My Littlest Pet Collection
A fan fiction by LM Simpson
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters from Pet Shop of Horrors by Matsuri Akino, nor do I own the rights to the basis of this story, the short story "Battleground" by Stephen King.
LM Simpson's tidbits (A/N): TWENTY-FIFTH STORY! WHOO!
What you are currently reading my friends is the first author's note to my first PSoH fanfic. While you are allowed to flame, please make it constructive. There's nothing I hate more than reading my reviews and seeing "eEW, dAt wuZ sHiTTy! Go kill urself, bitch!" when it could've been something to tell me how to improve. For more information, see my profile under My Flame Policy. (Unless you send me a really bad review, though, you still receive toast!)
(Throws toast to my good little reviewers) Enjoy!
0000
It was Leon Orcot's day off. He had just finished taking a shower and getting dressed in blue jeans and a t-shirt reading NO ONE DIES A VIRGIN- LIFE SCREWS 'EM ALL when he walked out of his home to check the mail. Upon opening the door, he felt something against his foot.
"What the—" Orcot said while looking down at his feet. Right next to them was a brown paper covered package. The only thing written on it was OFFICER ORCOT.
He raised a brow as he picked it up and brought it inside. Placing it on a table, Orcot ripped off the box and came across a letter; he grabbed the letter, which read:
Officer Orcot,
I wish to say thank you for taking your time to have tea and sweets with me. As a token of my thanks, I have enclosed an extremely rare animal toy set and a contract along with this letter.
Have fun!
D.
"Animal toy set?" Orcot said to himself. "What the hell does the count think I am—a five-year-old girl?"
Orcot almost groaned when he read the box. "Oh great—it's Sunday school all over again!"
In a way, he was correct. On the box, it read:
THE LIMITED EDITION NOAH'S ARK COLLECTION!
CONTAINS TWO OF EACH OF THESE ANIMALS:
LIONS
BEARS
ALLIGATORS
ELEPHANTS
MONKEYS
ZEBRAS
AND OTHERS!
"This has got to be a joke…" he declared, flicking the box twice. He was about to leave the room when the box started to shake. Its tremor became more intense, and one side of the box opened in a manner that resembled it being pushed. An elephant's trunk came out of the opening, and Orcot witnessed the actual body exit the packaging. It looked at him for a second, and then trumpeted what appeared to be a battle cry.
"SHIT!"
Every animal listed on the box came out of it and attacked him. Some bit his arms, the pair of monkeys climbed up and scratched his arms and body, while the zebras and elephants stomped over his hands.
"Augh! It's like that bastard wants to kill me!" he screamed as he swatted the miniature beasts off of him.
When the last animal was hit away from him, he reached into his pocket for a hand gun. Realizing he did not have one on him at the time, he dashed to the other side of the room, where a shoebox containing a handgun was hid behind a scarcely used bookcase. He got on his knees and looked behind the bookcase, and was sure enough came in contact with an old Nike shoebox. Without checking to see if it was loaded, Orcot took out the gun and aimed it at a nearby alligator. He winced from pain for a second, but he managed to pull the trigger.
It was a direct hit. As soon as the reptile was hit, he flipped over and became motionless.
Orcot was about to aim at another animal when he felt a tremendous amount of pressure around his left foot. Upon closer inspection, he discovered that the source was—
"A python? That wasn't even supposed to be in the fucking set!" He struggled to pick up the attacked foot, but he eventually got it an inch or so up. He then stomped on it to the ground, crushing the constricting snake to death.
He barely managed to limp his way to a nearby bathroom. Orcot locked the door and sat down on the floor. He took out a lighter and a cigarette.
Dammit, how am I going to get rid of these things when they keep freaking set up traps?
Still in the middle of the one he was smoking, he took out another cigarette. He looked at the lighter, and suddenly had an idea…
Without any prior warning, a slip of paper came into the bathroom via the crack of the door. In barely intelligible letters which had most likely came from a skilled elephant's trunk, a single sentence was written on the paper:
GIVE UP OR DIE
Orcot rummaged in his pockets for a pen. When he found one in his right pocket, he flipped over the paper, wrote his reply, and slid it to the other side. The animals that read it growled, screeched, hissed, trumpeted and neighed upon reading the message. Orcot's response consisted of two words:
HELL, NO!
The ark animals squeezed themselves through the crack of the door and once again started to charge at the only human being present.
Orcot grinned and took off his shirt. Yes, come here, you stupid things! You're going to become evidence to bust D! But first…
"SAYANARA, ASSHOLES!"
He threw his shirt onto the stampede. Immediately afterwards, he lit the lighter and set the flame against the cotton cloth. Flames spread throughout the shirt, and when the last muffled squeal was over, Orcot threw water onto the former shirt and animals. He picked up the animals, got out of the bathroom, and threw them into the box.
As he went over towards the bookcase to retrieve the snake and alligator, the wind coming from the open window blew two papers into view. The first was the count's contract, which was attached to his letter; it instructed the officer to not show the set to anyone, taunt the animals, or tap or flick the box. The other, meanwhile came from the box. It read:
FOR A LIMITED TIME: BONUS ANIMAL INCLUDED IN EVERY BOX!
MAY BE ONE OF THE FOLLOWING:
TIGERS
RED EYED TREE FROGS
GIANT PANDAS
WOLVES
RETICULATED PHYTHONS
THE END
A/N: Thanks for reading my first Pet Shop of Horrors fanfic, and have a great day!
Ja Ne!
LM Simpson