Never would I have thought I would be close, always I was sure I would be condemned to watching from afar. Viewing from a distance that was so far yet felt so near, just like the moon which looks within our reach and yet is entirely beyond it.
Never had I imagined you would see me as more than just another face among the masses; never would have dreamed you would notice me and extend your hand in friendship and yet you did.
To be friends with you was more than I had dared to dream for. You came to me, so unexpectedly, using school work as the medium through which we connected and our new found friendship blossomed. Almost without realizing what was happening I allowed you to become the light of my world, the one person that made my day and could make me smile even when I wanted to cry. I should have been content with what we had; the incredibly close friendship we shared. "It's more than you had dreamed or hoped for," I reasoned with myself, and yet, I still found my self wanting more, needing your presence.
My longing grew into a near insatiable hunger that only you could quench. Your smile, your laugh, your hair, eyes, and everything else about you was the picture of absolute perfection in my eyes. I allowed this longing to grow, let it build until it filled me with such overwhelmingly painful want that I could bear its burden no more.
Feebly I made attempts to tell you of my longing; that my feelings of affection extended well beyond the scope of friendship. To my despair, you seemed to be blissfully unaware of my advances and I found my self at a loss for words, unable to go through with my confession.
Months past in this fashion and soon we graduated together and became roommates as we began to attend college. Then, a semester into our freshmen year, you were again the one that made the first real move and asked me to the school dance. That night was magical, confusing, joyful, frightening all at the same time. Our first kiss beneath that great oak tree forever etched into my memory.
The seasons changed, the years past, and the memories grew; yet never did my love for you wane. You were the light of my world, the reason I woke up in the morning, the force that kept my heart beating.
Those years that we were together were both a life time and a single instant and I fondly look back at those and feel nothing but sorrow for what lies ahead.
All good things must come to an end, no matter how much we may cherish them. That day, in that single instant, in one single phone call my world was crushed into nothingness, its light snuffed out without so much as a warning.
The call came at three past twelve, letting me know you had been in an accident. I flew from the office to the hospital but you had passed before I arrived. And just like that my world ended, the light turned off and my heart torn to shreds.
The funeral is nothing more than a blur in my mind, nothing seeming real or complete without you.
Our time together on this earth may be over, but as you've always taken the lead in our time together, I find it an odd sensation to be doing so in your stead. Our story and these words I leave behind so that some other soul might understand why I could not simply wait for nature to run its course. This night I will join you, love of my life, in the great beyond.