Booth's POV

Brennan's POV

Over the years, all my values and beliefs took a back seat to addiction. I've thought about getting help, but half the time I was thinking that I had nothing to live for. There was always Parker, but Rebecca banned me from seeing Parker shortly after she came for a surprise visit and saw my "friends" with drugs. I don't blame her. I would have done the same thing if I noticed Captain Fantastic doing some drugs but I would never hurt Parker and I never did drugs. I know better than that. My life took a down fall shortly after I retired from the FBI.

I often write a list in my head on what I have to live for. So far, the list is: 1. Parker, and the second and final was Bones. Bones played a big factor in most of the "good" decisions in my life. I didn't do drugs, even when offered because in my head, I was hearing Bones tell me the scientific whatnot to me. Or when I was going to drink and drive. I visualized her identifying what remains I had left and thinking, 'this was the man that I spent 5 years with and even look up to?' another question constantly playing out in my head is 'is she better off with or without me?' That one question is forever in my mind.

Five years working with Bones and we were as close as ever. I don't think anyone knows what exactly happened to us. To be honest, not even I know completely what went wrong. After a while, we started becoming busier. Hacker and Bones got closer and closer and my jealousy was enraged. I loved her for 6 years during our partnership and another 5 to now. I would always love her. She was my one. I don't think I will ever find anyone to replace her. No one can replace her. She's irreplaceable. That wasn't the reason I retired from the FBI. I retired because I had paid my dues for as long as I did, saved a lot of lives. Maybe not enough lives to feel better about my past as a Ranger, but enough so that the next young FBI agent can pick up where I left off.

I often wondered how Bones was doing and sometimes even drove by the only address I knew of. I passed all the places that we went to together and felt a rush of sadness combined with excitement. The best memories of my life were with my Bones. I heard that Angela,, Hodgins along with Bones left the Jeffersonian a year or two after me but I never gained enough courage to walk into the lab. As far as I knew, Sweets was still the FBI psychiatrist being teased and picked on as if he were kid in high school. I always teased Sweets that he was 12, but I always knew that Sweets was a great psychiatrist. The kid had skills. And Cam, I heard she still headed the forensics department but she currently wasn't solving any murders. After I left, the FBI stopped partnering agents and scientists. Now the only thing the new squints would do was identify a victim and the rest was up to the FBI.

The squints, Parker and Bones were the best people in my life. Now none of them are in my life anymore. I like to dream about getting back in connection with them but I knew that that was never going to happen. No one wanted to see me. No one missed me.

Now the only thing left in my life is a couple dozen beer cases (which will eventually be replaced over the week as I, with the help of my friends, will end up finishing every last bottle of poison), a need for gambling (since I had nothing to lose by my life but even then it wasn't worth much) and a house with clothes all over the floor, some that didn't even belong to me.

Everything and everyone changes; the dates, environments, habits, and people for example. Before I met Booth, I thought about the rationalities of everything because that was the only thing I knew how to do. I was shocked to see how Booth could look at a person and be able to know what they are thinking and how they are feeling whereas I look at them and identify health problems and analyze facial structure. I assume that that was probably why we made such a great team. Booth taught me so much about life, people and love. He taught me how to feel and how to appreciate emotions. He taught me that love cannot be faked or lost but it can be denied, only for so long. Meeting Booth was one of the most significant points in my life. I changed after I met him and began trying to learn as much as I could from him.

I have no idea what happened to our partnership, and friendship to make it decay, but I do know that that was one of the worst things life could have thrown my way. Booth retired from the FBI and I was left with another agent. After one case, I decided not to go out in the field with him because it wasn't the same and that was one area that I couldn't stand to see change had attacked.

Now I haven't the slightest idea where Booth is or if he is even alive. I ran into Rebecca at a grocery store one day and she told me that she hasn't heard from his either. She wouldn't tell me why Parker doesn't go see him but I knew that something bad had happened, whether it was to Booth or by him. I've considered searching up and finding his current home address but every time I'm in Andrew's office about to look it up, my fingers freeze and I can't. Andrew offered to help many times but I always found a reason to say no like 'we were late for our reservation' or 'I'll do it tomorrow'. Andrew and I stopped seeing one another because Andrew knew how Booth and I were. He knew that Booth loved me and I loved Booth. I still do. Question was did he still love me. Andrew told me that he 'couldn't get in the middle of true love's desire' I understood of course. One day I hoped that I would be able to find Booth and we could catch u p.

Now, I sit at home with my boyfriend turned fiancé debating whether or not to find Booth and invite him to the wedding. I never believed in monogamy…until I met Booth. Booth was the one person that I could change my views.