No-Body Joins the Dark brotherhood

By: Hunter-Axe

Summary: No-Body joins the dark brotherhood; seriously, a newly moved in argonian named no-body is a little more then down on his luck. He had just recently moved into Skingrad, only to already be on the run for accidentally killing a rather 'eccentric' citizen. No-Body is then visited by the dark brotherhood speaker Lucien Lachance. Only thing is that No-Body is a complete fail, literally.

Chapter One: A knife in the dark

The day was much rather good for our incompetent hero, No-body. True he was a new comer in Skingrad, and true he really didn't have a place to call home, but today he felt like it was gonna be his special day. Today, he was going to castle Skingrad to find some work from the Count. When the Count recognizes his true skills and will make him one of his special knights. Well, maybe his skills weren't that great, and he would rather pickpocket for gold then make it the hard way, and he had this thing about be incognito. But this is what he had to go by. It was the only plan he and is longtime friend Zharah had to go by. Zharah's plans almost never fail. Even for her being a khajiit, she was plenty smart, also she was very good at magic.

'I guess that is why she ran off to Imperial city to become a mage or something.' So that is why he stuck to her plan, although, he was one who never had luck on his side. Every time he would try something it would fail and turn completely against him. He was sick and tired of that. He was gonna be a changed Argonian whether it killed him or not. And now today was his moment to shine. He was nearing the castle, and he was preparing his plan. Either he would be asking like a noble warrior or he would cry or beg for a job. 'Maybe I'll throw myself on the floor too while I'm at it.' He was still in thought when he over what he thought was a whisper.

"Pssst, you there. The Argonian." No-Body was a little scared. He was told how strange Skingrad was, and how 'eccentric' the people were. He also heard how many outsiders that would come to Skingrad never return alive. He then started to quicken his pace. He made his way out the door that would lead him to the castle. The person was still following repeating the same thing over and over again. The stranger then caught up to No-Body grabbing him by the arm. This set the argonian right off. No-Body reached for his dagger. And he let the man have it.

"Hey, I need your- ugh!" the man was slashed in the throat and he fell down three seconds later, the blood still pouring out of the throat like an overflowing water fountain.

'Oh crap' he thought to himself. 'Oh crap, I killed him! I killed a man! If the guards find out I did it I might either be Jailed or put to death, or worse! They might send me back home!' The reason he left his swampy home was because of the rumors of argonian suddenly disappearing from their house and sold off the market was servants or playthings, or whatever the customer desired. And he was so not in the mood to become some snobby rich guy's/Girl's distraction from the terrible life they had. And especially when they were angry and were planning on using him as a punching bag. He did not want to end up like his many cousins' who were already like that. Some of them loved their servant/toy life and had begged him many times to join them. As much as he loved them he wanted to be someone, not be someone's new toy to break in two. He wasn't on to submit to others anyway. He was much like a loner like that man he met, Xavier was it. Xavier was a very young and handsome dark elf who was planning on joining the thieves Guild. No-Body encouraged him to do so. He was a natural, beating his own pickpocket time by a minute or so. That didn't leave anything for No-Body. Well accept for the fact that he had killed a Skingrad citizen, by accident of course. First off he had to hide the body. No-Body hoisted the body onto his shoulder and ran over to a thick bush and dumped the body there. He then thought about it and decided to pickpocket the dead man. 'Well it's not like he'll need anything.' And took whatever gold and keys the man had. While doing this he felt a pair of eyes watching hi. He could not explain it but it was as if someone was examining him or something. HE later brushed the idea off and snuck away before any guards would show up. He also decided that he could not stay in Skingrad, for fearing that being around here and the mysterious body would ultimately putting the blame on him since he is an argonian. And people did not treat the argonians well. So after that he high tailed it out of the city and into a middle of nowhere inn. It was secluded so he wouldn't that much of a sore thumb. Especially after coming right through the front door he had already see Two Argonians. One was a female the other was a male. Bother staring at him with sharp eyes. He felt like they could see right through him. He calmed down and attempted to rent a room.

"I'm sorry we have no rooms available." No-Body could not believe it for such a secluded place it was sure booming with business.

"Are you sure ma'am? I came all the way from Skingrad and I am very tired. I would like to spend the night in a nice warm room and not on the floor out and the open and just being asked to be prayed upon." He even put on his best kicked puppy face on. The woman's face changed she felt much concern for him.

"Okay, okay. There is a room but it's very small and it has no window. It's the only one available." The Argonian's eyes lit up like stars in the night sky.

"Oh thank you ma'am you do not know how much I appreciate this." She seemed happier. After handing the lady ten gold he made his way upstairs. She looked up at him until he was at the other side of the door. She then walked over to the two Argonian where all three was greeted by an invisible chair moving out and moving out.

"I hope you're happy. He's more of a good actor then I thought. I nearly cried."

"Yes, miss. You did beautifully." The chair called out.

"Speaker, are you sure he is..."

"Yes Ocheeva I and the Night Mother had witnessed it. He truly is…a cold-blooded killer." Meanwhile, No-Body was already settling in the much cramped room. The lady was right it was much smaller then the other rooms. And on top of that, there was no window. So he left the door a little open. He looked over and saw a chest. He couldn't resist, he picked it open and saw that it was empty. He frowned had she even rent this room to other people. Or were those people just too selfish to leave important valuables behind? It didn't matter. No-Body decided to leave the knife which he used to kill that man. Hopefully they can find the knife on some other poor sap. He laid down on the bed and sighed really deeply. His eyes were getting heavy and he finally went to sleep. Later that night the door opened more slightly then it was. You could blame the wind. But how is that possible with the room having no window. The door then shut itself quietly. No-body shivered he felt a cold presence near him. He awoke and shivered once more. Again he could blame the wind but there was none due to the fact that there was NO window. He looked about the room; nothing seemed out of the ordinary just the floor the walls, the chest and the squiggly lines that form a ghost. Wait a ghost!

"Oh Mr. Ghost man! I do not know what happened to you in your past life, but please do not take it out on me!" Lachance looked at the argonian funny.

'A ghost? Maybe it was the Chameleon spell?' Lachance let out a deep chuckle" Are all of you Argonian's this funny? Wait no; Ocheeva is not funny at all. Maybe it's just you." No-Body eyes widened when he saw the veil being lifted off the dark clad man.

'Oh, it's just a Chameleon spell, how disappointing.' No-Body thought. He frowned. The other picked up on this.

"Is something the matter?"

"Yes, I wanted you to actually be a ghost."

"You are really funny, but that's not why I came here." Lachance cleared his throat.

"Huh, well then sir, why are you here? To kill me or something?"

"No, not to kill you. I saw what you did to that man in Skingrad, Argonian." No-Body's eye widened I terror. Could he be..?

"Are you like a guard from there!" He panicked and threw himself on the floor and made his best crying face. "I didn't know what happened he kept following me and lastly he grabbed my arm and I just got scared is all!" Lachance raised an eyebrow. He thinks I'm a guard. Just wonderful.

"No Argonian-"

"I'm No-Body"

"Excuse me?"

"My name, it's No-Body."

"Really? Well No-Body. I am Lucian Lachance, one of the many speakers in the dark brotherhood guild." No-Body gasped. Finally, there was a Guild that was accepted him and his talent, whatever it was, No-Body, the argonian that can't swim. It was quite taboo. So that left one question, what Guild was he in?

"Uh, so Mr. Lachance, you saw what I did to that guy and you are praising me for it? Why?

"Well dear child, you have the makings of an assassin."

"Dear child? You might be like 5 to 10 years older then me Lachance. And assassin you say? I don't think would be such a good one."

"And why would you say that?"

"I have really bad luck. That and I'm not so good on my tippy toes."

"We assassins do not walk on our tippy toes." He said more sternly.

"Yeah you do. How else would I not hear your footsteps?"

"It is an art! It is what we do and who we are. We are assassins, at the disposal of our Night mother and Sithis. It is we who sneak in the night, when you least expect it. It is we who stalk down our targets as if they were mere animals. It is we who are trained in these arts to appease Sithis. And it is we who come here in the time of your need and welcome you as a family member." He finished.

"Family members, eh?" No-Body thought about it. His family is mostly scattered. Half either dead, missing, or serving some rich family. If anything he needed right now was family. No-Body sighed heavily. He had nothing so give up this golden opportunity? Especially since it might give him lots of gold. His resolve finally snapped. "Well Mr. Lachance, I give up. I'll gladly accept your offer. But I do warn you. You may want to stock up on medicine."

"Excellent. But why would I need to?"

"Well you'll find out soon enough I suppose." Lachance nodded but he did not know why. He was happy about the argonian joining his guild. But somewhere in the back of his mind, he kinda regretted his decision. But that would be later when he would find out.

"Well now that we have things settled, I may ask you to complete a quest before actually joining this guild."

"You've got to be kidding me."

"Not even slightly. Tonight I want you to travel to the ill omen inn and find an old man named Rufio."

"Why?"

"He is a marked man and I want you to kill him."

"Aww, can't I just like ask him to give me gold or something?"

"Well actually, no, you can't. Take this blade. The blade of woe and kill him."

"Hn, fine I shall do as you ask if it gets me into your guild."

"Excellent, I will be looking foreword to meeting you again." With that the dark clad man once again chameleon spelled himself and out the door. No-Body sighed heavily.

"This is gonna be one of those days, isn't it?" No one answered. He didn't expect anyone to. Three days of running from vicious wolves, Imps, and on rare occasion headless zombies, No-Body came across the Ill Omen Inn, where Rufio lived. He took in a deep breath. This was his first kill. Not counting that accidental kill, but this. This was his first serious kill. And it was gonna be some old man he never met in his entire life. He was scared, of getting killed? NO. It was getting caught. He….wasn't that good at sneaking, it was one of his many flaws. And he had many flaws, one of them being his inability to swim. It had always been this since he was a child. After falling in at a very young age, he would keep his distance from the water. He was losing his focus. He had to kill this Rufio man. It was his only chance to gain entrance into the Dark Brotherhood. Now, onto to the slaying of Rufio. He walked into the Inn. Not many people were here. Actually there wasn't anybody here at all. All but the clerk was there, in the room.

'Okay No-Body, you can do this. Just ask the guy about Rufio and this will all be done with.' His hands were quaking, but he managed to make his way to the counter. There the clerk had stared kindly to him. Not knowing what he was actually up to.

"Hello Argonian, may I help you with something?" No-Body took a deep breath.

"Well yes, I do need help. I need to find a man by the name of Rufio. Have you seen him by any chance?" The clerk did not need a moment to think.

"Why yes, I have. He is staying in one of the living quarters underneath this building. You can find him by following that door behind the staircase. But I think he's been running from something, but it does not concern me since he pays his tab. Also don't expect any sort of a warm welcome."

"Thank you sir. I shall be very careful." No-Body bowed in respect and made his way to the secret door. There he used is poor excuse of his sneak ability and had somehow managed to sneaking inside without being detected. There he saw Rufio for the first time. 'Goodness, he really old… ew he picked his nose.' He watching horror as the man did indeed pick his nose. No-Body made a sort a silent gag face. HE waited three hours until Rufio was asleep. 'Okay, let's get this over with.' He crept along the floor until he made his way to the bed. He loomed over the sleeping figure making a scary shadow. He gulped quietly. He then pulled out the knife. All was silent now; this was the moment he had been waiting for. His heart was beating right into his throat. He almost forgot how to breathe. He then pulled the knife into position. He felt a tickle on his face. He did know from where it came. He was slowly moving the knife towards Rufio. The tickle on his face was still there. It actually made its way into his nose. The tickle builds up until…

"Ahhhchooooo!" No-Body sneezed onto Rufio and said man woke up.

"Who are you what are you doing with that there knife! You're trying to kill me aren't you?" Rufio ran out of the bed, but his poor footing made him fall on the floor.

"Annoying old man! Stay still!" No-Body jumped over the bed and onto Rufio. The old man made some sort of gagging noise. Rufio managed to hit No-Body. "Hey! Quit hitting me so lightly! That's Annoying!"

"Quiet you almost murderer!" No-Body stopped for a moment. He looked incredulous at Rufio.

"Almost murderer? Are you kidding me!"

"I can't help it I am getting killed here, I sort of panicked!" No-Body gave him that 'I-can't-believe-you-just-said-that face and took the knife and plunged it into Rufio's heart. He died instantly. No-Body let out a long held in breath. He was really tired.

'All of that trouble to kill one stupid old man.' His eyes were tired. And so was he. He made his way to Rufio's bed and covered himself up. Four hours later the room got cold again. Well for No-Body it did. 'Brrr, why is it so cold?' He then remembered. 'Right, that must be Lachance.'

"Get up Argonian."

"I have a name you know."

"Sigh, No-Body get up before I make you get up."

"Hey is that how are you gonna treat one of your family members?" Lachance pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Yes, I congratulate you on killing Rufio." He paused. "But we already knew of the murder."

"Yeah, Rufio's body is right there you know." Lachance looked behind him to see the body right there. He knew it was there, but he could not believe he is sleeping in a room with a dead man still inside.

"Yeah, well welcome to the family dear brother. Now make your way to the sanctuary in Cheydianhal at the abandoned house. There you must speak to Ocheeva. She will guide you about the sanctuary."

"You got it boss!" Lachance sighed again. Now he knew what he was getting into but he had no other choice. The Argonian did pass the test. That's all that it took.

"We will meet once again, No-Body." The argonian nodded and before he could speak, Lachance used the invisibility spell and walked out of the room.

"Well Cheydianhal here I come!" and with that, he snuck out of the Inn and made his way to the city of Cheydianhal.

~End~

A/N: Oh yeah forgot to mention, the game doesn't belong to me but No-Body was. Well the concept of his character is mine. And uh I thought I'd give my hand at oblivion game. It's my favorite game and I love it so much. I hope you liked it.