Lost and Found, a bleach fanfic

Disclaimer: All characters and concept of Bleach belong to Kubo-sensei, and I have no claim over them.
Warnings: Contains spoilers up to manga chapter 354. Rated for strong languages and m/m sexual situations. Reader discretion is advised.
Note: I didn't plan to write another GrimmUlqui after my previous one-shot, but apparently, my muse has another idea. I've tried my best to keep everyone IC but I'm not sure if my efforts pay off. This is rather long and I should've divided it into chapters to add more details, but I'm too lazy to change anything right now, so I can only hope you'll read till the end of it. Comment and criticism are loved, so don't hesitate to send feedback even if you hate the story.

Lost and Found

Ever since Aizen won the war and crowned himself as the newest soul king, all Las Noches inhabitants had become used to seeing a certain blue-haired Espada stand by the Fifth Tower and watch workers fix the hole in the dome of the palace with a hollow look in his cerulean eyes.

Even those who barely knew Grimmjow could easily tell that said Espada had changed so much since the war ended—if not before. There were times when Grimmjow would be mad for no apparent reasons and snapped at everyone around him, and there were other times when he acted in such a cold way and isolated himself from his fellow Arrancar.

The Sexta Espada's demeanor had worried other Espadas, but everyone knew better than to comment about it to the azure-eyed Espada since it would only anger Grimmjow and drive him further into his own world. Even the fox-faced Shinigami who was entrusted by Aizen to be in charge of Hueco Mundo kept his smiling face and told all the Arrancar to give Grimmjow some space, saying that 'he'd come 'round on his own.'

Yet even now that it had been months since the end of the war, Grimmjow was still far from returning to his normal self.

The blue-haired Espada was once again spotted at his favorite position by the Fifth Tower, looking up to the already fixed sunlit sky, lost in his own thoughts. So he jumped slightly when someone's voice cut through the silence.

"Why don't ya just head to Soul Society just for da heck of it?"

Grimmjow turned to where the voice came from and saw Ichimaru Gin standing right next to him, also looking up to what used to be a hole in the sky. The ever-present smile was still plastered on the Shinigami's face. He wanted so much to ignore Aizen's favorite lieutenant, but knowing Gin, the Shinigami wouldn't leave just because he was ignored, so Grimmjow sighed exasperatedly before he asked, "Sorry, but what?"

"Why don't ya just head to Soul Society just for da heck of it?'" Gin repeated himself. "You know, Kaname won't mind ya there as long as ya keep a low profile."

"Low profile?" the Espada snorted. "I've got blue hair and a mask if you didn't notice. Besides, why'd I even wanna trespass that blind freak's territory to begin with?"

"For da same reason why yer mournin' Ulquiorra now?" Gin offered. "I mean, you obviously miss him, so wouldn't it be wiser to just go there and find him instead of stayin' here lookin' at the sky?"

Grimmjow's face twitched at the mention of the late Cuarta Espada's name then he turned sharply to the smiling Shinigami and caught Gin by his collar.

"Don't fuck with me, Ichimaru! He was dead! Fucking dead! Killed! Disintegrated into the sand! Which part of that don't you fucking get?"

The smile on the Shinigami's face, however, didn't even falter when Gin tapped Grimmjow's wrist lightly as if to tell the Arrancar to let go.

The Espada abruptly let go of the Shinigami and turned away from him so he could calm the rage that suddenly came to surface after all of his emotions seemed to have been buried somewhere in the past months.

"Yer the one who doesn't get it, Grimmjow," Gin remarked as he straightened his robe, seemingly unaffected by Grimmjow's previous action. "I mean, hasn't anyone ever told you?"

"Told me what?" The Espada snapped.

"About what happens to a Hollow after being slain by a Shinigami?"

The only response from the blue-eyed Espada was a venomous glare. "Cut to the chase, you creep."

Gin's smile only went broader. "Oww…that ain't how you should talk to ya superior, ya know? If ya keep this attitude up, I won't tell ya."

"Then get the fuck outta my face before I kill you," Grimmjow returned, his voice surprisingly calm. "Aizen might have entrusted you to reign over Hueco Mundo, but I ain't afraid of you, or of him, for that matter."

The Shinigami pouted. "Aren't you at least a tiny bit curious 'bout what I hafta say?"

"No."

"Even if it involves, Ulquiorra?" the silver-haired male drawled then peeked at the blue-haired Arrancar for reaction.

Grimmjow clenched his jaws before he said through gritted teeth, "Don't. Ever. Say. That. Name. So. Lightly."

Gin would have giggled at Grimmjow's reaction had it not been for the killing intent that was oozing uncontrollably out of the blue-haired Arrancar. His smile faltered, but only slightly, before he replied, "Ah, well, since I'm feelin' a little generous today, I'd tell you anyway."

Grimmjow still glowered at Gin, unable to care less about the fact that the Shinigami was given permission by Aizen to execute anyone who dared to question his authority. The Shinigami, however, didn't seem to care much about what his subordinate did and continued to speak what he had to say.

"You see, when a Shinigami dispatched a Hollow, he doesn't really kill it. Instead, he merely purifies that fallen soul from the sin that that Hollow committed during the time it was a Hollow and later sends the cleansed soul to Soul Society."

"So?"

The Shinigami huffed. "So Arrancars are Hollows that received power of Shinigami, which means there's a chance the same thing would happen to Arrancar as well."

The blue-haired Espada blinked for a couple of times as if he was still lost at what the silver-haired Shinigami was trying to convey. Then it suddenly hit him.

"Are you saying that…?" Grimmjow's blue eyes were widened. If an Arrancar had a heart, Grimmjow was sure it would have already pounded like crazy in his chest. "You mean there's a chance that he'd still be alive somewhere in Soul Society?"

"Yep." Gin nodded. "But I've gotta warn you, though, that it won't be easy to find him and if somehow you did—"

"Shut it, Ichimaru, I don't wanna hear about what could go wrong when I find him," Grimmjow remarked flatly, cutting the man off midsentence. "You can't just raise my fucking hope up then crush it with your foot in the next second. Now fuck off."

"You could use some anger management, ya know?" Gin said teasingly. "But whatever. It's too hot to stay out here anyway. I don't know how ya manage to stand here all this time. See ya back inside."

With that, Gin was off, leaving Grimmjow alone to his thoughts. The Espada watched as the Shinigami shunpo away before he turned his eyes back to the clear blue sky. For the first time in months, his eyes were lit up and his expression didn't look so empty.

Grimmjow sat down under a tree to shade himself from the heat of the sun that was shining over the blue sky of Soul Society. While there were some teahouses in Rukongai that he could stop by and hide from the sun even for a few minutes, the Espada knew it wouldn't do him any good when everyone would scatter away in fear of his sinister mask and the huge hollow hole in his stomach.

Closing his eyes, the Arrancar allowed himself a short break.

It had been almost two years since he began his little quest for Ulquiorra, and yet he still found no sign of anyone that looked relatively like the late Cuarta Espada. It was either they were too muscular or too scrawny, too tall or too short, too tan or too pale; but more importantly, none of them possessed that certain shade of green in his eyes.

Now he was tired, both physically and emotionally.

'Let's face it, Grimmjow, that search of yours is pointless. Even if Ulquiorra's soul was really purified and sent to Soul Society as Ichimaru claimed, there's no guarantee that he'd be the same as when he was an Espada. His memories as a Hollow might as well be wiped out when he was 'cleansed'. So why don't you do us all a favor and accept that he's gone?'

Grimmjow could hear the voice of the Segunda Espada in his head, voicing what Grimmjow had refused to listen from Gin when the Shinigami first introduced the idea to him. And while a part of him knew that Barragan had a point, another part refused to consider that possibility.

"Who gives a fuck about what you or anybody else thinks, you old fart?" Grimmjow muttered the same words he had replied to Barragan back when the Segunda spoke those cutting sentences to him the first time. "If I wanted your fucking opinion, I would ask for it. I will find Ulquiorra and I will bring him back. So what if he don't remember? I'll just remind him. If you don't like that idea, you can go fuck yourself."

Yet even though he wasn't any less determined to find Ulquiorra, the truth still remained that he had already raided through more than three hundred districts of Rukongai and that there were only a few districts left to be searched. And it made the blue-haired Arrancar begin to think that he might have to spend all eternity searching for someone that might not be there.

"Fuck! Since when have I become a quitter?" Grimmjow snarled. "There're ten districts left to search, and that's plenty enough."

Taking a deep breath, the Espada stood up and prepared to leave for another search. He didn't care how long it would take to find Ulquiorra or how many people tried to talk him out of it. He would find Ulquiorra. He simply had to. Even if his chance of succeeding was small, he just wasn't ready to give up that hope yet, and perhaps, he never would be.

The sun had already set when Grimmjow finished searching yet another district of Rukongai, and now he was contemplating whether he should open the Garganta and return to Hueco Mundo for the night or stay over in Soul Society. Since he had yet to make a decision when he reached to a new district, the blue-eyed Espada let his feet carry him to a small ramen stall that was at the corner of the street, deciding that he would have something to eat before he made up his mind.

Fortunately, Grimmjow didn't scare the middle-aged woman who owned the place since for some reasons, she believed the Espada was one of the actors who had just come out from the theater downtown, so he was welcome to the place and treated as a person.

Grimmjow had finished half of the ramen in his bowl when he heard someone approaching the stall, and then sat on a wooden stool to his right, but he paid no heed to it since he believed it would be just another customer.

Meanwhile, the stall owner turned to greet her new customer with a warm smile.

"Oh, hello, Ul-kun, it's nice to see you again," the woman said conversationally. "I've been wondering when you'd come out of that forest. I'm worried about you, you know. But anyway, what will you have tonight?"

"I'll have the usual."

"So miso ramen, eh? It'll be ready in a minute."

The lady turned to fill the order while Grimmjow was frozen in place at the second he heard the newcomer's voice.

There was something about that man's baritone and the impassive way he uttered his sentences that caught Grimmjow's attention. That voice sounded strangely familiar to him somehow. It was as if it was a voice of…

Grimmjow could feel his stomach churn in anticipation as he turned slowly to his right just to catch a glimpse of this 'Ul-kun' person.

The chopsticks in Grimmjow's hand fell to the floor.

Right beside him sat a slender man with sleek raven hair and porcelain skin. The man turned slightly to frown at Grimmjow once he noticed the Arrancar's stare, and Grimmjow felt a pull at his heart once his aqua eyes met with those jade orbs. There could be no mistake. Despite the lack of a helmet mask, green tear marks and a Hollow hole in his sternum, the man who was sitting right there beside him in that small stall could only be…

"Ulquiorra…"

Ulquiorra—or at least the male being that greatly resembled him—lifted an eyebrow at Grimmjow in a questioning gesture once the Arrancar voiced the name aloud.

"Do I know you?"

Grimmjow blinked for a couple of times to get himself out of a stupor, feeling his heart sink to his ankle with that simple question. It took him a moment to gather his voice and force it past the dry lump in his throat.

"You don't remember?"

The blue-haired Espada would never associate anything about himself with the word weak, and yet he couldn't find any better vocabulary to describe how he sounded when he uttered his question.

That green-eyed man, however, didn't seem to notice and still eyed Grimmjow uncaringly.

"I think I would remember someone with blue hair and strange mask if I ever met him," said the man. "But I don't recall ever seeing you before. Though I must admit I'm surprised that you know my name and even pronounced it correctly."

The Espada's clenched his jaws as he heard the reply. His throat felt even tighter than it had been before. He had to keep his hands on the glass of water to refrain from reaching out and shaking the lithe figure in front of him.

"But we know each other, Ulquiorra," Grimmjow protested in a gruff voice. "We were even—"

The blue-haired man stopped himself midsentence.

The slender man frowned slightly deeper. "Even?"

The glass Grimmjow had been holding on to was crushed into pieces in his hands, causing the stall's owner to gasp in surprise and Ulquiorra to give him a disapproving look, yet the Espada was beyond the point of caring.

"You really don't remember, do you?"

Ulquiorra didn't response, yet his silence was enough to make Grimmjow sneered and let out a hoarse, humorless laugh that sounded so maniacal that anyone would have assumed the Espada had lost the last brink of his sanity.

But then the Espada stopped.

Grimmjow reached his hand up to wipe away that lone drop of water that threatened to fall from his azure eye.

He couldn't recall the last time he cried. In fact, he didn't think he had cried once since he became an Arrancar. Not when he felt Ulquiorra's reiatsu suddenly vanish from above Las Noches' sky. Not even after the war had been over and he realized the Cuarta Espada would never regenerate. It was as if he had become too numb to feel anything, and all the tears he had were falling back inside his hollow heart instead of out of his eyes. But now that he was staring right into those green orbs that had both fascinated and frustrated him and saw that they were looking at him as if he was a total stranger, he felt worse than being shot at a point-blank range with the most powerful Cero Oscuras.

It just hurt too much.

Knowing that he would break if he lingered there any second longer, Grimmjow left some money on the table just enough to cover the fare and the damages he had caused before he left the stall in haste.

Ulquiorra watched as Grimmjow departed, feeling somewhat interested in the exotic man's sudden outburst. He had no idea what gave that man the impression that they had known each other or why the way that man called his name held some strange intimacy in it. He was certain he had never met such an eccentric being. As he told that man, if he had met him, he would have remembered.

"What's with that man?" the ramen stall's owner mumbled to herself as she placed Ulquiorra's order in front of him then started cleaning up the mess Grimmjow he had caused.

Ulquiorra blinked once as he was brought out of his reverie by the lady's question.

"I wish I knew."

The lady picked up the coins Grimmjow left on the table and sighed. "Ah, well, at least, he leaves a large tip. I wonder if all actors are like him."

Ulquiorra didn't make any comment as he started eating his meal. He never really paid much attention to anyone he had met since his soul first arrived in Soul Society, as none of the people there had captured his interest. However, for some reason, that blue-headed character had intrigued him in a level that nobody had been able to do, and yet he didn't even get the man's name.

"Whoa! Watch where you're going, man!" Lilinette yelped as Grimmjow stormed past her, almost hitting her in the process. "What's with you anyway?"

The blue-haired Espada simply ignored the girl as he continued on his way towards his quarters. He could hear a faint voice of someone else talking to that little brat Stark kept as a Fracción, saying something that sounded very much like, "I guess his search's just gone in vain again."

Grimmjow ground his teeth as he entered his bedroom and slammed his door shut in a loud bang. Once he was in the comfort of his own room, the Espada screamed and thrashed everything that was in his sight down to the floor in frustration.

It had taken him almost an hour until he vented it all out and finally sat down on the floor by his bed, breathing heavily, his body trembling slightly.

At this point, everyone in Las Noches knew about his determination to find Ulquiorra at all costs, and eighty percent of the Arrancar found Grimmjow's action rather pathetic and believed he was in for a wild-goose chase. They were all used to his display of sullenness every time he returned to Las Noches empty-handed. Yet, what they didn't know was that he had found Ulquiorra this time, or to be more precise, Ulquiorra had found him; and yet, he was still mad beyond reasons.

He was supposed to be overjoyed that he had finally found the man and that Ulquiorra was alive and well, yet all the happiness seemed to be wiped out completely once he realized one of his worst nightmares had come true and Ulquiorra couldn't recognize him at all.

A warm tear rolled silently down his left cheek while another threatened to fall from his right eyes as he looked up to the ceiling.

"Goddamn it! Why does it have to be this way? Why does he fucking forget? Why?"

A soft knock broke Grimmjow's train of thought, making the Espada turn abruptly to the door.

"Who the fuck is that?"

"It's Halibel. May I enter?"

Grimmjow could only think that Halibel was sent to see what caused all the noises and tried to stop it since she was the third strongest Espada and they couldn't trust to someone who was weaker than Grimmjow to confront him in his current mood.

Knowing despite being a woman, Halibel wasn't a type to take shit from anybody, let alone him; Grimmjow quickly wiped his tears away with the back of his hand.

"Suit yourself," the blue-haired Arrancar replied, not feeling like getting up to answer the door. "The door ain't locked."

A second later, the door was opened to reveal a silhouette of the Tercera Espada. Grimmjow didn't bother to greet her or look up, yet the dark-skinned lady didn't seem to mind his lack of etiquette.

"This is a mess," Halibel commented as she looked inside Grimmjow's den, crossing her arms above her chest. She was used to his sour mood after he returned from Soul Society, but she couldn't recall any time that Grimmjow was quite as violent. "What's with the commotion?"

"I've found him."

By saying 'him', it was clear to both Espadas whom Grimmjow was referring to. Halibel stood by the door frame and tried to study the lower rank Espada under the silver moonlight.

"I don't think locking yourself in and trashing everything in your room is your way to celebrate." Grimmjow snorted as a response. "So what's wrong, Grimmjow?"

The wielder of Pantera cast his bloodshot eyes to the only female Espada for a moment, wondering if he should tell her. Then he let out a soft sigh, knowing that he needed to talk to someone before he really went mad, and despite everything, Halibel seemed to be more compassionate than any other Arrancar.

"He doesn't remember." The answer was simple, yet it was more than enough to explain everything.

The Tercera became quiet for a moment as it dawned to her why Grimmjow's room was in that state.

"I see," she murmured thoughtfully. "Then what are you doing back here in Las Noches, Grimmjow?" The man only gave her a broken look. "Didn't you once spat at Barragan that if Ulquiorra couldn't remember, you would merely remind him, or was it all just a talk?"

"I meant every word I said," Grimmjow snapped. "It's just—"

"It's just…?" she prompted.

"What if it doesn't work and he never remembers, Halibel? What should I do then?"

Sighing softly, the lady knew the talk would be much longer than she first anticipated.

"Then it's a good time for you to sit down and ask yourself how much he really means to you." Seeing that Grimmjow had opened his mouth to say something, Halibel made a gesture for him to keep his mouth shut. "You don't have to tell me. I don't really want to know. Anyway, you can always just give up on him and then move on with your life."

"You know damn well that I can't."

Halibel chuckled. "I suppose so, otherwise you'd have moved on by now. Very well, I guess you're down to two options: take him by force—"

"Are you nuts?"

The blond lady gave the blue-headed man a cool glare.

"So you do care a lot about him then."

"Damn right, I do. I—" Grimmjow stopped himself. He wasn't about to tell Halibel something that he had never said to Ulquiorra. "You think I'd raid through Soul Society just for anybody?"

"No," replied the Tercera Espada. "So I guess there's only one thing for you to do if you can't make him remember."

"And what the fuck is that?"

"Forge a new memory," Halibel said solemnly. "You know, try to win him again. It shouldn't be too hard. After all, you did manage to break through his wall once."

Grimmjow snorted. "It's not that easy, Halibel. I don't even know him anymore."

"Enough with your self-pity; it's pathetic," the third strongest Arrancar in the Aizen's army cut him off sternly, apparently having enough of his whine. "He couldn't have changed that much. Try to remember what attracted him to you in the first place and then work from there."

Grimmjow blinked at Halibel. What attracted Ulquiorra to him in the first place? He had never really thought much about it before. He only knew about his feelings for Ulquiorra, and he never asked Ulquiorra why the man wanted a relationship with him. After all, it wasn't like them to discuss something sentimental. He knew how he felt and he believed he knew how Ulquiorra felt, and that should be enough. Did it really matter to know how they came to feel that way or why? That kind of stuff didn't really have reasons anyway.

The blue-haired Espada sighed.

"I'll leave you to think about that then," Halibel commented after a long moment of silence.

Grimmjow nodded. He wanted so much to give the blonde a big hug to show how much he appreciated what she had just said, yet he decided against it since it would be very uncharacteristic of him to do so and Halibel would probably slap him through the wall of his quarters for touching her without permission. So he settled for a simple, "Thanks."

Halibel lifted her brow as she didn't expect to hear the word coming out of Grimmjow's mouth, yet she only acknowledged it with a nod before she turned to leave the blue-haired Espada's quarters. Yet before she was off, Grimmjow called after her.

"Hey, Halibel. Why did you…suddenly become supportive?"

The lady gave him a pointed look.

"Don't mistake my intention, Grimmjow. I neither supported nor opposed what you're doing. I merely want some peace in the palace, but I can't have that if you're still breaking things in your quarters."

With that, Halibel closed the door behind her and left. A small smile reached to Grimmjow's face as he climbed up his bed. Once again, he let the memories he shared with Ulquiorra flood his mind. This time, those memories didn't cut him all too deep.

Tomorrow he would return to Soul Society to find Ulquiorra again, and he would do whatever it took to have him back. How hard could that be anyway?

Grimmjow arrived back at that ramen stall where he had met Ulquiorra, hoping to gather some information about Ulquiorra's whereabouts from the owner. From what he had overheard the lady talking to Ulquiorra, the stoic man should at least be a regular so she might have some ideas where Grimmjow could find him.

The woman was obviously surprised to see Grimmjow at her stall again in the next morning, yet like all good business owners should be, she greeted him with a welcome smile.

"Hello. I see you're still in the same costume from last night. What can I get you this time?"

Usually, Grimmjow would simply threaten her for information, but he figured that in this case, playing nice would benefit him more, or at least that was what the stupid human girl always said when she was still held captive under Ulquiorra's care. So, he gave the woman a smile, though that smile didn't quite reach to his cerulean eyes.

"Actually, oba-san, I'm here to ask you about Ulquiorra, you know, the guy who was here last night. Black hair. Green eyes. Ring any bell?"

"Ulqi—oh, you mean Ul-kun?"

"Yeah, that's the guy," Grimmjow said as he sat down on the wooden stool. "Can tell me where I can find him?"

"But why would you want to see him? Didn't he say that he didn't know you?"

Grimmjow groaned and narrowed his eyes in annoyance. Yet, knowing that he might not get anything at all if he scared the woman off, the Espada kept his anger in check.

"Look, oba-san, I don't mean him any harm if that's what you're worried about. I just wanna talk to him, that's all," the Arrancar said. "So will you just tell me where I can find him?"

There was something in Grimmjow's voice, perhaps a sign of desperation, that made the lady take a careful look at him and sigh.

"I'm sorry, but I really can't tell you."

"So you don't know where I can find him?"

"Nobody does, at least, not exactly anyway," the lady replied. "As far as everybody knows, Ul-kun lives in the forbidden forest and only comes to the village when he needs some supplies or when he finds something valuable to trade with the merchants. It's been a long while since he last spent the night in the village, so I guess he's already been back to the forest by now."

"Okay, then where is this 'forbidden forest'?"

"It's just three miles due west, but you really shouldn't go there," the woman warned. "There are monsters in that forest, and it's only a miracle that Ul-kun manages to be unharmed so far."

"Monsters?" Grimmjow muttered before he let out a soft chuckle, suspecting that those monsters were none other than some stupid low-class Hollows that went out hunting. "I'll be sure to look out for that. Thanks for the tips."

Ulquiorra was waiting for water to boil so he could brew himself a cup of tea. For some reasons, he enjoyed the drink so much that he was willing to head to the city despite the fact that he hated socializing with those useless villagers. In fact, getting the tea was the only reason why he still stepped into that town at all after he settled down in the so-called forbidden forest. After all, he felt more at home there in his log cabin than in town with those idiotic villagers who couldn't even pronounce his name right.

Perhaps he used to live in a forest in his past life.

Ulquiorra contemplated on that thought for a moment, since he didn't recall anything from before the time he was sent to that town in Rukongai. All he remembered was that his name was Ulquiorra Schiffer, and everything else just seemed like a fading picture to him. Yet he quickly brushed the thought aside, believing that it was pointless to try to recall some insignificant events. After all, if they had really been important, then he shouldn't have forgotten them in the first place.

But then there was that blue-headed individual who claimed to have known him from the past and made him wonder just what kind of past they shared to cause that man such reactions when he saw him. Usually, Ulquiorra would merely label any villagers as trash and simply ignore them, but somehow said blue-head didn't suddenly fall into that category, mostly because that man was the first who had pronounced his name correctly since the first time and didn't try to alter his name into something that would be 'easier' to call.

The dark-haired man frowned at he caught where his thought was drifting.

He shouldn't be thinking about someone he would never meet again. For all he knew, that man could be mentally unstable. He had to be if he could laugh in one minute and then cry in the next. Perhaps he had been exposed to too many chemicals from the hair dye and hair gel. He had to be, or otherwise he wouldn't be able to wear his hair in such an exotic color and style.

Ulquiorra narrowed his eyes. Why he even bothered to think about that nameless man and how he managed to remember all details of that man's appearance was a wonder even to himself. Shaking his head, he shoved the thought of that blue-eyed person out of his mind and concentrated on making the drink.

Ulquiorra didn't have a chance to finish half of his drink when he heard a roaring coming from nearby. From its sound, whatever kind of beast that was out there had to be huge and maybe also hungry. While he was certain that his cabin was secure enough to prevent all kinds of beasts from breaking in, Ulquiorra still put down his teacup and headed to pick up a hunting knife for precaution. After all, one could never be too careful.

The roaring came even closer to the cabin, yet Ulquiorra was still far from being worried, or at least that was how he felt until huge claws tore their ways through the wooden wall of his small house.

Instinctively, Ulquiorra jumped out of the range of those claws. While he never believed the rumors that there were monsters in the forest, he could easily tell that those huge claws were too huge to be of any normal animals.

"What is that thing?"

There was no one there to help him find the answer, but Ulquiorra didn't really think he should stay and find out.

The monster had already torn off a wall of his house and the only weapon Ulquiorra had was the hunting knife that seemed ridiculously small in comparison to the size of the monster. It would be a suicide attempt to stay and fight the thing, so as much as he wanted to protect his property, Ulquiorra decided it would be wiser to flee. His home could be rebuilt just as long as he was alive.

Grimmjow could hear a familiar roar of a Hollow soon after he entered the forest. Normally, he wouldn't care about what a Hollow did in its spare time, but since he had been told that Ulquiorra lived in the area, the Espada became a tad worried. After all, he had no idea if Ulquiorra would be able to defend himself against that lowlife now that he had been stripped off of all of his powers as an Arrancar and become nothing more than another normal soul.

The Arrancar rushed past the trees and what he saw later drove him beyond mad.

Ulquiorra was trapped. His back was facing a cliff while a Huge Hollow blocked all other escapes. Determination shone behind those jade orbs as Ulquiorra tightened the hunting knife in his hand before he swung said knife at the Hollow in a vain attempt to cut the limbs of said Hollow whenever it reached out to him.

It was obvious that the Hollow wasn't afraid of that small knife as there was no way that thing could possibly harm it, but it acted that way only to toy with its current prey and drive Ulquiorra further back towards the edge of cliff.

Just as the ugly being struck down on Ulquiorra, who had to duck since there was no other way to run, the Arrancar instinctively used to Sonído to stand between the brunette and the Hollow. He then blocked the Hollow's strike with his bare hand before the Hollow could land its dirty claws on Ulquiorra.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing, you piece of shit?" Grimmjow snarled before he ruthlessly tore said limb off the Hollow's body, causing it to let out an agonizing cry.

The Hollow let out an angry roar and was about to retaliate but it was frozen in place once it could see the face of the person who had just severed its limb.

"Jeagerjaques-sama?"

Grimmjow's blue eyes burned with pure malice as he glared at the Hollow's astounded face. He didn't bother to give that Hollow a chance to redeem itself when he threw the limb in his hand away then took off into the air and punched through the Hollow's skull, ending its life with one single hit.

"You've chosen the wrong prey this time, motherfucker."

Taking a deep breath to calm his rage, Grimmjow then turned to Ulquiorra, who was still on the ground heaving. It was heartbreaking to see the man who once was the Cuarta Espada in the Aizen's army being brought to that position by such a lowly being that the man would have had no trouble dealing with in his past incarnation. Yet, Grimmjow shook the thought aside as he offered his hand to Ulquiorra.

"Hey, are you okay there?"

Ulquiorra looked up to Grimmjow, obviously not pleased by the fact that he had just been rescued. He pointedly ignored the hand that was offered to him when he got up and brushed the dirt off his clothes.

Grimmjow rolled his eyes at how very Ulquiorra-like that slender man had just acted, but then again, the Espada had probably wounded the man's ego when he ended that Hollow's life as if it was nothing when Ulquiorra couldn't even inflict a wound upon the monster. Not that Grimmjow really expected Ulquiorra's gratitude for saving him. After all, he might be freaked out if Ulquiorra should ever thank him.

"That Hollow didn't hurt you, did it?"

Ulquiorra didn't answer the question right away. Instead, he looked at Grimmjow from head to toe in a scrutinizing gaze. His eyes focused on the hole in Grimmjow's stomach for a second before they went back to the Arrancar's face and stopped on the remnant of his mask. Then the man looked into the Espada's cyan eyes.

"So that thing is called a Hollow?"

Grimmjow shrugged as a response.

"Then what are you supposed to be?"

The Espada narrowed his eyes, offended by the man's question.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean? I've just saved your sorry ass, and you're interrogating me?" Grimmjow growled then he muttered under his breath, "Ungrateful little bastard."

Ulquiorra looked at the Espada with distrust.

"I might be more grateful if you didn't have a hole in your body and a mask on your face like that Hollow, but from what I see now, you could be the one who sent it after me in the first place, Jeagerjaques-sama."

Grimmjow winced at the way Ulquiorra just addressed him. He had to give it to Ulquiorra to be able to take in that much information even when his life was threatened. Perhaps, he hadn't changed all that much after he was reincarnated after all.

"Don't call me that," The Espada growled. "And don't compare me to that lowlife. It's degrading. Besides, why the fuck would I waste my energy to save you if I was the one who sent it after you?"

The pale-skinned man frowned since he couldn't quite find an explanation for that. Perhaps he had been too paranoid, and having spent two years alone in the forest didn't really do much for his social skill.

"I suppose I owe you my gratitude and an apology, so what can I do to make it up to you?"

Grimmjow felt the urge to grab Ulquiorra's shoulders and shake him hard. As much as it was nice and refreshing to hear such words coming out of Ulquiorra's lips, it was still weird that the man showed even the slightest sign of gratitude. But then Grimmjow had to remind himself that the man before him didn't have any recollections of his past as Aizen's Cuarta Espada; therefore, it might change some of his attitudes.

"Forget it; it's nothing." Grimmjow scowled. "Nah, on the other thought, there's something you can do."

Ulquiorra raised an eyebrow as he waited for Grimmjow to continue.

"Call me Grimmjow and we're even."

Ulquiorra furrowed his brow slightly at the strange request from the blue-haired man in front of him, yet he couldn't find any reason not to comply.

"Grim-jaw, huh?" Ulquiorra said, testing the name. It sounded strange, and yet familiar to his ears. "What a strange name. It suits your mask, though."

"I wasn't named after my fucking mask, damn it!" Grimmjow growled. "And it's Grimmjow. G-r-i-m-m-j-o-w. Grimmjow Jeagerjaques."

"I'm Ulquiorra Schiffer." Ulquiorra introduced himself although he didn't know why he felt the urge to do so. "But I suspected you've already known that."

Grimmjow nodded to confirm the thought.

"Well then, I suppose this is where we part," Ulquiorra remarked as he prepared to leave. "Nice to meet you, Grimmjow."

Grimmjow almost shuddered when he heard his name coming out of Ulquiorra's lips once again, but then he frowned as he realized Ulquiorra had turned to leave.

"Oi, wait a minute, Ulquiorra," he called after the man, making Ulquiorra halt for a second as if waiting for Grimmjow to say what he had to say. "At least let me walk you home just in case a Hollow suddenly pops up again?"

Ulquiorra turned to frown at Grimmjow before he remarked curtly, "I don't need your protection, Grimmjow. I am not helpless."

"I know," Grimmjow replied. "But it's either you allow me to walk with you or I'm stalking you anyway. So, what's it gonna be, Ulquiorra?"

Ulquiorra's response was in a form of a snort and a shake of his head. Then, the dark-haired man headed towards the direction of his home without saying a word.

The Espada grinned broadly before he laced his fingers behind his neck and strode after Ulquiorra. Maybe, just maybe, this task wouldn't be as difficult as he feared it would be.

Three months had passed since the day he rescued Ulquiorra from a Hollow and then insisted to accompany the man home. Grimmjow had sorely come to accept that Ulquiorra would never remember their past together and would never again be the Cuarta Espada he knew and loved, yet the Espada never failed to show up at the man's front door.

He could tell that despite some changes, Ulquiorra still preferred to live in solitude and didn't appreciate anyone's attention, yet the Arrancar still persisted to visit Ulquiorra every other day, trying to make himself a part of Ulquiorra's new life without pressing too hard that would give the man a discomfort.

It seemed his effort paid off, since Ulquiorra no longer seemed to be bothered by his presence. In fact, the man almost looked as if he was looking forward to his visit and never again questioned Grimmjow's purpose for being there.

It was as if they had formed themselves some kind of bond, though not quite the same kind as the one they shared in the past. After all, Ulquiorra didn't have a rank over Grimmjow, and hence, felt no urge to treat him as an inferior on a regular basis while Grimmjow had long since forgotten that he had once wanted to surpass Ulquiorra in terms of power. In other words, they had become close to each other during those months.

Yet even then, the Espada had to admit it was still hard for him, being so close to Ulquiorra, and yet still so far. It was tantalizing to be able to see and talk to the man again, yet not able to touch or feel that man the way he used to.

Grimmjow knew that most Las Noches dwellers were laughing behind his back for the way he was still—as Stark kindly put it—courting Ulquiorra. Yammy, being his stupid self, even accused Grimmjow of going soft since the wielder of Pantera chose to wait when he should just haul Ulquiorra back to Las Noches against his will and then rape the man just to get it over with.

Since he thought Yammy was too foolish to understand his reasons, Grimmjow didn't want to waste his energy to explain that he hadn't gone soft. Hell, if it had been somebody else that Grimmjow was interested in, he would have done just as Yammy suggested. He was never a gentleman to begin with. But it was Ulquiorra, and Grimmjow didn't want just that man's body. He wanted the man's heart and soul as well, but it would be impossible for him to get them if he just took Ulquiorra against his will. He would be breaking them before he did.

So there he was, back to square one, trying to figure out what he had done to make Ulquiorra warm up to him when the man was the Cuarta Espada.

He had yet to figure that part out, but in the meantime, he decided to be satisfied with all the quality time he managed to spend with Ulquiorra whether it was spent discussing and bickering over some random topics or if it was used to sit back in silence, enjoying each other's company. Those were enough for him for now, yet it didn't mean that Grimmjow never sent out any hints or signs. Truth be told, Grimmjow had done everything in his book while trying to keep it subtle so he wouldn't scare Ulquiorra off or give him discomfort. There were so many seemingly innocent teases, so many accidental touches that lingered for a little too long and so many lines that held much deeper meanings than they sounded in first blush. In other words, the Espada had done everything except jumping that unsuspecting man and ravishing him.

He just wasn't sure if Ulquiorra could read them all.

Sighing softly, Grimmjow leaned his back against the trunk and moved slightly to adjust his position on the limb of the tree he had been sitting on so he could get a better view of Ulquiorra's cabin.

The Espada knew it might look as if he was an obsessed stalker, which in a way, he was, but he couldn't help being afraid that some stupid Hollows would show up and attack Ulquiorra if he wasn't around. After all, Grimmjow still blamed himself that that freak Kurosaki Ichigo had attacked and later ended Ulquiorra's life, so he wouldn't be able to live with himself if any harm should be done to Ulquiorra again.

After seeing that the last light in Ulquiorra's house was out, Grimmjow looked up to the sky. The Espada frowned at how cloudy it was that night. He didn't know if it ever rained in Soul Society, but he prayed to Aizen that it didn't, or at least, not that night. It was not that he minded being wet like people normally assumed that he would do once they knew about his Resurrección, but he didn't have any spare clothes with him and it would be very troublesome should it rain.

A couple of roars of thunders and some lightning later, Grimmjow realized Aizen was not going to answer his prayer that night. The rain later poured down, and it didn't look like it was going to stop anytime soon.

"Oh, fuck!" the Espada mumbled to himself. "Why can't this place be like Hueco Mundo?"

Grimmjow didn't know how many minutes he had spent in that cold rain, but he knew he was soaking and his body began to shake from the low temperature. He pulled his legs closer to his body as he hugged himself.

He could have simply returned to Hueco Mundo since he didn't think any Hollows would like to hunt in that kind of weather, but the stubborn part of him didn't want to leave. It told him the coldness shouldn't have bothered him since it was much colder in Hueco Mundo's desert, and he was only acting that way because living in Las Noches had spoiled him.

Before he could decide whether he wanted to open the Garganta and returned to Las Noches to dry off, he heard someone shouting something to him through the heavy rain but the downpour had drowned out all the voice. He looked down, and he almost fell off the tree when he saw Ulquiorra staring up to his direction, his lips moving as if he was saying something.

Knowing that he would never be able to hear Ulquiorra if he just sat there in the tree, Grimmjow jumped down to stand in front of the man. Once he saw Ulquiorra closely and took in the way the rain soaked through his thin cotton yukata and made the clothes clung to his skin despite the fact that Ulquiorra had an umbrella, Grimmjow's breath hitched.

Fighting down his carnal desire, Grimmjow asked, trying to sound normal, "What the hell are you doing out here, Ulquiorra?"

The man glowered at him.

"Come with me to my house," Ulquiorra demanded curtly, not answering Grimmjow's question.

Surprised by the offer and the hint of authority behind Ulquiorra's voice, Grimmjow shouted back, "What did you say?"

"You heard me, Espada," Ulquiorra replied, sounding annoyed. "Don't make me repeat myself."

Grimmjow could only blink at Ulquiorra's action and wonder how the man knew he was there in the rain, yet he decided that his question could wait until after he followed Ulquiorra to the cabin.

Ulquiorra had already slipped into a dry robe when he was in the kitchen, boiling water to make some tea for himself and Grimmjow, who was currently in the bathroom, probably taking a quick shower before changing into dry clothes Ulquiorra had lent him.

The black-haired man had already put out the light and was about to lie down in his bed when he heard the rain earlier. While he should have just gone to sleep, he was still bugged by the thought that the blue-eyed Arrancar might be out in the rain. Ulquiorra knew he wasn't supposed to know Grimmjow was there, since Grimmjow tried to be discreet about the fact that he usually lingered in the forest for some reasons, but he did anyway.

In the past three months, he had become rather close to Grimmjow because the Arrancar persisted to pay him a visit at least twice a week regardless of the way Ulquiorra usually kept him at arm's length.

After a while, Ulquiorra gave in and welcomed the Espada to his house whenever he paid a visit, telling himself that it wasn't because he came to enjoy the Espada's attentions but rather because being alone got boring from time to time while Grimmjow was a quite entertaining company even though Ulquiorra first saw him as a weirdo.

During those times, Ulquiorra would sometimes question Grimmjow about their past together, which the Espada was more than willing to tell. However, Ulquiorra still felt that Grimmjow had purposely left some details out although Ulquiorra couldn't quite tell what those details were. So he began observing the Grimmjow's actions more closely for some clues since he despised being in the dark, and it made him notice several things that would have otherwise slipped from his attentions. One of those things was the fact that Grimmjow hardly ever returned to Hueco Mundo but instead he opted to spend time in the forbidden forest for some reasons only known to the Espada.

At first, Ulquiorra thought Grimmjow was there to hunt down some animals or search for some items that didn't exist in Hueco Mundo, but when he came to notice that Grimmjow had never strayed too far from that certain tree, he knew better than to believe so. Putting that finding together with other small gestures the Espada had made, Ulquiorra formed a theory. However, since he didn't have anything to support the theory and didn't want to risk causing an awkward air between himself and the only person that ever mattered to him if he made a wrong assumption, Ulquiorra decided to act as though he was oblivion about Grimmjow's strange behaviors.

But then the rain decided to pour down that night.

While a part of him wanted to keep pretending that he was as clueless as Grimmjow thought he was, another part of him told him he couldn't leave the Espada out in that kind of weather if Grimmjow had yet to return to Las Noches. He wasn't sure if that feeling could be defined as concern, but Ulquiorra still got up and went out to check if the Espada was in the rain in that certain tree. Then, against his better judgment, he invited Grimmjow to his house (though his action might seem more like a command than an invitation to some people), and now he had to wonder what he should do after said blue-head went out of his bathroom.

By the time Grimmjow entered the main room, Ulquiorra had already finished making tea and been waiting for the Arrancar to join him at the dining table. The picture of the Arrancar walking out in a navy yukata that Ulquiorra lent him earlier, drying the electric blue hair that was flat against his head, made Ulquiorra chuckle slightly. The fierce Espada certainly looked harmless then, like a wet lion cub.

"Glad to be able to entertain you," Grimmjow said sarcastically before he walked to join Ulquiorra at the table and flopped down on the unoccupied chair. "Thanks for inviting me in, by the way."

Ulquiorra poured some tea into a cup and offered it to Grimmjow who gladly accepted. Once he set the teapot back down on top of the table, Ulquiorra eyed his guest and asked, "Did you really intend to stay in the rain all night?"

"It has to stop at some point," Grimmjow replied with a shrug. Then he picked up the teacup and held it between his hands for a moment, appreciating the warmth it provided. The question that he had let slide earlier came across his mind. "How did you know I was there anyway?"

Ulquiorra gave Grimmjow a look and sipped his own tea.

"I don't let many things escape my observation, Grimmjow."

That remark sounded very much like what Ulquiorra would have said in his Espada day, so Grimmjow wasn't as surprised as he thought he should be when he found out that his secret was in fact never a secret. Then again, Grimmjow wanted Ulquiorra to notice, so when he did, it was more of a relief than a worry since Grimmjow was never good at being discreet. He was a rather crude Arrancar who knew nothing about subtlety, but he managed to restrain himself that long was because he didn't want Ulquiorra to feel uneasy around him and kick him out.

Yet, now that he knew Ulquiorra had found out, Grimmjow could only wonder how long he had found out and if the raven-haired man figured out his true intentions as well, if so, why he chose not to react until that night. Was it because Ulquiorra didn't return his feelings but didn't want to break his heart?

"So you know I've been stalking you."

Grimmjow didn't even bother to act innocent. He knew he was already busted, so no more masquerades, no more subtleties, no more games. He hated pretending anyway.

"I know you've spent an absurd amount of time in the forest," Ulquiorra stated. "But I never knew you were stalking me. I only assumed you were hunting for some animals, but now that you put it that way…"

The Espada almost wanted to bang his head to the table right then. He should have known Ulquiorra was only suspecting and was searching for something to confirm his suspicion, yet he walked himself right into that one. Still, it no longer mattered. What really mattered was Ulquiorra's reaction.

"Well, so now you know," Grimmjow observed, surprisingly calm. Gingerly setting the teacup in his hands down on the table, he asked, "Does that make you feel uncomfortable?"

Ulquiorra certainly didn't anticipate that kind of response from Grimmjow, which was why he didn't answer back right away but frowned slightly in the way that said he was using his thoughts.

"I suppose it depends on why you do it."

"I think you've already figured that one out, Ulquiorra," Grimmjow returned, looking straight into Ulquiorra's jade eyes. "Or at least, you must have a theory or two."

The brunette narrowed his eyes while he studied the blue-haired Arrancar's expression. The room was suddenly filled with deafening silence that somehow drowned out all sounds of the thunderstorm. After a moment had passed without any sign that Grimmjow would explain himself any further, Ulquiorra sighed.

"I do have theories, but they don't add up."

"Say it anyway."

The green-eyed male gazed at his teacup for a few seconds, realizing that he wouldn't be able to get the truth out of the Espada unless he announced his theories.

"I first thought it was for food, but if that was the case, I would be eaten by now," Ulquiorra observed thoughtfully. "The next logical explanation is that you're after sex, but you impress me as a type to take what you want whenever you want it, so I don't think you'll wait for my consent if you really want me sexually, no offense."

Grimmjow snickered as a response.

"So I'm left with this last theory that you're after my affection," Ulquiorra continued, albeit hesitantly. "But then I can't see any reasons why you should even be interested in me when there must be many people fawning over you and lining up for you to choose."

With that said, the brunette looked at the blue-haired Espada expectantly, waiting for Grimmjow to laugh at his ridiculous theory and then hotly deny it, but the Espada didn't. Instead, Grimmjow held his gaze on the jade eyes that had never failed to mesmerize him.

"Well, I don't think I can argue with that logic, Ulquiorra, but there's one thing that you missed," Grimmjow observed, pausing for a moment to see if he had Ulquiorra's complete attention, and when he was sure that he did, he continued, "You can't apply logic to something that doesn't know reasons."

Seeing a frown on Ulquiorra's face, Grimmjow chuckled humorlessly before he turned his eyes to the ceiling as he remarked:

"Hell, it'd be easier if love, lust, affection or whatever the fuck you wanna name this feeling I have about you is controlled by reasons. If it'd really worked that way, I would've stopped feeling for you right after your reiatsu vanished from above Las Noches dome and then I would've indulged those idiots who've been trying to seduce me instead of spending days and nights alone, searching for someone who might not be there. No, scratch that. If logic had gotten anything to do with it, I wouldn't have been attracted to you, let alone fallen for you, in the first place. But here I am saying these fucking corny words to you despite myself even though you don't fucking remember anything about us and probably don't give a shit."

Grimmjow sneered at his own words before he closed his eyes and hung his head.

"You want to know why I've been watching over you, Ulquiorra?" The Espada asked softly as he finally met Ulquiorra's eyes again. This time, his azure eyes were blazing with the emotions he no longer tried to conceal. "It's because we were once lovers, and despite our differences and the fact that I usually said and acted otherwise, I loved you, I still do, and I want you back."

Ulquiorra stared wide-eyed at the blue-eyed man before him. Of all things he had thought the Arrancar might say, admitting loving him was certainly not one of them. Of course, he had suspected there had been more to the relationship he had with Grimmjow in the past than the Espada let on, and he was quite sure they were not just ordinary friends. However, he didn't expect that Grimmjow would blatantly say that they were lovers and then confess his feeling. Now, he wasn't quite sure how he felt about all that and even less certain about how he should react.

"If that's really what we were," Ulquiorra began, uncertainty shone in his voice. "Then why haven't you mentioned it before? Why did you tell me that just now?"

The Espada sighed before he offered, "Because you asked?"

Ulquiorra frowned. "So you intend to keep me in the dark unless I say something about it?"

"My intention is not to burden you with my feelings, Ulquiorra. You haven't any idea how many times I want to shake you and then scream it right into your face, but the last thing I want to do is overwhelming you or scaring the shit out of you," the blue-eyed Arrancar explained. "I mean, you wouldn't believe me if I suddenly walked over you and said, 'Hey, guess what? We used to be lovers, so let's fuck,' right? You'd think I was some sort of a psychopath."

Even Ulquiorra had to agree with Grimmjow's words. He would have absolutely thought the Arrancar was insane and never considered the possibility of the man's words if he should come and say so to him since they first met.

"And yet you still stalk me."

"You're not supposed to know that. You're only supposed to notice my other advances. But I guess even now nothing can slip through your radar," the Espada remarked. "But it doesn't really matter. What really matters is if it bothers you."

The green-eyed man furrowed his thick brows. "If what bothers me?"

"Everything? You know, the idea that we were lovers, the fact that I still love you and will do anything to win you back with me to Las Noches again," the Arrancar supplied. "Does any of the things I've done bother you?"

Ulquiorra could feel his face heated up by Grimmjow's words.

"If I said they did, would it make you stop?"

Grimmjow looked up at the ceiling for a moment before he sighed and turned his gaze back to Ulquiorra.

"Stop what?" asked the Espada. "If it's just watching over you, then sure, I can stop that. If you want us to be just as we are now, which is just friends, then that's what I'm gonna be until you can accept me as something more. I won't try anything that'd make you feel uneasy—at least, not on purpose."

Grimmjow then broke the eye contact and became interested in the pattern of the teacup.

"I'd do anything you want me to, Ulquiorra," the blue-eyed Arrancar continued softly. "Anything. But don't ask me to stop my feelings or to give up on you coz I ain't a clue how to do that."

The sound of the thunderstorm could be heard more clearly as Ulquiorra silently studied the Espada for a long moment. He had no doubt about Grimmjow's sincerity for it was shown in his voice and his gestures, so the one question that remained was if he was bothered by the Espada's feelings.

While the concept of being an object of someone's affection was fairly new to Ulquiorra, and it confused him to a certain degree, Ulquiorra could still tell he didn't really mind Grimmjow's attentions. In fact, there were times when he told himself if the actions had been done by somebody else he wouldn't have tolerated them at all, but since it was Grimmjow, he was willing to let them slide. It was strange that he should feel that way, but it seemed to be the way things were since he first met the Espada in that ramen stall.

Since Grimmjow was still hanging his head and focusing his eyes on the teacup, he failed to notice the fact that Ulquiorra had risen from his seat and walked towards him until he felt the man's hand touch the right side of his face where the remnant of his mask was.

Grimmjow shut his eyes tight and pressed his cheek to Ulquiorra's hand, feeling himself shudder by the gentle contact. He didn't know why Ulquiorra touched him that way but he was praying to Aizen that it wasn't the man's way to reject his advances. His heart wouldn't be able to take it if it was. It would be much kinder if Ulquiorra would just punch him squarely in the nose if he were to reject him.

"Look at me, Grimmjow."

Grimmjow had no choice but to do as he was asked, so he finally opened his eyes and looked directly into Ulquiorra's jade ones. The blazing emotions behind his azure eyes gave the brunette a dizzy feeling.

"I like you," Ulquiorra decided. "I know I feel at least that much, and I don't really mind the idea that you want me as a lover even though I should and normally would."

The Espada's heart leaped, yet before he jumped in joy, another thought struck him, so he frowned and looked at Ulquiorra.

"But," Grimmjow prompted. "I know there's a 'but' somewhere in that line."

"But I know I can never be the man you knew, nor will I ever try to be. So if you want me, you'll have to want me for who I am now, not for who I used to be in the past," Ulquiorra paused and pulled his hand away from Grimmjow's face to make a gesture at his body. "Is this what you really want?"

The Espada nodded instantly.

"Yes. I don't give a fuck if you're not the same person as you were two years ago. Hell, I'm not that same person either. But I still want you, Ulquiorra. All of you," Grimmjow replied. "If I could have it my way, I'd do you right here on this very table, but I won't force you. I've waited two years, and I'll continue to wait until you can accept me in your own terms."

Ulquiorra looked at the Espada again, and he could tell Grimmjow wasn't trying to fool him with sweet words. The Arrancar meant every word he had said, and there was something about the way he spoke his name that made Ulquiorra want to melt. There was a look in those cerulean eyes that made Ulquiorra want to give in to the Arrancar's wish.

So he did. And he leaned down to press his own lips gingerly against the unsuspecting Espada's.

Grimmjow's heart almost stopped once it registered to him that he was kissed, and by Ulquiorra. His body went rigid for a second as he did a double take before he finally closed his eyes and kissed the other man back with abandon. He didn't know the exact reason for Ulquiorra to initiate the contact, but he didn't care as long as he could savor that taste he had been yearning for.

Winding his arms around Ulquiorra's small frame, Grimmjow rose from his chair and moved to position the smaller man on the table without breaking the kiss. He had no idea how far Ulquiorra was willing to go, but he would settle for anything the man was ready to give.

Ulquiorra shivered once he felt Grimmjow's firm hand slipping under his clothes to touch the skin underneath then tilted his head to the side to give the Arrancar better access when Grimmjow made a trail of kisses down from his jaw to his neck. His right hand automatically reached Grimmjow's head and raked through the blue hair that was surprisingly soft to the touch while his left experimentally moved around the Espada's back.

Encouraged by Ulquiorra's response, Grimmjow pulled the kimono off Ulquiorra's shoulders and pressed sensual kisses on every inch of the ivory skin he could reach as he ran his hands along Ulquiorra's sides. Each touch was light yet assured.

Ulquiorra let out some whimpering sounds, loving the way he was touched. It was as if the Espada knew exactly how Ulquiorra's body functioned and where to touch to bring a certain kind of reaction. Before he knew it, all of their clothes had come off and Grimmjow was pressing up against him. Yet he barely felt discomfort from his position on the wooden table or from Grimmjow's weight atop of him.

Ulquiorra had expected it to be awkward if not painful; however, Grimmjow had been incredibly patient when he prepared Ulquiorra for their joining and would stop to soothe Ulquiorra with loving words whenever the man showed a sign of discomfort. Even then, Ulquiorra still cried out and dug his nails into Grimmjow's back when they finally joined as one. Ulquiorra felt tears pricking at his eyes when he felt Grimmjow buried deep inside him, but as soon as the initial pain faded, they began to move against one another in the rhythm only known to the two of them. Before then he was lost and alone, not having any recollections of who he used to be, but now, in the Espada's arms, feeling the other man's flesh and soul, he believed he found the place where he truly belonged.

The world seemed surreal to Grimmjow when he opened his eyes and watched Ulquiorra's blissful expression, mesmerized by the beauty he thought he would never see again. He had to use all the control he possessed in his body to keep steady pace, not wanting to go too fast and end it all too soon. He wanted to revel in every moment, savor each feeling, and make up for all the time that had been robbed from them. He wanted it to last. But with every sigh and whimper, Grimmjow felt himself, his control and all thoughts but a certain name, slipping away.

Ulquiorra could feel a warm sensation building within his body before a light exploded in his mind, then it subsided, and he found himself catching his breath as he trembled in Grimmjow's strong embrace. It was lost to him how they managed to get from the dining table to his bedroom afterwards, but somehow they found themselves in Ulquiorra's bed, making love and then holding each other in their arms until the rain stopped and dawn began to break.

Ulquiorra was checking his cabinet to check if he had enough oil to fuel his oil lamps since it had been used on other activities lately that he was afraid he would run out of it sooner than he expected.

A few weeks had already passed since that rainy night when he had first made love to the blue-haired Espada, and while Ulquiorra thought sex would get dull by that time, Grimmjow had shown him night after night how that assumption couldn't be more wrong.

Judging from the amount of the lamp oil that was left, he would have to go into town to buy himself some more, unless Grimmjow should decide to go back to Las Noches and bring some lube back with him like he did the last time he returned to that place.

Ulquiorra had a ghost of a smile on his face as he thought of the Espada who was currently sleeping in the bedroom in their bed. Grimmjow had spent the majority of his time with Ulquiorra in that forest and had only returned to Hueco Mundo twice for scheduled Espada's meetings.

Ulquiorra's train of thoughts was interrupted by a knock on the door. He frowned slightly since he didn't expect anyone there as everyone he knew from the village was too afraid to set foot in that forest so Grimmjow had been his only guest since he moved there. However, Ulquiorra didn't have much time to ponder who the visitor could be since said visitor knocked much louder than the first time.

"I'm coming!"

The knocking persisted until Ulquiorra reached to the door and answered it. His scowl was deepened once he saw a giant, dark-skinned male with a ridge-lined cranium, orange eyebrows, a Hollow hole in the chest and a mask at the bottom jaw.

"Hello?"

The visitor seemed shocked at the moment he saw Ulquiorra's face, but he recovered soon.

"Hey, Ulquiorra! You're looking good. No wonder why Grimmjow don't wanna return to Las Noches. How've you been?"

Ulquiorra couldn't help frowning at the familiar way the stranger had just talked to him but since that man certainly looked like an Arrancar, Ulquiorra decided to let it go, assuming that he and said Arrancar might be friendly in the past.

"Fine, I suppose, and who might you be?"

"Oh, right, I forgot. You don't remember, do ya? I'm Arrancar Diez, Yammy Rialgo," the man introduced himself. "Nice to see ya again. Grimmjow's here?"

Not only did he ask; Yammy also poked his head inside the house, trying to see if Grimmjow was in there.

"Yes," Ulquiorra replied coolly. His trademark glare made Yammy take half a step backward.

"Can you go fetch him for me?" the bulky Arrancar asked. "I've a message for him."

Ulquiorra was about to nod and tell Yammy to wait there while he went inside to wake Grimmjow, yet he didn't have a chance to do so when another voice beat him to it.

"Oh? And who's stupid enough to use a retard as his messenger?"

Ulquiorra turned over his shoulder to see that Grimmjow didn't look all too pleased when he saw Yammy in front of the door. In fact, the Arrancar had a scowl on his face. Then he turned back to the visitor whose hands had turned into fists by that time. Ulquiorra felt he needed to ease the tension before his house turned into a battleground.

"Oh, Grimmjow, I see there's no need for me to wake you up," Ulquiorra commented, intending to lighten the tension.

"Yeah, well, it's kinda hard to stay asleep when there was an idiot knockin' so hard the whole fuckin' house was shakin'," Grimmjow muttered his reply before he turned his attention. "Now what the fuck do you have to tell me that can't wait until the next meeting?"

"Hey, don't say it like I wanna come here! If it weren't for Aizen-san, I wouldn't be here at all."

Grimmjow froze once Aizen's name was mentioned. The crossed look he had put on earlier had morphed into a serious one.

Ulquiorra looked between Grimmjow and Yammy. Grimmjow had once mentioned Aizen's name to him, saying that despite the man being a Shinigami, Aizen was still seen as God by all Hollows in Hueco Mundo. So whatever reason it was for 'God' to send Grimmjow a message had to be very important and might be for Grimmjow's ears only.

"Um…maybe I should leave you two alone to discuss your business," Ulquiorra said, deciding that it would be best if he simply excused himself. "Nice to meet you, Yammy. I'll wait for you inside, Grimmjow."

Yammy shrugged as a response while Grimmjow acknowledged Ulquiorra's remark with a slight nod.

"So what's the message?" Grimmjow asked as soon as Ulquiorra disappeared inside of the cabin.

"Just that he wanna see you. In fact, Ichimaru is preparing a passageway to the king's realm as we speak."

The wielder of Pantera had a grim expression on his face when he pondered every possible reason for Aizen to demand his presence, and he wanted to shudder when he couldn't think of any positive reasons.

"Do you know why he wanna see me?"

Yammy shook his head. "Nope. Ichimaru only told me to come get you back to Hueco Mundo so he could send you to see Aizen-san."

"Do I have to leave now?"

Yammy's response was a nod.

Grimmjow sighed and turned away from Yammy to look over his shoulder to inside the house where Ulquiorra was, worried reflected deeply behind his blue eyes.

Catching the look, Yammy offered lightly, "If you're so worried about him, I can stick around to take care of him for you until you're back."

"Tch," Grimmjow snorted, rolling his eyes. "Like you did back at the Fifth Tower?"

Yammy narrowed his eyes. Anger could be detected in his reiatsu.

"Don't try to put the blame on me, Grimmjow. It ain't my fault. I already offered help, but he refused it so what was I supposed to do? Besides, at least I was there. Where were you?"

Grimmjow looked down and pursed his lips. Yammy's words had brought up the guilt he had tried, but never succeeded, to bury since he woke up in Las Noches infirmary and found out that Ulquiorra was not only defeated by the freak of nature that was Kurosaki Ichigo but was also killed in that battle. He had always blamed himself for Ulquiorra's downfall and still did even after he found out that Ulquiorra had a second chance in the afterlife.

"But this ain't a time to discuss whose fault it is that all this shit happened," Yammy continued, keenly recognized the other Espada's downcast expression. "Aizen-san wants to see you, so you'd better be off before he gets angry. The outcome wouldn't be pretty, you know."

The blue-haired Espada sighed.

"Alright. Alright. Just give me a few fuckin' minutes to tell Ulquiorra about it."

"Yeah, whatever."

Ulquiorra lifted an eyebrow once he saw Grimmjow walking into the cabin, looking somewhat depressed, so he could only assume Yammy was there to deliver some bad news. Ulquiorra couldn't guess what the message truly was since his knowledge of Aizen and other Espada was only limited to what Grimmjow had told him during the months they spent together.

"Aizen wants to see me," Grimmjow declared once his eyes met with Ulquiorra, making the brunette frown in response.

"Is that such a bad thing?"

"I dunno," the Espada replied in all honesty. "Depends on the situation, I guess."

Ulquiorra studied the blue-headed man for another moment, and he realized that Grimmjow had never looked that way even when he was forced to return to Las Noches for a meeting. It was then that he started to have a weird feeling in his stomach as if something bad was about to happen.

Yet, Ulquiorra still kept a calm façade when he questioned, "Are you in trouble?"

Grimmjow took a moment to think before he shook his head, albeit hesitantly.

"I don't think so. He'd sent Tōsen instead of Yammy if that was the case."

"But you're still worried that he wants to see you," Ulquiorra said, not at all relieved by Grimmjow's answer. "Why?"

Grimmjow sighed and let his shoulder slump slightly but he refused to give any further explanation.

Ulquiorra continued to study his lover then another thought hit him.

"Do you think he wants to see you because of what you're doing here? Because of us?"

Grimmjow didn't say a word, but the way he closed his eyes and let out yet another sigh was enough for Ulquiorra to know that it was what the Espada thought.

Ulquiorra took a careful look at his blue-haired lover and even though it pained him to say, he decided to voice his thought anyway. "If your being here with me causes you a problem, Grimmjow, maybe we should—"

"Don't even dare to finish that thought, Ulquiorra," Grimmjow said sharply, interrupting Ulquiorra before he could finish his sentence. His dismal expression was quickly replaced by frustration when he looked at his dark-haired lover. "You know I'd rather face Aizen's wrath and die than give you up."

A part of Ulquiorra was glad to hear those words coming out of Grimmjow's mouth, but another part made him shake his head.

"I'd prefer you to be alive than to be dead, Grimmjow. So—"

"I'm happy to know that you care about me, Ulquiorra, I really am." And that Grimmjow was. He couldn't be happier to hear it from Ulquiorra that the man actually cared about him even though he didn't say it directly. "But don't even suggest that we should break up. That'd kill me sooner than Aizen could."

"I was just going to warn you not to say or do anything rash or stupid when you see him," Ulquiorra stated with a hint of annoyance in his tone. "Don't jump into conclusion. You should be more positive."

"Yeah, right, coz he might just call me there for a friendly chat to see how I'm doing," Grimmjow returned sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "But for your sake, I'll stay positive."

"Good," the black-haired man commented. "So how long do you think you'd be gone this time?"

"Why, Ulquiorra? Start missing me already?" the blue-eyed Espada teased, somehow feeling slightly better than when he first learned that Aizen wanted to see him.

Ulquiorra gave Grimmjow his coldest glare, making Grimmjow cringed slightly before he once again shifted back to his serious mode.

"I don't really know when I can be back, but since you want me to think positive, I should be back sometime today," said the Arrancar. "It wouldn't take longer than a day to talk, but if I couldn't be back by then, that Yammy over there volunteered to watch over you until I return."

"Tell him I appreciate his offer, but I don't want his or anyone's protection," the green-eyed man stated. Then he stared deeply into Grimmjow's eyes. Somehow, that strange feeling returned to his stomach yet again, but Ulquiorra quickly forced it down and told himself everything would be fine. "You'd better return soon."

"Yeah, you can count on that," Grimmjow promised. "How about one kiss for the road?"

Ulquiorra gave Grimmjow an irritated look but didn't complain when Grimmjow walked over and planted a chaste kiss on his lips.

And even though he told himself not to worry about why Grimmjow was called to see Aizen, Ulquiorra still couldn't help having a strange feeling when Grimmjow walked out of the door of his cabin that things would never be the same again between them.

Ulquiorra was counting days in misery.

A month had passed since Grimmjow went to see Aizen and yet there was no sign that the Espada would return as he had promised. In the first couple of days, Ulquiorra tried not to ponder too hard about the reasons why Grimmjow had yet to return since all the reasons that entered his head had been all but positive, but after the fourth day had gone by the brunette started to assume the worst.

Perhaps Aizen had noticed what Grimmjow was doing with him and forbidden him from coming back. Perhaps Grimmjow refused to comply with the God's order and received a fatal punishment as a result.

Perhaps Grimmjow had finally come to his sense and seen that there were other people in Hueco Mundo that were more compatible to him than Ulquiorra. Perhaps he had a second thought on their relationship and decided to take back his words. People did that all the time, so why couldn't Grimmjow do that as well?

During the tenth day, Ulquiorra laughed at himself and decided that it would be best for him to stop wondering since Grimmjow probably would never return.

Still, whenever he walked past the dining table or tried to sleep at night, he would be haunted by an image of a certain blue-haired Espada. It was too hard for him to spend the time alone, in the house that was full of memories of him and Grimmjow. So, for the first time in years, Ulquiorra found himself returning to the village and staying overnight in a small inn. Still, the change of place didn't make him fall asleep any easier.

After his third night in the inn, he made up his mind that he was done being miserable. He had been doing fine on his own before Grimmjow suddenly showed up in his life, and he would certainly be fine again now that Grimmjow was no longer in it. He didn't need that weird blue-head, so if the Espada decided to disappear from his life just like that, Ulquiorra would retaliate in the only way he knew how—he would forget about that blue-haired man and all the memories that they shared would mean no more to him than just another dream. He would stop caring about Grimmjow. He would stop missing the Arrancar. And most importantly he would stop loving that man then move on with his life as if Grimmjow had never ever been there at all.

It was already late in the afternoon that Ulquiorra told himself that it was time to leave the town and return to his home in the forest, back to being alone once again.

He didn't pay any attention on his surroundings once he arrived at his house for he didn't expect that there would be anyone or anything waiting for him, so he almost jumped in surprise that he heard the floor creak when he was about to unlock his door.

Quickly, Ulquiorra spun around, and what he saw made his heart pound so heavily in his chest that he was worried for a second that it would explode.

The blue-haired Espada was sitting on the porch with his back against the pole, seemingly fast asleep. From the look, Grimmjow had probably been there for a long time, waiting for Ulquiorra to come back, yet somehow fell asleep as he did.

Relief washed over him once he realized that Grimmjow was still alive, but before Ulquiorra could let out a soft sigh, he was struck by a wave of anger that he had been trying to bury deep within the back of his mind.

If Grimmjow thought he would just return and everything would be all right again, then he was dead wrong. Furious at the blue-haired Espada, Ulquiorra walked over to him and kicked him in the rip, waking Grimmjow up in an instant.

Reflexively, Grimmjow caught Ulquiorra's foot then tackled the fuming man to the ground in a loud thud. The Espada then pinned his prey down and aimed for the kill, only to stop himself as soon as his blue eyes met Ulquiorra's raging green ones.

Grimmjow blinked, mortified.

"Shit, Ulquiorra! Are you all right? Did I hurt you? Why the fuck did you attack me while I was asleep? I could've killed you for that, you know?"

Those jade eyes were narrowed dangerously, rage still burning behind them.

"Let go of me, Espada." Ulquiorra demanded in a low voice.

When Grimmjow didn't do so right away, Ulquiorra groaned and punched the man squarely in the chin then used the moment that the Espada was surprised by the assault to get up and headed for the door.

"Damn it, Ulquiorra!" The Arrancar rubbed his face where the punch connected even though the punch couldn't really hurt him due to the thick hierro he possessed. What really hurt him, however, was the fact that Ulquiorra wanted to hurt him. "What the fuck did you do that for?"

Ulquiorra's glare didn't falter. The look behind those jade orbs made Grimmjow realize that had to have done something wrong to piss Ulquiorra so bad, and yet he still hadn't any clue what he had done to bring about such a reaction from the normally impassive Ulquiorra.

"If you think you can come and go whenever you please, you're wrong, trash. Now get out of my house."

Grimmjow winced at the way Ulquiorra's had just addressed him. First, the man called him 'Espada', and now it was 'trash'. It was as if they were back to square one again. But then it dawned to him what Ulquiorra had just said, and Grimmjow had to keep himself from smiling since he didn't want the man in front of him to get any madder, especially when Ulquiorra was about to get inside and close the door in his face.

Catching the door before Ulquiorra could close it, Grimmjow asked, "Will you at least let me explain?"

Ulquiorra tried to pull the door shut only to realize that he couldn't match Grimmjow in physical strength. With a grunt, Ulquiorra hardened his glare and let go of the door.

"Make it short."

Grimmjow sighed, but he knew better than to be relieved. From the way Ulquiorra was at that moment, he could easily screw things up with one wrong word, and Grimmjow didn't want that to happen.

Taking a deep breath, the Espada began, "You know I went to see Aizen."

"Yes. And?"

"He knew we were in a relationship, so he had some questions," Grimmjow replied and then looked at Ulquiorra again to see if he still had the man's full attention. "He wanted to know how serious we are and if I plan to travel back and forth between Hueco Mundo and Soul Society for good."

"And it took you a month to answer those questions?"

"No. I only talked to him for about half an hour or so," Grimmjow said. "Don't you want to know how I answer him?"

"No, and frankly, I don't care."

"Okay then, to make it short, I managed to convince him that we were serious, so he cut a deal with me," Grimmjow said. "He said if we could spend a month apart and neither of us changed our minds about our relationship, he'd allow you to move to Las Noches with me with his personal guarantee that no Hollows in the entire Hueco Mundo could harm you in any ways. I couldn't refuse that since I always wanted to ask you to come with me to Las Noches, but I couldn't find the way that would guarantee your safety from all hungry Hollows in that realm so I never asked you to come with me before. Anyway, I wanted to tell you about this, but Aizen forbade me, saying that it was part of the deal that I couldn't let you know about that deal until the month was over."

Grimmjow's heart sank slightly as he looked at Ulquiorra and saw that the man still looked unimpressed, but he decided to keep on anyway.

"It's been a month now, Ulquiorra, so Aizen said he'd keep his promise, that is, if I could get you to come with me to Las Noches," said the Espada. "So…will you come with me, Ulquiorra?"

Ulquiorra frowned slightly as his brain processed Grimmjow's story. It took a moment that seemed to last for all eternity for Grimmjow until the ebony-haired man turned his gaze to Grimmjow's blue eyes. Ulquiorra could see a pleading look in them, along with something akin to both hope and despair.

In a completely nonchalant tone, Ulquiorra asked, "What makes you ever believe that I'll agree to come with you, Grimmjow?"

The Espada gulped. To tell the truth, he didn't know why he had held such a high hope that Ulquiorra would agree to go with him. It was true that Ulquiorra had implied more than once that he cared about him and once told him that he liked him, but that was all. Ulquiorra had never said he loved him or needed him.

"Nothing," Grimmjow said. "But I'm hoping that you will come with me anyway."

"Even with your Lord's guarantee, it's still a risk for me to be there," Ulquiorra noted matter-of-factly. "Needles to say I'll have to adjust to that new place and be around the people I might not even like. Why would I even want to do that?"

Grimmjow gazed at Ulquiorra for a long moment, hoping that the look in his eyes would convey every feeling he had for the man and that it would be enough to convince Ulquiorra to come with him.

"Because I love you and I'll always be there for you?"

Their eyes locked for a moment, and Ulquiorra made up his mind.

"Let go of the door, Grimmjow."

Grimmjow's eyes went blank with terror. Ulquiorra's word could only mean one thing, and it was dismissal. Had he been so wrong to want Ulquiorra to be able to move in with him? Had Ulquiorra changed his mind in the month they were apart? Did he make a mistake making that deal with Aizen without asking Ulquiorra what he wanted first?

Ulquiorra watched those questions reflecting behind Grimmjow's eyes. The Espada, who had always been overconfident and never doubted his own charm, was standing in front of him looking unsure, if not broken. Said Espada had spent almost two years searching for him, three months courting him, and another month to get the man who was akin to God to support their relationship, yet he still wasn't sure about him. He still thought that Ulquiorra would just tell him to hit the road and shut the door in his face after the past month had proven how Ulquiorra couldn't function properly without Grimmjow.

"Let go of the door." Ulquiorra repeated himself after he realized that Grimmjow was still too numb to comply. "Then open the Garganta."

Panic was written clearly on Grimmjow's face once Ulquiorra mentioned the Garganta.

"Ask me something else, Ulquiorra," he said in a pleading tone.

"I'm afraid I can't. After all, isn't the Garganta the only way for us to get to Hueco Mundo?"

Grimmjow's jaw dropped in surprise.

"But I thought you—"

Closing his eyes, Ulquiorra let out a loud heave to let Grimmjow knew that he was irritated.

"Haven't I once told you not to jump into conclusion?" Ulquiorra asked. "But you're right about this one. I wouldn't come with you just because you love me or because you promised to be there for me."

"Then why do you decide to come with me, Ulquiorra?"

There was urgency in that question, and Ulquiorra knew Grimmjow deserved to hear that answer just as much as Ulquiorra needed to say it.

"I'll only say this once, Grimmjow, so you'd better listen carefully."

Grimmjow nodded in agreement then looked at Ulquiorra expectantly, and the next thing Ulquiorra said made the Arrancar smile broadly as his Hollow's heart leaped.

"I agree to come with you… because I love you."

The End

Thank you for reading until the very last line. I hope you enjoyed.