Maybe Danny shouldn't feel the way he does when he wakes up in the morning, remembering that Scott is gone. He feels guilty for it, but he tells himself it's the normal thing to wish Scott were staying. He is looking forward to the phone call Scott promised him once he got to Genosha, and Danny carries his phone with him all day. His co-workers give him odd looks due to how often he pulls out his phone, hoping he will get his call. He tells himself Scott hasn't forgotten his promise to call, but Scott doesn't phone in until nightfall with the news that they have a room to stay at, and that he is sorry he forgot to call. Danny smiles and tells him it's fine.
But maybe it isn't. Danny knows something's wrong with him, but he doesn't tell the X-men. He doesn't tell Scott about the feeling in his chest, how tight it is, or how he has begun having nightmares that overwhelm him, and that he doesn't sleep unless he has to. Danny reminds himself that his friends are trying to enjoy themselves, and he continues visiting. Once, Hank asks him if he's alright, and Danny tells him he's fine. Danny wishes Hank would push a bit further, but Danny grins and tells him he's just a little depressed.
Hank takes him seriously, but not seriously enough. Danny has felt this way for a while, but it isn't until Jean and Scott leave that he can't help but act on his feelings. It happens when Logan ticks him off. Danny knows Logan doesn't mean to, but when Danny gets home, he's a ball of emotion. He curls up in a corner, and uses his fingernails. He isn't really thinking, he's just trying to get rid of the feelings. Danny doesn't do it again for a while, but the longer Scott's gone, the worse everything gets.
So what if they'll come back, a corner of Danny's mind whispers, Scott will be too much in love with Jean to notice you. Besides, you've only been his friend for a year. Danny tries to ignore that part of him. But a little part of him agrees with every word it says. And maybe it is unintentional, but the X-men hurt him sometimes.
Danny stays in the game, holding onto the idea that things will get better, even as they refuse to do so. And he feels guilty when Scott comes home, and Danny feels relieved. Danny teases Scott, and tells him he was sure Scott had forgotten about him. Scott grins like an imp, and tells him he did, but only once or twice. Danny's hurt expression is more real than they know, because he's exaggerating his emotions. If he exaggerates them, nobody will realize he's telling the truth. Except Jean, who gives him a confused look, before dismissing it.
For a while, since they come back, things are better, but not for long. Danny hates sleep, but he has to sleep, so he starts taking sleeping pills. They work, but not well enough. During this time, he tries out drugs. Some work, some don't, but he makes sure nobody catches him. Once or twice, he drinks a little beer, but it doesn't help either. He smokes a little, and all that does is give him a scratchy throat. So he stops. He can't find anything to make himself stop hurting, not for as long as he wishes it would. He needs a therapist, he finds himself thinking.
He feels better when he gets his paycheck, but that feeling doesn't last forever. Christmas comes, and Danny buys presents for everyone. Nothing big, but it makes him feel better. He likes seeing Tildie rip open her presents with the child-like glee she possesses. He guesses it comes because she's a twelve year old who was locked away by the MRD for two years, so she acts like a ten year old. Maybe it is silly, but Christmas, which used to be the holiday he hated the most, becomes the highlight of the year, even if he suspects it will only be this once that he doesn't dislike it.
His wrists have developed a criss-crossed web, one that he hides using an old method, long sleeves. It isn't particularly original, but it works, and that's what matters, even if Danny kind-of wishes someone would look at them. He's always had nightmares, but he never had them this badly, except shortly after the Place. The one with white walls, and stainedredbloodygreen aprons. He tries not to think about it, but it doesn't work, and there's very little he can do about it.
Hi! It has been a very long time since I updated, and this will soon start into the main plot. I think this is the last one shot before the multi-chapter part begins! The main issue with the muti-chapter part, is that I first have to invent a title. Read and review, please!
-MiaulinK