Title: Their Finest Hour
Rating: G
Summary: When Clete Roberts asks Colonel Potter who he feels shares the closest relationship in the camp, he nominates Hawkeye and Hotlips. Rather surprised, the two are interviewed together and told why. Inspired by this, they are prompted to discover their relationship and find out what Colonel Potter meant.
D/C: You know I don't own M*A*S*H, wish I did, but don't.
Note: I'm writing in script for the interview and I use initials to represent the characters as follows, CP = Colonel Potter, HP = Hawkeye, MH = Margaret, BJ = BJ and CR = Clete Roberts etc. You're smart, you can work it out.
Scene: Potter's Office, Clete is on one side of the desk, Potter is on the other, painting a picture of the window in his office.
CR: Hello, I'm Clete Roberts and I'm reporting from the 4077 Mobile Army Surgical Hospital. I'm here to interview the extremely dedicated staff and discover if war can have any good effects on relationships. You may already have seen part 1 filmed earlier at the 8063rd, focusing on the negative effects of war on relationships. I've got the Commanding Officer, Sherman Potter here. Morning Colonel.
CP: Morning Clete. *Tips a salute paintbrush in hand*
CR: As CO of the outfit, you would know most of what goes on?
CP: *chuckles* There are certain activities I choose not to be aware of.
CR: I see. *Laughs, but his face plainly shows he doesn't understand*
CP: My staff needs their privacy and I respect that. I only know what they want me to know, or what I think I need to know so that I can explain things if need be.
CR: Well, would you say that most of the company here are good friends?
CP: Yes, most of them are. There are a few close friendships, my Captains for example are very good friends.
CR: What sort of a relationship do you share with your staff?
CP: Some of them see me as a father, company clerk Radar O'Reilly never had a father figure when he was a boy, so he looks up to me. Houlihan looks at me like a father too, don't tell her I know, she likes us to think she's independent.
CR: Of course not Colonel. You mentioned your Captains, being very good friends, do you care to elaborate?
CP: Captains Honnicut and Pierce. *Chuckles* Well, they are good friends, drinking buddies, partners in crime, poker opponents, and they play the most ridiculous jokes, but they're the best damn surgeons that I've ever seen! Before I was CO of this outfit, Pierce had another friend here. Then he was sent home, and Pierce was upset, because his friend had left without a goodbye. Then Pierce and Honnicut met up, Honnicut was fresh out of residency and needed someone who was used to the horrors here, Pierce needed a friend who could listen to his mopes and join him at the bar after a 48-hour shift. They've been the best of friends ever since.
CR: I see, they sound very close. Would you say they had the closest relationship in the camp?
CP: *chuckles* That's hard, Pierce shares a very close relationship with the Head Nurse, Major Houlihan. Actually he shares very close relationships with a lot of the nurses. How he's not a father yet is beyond me . . . Maybe you should leave that out.
CR: Back to Pierce and Houlihan.
CP: Right. They don't know it, or they won't admit it, but they are very close, they're the best-matched team in OR, and they really understand each other. Take the time when Pierce was upset because they'd upped the rotation points, and Margaret's marriage was on the rocks. They were both in the compound screaming and kicking things at each other, neither one of them understood a single word they said, but just yelling at each other did them a world of good. More than anyone else could have, no matter how long they listened. They settled down in the end and talked it out with each other, but no one else could have done it quite the way they did.
CR: I see, so do they have the closest relationship in the camp?
CP: *thinks momentarily* Yes, they do. Even if they're not aware of it yet, when they're in public they really don't get on. But because they're the only two who have been here from square one, they're the only ones who are really 100% familiar with each other.
CR: I see, so they've been here how long?
CP: Since the camp was erected here in 1950.
CR: Thanks for your time Colonel.
CP: My pleasure Clete.
Scene: Swamp, Hawkeye is lying on his bunk, BJ is sitting at the end of it. Clete rests on an upturned box in front of them. BJ is sipping a martini. Hawkeye is tired, grumpy and in little mood to talk.
CR: I have here Captains Pierce and Honnicut. Good afternoon.
BJ: Howdy
HP: Hi. *Yawns*
CR: As you know I'm doing a report of relationships in war.
HP: So?
BJ: I heard a rumour.
CR: So, would you say it's important to have friends in a situation like this?
BJ: *Shares glance with Hawkeye* Yes, it is, you need someone there to drink with, laugh with . . .
HP: Cry with. *Nudges BJ with his foot, and a knowing look is shared*
CR: So you need someone to feel emotion with you, to back you up?
BJ: You could say that.
HP: Hell, if I didn't have Beej, I don't know what I'd do.
BJ: *Touched* Thanks Hawk. It's really good to know that there's someone a few feet away who feels the same way you do, and knows what it's like.
CR: But, does being so close have any disadvantages?
HP: Well, I miss my own room, I was an only child, I only ever shared a room in college, and that was usually with a woman. BJ here is so far from a woman it's not even funny.
BJ: Hey! I represent that remark! *Deals a playful slap, Hawkeye kicks him in return*
CR: *Almost chuckles* Captain Honnicut, are there any disadvantages about being so close?
BJ: We have little habits that get on each other's nerves. He sniffs his food. *Pokes Hawkeye's foot*
HP: He brushes out that cheesy moustache. *Sits up and jabs BJ in the ribs*
BJ: The way he brushes his teeth, up and down. *Backhands Hawkeye*
HP: He hangs his socks on the still. *Shoves BJ*
BJ: He steals my clean shorts. *Pushes him back*
HP: He steals my clean socks. *Slaps BJ on the shoulder*
CR: I see. But all in all, would you say that, umm, excuse me, Captains? *BJ and Hawkeye are busy in a wrestling match* Thankyou for your time.
BJ & HP: *No reply. Hawkeye falls off other side of bunk, and BJ follows*
Scene: Father Mulcahy's tent. Clete and Mulcahy are sitting opposite each other over a table.
CR: So, Father, would you say that there are any good effects on relationships in wartime?
FM: I'm not saying war is good, but the Almighty has brought several couples together during wartime, I have had the honour of joining some of them in matrimony.
CR: I see, what about existing relationships?
FM: Being a Chaplain, you're constantly confronted by people who need help, more often than not, it's because of relationship dilemmas brought on by the war.
CR: Hmm, is there anything good you can say for wartime relationships?
FM: Well, a lot of them wouldn't have been formed if it weren't for this.
CR: I see, thankyou for your time Father.
FM: My pleasure, God Bless.
Scene: Post-Op. Margaret and Hawkeye are sitting on an empty bunk, looking uncomfortable and slightly put out. Clete sits in a chair next to them. Margaret is fluffing her hair anxiously, Hawkeye is scruffy in his fatigues, Hawaiian shirt and a white lab coat.
HP: You look fine Margaret baby. *Pulls her hand down*
MH: Major to you! *Snatches her hand away*
HP: Yes Major Margaret baby.
CR: Major, Captain, you might not know this, but Colonel Potter told me that he thinks you have the closest relationship of anyone in the camp. *The two share a startled glance at each other*
HP: Her! She's colder than an iceberg, how could I get on with her?
MH: Of all the rude, insensitive, immature people I've met he tops the lot! *Shares hostile look with Hawkeye*
CR: Apparently, you don't share his viewpoint.
HP: You got that right!
CR: Well, Colonel Potter certainly seems to think that you do. You've been here longer than anyone else and he says you understand each other better than anyone else in the camp. He told me about how you two consoled each other in a fashion just by yelling and throwing things at each other.
MH: Oh, that. *Blushes slightly* I was a little, upset.
HP: You were furious!
MH: So were you!
CR: But how is it you two are friends?
HP & MH: *Scoffing* Friends? US!?!? *They laugh, Hawkeye puts an arm over Margaret's shoulder and squeezes it warmly, she leans into the embrace*
CR: War has brought you two together somehow, and it's obvious whatever you share is special, but what is it you share if it's not friendship. May I be presumptuous and say love? *Hawkeye hastily removes his arm and Margaret shifts away from him*
HP: Hah! Us? What planet are you from?
MH: *Stiffly* There has never been any sign of romantic interest between us.
CR: Then what is it you share?
MH: A solid doctor/nurse relationship. Totally professional.
HP: I get to play doctor with her as much as I - ow! *Margaret pinches his arm*
CR: *Smirks* I see, how has the war affected this?
HP: Well, if we were at home in the same hospital, we would've been able to go home at night and forget precisely how much we hate each other, but because we live just a few yards apart, we've had to learn to get along. I guess you could say if it weren't for the whole damn stupidity of it all, we might never have known each other.
MH: True, if it weren't for Korea, we probably wouldn't have even met. And I have to say my life would be a sorrier place without Hawkeye. *Smiles at Hawkeye*
HP: *Returns her smile with a confused glance* well, it'd be a lot quieter too. No one to yell at.
MH: I suppose it would be quieter.
CR: Would you say this relationship has had a good or a bad effect on you?
HP & MH: *Meet each other's gaze for several seconds*
MH: Umm, good. He's really very compassionate. Believe it or not, no matter what I say I do like him.
HP: It's good. Margaret helped me to be very understanding of others; she's a good woman underneath her military facade. She's really something.
CR: So it appears that war can have a good effect on people's relationships. I'm Clete Roberts.
HP: I'm not. *Margaret clamps a hand over his mouth*
CR: Goodnight.
Rating: G
Summary: When Clete Roberts asks Colonel Potter who he feels shares the closest relationship in the camp, he nominates Hawkeye and Hotlips. Rather surprised, the two are interviewed together and told why. Inspired by this, they are prompted to discover their relationship and find out what Colonel Potter meant.
D/C: You know I don't own M*A*S*H, wish I did, but don't.
Note: I'm writing in script for the interview and I use initials to represent the characters as follows, CP = Colonel Potter, HP = Hawkeye, MH = Margaret, BJ = BJ and CR = Clete Roberts etc. You're smart, you can work it out.
Scene: Potter's Office, Clete is on one side of the desk, Potter is on the other, painting a picture of the window in his office.
CR: Hello, I'm Clete Roberts and I'm reporting from the 4077 Mobile Army Surgical Hospital. I'm here to interview the extremely dedicated staff and discover if war can have any good effects on relationships. You may already have seen part 1 filmed earlier at the 8063rd, focusing on the negative effects of war on relationships. I've got the Commanding Officer, Sherman Potter here. Morning Colonel.
CP: Morning Clete. *Tips a salute paintbrush in hand*
CR: As CO of the outfit, you would know most of what goes on?
CP: *chuckles* There are certain activities I choose not to be aware of.
CR: I see. *Laughs, but his face plainly shows he doesn't understand*
CP: My staff needs their privacy and I respect that. I only know what they want me to know, or what I think I need to know so that I can explain things if need be.
CR: Well, would you say that most of the company here are good friends?
CP: Yes, most of them are. There are a few close friendships, my Captains for example are very good friends.
CR: What sort of a relationship do you share with your staff?
CP: Some of them see me as a father, company clerk Radar O'Reilly never had a father figure when he was a boy, so he looks up to me. Houlihan looks at me like a father too, don't tell her I know, she likes us to think she's independent.
CR: Of course not Colonel. You mentioned your Captains, being very good friends, do you care to elaborate?
CP: Captains Honnicut and Pierce. *Chuckles* Well, they are good friends, drinking buddies, partners in crime, poker opponents, and they play the most ridiculous jokes, but they're the best damn surgeons that I've ever seen! Before I was CO of this outfit, Pierce had another friend here. Then he was sent home, and Pierce was upset, because his friend had left without a goodbye. Then Pierce and Honnicut met up, Honnicut was fresh out of residency and needed someone who was used to the horrors here, Pierce needed a friend who could listen to his mopes and join him at the bar after a 48-hour shift. They've been the best of friends ever since.
CR: I see, they sound very close. Would you say they had the closest relationship in the camp?
CP: *chuckles* That's hard, Pierce shares a very close relationship with the Head Nurse, Major Houlihan. Actually he shares very close relationships with a lot of the nurses. How he's not a father yet is beyond me . . . Maybe you should leave that out.
CR: Back to Pierce and Houlihan.
CP: Right. They don't know it, or they won't admit it, but they are very close, they're the best-matched team in OR, and they really understand each other. Take the time when Pierce was upset because they'd upped the rotation points, and Margaret's marriage was on the rocks. They were both in the compound screaming and kicking things at each other, neither one of them understood a single word they said, but just yelling at each other did them a world of good. More than anyone else could have, no matter how long they listened. They settled down in the end and talked it out with each other, but no one else could have done it quite the way they did.
CR: I see, so do they have the closest relationship in the camp?
CP: *thinks momentarily* Yes, they do. Even if they're not aware of it yet, when they're in public they really don't get on. But because they're the only two who have been here from square one, they're the only ones who are really 100% familiar with each other.
CR: I see, so they've been here how long?
CP: Since the camp was erected here in 1950.
CR: Thanks for your time Colonel.
CP: My pleasure Clete.
Scene: Swamp, Hawkeye is lying on his bunk, BJ is sitting at the end of it. Clete rests on an upturned box in front of them. BJ is sipping a martini. Hawkeye is tired, grumpy and in little mood to talk.
CR: I have here Captains Pierce and Honnicut. Good afternoon.
BJ: Howdy
HP: Hi. *Yawns*
CR: As you know I'm doing a report of relationships in war.
HP: So?
BJ: I heard a rumour.
CR: So, would you say it's important to have friends in a situation like this?
BJ: *Shares glance with Hawkeye* Yes, it is, you need someone there to drink with, laugh with . . .
HP: Cry with. *Nudges BJ with his foot, and a knowing look is shared*
CR: So you need someone to feel emotion with you, to back you up?
BJ: You could say that.
HP: Hell, if I didn't have Beej, I don't know what I'd do.
BJ: *Touched* Thanks Hawk. It's really good to know that there's someone a few feet away who feels the same way you do, and knows what it's like.
CR: But, does being so close have any disadvantages?
HP: Well, I miss my own room, I was an only child, I only ever shared a room in college, and that was usually with a woman. BJ here is so far from a woman it's not even funny.
BJ: Hey! I represent that remark! *Deals a playful slap, Hawkeye kicks him in return*
CR: *Almost chuckles* Captain Honnicut, are there any disadvantages about being so close?
BJ: We have little habits that get on each other's nerves. He sniffs his food. *Pokes Hawkeye's foot*
HP: He brushes out that cheesy moustache. *Sits up and jabs BJ in the ribs*
BJ: The way he brushes his teeth, up and down. *Backhands Hawkeye*
HP: He hangs his socks on the still. *Shoves BJ*
BJ: He steals my clean shorts. *Pushes him back*
HP: He steals my clean socks. *Slaps BJ on the shoulder*
CR: I see. But all in all, would you say that, umm, excuse me, Captains? *BJ and Hawkeye are busy in a wrestling match* Thankyou for your time.
BJ & HP: *No reply. Hawkeye falls off other side of bunk, and BJ follows*
Scene: Father Mulcahy's tent. Clete and Mulcahy are sitting opposite each other over a table.
CR: So, Father, would you say that there are any good effects on relationships in wartime?
FM: I'm not saying war is good, but the Almighty has brought several couples together during wartime, I have had the honour of joining some of them in matrimony.
CR: I see, what about existing relationships?
FM: Being a Chaplain, you're constantly confronted by people who need help, more often than not, it's because of relationship dilemmas brought on by the war.
CR: Hmm, is there anything good you can say for wartime relationships?
FM: Well, a lot of them wouldn't have been formed if it weren't for this.
CR: I see, thankyou for your time Father.
FM: My pleasure, God Bless.
Scene: Post-Op. Margaret and Hawkeye are sitting on an empty bunk, looking uncomfortable and slightly put out. Clete sits in a chair next to them. Margaret is fluffing her hair anxiously, Hawkeye is scruffy in his fatigues, Hawaiian shirt and a white lab coat.
HP: You look fine Margaret baby. *Pulls her hand down*
MH: Major to you! *Snatches her hand away*
HP: Yes Major Margaret baby.
CR: Major, Captain, you might not know this, but Colonel Potter told me that he thinks you have the closest relationship of anyone in the camp. *The two share a startled glance at each other*
HP: Her! She's colder than an iceberg, how could I get on with her?
MH: Of all the rude, insensitive, immature people I've met he tops the lot! *Shares hostile look with Hawkeye*
CR: Apparently, you don't share his viewpoint.
HP: You got that right!
CR: Well, Colonel Potter certainly seems to think that you do. You've been here longer than anyone else and he says you understand each other better than anyone else in the camp. He told me about how you two consoled each other in a fashion just by yelling and throwing things at each other.
MH: Oh, that. *Blushes slightly* I was a little, upset.
HP: You were furious!
MH: So were you!
CR: But how is it you two are friends?
HP & MH: *Scoffing* Friends? US!?!? *They laugh, Hawkeye puts an arm over Margaret's shoulder and squeezes it warmly, she leans into the embrace*
CR: War has brought you two together somehow, and it's obvious whatever you share is special, but what is it you share if it's not friendship. May I be presumptuous and say love? *Hawkeye hastily removes his arm and Margaret shifts away from him*
HP: Hah! Us? What planet are you from?
MH: *Stiffly* There has never been any sign of romantic interest between us.
CR: Then what is it you share?
MH: A solid doctor/nurse relationship. Totally professional.
HP: I get to play doctor with her as much as I - ow! *Margaret pinches his arm*
CR: *Smirks* I see, how has the war affected this?
HP: Well, if we were at home in the same hospital, we would've been able to go home at night and forget precisely how much we hate each other, but because we live just a few yards apart, we've had to learn to get along. I guess you could say if it weren't for the whole damn stupidity of it all, we might never have known each other.
MH: True, if it weren't for Korea, we probably wouldn't have even met. And I have to say my life would be a sorrier place without Hawkeye. *Smiles at Hawkeye*
HP: *Returns her smile with a confused glance* well, it'd be a lot quieter too. No one to yell at.
MH: I suppose it would be quieter.
CR: Would you say this relationship has had a good or a bad effect on you?
HP & MH: *Meet each other's gaze for several seconds*
MH: Umm, good. He's really very compassionate. Believe it or not, no matter what I say I do like him.
HP: It's good. Margaret helped me to be very understanding of others; she's a good woman underneath her military facade. She's really something.
CR: So it appears that war can have a good effect on people's relationships. I'm Clete Roberts.
HP: I'm not. *Margaret clamps a hand over his mouth*
CR: Goodnight.