Title: Four times Sawyer doesn't ask Juliet to marry him (and one time he does)
Pairing: Sawyer/Juliet
Rating: PG
Words: 2,850
Spoilers: Through "What Kate Does" (6.03)
Summary: The ring comes in on the sub on a rainy Thursday afternoon.
**
1. hold it right in your hand (be glad it's there)
The ring comes in on the sub on a rainy Thursday afternoon.
Jerry brings all the security crew's boxes to the station and Sawyer opens his almost immediately, the rough cardboard ripping under his hands. Some t-shirts for Juliet. New pair of work boots for him. Shiny diamond ring.
He stuffs the black pouch into the pocket of his jumpsuit, and tells Jerry he's leaving early. It's a slow day in Dharmaville with the rain and all, so Jerry just nods as Sawyer picks up his stuff and heads for the door.
On his walk across the barracks, Sawyer keeps one hand in his pocket, holding onto the ring like his whole goddamn life depends on it.
The house is dark and empty when he gets home and, just this once, he's glad Juliet's still at work. He drops the box from the sub by the door and kicks off his boots so he doesn't track water all over the place.
He walks around the house for a few minutes, pacing from room to room and thinking of different ways to propose. After a while he starts to feel a little dizzy, so he sits down at the dining room table and finally takes the ring out of his pocket, getting a good look at it for the first time. The diamond ain't very big, but he's not too worried about that. It's actually pretty nice, he thinks, and smiles to himself.
He holds it in his hand and spins it so it catches the light that hangs over their dining room table, reflecting little starbursts onto the walls and ceiling.
He's still starin' at the damn thing half an hour later when Juliet walks in the door. He clinches his fist around the ring so she won't see it and the edges of the diamond cut into his palm.
She's soaking wet and covered in engine grease, a look on her face like she ain't havin' the best of days.
"Hey," he says, and gives her a little smile.
She doesn't smile back, just gives him a dark look and kicks her boots off near the door. There's already a giant puddle of water pooling at her feet
She stomps back towards the bathroom without a word, stripping off wet clothes as she goes.
The bathroom door slams and he hears the shower start up.
He opens his hand; he's got four little dents in his skin from where the corners of the stone pressed against his palm. He glances down the hall, then back at the ring in his hand and decides there will probably be a better time to ask her tomorrow.
****
2. these are the days we dream about (when the sunlight paints us gold)
It's been a week since he got the ring and he's got the whole thing planned out this time.
He walks out of their bedroom, dressed in a t-shirt and his swimming trunks, the ring tucked safely away in his pocket. It's summer on the island and inside their house the air is hot and humid.
Juliet's laying on the couch in just a tank top and her underwear, a cheap fan on the floor in front of her, and a bowl of ice cubes sitting next to it. Sawyer watches, fascinated, as she picks up a piece of ice and runs it down the length her body, water dripping all over her and the floor.
She looks over and catches him staring. "What?" she asks, and he notices she's apparently not too overcome with the heat to smirk at him.
"Nothin'," he says. Juliet's still smirking at him, rubbing the ice cube across her chest, and he realizes he should probably stop watching this whole display if he actually wants them to make it down to the bay for his grand romantic gesture. "I thought maybe we could go for a swim. You know," he smirks back at her, "if you can drag yourself away from what you're doin' here."
She looks down at her almost-empty bowl of ice and sighs. "Fine."
It's not quite the enthusiastic response Sawyer was hoping for, but he'll take it.
*
Twenty minutes later, they're almost to the dock, towels slung over their shoulders and Dharma-issue flip-flops of their feet.
On the walk across the barracks and through the little stretch of jungle, Juliet keeps up a running commentary on her while he walks silently beside her, running through the plan in his head. He pictures himself kneeling down, pulling the ring out of his pocket, the look on her face. He doesn't even realize he's smiling until Juliet calls him out on it. "What's with you?" she asks, looking at him out of the corner of his eye.
"Nothin,'" he shrugs and forces himself to stop grinning. He's probably more proud of himself than he should be, but it's gonna be damn romantic.
She just shakes her head and continues her story, something about Miles, a case of Dharma beer, and a overheated jeep.
When they reach the end of the dock, he takes a breath to steady himself and drops to one knee, reaching into his pocket for the ring.
"Shit!" he says almost as soon as his knee touches the hot wood of the dock. "Son of a bitch!"
He jerks his hand out of his pocket and jumps awkwardly into the water, still wearing his shoes and his t-shirt, the skin on his knee stinging with heat.
Juliet's still standing on the dock, staring down at him and biting her lip to stop herself from laughing.
"Everything okay?" she calls, a smile breaking through.
"Yeah," he mutters. "The dock's hot."
"I can see that," she laughs, the sunlight glinting off her long blonde hair.
He shoves his hand underwater, fumbling in his pocket until his fingers touch the smooth metal of the band, the sharp edges of the stone and he lets out an audible sigh of relief. It'd be just his luck for the damn thing to end up at the bottom of the bay.
When he looks back up, Juliet's stripping off her clothes, pulling her shirt over her head to reveal a bright yellow bikini. She dives gracefully into the water, leaving her sandals on until she's in the water, he notices, before sliding them off and tossing them up onto the dock.
She swims over to where he is, and he watches her body glide through the water, pale and bright. When she reaches him, she wraps her arms around his neck and kisses him soft and slow, running her tongue across his bottom lip.
Fuckin' romantic gestures, he thinks and kisses her back.
She wraps her legs around his waist and he decides his plan will probably be more romantic at night, anyway.
****
3. these things take forever (I especially am slow)
The ring is gone.
It was sitting at the bottom of his sock drawer last night when he went to bed and now, less than 24 hours later, it's just fucking gone.
"Fuck!" he yells, and slams the drawer closed. He really can't fuckin' believe this. It figures that the one time he tries to do something romantic it gets totally fucked up. He kicks the side of the dresser, and throws a balled up pair of socks across the room as hard as he can. They bounce pathetically off the wall and roll under the bed. "Goddamnit!"
"James?" Juliet asks. She's standing in the doorway of their room, one hand on her hip and a confused expression on her face.
"Did you see a little black bag in here?" he demands, stabbing a finger in the direction of their dresser.
"What?" she says, looking legitimately confused. "Where?"
"Down in the damn Swan hatch," he snaps. "Where the hell do you think?"
"I don't know what you're talking about, James," she says calmly, like she's talking to a six-year-old throwing a tantrum.
"Like hell you don't," he says, even though he knows she's probably telling the truth. Mostly because if she had found the ring, she wouldn't have moved it. She's not an idiot.
She doesn't respond, just turns around and walks away, and it really pisses him off that she never yells back at him. He watches her leave, stands there and hears the front door slam closed, and he knows that's as much of a reaction as he's gonna get.
"Son of a bitch!" he yells and kicks the dresser again, hard enough this time so that it moves a little across the floor. He sits heavily on the bed, his elbows resting on his knees, and as he drops his head, he sees the shadow of something laying on the floor. He leans down and peers under the dresser, sees the black pouch on the floor, pushed up against the wall. He reaches out and pulls it towards him, opens it and looks at the ring inside. It's there, of course, and he feels like an idiot. He also feels more relieved than he's ever been about anything in his life.
He knows he's gonna have to think of a better hiding place. Juliet didn't find it this time, but he knows it's only a matter of time before she does. Looking around the room, he realizes there's no place in the entire damn house that's actually gonna work.
He stands up and the floorboard under his feet squeaks. He smiles.
It'll be a pain in the ass to get the damn thing out when he finally figures out a good proposal plan but, hell, it'll be worth it to see the look on her face.
*
When Jin calls three days later to tell him they're back, that Jack and Hugo and Kate have some how appeared in the middle of the North valley of all damn places, the ring is safely tucked away in a shoebox under the floorboards next to their bed.
He was right that she'd never find it there.
****
4. the movement of a hand (waving you goodbye)
He stands there in the jungle, covered in blood, while Juliet tells him that she loves him, but that they were never meant to be together, and he doesn't do anything, doesn't say anything. He just stands there like an idiot and thinks of the ring still hidden safely away beneath the floorboards of their little yellow house.
She walks away and the world seems to fall out from under him. He thinks of running after her, begging her to stay, but he knows it ain't gonna matter either way.
He's fucked everything up over a look, a goddamn nothing look, and he knows she won't believe him if he tells her the truth, tells her about the ring. Why the hell should she? He's had the damn thing for almost three weeks now and he's done fuck-all with it.
Everything is spinning out of control, it's falling apart and he knows that things will never be the same. Jack walks by and it's all Sawyer can do not to start punching him in the face again.
Instead he just keeps standing there. Doesn't do anything. Not one goddamn thing.
*
Later, when he's holding on to her hand with everything he has, when she's slipping away from him into nothingness, about to be swallowed by the island, and it's too late for him to do anything else, he thinks again of the ring buried under the floorboards of their house, and desperately wonders if it will still be there in thirty years.
****
5. you were the blue of the sky (you came after the storm)
Three months after they go on their first date (coffee, she insisted she pay for her own), Sawyer buys a ring.
He goes to a jewelry store in the mall first, but walks out less than five minutes later, feeling ridiculous.
The whole thing is fuckin' absurd, anyway; she's a doctor and he's, well, he ain't quite sure what he is these days but his past's not too far behind him. Ever since he got back from Sydney, things have felt off-kilter, like he's got no clue what he's doin'. This thing with Juliet's just one in a long line of things that aren't like him, but being with her seems to be one of the few things that helps him feel a little less insane, so.
Either way, the mall was a ridiculous idea in the first place, so he leaves empty-handed and starts walking in the direction of her apartment. He's only about five minutes away when the rain starts and if there's one thing he'll never get used to about Miami, it's the way the weather can change so fast. Less than an hour ago it was full sun, about a million damn degrees, and then the clouds appeared out of nowhere and the sky opened up and now he's fuckin' drenched.
He ducks into the next store he sees, hoping to at least wait out the storm. The sign on the door says "Antiques," but mostly it's just crowded with a bunch of junk he can't imagine anyone would actually pay money for.
The rain's coming down harder now, and the old lady who works here is givin' him a look like she's gonna kick him out, so he wanders around, pretends to look at all old shit crammed into the tiny store. It's mostly just heavy old furniture and moth-eaten clothes, the kind of shit you'd find at garage sales by the side of the road.
At the back of the store there's a glass case, full of necklaces and rings other shiny things, and he stands there for a while, looking at all the crap that people once loved. The rings are probably the most depressing, he decides, pried from the cold dead hands of someone's granny and then hocked for a hundred bucks. Most of this shit is ass-ugly, too, but he stares at it for a while, his eyes finally coming to rest a diamond ring.
It don't look much different than the rest of the rings, but there's something about it that seems familiar somehow, which is ridiculous, he knows—it ain't like he's got much experience with diamond rings—but, well, there you go.
He's still staring at the damn thing when the old woman suddenly appears behind the counter.
"Would you like to see anything?" she asks him, and before he knows what he's doing, he touches the glass, right above the ring.
She smiles at him, and removes it from the case, handing it to him across the counter. He stares at it, transfixed, before he realizes the old woman's talking again.
"…not very old," she's saying when he looks up. "Probably from the late '70s."
He looks back down at the ring, at the way it catches the light when he moves it. "How much?" he hears himself say, and when she names a price that he can afford, he tells her he'll take it.
Smiling, she plucks the ring out of his hand, and it's everything he can do not to grab it back. He forces himself to relax as he hands her some cash, and she places the ring in a small black pouch, passes it back to him. Just holding it makes him feel better.
"Thanks," he says, and he realizes he's talking louder than he needs to. The rain's stopped and the store is too quiet, the air musty and stifling. He stuffs the pouch in his pocket, and heads for the door.
*
When he finally gets to Juliet's apartment, he's still pretty soaked, and he leaves a trail of water from the elevator to her front door. He knocks softly and pulls the ring out of his pocket. It's clenched in his fist when she opens the door, still dressed in her white doctor's coat. She must have gotten stuck in the rain too because her hair and clothes are soaking wet and she looks kind of pissed.
But she smiles when she sees him, her face softening and he suddenly feels more nervous than he's ever felt in his whole goddamn life. "Hi."
"Hey." His voice comes out more serious than he means for it to and he doesn't smile back. Her face kind of falls, only a trace of the smile remaining and he's worried he's already messing this up. He clears his throat. "So…" he says and is suddenly at complete loss for words.
"Everything okay?" she asks, and she sounds so legitimately concerned he suddenly feels like laughing.
"Yeah. It's just," he says and shakes his head. "You wanna get married?"
She just stands there, staring at him, and he's suddenly very conscious of the fact that he's dripping water all over her expensive wood floors. He looks down, and unclenches his fist, the ring sitting in the palm of his hand. He doesn't look at her, keeps his eyes on the ring and he realizes that maybe the diamond is a little small, that maybe he should have thought this through, that maybe he should have planned some kind of sweeping romantic gesture or some shit.
The silence between them is getting uncomfortable and he's about ten seconds away from just bolting, when she finally says something. "Okay."
He looks up quickly. "Yeah?" he grins.
"Yeah," she says and smiles back at him. "Yes."
She holds out her hand and he slides the ring on her finger and everything seems to fall into place. She takes a step forward and kisses him and, for the first time since he got back from Sydney, he feels like he's on solid ground.
*****
end