*Malec*
Song Fic based off Fear the Future by Emma Blackery
DISCLAIMER
I do not own Fear the Future; the song, all credit and lyrics belong to Emma Blackery. I do not gain any profit from this.
I do not own any characters in this related to Cassandra Clare, or The Mortal Instruments.
The Mortal Instruments characters belong to Cassandra Clare; I do not gain any profit from this.
Magnus Bane was lonely. He was lonely, and he was dismal, and he missed his Alec. The shadowhunter had left for Idris 2 weeks ago, and wasn't expected back for at least 10 days. Some demons had escaped an old Pyxis box, and being the eldest Lightwood, he was required to travel to Alicante to fill in on the jury as his mother was sick. His father, being Inquisitor, couldn't take over himself. Alec had told him as much, the day before he had left, as he packed his things into a bag. Magnus had protested. Isabelle can go; he tried to tell him, you don't always have to be the one that goes. It's my duty, was Alec's reply, and they ceased to speak on the matter after that.
Magnus could go with him sure. In fact, he was supposed to, a case like this requires all members; including Downworld representatives. Unfortunately for them, Magnus had a string of clients requesting his assistance and expertise. Catarina had taken his place, and had promised to keep an eye on Alec, but that hadn't lessened Magnus' worry or decreased his need to be with Alec, by his side.
He had left the loft for a walk, deciding being outside with the cold air whirling around him would be easier in his quest to clear his head and forget about his lover than it was being inside surrounded by things that were Alec's. Even Chairman was miserable, his gloomy whines and incessant meows of discontent reflecting the moods of his owner. It probably didn't help that Magnus had been, on occasion, forgetting to leave food out. Alec was usually the one to do it when Magnus was overwhelmed with work, so Magnus had regrettably dismissed the kittens calling. He had been fed eventually, but had been resolute in his choice to ignore Magnus from there onwards.
Magnus was brought out of his line of thought when he ran into a park bench. He sat on said bench, rubbing his leg where he had hit it. He sighed, placing his head in his hands. The pain in his leg was fading away, his magic healing the injury subconsciously, but his heart still ached with a painful longing. The last time he had been this far away from Alec, and for this long, hadn't been an easy one. It was a dark time that both had resolved never to speak of again.
He turned his attention towards the ring on his left hand. Blue topaz, set in a rose-gold band, with the inscription Forever our hearts are linked engraved on the inside, it was the most beautiful thing he owned, and his most cherished. Their wedding wasn't long away, just under two months. They had both been stressing about it, and Alec's trip away and Magnus' clients weren't making it any easier. Isabelle had been adamant in her offer to help, and Clary had been pitching in as well, but with it so close Magnus wanted his fiancé by his side. Alec had at one point discussed staying home, letting someone else deal with it, Jace maybe, but Magnus had insisted. Jace was in Los Angeles with the Blackthorns and Emma, and was already preoccupied. The backlash from the Clave would be more trouble than Alec staying would be worth. What they didn't expect was for the case to take this long.
"I've missed you, Magnus." His mind registered the familiar voice immediately, but he couldn't quite comprehend his thoughts.
"Magnus, it is you, isn't it?"
He leaned back, his head resting against the back of the bench.
"It's me. The question is, is it you?"
He felt hands rubbing along his shoulders and down his chest, and heard a smooth voice in his ear.
"Of course it is. Did you miss me?" Black locks tickled his cheek, and he turned to face the speaker, a smile gracing his face.
"From the moment you left my sight. I'm glad you're back, care to join me?" He was answered with a kiss, short but full of meaning.
Alec sat down on his left, his runed arm settling on Magnus' leg. The warlock's arm went around the younger's body, and Alec leaned in close.
"You're back early."
"Yes. The Clave are still deciding on a verdict but the jury's decision was delivered so I decided to come home. I checked on Mum, she's okay. She promised me she would be on her feet within a week. 'I have to be better in time for your big day'. You know what she's like. Determined is an understatement. And I got word from Jace, training is good. Apparently Emma is very talented. Raw talent and pure drive; were the words he used."
"That's good to hear. Things here have been okay, work was stressful, but I have it under control now. The loft is empty without you, though. Even Chairman's upset."
"So I should be expecting a hairball to the face when we get home."
"Very likely. But we don't have to go home just yet."
"Speaking of which, why are you out here? I got home and rang the doorbell but you didn't answer. If it wasn't for the mundane I overheard talking about a 'tall, dark haired man with an outrageous coat and platform boots' I would never have found you. Did you not want to be hidden?"
"No, I must have forgotten to glamour myself. I barely remembered to lock the door; I was pretty deep in thought."
"You didn't."
"Pardon?"
"You didn't lock the door. I didn't open it, because of Chairman, but it was very clearly not locked. What has you so spaced?"
"I missed you. More than I thought, so it seems. It's two months until our wedding, and you haven't been here for over a fortnight, and I just really missed you. It's not the same without you around."
"I'm here now."
"I know." Magnus placed his hand over Alec's and they linked, fingers intertwined.
"While I was away, I did some thinking. About us."
"Alexander, you are not breaking up with me. Please tell me after all we have been through you are not leaving me." Magnus' tone was frantic, and anxious, and Alec hurried to calm him down.
"I'm never going to leave you, that is the complete opposite of what I am saying. Just, listen, okay?" Magnus nodded.
"When I was thinking about us, I was thinking about us as a couple, and us as people, and what we have been through, and how that's changed us. Since we have been together, I have grown. I'm stronger, emotionally, and happier. I'm more accepting of my sexuality, in that I accept the fact that I am gay whole-heartedly. It's who I am, and I wouldn't have it any other way. But I only realised that after I had met you. I used to fight, but not for all the right reasons. I fought because it was my duty, I was a shadowhunter, and that's all that needs to matter. I fought for Isabelle, and for Jace, and for Max." His voice cracked towards the end, and Magnus squeezed his hand, in reassurance he was there, his shoulder ready if he needed to cry.
They say there's strength in numbers, but I was weak as one. But now that we're together, look how strong I have become.
"Now, I fight for so much more. I fight for Isabelle and Jace, certainly. And I always will. But now I fight for Clary, and Simon, Luke and Jocelyn, Emma, the Blackthorns. I fight for the future generation of Shadowhunters, so they have a better chance of living, so they don't have to hide away, so they don't have to deal with the things I did. So they can be themselves, be who they want without fearing prejudice and judgement. More importantly, I fight for you, for us."
Now I fight for me and you.
"That is the same for me, Alexander. I used to hide from trouble, staying out of issues, preferring to be on my own. Camille was the only enemy I had to deal with, but I assumed her dead. Then I met you. And everyone opposed to you, your enemies, we came to share. Valentine, Sebastian, they were my problem as much as they were yours."
And the people who upset you, are now my enemies too.
"When you were away and I was really missing you, I slept on your side of the bed, your sweater in my arms, taking in your scent. On the pillows, the clothes. Then I would go to sleep. Because I knew if I did that, I would a day closer to seeing you, touching you, kissing you. A day closer to holding you in my arms."
And when I start to miss you, I go to sleep. And then, I'm another day closer, to seeing you again.
They fell silent, Magnus rubbing his fingers on circles on the back of Alec's hand.
"Have you ever, doubted it?" Alec asked suddenly.
"Doubted what, dear?"
"When we first got together, did you ever doubt your feelings? For me?"
"No, not ever. Why do you ask?"
"Well, we're getting married soon, so I figure it's best to get everything out now. I know it's been a long time, and I've grown in so many ways, but I do still have some insecurities. And I'm so different to you; different to everyone you've ever dated, ever loved. I just wonder if you..."
"You think I was taking pity on you back then." Magnus said, realisation setting in.
"In a way, yes."
"When I said to call me, I meant it. And I was genuinely upset when you didn't. I have meant everything I have ever said to you, and everything I will ever say, until my last breath."
"I'm sorry; I know I shouldn't have said anything. And I mean it now; you don't ask someone to marry you out of pity. It's not like I've ever, had anyone, loved anyone before you. It's always been a little hard for me to accept you love me for me, even as I am."
"Alexander." Magnus turned to face Alec completely, his hands moving to his Nephilim's face, thumbs softly stroking Alec's cheeks.
"Remember this, okay. Promise me, you will always remember this."
"I promise."
And I want you to remember this, when you put yourself down.
"I don't want you to ever put yourself down. Never. You are the single most gorgeous, beautifully breathtaking person I have ever met. You're intelligent, charming, caring, a great kisser. A stunning lover." He dropped a wink, and Alec smiled, the faintest hint of a blush on his cheeks.
"Not to mention you have a wonderful smile. Nevertheless, the most imperative thing you must remember is I don't fear my future anymore. I was so scared I would die alone, stuck in an endless loop of loving and losing, no constant person in my life who meant the world. Now I have you. You are my world, Alexander."
I cannot fear my future, now that I have you around.
(If you haven't already, please listen to the song. It's amazing, the whole EP is fantastic, and Emma is one of my favourite youtubers, so you should definitely check her out as well. :D Thank you for reading! )