DISCLAIMER: I own nothing of Twilight or its affiliates just my obsession with it.

If you want to save her

Than first you have to save yourself

If you want to free her from the hurt

Don't do it with your pain

If you want to see her smile again

Don't show her you're afraid

Because your circle of fear is the same

Circle of Fear - HIM

Alice POV

I found my job at the discount tobacco store dull to say the least. I spent eight hours a day standing behind a counter selling people their brand of cancer, and I did it with a smile on my face. It seemed the only somewhat decent thing going on in my life was the devilishly handsome man I went home to every night.

I had been dating Jasper Hale since my sophomore year in high school, but now I was 25, working a minimum wage job and living in a small one bedroom apartment. It seemed unfair that my two older brothers Edward and Emmett were happily married; buying houses and starting their lives with their brides, though I'd never admit it to anyone but myself. Edward and Bella-who has been one of my best friends my whole life-were way ahead in the game; they had bought a house just before their one year wedding anniversary and had given birth to a beautiful baby girl named Renesmee about six months ago.

Emmett and Rosalie were in the market for a new place and had been married for a little over three years and it was surprising that Rose wasn't the first one to end up pregnant seeing as how she and Emmett's relationship tended to run closer to the PDA side and was very physical for many years now.

Don't get me wrong I was happy for them all, and I adored being an aunt to Renesmee, but I also envied them. I knew Jasper loved me I just didn't know why we hadn't moved forward in our relationship in the last few years. We weren't married but our lives were routine like a married couples and I desperately wanted a change. It wasn't children I was really looking for- it was marriage, for Jasper to propose. I wanted to know that he was planning on spending forever with me and I was beginning to wonder if I would ever get it.

"Alice?" My boss called out to me.

I looked up from the counter I had propped myself over.

"Yeah?"

"You can head out if you want, I still have at least a hour left here and I might as well just close up too. Go start your weekend early." She smiled.

"Ok, if you're sure." That was an extra two hours.

"I'm sure, have fun." She smiled at me before disappearing back into the store room.

It didn't matter to me if I left early, it was Friday night and Rosalie and Emmett had invited Jasper and me out to dinner after my shift. So now I had the proper time to get ready to go out versus only having time to change out of the hideous uniform. I didn't mind going out with Rose and Em but I just knew tonight was going to be another punch in the face. It was every time we went out lately, they weren't acting any different they just happened to have something I wanted too. They were happily married high school sweethearts-like Edward and Bella-and I was just kinda happily dating my high school sweetheart…still.

The half hour drive home was routine and I was starting to hate it as much as the actual job that required me to take it. I would have taken a different way but it was the quickest and better on my gas tank.

My phone started ringing and I noticed it was Bella but I ignored it. I wasn't in the mood to talk right now; I wanted to wallow in my depression a bit while I still could.

I ordinarily wouldn't have heard it because I always had my radio too loud, Jasper hated it when he got in my little beat up Volkswagen Bug and the volume would make him jump out of his skin. He always plugged his ears until I turned it back down and told me I was going to be deaf by the time I was forty.

He had been mad at Emmett ever since he ripped out the lousy radio I had and installed the Bose Stereo equipped with an iPod jack and the surround sound speakers to match for my birthday two years ago. He also promised me when my car died he'd take it out and put it in my new one, making Jasper even more mad. I decided to turn it back up when I pulled into the parking lot and I left it like that just in case we took my car tonight. It would piss him off a little bit.

As I walked up the stairway to our apartment I started to feel sick to my stomach, I had been feeling nauseated all day-even after I'd thrown up when I first got to work. Laura-my boss- had seen me run to the bathroom and I wondered if that's why she let me leave early. I always toughed it out at work when I was sick, I loved to shop so I needed any extra money I could get so I was able to feed my addiction a bit.

The worst of the nausea had passed and I unlocked the door locking it again behind me-we didn't live in the greatest part of the neighborhood so it was best to always keep it locked-then I was right back to same old routine called my life. It was starting to suck a little.

Jasper POV

I had gotten home from work around 5 o'clock and decided to take a shower before Alice came home. We were going out to dinner with Emmett and Rosalie and I knew as soon as she got home she would take over the bathroom to get ready. If it wasn't so small I could have done it around her but she always complained that I steamed up the mirrors and her hair was being ruined by all the moisture. Alice and I had been together for the last 10 years so I was accustom to all of her quirks but I'd known her since I was 2 and didn't remember a life without her in it. I loved her with all my heart but I also thought that since we'd known each other so long a few things that happened with most couples kinda went out the door and I felt bad because of it. I secretly knew Alice was unhappy but I didn't want to accept it.

Sex had recently become slightly absent from our life, in fact it had been about six weeks since we even bothered. Most nights I was tired from work and lately a little depressed but she was too, so we'd eat dinner then watch TV in bed before falling asleep. The last few nights I hadn't slept much so I spent my time watching her sleep; she looked most at peace then.

I was just turning the shower off when I heard her come in.

"Hey, I'm home." She said with a small smile on her face as she stood in the bathroom doorway.

"Early too, sorry it's a little fogged up in here." I grabbed a towel off the rack wrapping it around myself still dripping wet.

"Laura said she would close up. Did you use all the hot water again?" She pouted.

I was well known for stealing all the water, which with the complex we lived in, it wasn't hard to do. I walked over and grabbed her in a bear hug getting her uniform wet and kissed the side of her head. I had told myself I would start to make a conscious effort to be a bit happier around her because her being sad made it worse for me and I didn't want to really be the reason for her unhappiness if I could help it.

"Stop, you're wreaking my uniform." She whined so I placed her back on her feet. "So is all the water gone?" She asked again.

"It might be." I teased, she wasn't really looking that mad about it. "But I'll get out of your way so you can do your thing." I walked down the small hall to our room but didn't expect to see her following me. She plopped down on our bed and let out a big sigh. I sat down next to her. "What's wrong baby?" I asked as I lightly gripped her knee.

"Oh, it's nothing, just been feeling a little under the weather today." She didn't really convince me that was all that was on her mind but I didn't press it.

"If you don't feel up to going out tonight we can just stay in." I really didn't care one way or the other if we went out, Rose and Em were a handful sober, but drunk they were a disaster.

"No, you know your sister; if we don't go we'll never hear the end of it." She replied patting the top of my hand on her knee before sitting back up leaning against my shoulder.

"You're right, I'm glad I didn't get any of those genes."

"Yes, we all know you're so glad." She mocked. "Well I'm gonna go start getting ready." She said kissing my cheek before getting off the bed.

"You go do that; I'll see you in about two hours." I joked.

She turned around and gave me a playful dirty look.

"Hey, it takes a lot to look this good." She gestured to her figure.

"Alice, you always look that good you have been beautiful as far back as I can remember."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." It was all she said as she went back into the bathroom. That's how she always replied when I spoke of her beauty.

Maybe it was because I basically preached about it to her, she never saw her self that way without doing her hair and make-up. I thought she looked stunning without doing either. She had grown her hair out from a short pixie cut to long locks that ran halfway down her back and untamed they made her look incredibly sexy.

I could never keep my hands to myself when she lounged around the house in a pair of old sweatpants and ratty t-shirt, no make-up and her hair out of its usual ponytail, if we were going out she'd wear it down but it was never natural looking. She didn't understand how beautiful that was to me, and she was beautiful all dolled up too, it didn't matter what she did was always perfect to me.

I started to dry off and continued getting dressed, it took all of ten minutes and I was ready to go. Alice had only just then turned the shower on.

It was fast approaching 7 o'clock and Alice still hadn't emerged from the bathroom. The baseball game I started watching after getting dressed was almost done too.

"Alice, we're gonna be late if you don't hurry up!" I yelled from the couch.

She opened the door and came out in a towel with her face all done up and her hair in perfect place.

"Ok, I just have to get dressed and I'll be ready to go." Before I could say anything else she disappeared to what I was sure would be her over stuffed closet.

It was a miracle she was only in there another fifteen minutes before she told me she was ready.

"You look gorgeous." And she really did, part of me didn't understand how I could be so miserable lately with a person like Alice around.

"Thank you." She said clearly satisfied with my answer now.

I got off the couch and grabbed the car keys letting her lead the way.

"So where are we going, Griggs again?" I asked as we got in my jeep, she looked a little bummed when we did for some reason.

"No they said to meet them at that Italian place on West River." She replied checking her reflection in the visor mirror quickly as we pulled out of the parking lot.

"Not the bar?" That was different, usually the four of us ended up staying out until closing time.

"I guess not, Rose just said they had something to tell us. They probably finally found a house and want to rub it in a little." She looked out the window when she spoke the last part.

I guess that's one thing that bothers her.

When we got there I saw Emmett's big truck in the parking lot and began to worry we'd be considered late but really didn't care, my sister was hard to please. I walked over to Alice's side of the car and opened the door for her. She looked a little surprised and after thinking about it for minute I realized I hadn't done this for her a while. And the funny thing was I always use to; I didn't know why I stopped. Maybe it was one of those couple things that I was suppose to do but didn't.

I have to work on that.

When we walked into the restaurant Emmett threw one of his huge arms in the air to flag us down. I placed my hand on Alice's back and started pushing her toward the table.

"You're late." Rosalie directed to me before anyone could even have the chance to say hi. I didn't know why she always thought it was my fault.

"You do realize who I live with right?" I asked her, she just gave me a dirty look and turned to Alice.

"You look amazing, as always." Rosalie told Alice before getting up to hug her. I just ignored it and slid into the booth to sit across from Emmett.

"Thank you, and I must say there's something…glowy or something going on about you." Alice responded waving her hand at Rosalie's frame.

"Maybe." Was all she said before sitting back down and Alice followed suit.

"Hey man how's it going?" I asked Emmett who gave me a big grin in return.

"I'm doing good man, how bout you?" He replied.

"Can't really complain I guess." I didn't really sound convincing even to myself. "So why'd we meet here it's a far cry from Griggs."

"Because tonight we are celebrating." Rosalie answered me.

"Ok, so wouldn't a bar be the place to do that?" I asked really confused.

"Not with this celebration. Tonight we are celebrating the fact that-" She paused for dramatic effect, it was so Rose. "I'm pregnant!" She almost squealed. "And I haven't even gotten to the best part. I'm having triplets!" Now she really did squeal.

Oh my god, three? Holy shit, three? How is someone that small gonna fit three?

"Jasper, hello, are you there?" Rosalie asked waving a hand in front of my face.

"Congratulations Rose, I'm really happy for you guys, really." I quickly snapped out of it and smiled a sincere smile. I was really happy for Rosalie, being a mom was something she always wanted and she was finally getting it.

"Oh my god, triplets, Rosalie, we have so much shopping to do." Alice bounced up and down as she took Rosalie's hands in her own.

"And it's like such perfect timing; we just closed on this four bedroom house the day before I found out." Rosalie couldn't stop smiling.

"How far along are you?" Alice asked really intrigued.

"12 weeks."

"Congrats man, going to be a dad…three times." I turned to Emmett.

"I know it's like three times more stressful too." He smiled. It seemed weird to me that someone would find stress a good thing but I think Emmett did.

"Dude, that gives you three chances to screw the kids up." I leaned in speaking a little softer.

"Don't remind me." He now looked like he might vomit.

I wasn't really envying Emmett right now, becoming a dad to one baby would be hard enough but three, all at once and without any practice? No, I did not envy Emmett, I felt sorry for the poor bastard.

I looked over at Alice and she looked just as happy as Rosalie did. I certainly hoped she didn't want any kids. We'd never once spoke about it but I seriously didn't want any in my future. My own life was in despair I didn't need to fuck someone else up and have them turn around and blame me for it when they grew up.

The rest of the evening consisted of mostly small talk, Alice and Rose talked about the babies while me and Emmett discussed the latest baseball games. When we had dinner and I made it my business to have a congratulatory beer with him. God only knew this evening could not be done while fully sober. Alice wrapped things up with making plans to go shopping with Rosalie sometime next week and I had told Emmett I'd come over to their new house and watch a game or two with him.

"Oh and we are planning on having a house warming party about a week after we move in. I'll call you with all the details and you know I'm gonna need your help decorating so we need to schedule a time for that kinda shopping too." Rosalie was ranting on to Alice as we walked out of the restaurant.

"Or we could do baby shopping and party shopping in one day, just have to start early. Well obviously not all the shopping, baby shopping requires multiple trips oh I can't wait!" Alice was ecstatic, and now I was really hoped it was only because of the shopping potential and nothing else.

"Ok, I'll call you tomorrow, plus I'm sure your mom will want in on it too." Rosalie said before hugging Alice goodbye.

"Totally." Alice replied.

"Emmett, congratulations again really man I'm happy for you." I smiled and gave him a manly hug. Emmett was as much my brother as Rosalie was my sister so I tried to look happy.

"Thanks man, hey not only am I gonna be a dad but you're gonna be an uncle again." He was still smiling as wide as he could.

"I look forward to it." I said before turning to Rose.

"I'm so happy for you Rose." I said to her as I held her tight for a minute. All of my sister's wishes were coming true. My only wish was that I could be as certain about things as she was.

"Ok, we'll see you guys later." Alice said after she gave Emmett a hug.

"I'll call you!" Rosalie called from down the sidewalk to Alice.

The start of the drive home was quiet but it didn't last to long.

"Jasper." Alice asked staring out at the highway. "Do you ever think about the future?"

"What do you mean?" I asked a bit nervous it was headed in a bad direction.

"Like getting married having kids and stuff." She finally turned to look at me with a curious look on her face. I kept looking back at her as many times as I could without driving off the road.

"I don't know, not really I guess? I mean kids don't sound much like me. Does that bother you?" I asked worried about the answer I would get.

"No, I never really thought about kids anyway so outside of shopping-which I'm getting vicariously through Rosalie and Bella- I don't think I'm missing anything. But to be honest I thought we'd be married by now." She looked back out the window like what she was saying was nothing big to her.

"So its marriage you want?" I asked.

"I didn't say that." She shot back.

"What are you saying? Help me out here Alice cause I don't get it." I knew I sounded a little agitated and I was.

"I'm just saying a few years ago I thought we would be married by now, but we're not and that's ok I guess. Marriage is not something I'm oppose to or anything so don't think that."

I didn't know what to say to that as we pulled off the highway. Alice stared out the window I continued to remain silent.

All the sudden Alice was fidgeting in her seat a bit with a horrified look on her face.

"Jazz, pull over I don't feel so good." She said hitting my arm a few times. I complied and she threw the door open sticking her head outside and vomiting her recent chicken marsala dinner. After a few minutes she leaned back against the seat looking a little pale.

"You ok sweetie?" I asked concerned, my agitation gone.

"Yeah, just like I said, I'm feeling a little under the weather." I looked at her and she looked really tired now and like she really didn't feel good. Maybe she was telling me the truth earlier. "I'm good, we can go now." She said closing her eyes, and I pulled back out onto the road.

Somewhere in the twenty minutes it took to get home she had fallen asleep. I would have carried her but the stairwell to our apartment was very narrow.

"Alice, we're home baby." I shook her lightly.

"Oh, sorry I guess I'm pretty tired." She said taking a minute to fully wake up. She got out of the car and we walked up to the building. "I can't believe Rose is pregnant, I'm so happy for her." She told me sounding tired still as we reached our door. I opened it and allowed her to go in first.

"Yeah she seems really excited about it." I kicked my shoes off on the rug next to about ten pairs of woman's shoes and followed behind her down the hall to our room.

Alice continued to chat about the coming babies while we dressed for bed.

"I hope she gets at least one girl, Rose needs one to take shopping-to teach shopping." She ranted as she climbed in our bed next to me.

"We can only hope, or else I think she'll force Emmett for another one." I grabbed her around her waist and pulled her toward me breathing in the scent of her shampoo.

"You make her out to be such a villain sometimes." She giggled.

"We are talking about the same woman aren't we; I mean you do remember who we grew up with don't you?"

"She knows what she wants, that's not a bad thing." She said closing her eyes, she was still tired and I had been up way too long so it was hard to feel a little more relaxed.

"Jazz?" She said quietly.

"Yeah." I whispered through her hair.

"I love you." She cooed before yawning.

"I love you too Al." I closed my eyes hoping that sleep would find me tonight…and it did.