical way to explain it to her.
He decided that he would walk away from the situation. He would avoid her and go his own way. Despite their connection and despite all the things she had told him that would make his life so much better in the long run, he was prepared to surrender himself to her. He was used to taking care of him and his own, and having her do it for this one time had shattered his world.
Alice raised her eyebrows. "Jasper, you do realize that you can't walk away from me. I know where you would go, and I would be able to find you. I'd be able to see what you decide from across the country."
Jasper's mood did not get better from there. He brooded, but somehow Alice was able to stay out from under his emotional umbrella. She remained perfectly calm and neutral to his anger.
She then took his hand. "Listen to me," she said, "you can take care of me. I promise you that you can protect me, but not from others physically. I am perfectly capable of protecting myself from physical harm. I may be younger than you by half a century, but my instincts have never lead me astray. You need to trust me."
Tight-lipped, Jasper answered, "What do you mean 'not from others physically?'"
"Protect me from getting hurt emotionally. Stand up for me when my name is tarnished, when my pride, my feelings. Don't let yourself hurt me." She paused letting the idea sink in. "Don't get me wrong, I can still take care of myself in that sense, but that is your job now."
"My job," he said. He liked the sound of having an occupation again. For years he'd been wandering on his own, wishing for a different life, for a different job to pass the time instead of mindless meandering. And taking care of Alice was one of his prime concerns now that he'd met her.
Alice closed her eyes and rested her head on his chest, as if exhausted, though for vampires that is impossible. "Jasper, I need you. I have nothing else in this world except you. Don't let your mistrust take you away from me."
Jasper's head came down to rest on top of her little head, his lips brushing against her hair. She smelled so good. As much as it pained him to admit it, the fact was that he needed her too. Soon he would begin to trust her, and hopefully this new world he was walking into. He would believe in Alice is nothing else.
"You have my word," he murmured into her hair. His arms wrapped around her, enveloping her in a warm embrace. Alice nuzzled into his chest which brought a smile to his face.
"I like it when you smile," she whispered, not bothering to look up. She knew he was smiling. She had seen it; he just needed time to bring it to life.
They stood there in each other's arms for a few minutes, relishing in the feeling of affection and understanding between them. Then Alice spoke up, pulling out of Jasper's arms only slightly. "We should keep moving. We can be in Washington by the late afternoon." She smiled.
Jasper's curiosity piqued, "Who is this family you saw? What are they like that?"
They walked back to where they'd left their packs as Alice explained. "The Cullen's. They are people like us who have chosen not to harm humans in the quest for food. They survive off of animals as we did today. I've seen us with them, and that is all I know, aside from the individuals in this clan. We'll all become great friends."
They began walking on through the trees towards their destination. "Are you always so optimistic?" Jasper joked as he took her hand.
Alice laughed, "I suppose I am. I see good things and bad things, but I always try to avoid the bad things. And I definitely don't believe in the impossible."
Jasper thought about that for a moment. "I used to think it was an impossible feat to move from this lifestyle that had been so ingrained into my system. I thought it was impossible to get over my hunger, my thirst for the blood of humans, and then ultimately my depression after ever feeding. But, I suppose you're living testament to the fact that I don't believe in impossible anymore."
"Good," Alice nodded. "Now that that's over, we'll work on another impossible that I suspect you have an issue with."
"And what is that?" Jasper asked, finding himself thinking that anything she said was going to be a piece of cake now.
"Love," she said simply.
Love? Love was not in his vocabulary. He wanted it, make no mistake, he even thought he had it once. But there was no love in that relationship. And now after all he had done, all the lives he had ended, he didn't think he deserved love, nor did he know if he was capable of giving it.
Alice smiled still and said, "Don't worry, Jasper, it won't be impossible for long." She linked fingers with him and quickened their pace towards a new life for both of them.