This is by far the longest story i ever wrote. Again i couldn't sleep and this just kept calling my name like, "Farra write me, Farra, write me," so i wrote it. I'm sorry if you guys don't like it.
THIS IS QUITE AN ANGST I'LL TELL YOU!
I'm on a school holidays for like a week, but i still need to study like a lot, i have my major exam in like a month, FUCK MY LIFE.
Lol Lady Gaga was so cool at the VMA t'day. And Demi Lovato, babe... boobs... that's it, lol no, she's looked very pretty, but then again she always am. And i love the fact that she stood up for herself.
Oh and Happy 25th Birthday Lea Michele, i wonder what Dianna would do... *thinking face*
Wrong spellings and grammar errors are all mine.
Again thanks for wishing me luck guys.
Disclaimers; I own nothing but well... you know what... i'm hungry.
These songs might help you to get into the story;
Kiss the Rain by Yiruma (i prefer the version with the Rainy Mood, it's wonderful)
Rivers Flows In You by Yiruma
Sad Love Story by Yiruma.
Love Hurts by Yiruma.
Sad Memory also by Yiruma.
This dude is a fucking genius composer and he's cute too.
Quinn and Rachel had been together for 5 years now. Half of the people who know them were surprised, they always thought that Quinn and Rachel wouldn't last. They always thought it's either Quinn or Rachel that will break each other's heart because they're Quinn and Rachel.
They thought Quinn would break up with Rachel because it was just a phase. They thought Rachel would break up with Quinn because Rachel Berry's dreams are bigger than anything in the world.
Half of the people know that they'd would stay together. Simple because they're Quinn and Rachel.
Quinn came back home with a big smile on her face. She couldn't wait to see the other girl's reaction. But she's nervous too. She is after all, Rachel Barbra Berry.
She put the shiny ring inside her pocket after she kissed it. She mumbled her pray to God.
She slowly opened the door, hiding the smile, trying to act casual.
"I'm home," she hung her jacket and pulled out the gloves.
"Rach?" she called her girlfriend.
"Rachel, baby?" she called again, walking inside the room.
She saw the brunette sitting on the edge of the bed. She smiled and walked towards the girl and kissed the girl's head. Rachel flinched, Quinn frowned. She knelt down and saw that the girl in front of her was crying.
"Are you feeling okay, baby?" She asked as she caressed Rachel's cheek.
"Are you sick?" Rachel didn't answer her she actually cried harder.
"Hey... shhh... what's wrong, baby?" she whispered to calm her down.
Rachel stared at her and caressed Quinn's cheek.
"Rach?"
Rachel closed her eyes and re open them after few seconds.
"I love you, Quinn. I love you so much," Quinn smiled.
"I love you too, Rach. I love you so much," Rachel wiped the remained tears on her face.
"Please don't hate me," she whispered, Quinn almost didn't heard her. Part of Rachel hoped Quinn didn't.
"If by hate you mean I love you damn much then yes, I hate you. So so much," Rachel smiled a little.
Quinn brushed some of the hairs that fell down at Rachel's face and kissed her nose.
"Q-quinn,"
"Yes?"
"I'm... I'm...,"
"Shh... It's okay, take your time baby. I'm not going anywhere," Rachel shook her head.
"I'm-I'm pregnant,"
Quinn stared at her.
"W-what? That's not funny, Rach,"
Quinn looked at Rachel as she wiped her tears and the mucus running down her nose.
"Rach, seriously it's not funny," Rachel shook her head.
Quinn stood up.
"Just stop it okay? It's not funny!" She half yelled.
Rachel stood up behind her; she took Quinn's wrist, causing Quinn to turn around.
"I'm not joking, Quinn. I'm pregnant. I'm two months,"
"What?"
"I'm so sorry, Quinn. I am so sorry. It meant nothing; I swear to God it meant nothing. I was drunk and it's-"
Quinn sat down on the bed, her hands on her head.
"Who?"
Rachel flinched at the question.
"Quinn,"
"Who, Rachel?"
"Quinn," she called the blonde with lower voice.
"Who Rachel? Who did you slept with?
Who did you cheated on me on? Who's the father?" She asked, clenching her jaw.
"Finn," She replied. Quinn looked up at this. Her face reddens. Rachel didn't know whether it's because she's sad or angry, it's just that she never seen it before.
"Oh dear God," Quinn mumbled.
"Oh my God," Quinn pulled her hairs.
They stayed at their position for a minute before Quinn stood up.
"I'm going out," she said before the other girl could even say a word.
She lit the cigarette.
She exhaled and let out the black smokes.
She rubbed her temple.
Why Rach? Why? Am I not enough? God why does it have to be you that breaks my heart, Rachel? Why now? Why now that I've already love her?
She threw the cigarette away and walked back to the apartment. She slowly walked in and went to the bedroom. Rachel was lying down, facing Quinn's side of the bed. She slowly prays that Quinn would lie down next to her.
Quinn took a pillow and walked out of the room.
She put the pillow on the sofa and poured herself some vodka.
She sat on the sofa, slowly sipping on the vodka, jaw clenching at the taste. After few sips, she lay down on the sofa, facing the ceiling with an arm behind her head.
Slowly years ran down her cheeks. It was silent tears, but what caused it hurts a lot.
She heard Rachel cried from the other room, unlike Quinn, Rachel cried loud. Like a child that was afraid of their parents after they did something wrong. She heard the sobbing, the sniffling. It broke Quinn's heart even more. Quinn turned around facing the coffee table, slowly closing her eyes.
Quinn woke up after she heard noises. She woke up yawning and rubbing her eyes. Her back hurts, like hell. She scratched her head and then she remembered.
It's just she never thought this will happened.
She sighed as she saw Rachel serving her breakfast. Rachel looked at her, God she looked terrible, Quinn thought.
Quinn went to take a shower and cried. She turned on the water to maximum so that it would hide the noise.
Even with that Rachel heard her. She slid down on the counter, crying as loud as Quinn.
Quinn walked back home. She breathes heavily. It was cold, the weather. Maybe Quinn's self too. She just doesn't even know.
She walked in her apartment with a sight of a tall man talking to Rachel.
She clenched her jaw and walked forward.
When she reached her destination she stopped and punched the boy on the face as hard as she can. When the boy was on the floor, Quinn leaned down and continued, she punched the boy so hard that bloods were starting to fall down from the boy's face.
"Quinn, stop," Rachel begged, holding her shoulder. Quinn hissed and punched him again.
"You satisfied now, Hudson? Now that you get the girl?" she asked, harshly.
"Now that you won?" she asked again.
"Quinn, please stop," Rachel begged, trying to separate them.
"Why, Finn? Why!" She asked, yelling.
"Quinn, please," Rachel grabbed Quinn's wrist and Quinn stood up and slapped the girl's face.
Time seems to slow down. Quinn's eyes widen.
Finn stood up next to Rachel, after few words Rachel gave to him, he walked out of the apartment.
Rachel turned her attention to Quinn.
"Qui-"
"I'm sorry,"
"It's fine, Quinn."
Quinn walked to the kitchen, pouring herself a cold water and a packet of frozen peas to put it on her red knuckled.
"Quinn?" Rachel called her.
"Please say something. Just say anything, yell at me, hit me, just do anything,"
Quinn shut her eyes close.
"Would that change a thing? Would me yelling change the fact that you cheated on me? The fact that you fucked someone else? Would it? Then fine!" she yelled.
She threw the glass then kicked the stool. She threw a vase. She punched the wall to the point where it caused a hole.
She yelled and cried and punched the counter.
Rachel just stood there, watching Quinn. She cried harder.
"Why did you do it?"
"Am I not enough for you?"
"Why, Rachel? Why!" she yelled.
Rachel looked down at the floor.
"Why?" Quinn asked, this time she whispered it.
"I was mad,"
Quinn's brows connected.
"Someone told me they saw you kissing a girl. I was so mad, they said you weren't even drunk, you were sober. That made me angrier. So I went to one of my cast's party and I was drunk. I was so drunk. And the Finn came,"
Quinn took a deep breath.
"He comforted me by saying how he wouldn't hurt me like you did. He told me I was beautiful and that he loves me. I saw the honestly in his eyes. I was drunk so I did what you did, I kissed someone else. I kissed Finn,"
This time Rachel took a deep breath.
"It was... It was a mistake, Quinn. A huge one. And I regret every seconds of it,"
Quinn watched as Rachel wiped her tears.
"Marissa. Her boyfriend broke up with her so I comforted her. She kissed me. I pulled away because I immediately thought about you,"
Rachel cried harder.
"Do you feel good, Rach? You feel good now that we're even? Wait, we're not even. I didn't cheated on you!"
Rachel bit her lip, still crying.
Quinn looked down on the floor both of them slowly slid down the counter, next to each other.
With legs straighten forward, they cried.
"What are we going to do?" Rachel whispered, shaking.
"I don't know," was Quinn answered. Both of them looked at the living room.
"I don't know," she repeated, slowly.
Why Rachel? Why her? It could have been Finn, Puck or even Sam. But why Rachel? God, why her? I can't stand this. If Rachel and I weren't meant to be together why don't you just end us then? Why now? Why now that I already fell in love with her? Why?
Quinn woke up the day after their conversation. She noticed that her body was covered with a blanket. She didn't put it on last night. She sighed as she walked to brush her teeth.
She noticed there were noises from the bedroom. She slowly walked to the room.
She saw Rachel sitting Indian style with a big box in front of her while she was looking at a picture of herself and Quinn. Quinn walked towards her. Rachel was caressing the picture; Quinn noticed a tear dropped to the picture. It was a picture of them, Quinn hugging Rachel from the back with Quinn's lip on her temple. It was the picture beside their… bed.
"Take it," Quinn spoke up causing Rachel to jump.
Rachel looked up at her and stood up. Rachel stared at Quinn's eyes.
God, those brown eyes kill her. Brown was nothing but a normal color, nothing special about brown eyes. But for Quinn, those big brown eyes are the most beautiful eyes she ever laid eyes on.
"Can I have this too?" Rachel asked as she picked up a plaid shirt, Quinn's plaid shirt. Quinn heart sank when she watched the girl caressed her shirt. She nodded.
"And this?" She picked up Quinn's lips gloss. Quinn furrowed her brow but nodded anyways.
"T-thank you," they both smiled, a little. It hurts to smile.
"Finn will be here to pick me up at 10. I already pack all of my clothes and stuffs,"
Quinn stared at her; both of the girls' eyes were pooled with water that can't seem to fall. Quinn nodded.
"Can I have one of your shirts?" Quinn asked slowly.
"Yes," She handed Quinn a shirt of her. Both of their fingers touched. They both stopped to stare at their fingers. Quinn's tears fell down her left cheek.
A tone brought them back to life. Rachel's phone.
"He's almost here,"
Rachel started to cry, heavily.
Quinn walked to her closet and pulled out a jean. She shoved her hand inside the jean's pocket and pulled out the ring. She walked to Rachel and showed Rachel the beautiful silver diamond ring. Rachel's eyes glittered.
"I bought it last week. I was going to ask you to marry me the day you told me you're… pregnant,"
Rachel burst out crying.
Quinn was going to ask her to marry her. If it didn't happen, they would be engage by now. This day couldn't get any worse. She hated the looked on Quinn's face. Quinn's face was filled nothing but pain and love. Why can't Quinn hate her? That would make it so easy.
"Take it; I bought it for you,"
"But Quinn,"
"No, it's was meant for you. I engraved our names on it. You could just throw it or something if you don't want to keep it. But it's for you," Quinn said.
Rachel kissed the ring.
Quinn wrapped her arms around Rachel's waist and Rachel wrapped her arms around Quinn's neck. Both of their head were buried on each other's neck. Tears fell down on their shoulders. Quinn kissed Rachel underneath her ear. She kissed her with tears.
"I'm so sorry," Rachel apologized.
"I know me too," She replied.
"I love you, Quinn. Nothing will ever change that," She whispered in Quinn's ear. Quinn closed her eyes, nodding.
She put a hand on Rachel's stomach,
"Take a good care of it,"
Both of them pecked each other's lip before Rachel walked to the main door. Finn was already there, waiting.
"I'm sorry about your face," Quinn spoke up. Finn only nodded. Quinn walked toward the tall boy and tippy toe,
"I don't just give her up to someone who can't love her; actually no one can't love her. Not like I do, but please take a good care of her. Never hurt her," She whispered to him.
He gave Quinn a small smile before he took Rachel's stuff and walked away.
Once the door was closed, Quinn looked around her apartment and realized one thing.
She's alone.
And again, she cried.
It was Saturday, Quinn was at Santana's party, it's more like Glee reunion, and everyone was there. Brittany was so happy to see her old friends.
"Hey Britt, San," Quinn greeted the lovers.
"Hey Q!" Brittany yelled and hugged the shorter blonde.
"How are you doing?" Santana asked trying to sound casual but she knew she failed.
"I'm getting better," both of the smiled.
"Drink?" Santana asked and Quinn nodded.
Quinn was walking to the kitchen to help Santana when she bumped into someone.
"Sorry,"
Quinn looked up.
Oh dear Lord.
"Quinn,"
Quinn smiled. "Hello Rachel,"
"How are—you?"
Both of the looked at each other.
Quinn half smiled.
"I see your stomach getting bigger," Quinn said, breaking the silence.
"Oh yes, it's been months, my due date is next month,"
Quinn bit her lip. Her feeling for the brunette hasn't change at all. If so maybe it's getting stronger, because she missed Rachel a lot. She thinks about Rachel every day since the day Rachel walked out of the apartment. She sometimes wonders why she can't hate the girl for hurting her. She really wanted to hate Rachel but she knows she can't. She just loves the girl so much. And at the moment Rachel was standing in front of her with minimal make up on her face and a big belly. She's glowing.
"So-"
"So-"
Both of them awkwardly stopped moving.
"I miss you," Rachel admitted.
Me too, Rachel. I miss you so much it hurts.
Quinn just chose to smile.
Quinn saw the ring on Rachel's finger. It broke her heart even more. She tried to hide it by faking cough and looked around the kitchen. Rachel isn't stupid, she knew Quinn noticed it.
"It's a promise ring," she suddenly said.
"Doesn't hurt any less," After she saw the changed of Rachel's face, Quinn knew she said that out loud.
"I'm—"
"It's okay. I get it," She rubbed her belly.
"It's a girl," Quinn looked up at this.
Quinn Fabray and Rachel Berry had talked about this. They talked about their future all the time. They talked how they would love to have a daughter for their first child and how Quinn will be the over protective mother and Rachel will be the supportive mother. But if it's a boy it'll be fine too, they said he could take care of them. They talked about future all the time, knowing that they have no future together broke both of the ex lovers' heart.
"Con-congratulation," Quinn stuttered.
Rachel bit her lip to avoid herself from crying.
"Umm… Santana need me," Quinn rubbed her head.
Rachel nodded as she walked away but not before she turned around and just looked at Quinn, at her hazel eyes.
Santana came up from behind and put her hand on Quinn's shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze.
"It hurts; it still hurt like hell San,"
"I know, sweetie,"
Quinn Fabray was tired, very tired. She can't even open her eyes. When she finally went back home, she immediately lay down on the bed. She slept for few hours before her phone rang.
She looked up at the caller ID.
She sat up.
My Rachel 3
That what was appeared on her phone. She gulped. She picked it up and slowly put the phone to her ear.
"Rachel?"
"Q-quinn.." the other line gasping for air.
"Rachel? Are you okay? What happened? Rach?"
"Quinn… the baby… Quinn please, it hurts," Quinn stood up.
"I'll be right there okay? Just don't hang up okay? Listen to my voice," She said as she took her car keys and drove away.
"You're going to be fine, Rach. You're a strong girl,"
Rachel screamed in pain.
"You're always bound to fall
there's nothing you can do," Quinn sang slowly.
"the weight of gravity begins
to pull you down again," She wiped her tears.
"so what are you to do now?
stuck between the hope and doubt,"
"you get so close to clarity
makes you question everything,"
Rachel calmed down a little bit, she was now crying in pain and because of Quinn.
"You're so far away
so far away from me," she let her tears to fell down.
"Is it starting to break
underneath my feet?"
"You're so far away
Am I just out of reach?"
She stopped her car and ran away to the house. She ran up the stairs and opened up the door with a sight of Rachel lying down on the floor wearing her plaid shirt with waiters pooled underneath her. Quinn run towards her and kissed her temple and Quinn picked her up.
"Did you call the ambulance?"
Rachel nodded as she gripped Quinn's shirt.
"They're taking too long, I can't give-arghhhhhhhhh out my address," she yelled.
Quinn nodded and walked out the doors to drive the girl to the hospital.
When she walked in the hospital she yelled,
"Quick, help me!"
The nurses brought the roller bed along with them as Quinn put Rachel down.
"Please come with me, Quinn," Rachel begged. She gripped Quinn's hand, strongly, not wanting to let go.
Quinn walked with the nurses to the room.
Quinn stood beside Rachel, still holding her hand for hours. She kissed Rachel's temple. She already called Finn to let him know about Rachel.
Quinn looked at Rachel, in pain, sweaty and was about to give birth. She looked like an angle. Quinn wasn't lying when she said the girl was glowing, she really was.
"It's going to be fine, you'll be fine, Rach. You can do it," She whispered as she kissed Rachel's palm.
"We're almost there, Rachel. Come on, just push," the doctor instructed.
"Come on, Rach. Do it, your baby girl is eager to see the world and her mama,"
Rachel screamed.
Quinn closed her eyes as Rachel gripped her already red hand.
"Do it. You can do it, baby." She whispered to Rachel's ear.
Again Rachel screamed and Quinn once again closed her eyes.
"I love you, Rachel Barbra Berry. I love you so much," She kissed Rachel's head.
"The head is out!" The doctor yelled.
"I love you so much. I never stop loving you, not even once. You still the only one for me,"
"Another push, Rachel and we're done,"
"I'll love you the same way I love you, it won't change. I love you forever, Rach,"
A baby's cried filled the room and Quinn smiled at Rachel.
"You did it, Rach!"
"Excuse me, miss," Quinn turned around, letting go of Rachel's hand and kissed her head.
"Yes?"
"Do you need help with that?" The nurse asked as she pointed her finger at Quinn's hand. Quinn smiled and nodded. The nurse brought her to the side of the room and wrapped her hand with bandages. Quinn said her thank you and walked back to Rachel who was holding her child in her arms. Quinn walked beside her and caressed the sleeping baby's cheek.
"I'm sorry about your hand,"
"It's fine. Hey there little Rachel. Aren't you one a cute little girl" She continued to play with the baby's cheek. And as the baby yawned, she opened her eyes, showing her big brown eyes.
"She looks like you," Quinn said. Rachel smiled and kissed her daughter's brown hair.
"Quinn?"
Quinn looked at Rachel, smiling.
"Yeah, Rach?"
"Thank you,"
Quinn nodded.
"Quinn?"
"Hurm?"
"I love you," she whispered.
Quinn smiled and leaned down to kiss her head but Rachel titled her head causing the blonde's lip to press on her lip instead. They stayed like that for a while until Quinn pulled away. Quinn leaned down and kissed the baby's head. She inhaled the smile of the child.
So beautiful. So nice. So pure. So innocent. The smell of a human with no sin.
She walked out of the room.
"Miss?"
She turned around to see the doctor stood behind her.
"Yes?"
"Here," he smiled as he handed Quinn's a cigar. Quinn stared at it for a moment before she took it and thanked him.
She was running her fingers on the cigar when a body crashed into her.
"Sorry,"
"Finn,"
"Quinn," Quinn half smiled.
"Umm… I should go in,"
"Wait, here. Congratulation, take care of your family, Finn" Finn nodded as he rushed in the room.
Quinn stood outside of the room, peeking through the small window. She was staring at Finn who was holding his little girl while he kissed Rachel. Quinn stared at them and wondered,
Why aren't I'm the one who get to held her like that? They look like a family. And Quinn couldn't help to smile, but her tears still fell down her cheek. She took a last glanced at the family before she turned around and walked away.
That was the last time Quinn saw Rachel and yet her heart still beats the same for her.
The wind blowing on Saturday morning made Quinn Fabray shiver. She inhaled the air as she looked around the park.
"Quinn Fabray?" a voice called her.
Quinn turned around and her eyes widen at the sight.
In front of her stood a teenage petite girl with big brown eyes and long brown hair. Quinn furrowed.
"I'm Rachel," the walked forward the older woman; she sat down next to Quinn.
"I'm Rachel Hudson,"
"You're—"
"I'm Rachel and Finn's daughter," the girl smiled.
"It's nice to finally meet you ma'am," the girl smiled.
"It's nice to meet you too, Rachel. You look so much like your mother," Rachel nodded her head; many people had told her that.
"How did you manage to find me, Rachel?"
"Oh, I have connection," she smiled, and Quinn chuckled.
"What brings you here then?"
Rachel handed Quinn a box. She picked out an album.
"Sometimes I caught mama looking at this album, caressing the pictures. She has tears and smile on her face. They way she smile, I never see her smile like that when she's around my dad. She smiled at me, a lot, but it's different. I was about 7 when I caught her like that, she told me you're her best friend and she missed you. I hugged her and told her I loved her. I caught her looking at the pictures and holding a ring almost every day. I noticed that every year at August 20 she sang the birthday lullaby. I noticed that every year at September 20, she looked at the pictures and kissed the ring. I was 16 when I asked her who you really were, and she said you're her past. I didn't questioned it because she looked like she's about to cry. Later that night, I went through this box and I saw a letter and I read it. That when I know who you are, I'm not mad. I saw the look on her face, she's happy whenever she looked at you, but sometimes she cried too," Rachel wiped her tears.
"Whenever she's sad I told her to think of you, she said don't be silly but later she smiled. I love my dad, but I knew my mama doesn't love my dad like she loves you. She loves my dad but she's not in love with him. I found it very romantic the fact that even over years she still love you the same way she loved you when she was with you,"
Quinn let her tears fell down her cheeks as she listened to the girl.
"Where's Rachel?"
"She wanted me to give you this," She handed Quinn a letter.
"Ma'am I came here myself to thank you. You're my mama's strength. You're her everything. Thank you very much,"
"I love your mama the same way I loved her when I was with her," Rachel nodded and smiled.
"I should probably be going now, I have class. Thank you ma'am," Rachel said as she hugged Quinn and walked away.
To my dearest Quinn,
By the time you get this letter, I probably already gone. Quinn Fabray you're my whole life. Even without you here beside me, I always feel you. Always. My heart belongs to you and no one else. Quinn I'm sick. I'm suffering from leukemia. The reason I wrote you this letter was because constantly on my mind. I saw your face next to me when I'm sleeping; I saw your face in my dreams. You're everywhere, Quinn Fabray. I even named my beautiful daughter because you called her little Rachel. She looked like me, doesn't she? Very talented and very pretty. If I could change anything in this world, I would change the fact that I had hurt you. I regretted it every second of my life. But I'm also blessed, because Rachel is my everything. I love her with my whole life.
Quinn, if you're wondering if I'm happy with Finn, I'd to say yes. Sometimes, yes. But not all the time. I love him, but I'm in love with you. It's always you, Quinn. I'm so sorry for every single thing I had done to you. I'm so sorry. Sometimes I like to imagine it was you who I marry to. My heart beats the same for you. They never change. You sang to me that beautiful song to me when I was in labored, that made me realized that you still love me, at least then. I don't know now, but thank you Quinn Fabray, thank you for everything. I'll always be by your side, Quinn Fabray. Always, I'll be looking at you through the other world. I'll love you from the other world.
I miss you and I love you so very much Lucy Quinn Fabray.
Love,
Rachel Barbra Berry.
Quinn picked up the ring and put it on her ring finger and kissed it as tears fell down her cheeks.
I love you so much, Rachel. So much.
She mumbled as she looked up at the sky and closed her eyes.
"Ma'am? Ma'am?"
"Check her pulse!"
"No pulse, call the ambulance, now!"
Quinn looks at herself as people were surrounding her. She smiled.
"I'm coming, love," she whispered.
Hey a happy ending ;)
I was honestly crying like a baby when i was writing this.
Hope you guys enjoy it as much as i enjoy writing it.
Thank you.