Mother And Child
A/N: Um so I saw Mother and Child with Naomi Watts, Annette Bening and Kerry Washington (and Britt Robertson!) a few nights ago and oh my god! I'm literally speechless! Such an amazing movie with outstanding performances! I suggest everyone sees it!
Anyway, this came from it. I don't really know what to say about it, except for I'm so glad this wasn't what happened in the show.
Lux had always imagined her mom. When she was little, she convinced herself that she was secretly a princess of a far away country in war, and even though her mom and dad loved her very much, they had to send her away to keep her safe, but one day when it was safe, they would come back and they would live happily ever after.
As she got older, Lux knew that wasn't true. So she and the other kids made up more plausible stories why their mom's gave them away. And slowly but surely, each kid grew out of it. They knew the truth deep down; that their mom's just hadn't wanted them, and they accepted that nothing would change that. Lux, however, never stopped hoping her mom would come back for her.
A few weeks before her sixteenth birthday, Lux told Fern she wanted to get emancipated. Fern honestly didn't think her case would be successful; she didn't have any income or a place to live; but Lux was so determined that Fern eventually gave in and agreed to help her.
When Fern realized Lux's biological parents were still legally her parents, she could see Lux's face literally lighten when she told her she needed a permanent release of rights in order to get emancipated.
Lux managed to persuade Fern that when the papers were signed, Lux wanted to meet them. Fern thought she must be going crazy when she agreed. But Lux had been through so much in her life and Fern would do anything she could to help her.
It wasn't until Fern discovered who Lux's biological mother was that she truly felt pity for the teenager. How was she meant to tell this young girl who had been so hurt and had a lifelong longing for parents, that her mom was dead?
Lux sat nervously on the couch in Fern's office, as usual pretending she wasn't interested but Fern could tell she was trying to hide her excitement.
"Hi, Lux. How are you?" Fern's voice was different today, and Lux could see the pity on her face.
Lux shrugged in response but Fern couldn't say she was surprised. Lux had always been reserved, but over the years she had pushed everyone further away. Fern knew it was because Lux was scared of getting hurt again.
Fern sighed, looking down at the paperwork in front of her as she tried to figure out what to tell Lux. She knew it was a bad idea to agree to finding out who Lux's mother was for her, and with the information she had collected, her fears had only been confirmed.
"Lux, are you sure this is what you want to do?"
Lux nodded, looking up and making eye-contact; her eyes with an unusual amount of hope.
"Okay." Fern sighed, forcing a small sympathetic smile. "I did manage to find out who your biological mother is. Her name was Catherine Cassidy although she went by Cate, and she was sixteen when she had you. There's no record of your father."
Lux smiled to herself, rolling the name over her tongue. "Cate." She whispered, before looking up, disappointment and fear flashing over her features. "You, uh, you said was?" She mumbled.
Fern nodded apologetically. "Cate was in a car accident last year. She didn't make it. I'm very sorry, Lux, but she died."
"Oh." Lux didn't know how to respond. She paled, and Fern could see her closing herself off again as she fought back the urge to cry. "Thanks."
Lux grabbed her bag quickly and stood up, swinging it over her shoulder before walking out of the office. Fern sighed, and quickly followed Lux to her car, instantly regretting her decision.
The drive back to Sunnyvale was completely silent and Fern watched as Lux sat staring out of the window, deep in thought.
Lux didn't say anything to anyone about her mom. Nobody needed to know. Tasha was the only one who knew Lux was even looking for her, so she had simply lied and told her Fern wouldn't let her.
Cate, however, didn't leave Lux's mind. Somehow she found herself at the library the following day, searching through old newspapers and online for any information she could find about the accident.
A 31-year-old local radio host was killed last night in a car crash in Downtown Portland, according to KTVZ-TV. Catherine "Cate" Cassidy, of K100 fame, was pronounced dead at the scene after her car was hit head on by a semi-trailer. KTVZ reported that speed and the rainy weather appeared to be factors in the wreck. The driver of the semi-trailer walked away from the scene unharmed.
"The semi-trailer was attempting to change lanes, lost control and drifted into the oncoming traffic before colliding with the Silver Toyota Prius," Said Sgt. Daniel Redmond of Portland Police, speaking with KTVZ.
CASSIDY.- Catherine Elizabeth (Cate) 12.07.1978 - 07.18.2009
Passed away suddenly on July 18, 2009.
Beloved daughter of Laverne. Much loved sister of Abby. Loving girlfriend of Ryan.
Your memory we will always treasure, In our hearts you will stay forever
CASSIDY.- The Funeral of Ms. Catherine (Cate) Cassidy will be held at Caldwell's, Hennessey, Goetsch & McGee Funeral Home, Portland on WEDNESDAY (July 21) after a service commencing at 1:30p.m. A Private Burial will follow.
Lux didn't know when she started crying, but she closed the paper quickly and swiped at the loose tears running down her cheek. Lux grabbed her bag and basically sprinted out of the library, earning dozens of annoyed or concerned glances.
She didn't know why she was upset. She had never even met the woman. Shouldn't she be angry that she was the one who gave her up in the first place?
Lux didn't know how or why but somehow she found herself walking through the cemetery where Cate was buried. It was close to Sunnyvale, but Lux still had no idea how she'd ended up there.
She walked slowly weaving throughout the graves, subconsciously looking for Cate's. The cemetery was nice, or at least as nice as one could be. It was grassy with trees and there was a calmness surrounding the area.
Lux didn't know how she found it. There had to be hundreds of graves there and yet somehow she currently stood in front of Cate's grave. In front of her mom's grave.
She didn't know what to do or say, so she slowly squatted down in front of the headstone, gently tracing her fingers over the engraving.
Catherine Elizabeth Cassidy
December 7. 1978 - July 18. 2009
Daughter. Sister. Girlfriend.
"Standing strong forever, nothing's gonna stop you now."
Lux couldn't help but smile slightly at the last line on the headstone. She recognized the lyrics. She had always loved Starship; it felt weird to think that her mom did too.
Lux sat cross-legged on the grass in front of the grave, simply starring at the marble stone as thoughts raced through her head.
"Hi." Lux didn't know what she was doing. It was a headstone, nothing more. So why was she talking to it like it was a person? Why was she talking like she knew her? "I don't really know what I'm doing here. I don't even know you. I guess I just thought if I came here, if I saw you, something would be different. It's not. I still feel like- I don't know. Like there's this huge ache in my heart where you're supposed to be."
Lux laughed bitterly to herself, remembering. "You know, when I was seven, I told my foster mom that you were going to come back and save me. That you would just show up one day while I was playing and I would know who you were immediately. You would catch me as I ran into your arms and hold me and tell me everything would be okay and that you loved me. Then you would take me home and everything would be okay because I had a mom now."
Lux pulled her knees to her chest and rested her head on them, not looking away. "She told me I was a stupid, delusional little brat for even thinking that someone wanted me."
Lux titled her head, ignoring the tears running down her cheeks. "I missed you every single day of my life and I never even knew you." Her voice cracked as she whispered. "I'm not going to lie. I hate you. I hate you for having me and just giving me away; I hate that I wasn't good enough for you; I hate that my entire life I just wanted to meet my mom, and now you're dead."
Lux wanted to scream she hurt so much, but at the same time, all she wanted was for her mom to wrap her arms around her and tell her it was going to be okay. But that wasn't going to happen. That would never happen now. "I have so many questions I want to ask you; so many things I wanted to tell you. I don't know how I'm meant to feel..."
"It hurts so much. At least when I didn't know about you, I could pretend." She laughed slightly. "I used to think you were the perfect mom. I pictured you with long blonde hair like me, and you and my dad were completely in love. You were a stay-at-home mom and a really great cook, and every day you would pick me up and drop me off at school. One time when I was nine, I dropped a glass while doing the dishes. My foster mom screamed at me and forced me to kneel in the broken glass. I pictured you coming and picking me up off the floor. You fixed my knees, and took me out for ice cream to reward me for doing my chores. I didn't even remember passing out from blood loss."
"I'm sorry I didn't find you sooner. I wish I did. I don't know what I would have said to you, or how you would have reacted, but I guess I'll never know now." Lux drew in a breath, swiping away her stopping tears. "I don't blame you. I don't even know you. In a way, I thought coming here would help me feel closer to you, but I don't know. I guess in a way it gave me some closure. I know who you are; I know your name, but I really wish I met you."
Lux slowly stood up and brushed the dirt off of her jeans before looking at the headstone once more and shrugging to herself. "I might come back one day. You know, to talk or something." She paused, deciding what to say. "I'm sorry I never met you,... mom."
For some reason, the name felt right for that moment. In her heart, Lux knew she would never come back. She didn't need to. She had found her mom, and that was all she ever wanted to do. The fact that she was dead didn't change that.
Lux ran her hand over the top of the headstone once more before turning and slowly walking out of the cemetery, silently saying goodbye to the person she had longed for her entire life.