A/N: Directly related to the passing of Edith Ross in the second season.
It's really long, don't know how that happened oh well. Mike and Seth become friends because I wanted them to be and it's probably extremely OOC at times so sorry for that. Sad Mike, protective, comforting Harvey makes the best fics if you ask me! :)
Enjoy, I'd love to hear your thoughts xx
It hits Mike square in the chest, a bullet through both his lungs and he can't breathe. The knowledge that his Grammy is...
He can't even say it!
He can't even think it!
Everything hurts as he struggles to stay upright, his vision blurs dangerously but he really doesn't want to cry. If he cries about it that means it's real, real and happening and irreversible — permanently painful and oh so lasting.
He doesn't have anyone now. Mike's completely alone in the world, the dark dreadful emptiness that threatened to consume him when he lost his parents; it was 10x worse now.
And now - Harvey.
Yes! He still has Harvey.
Mike still has Harvey.
Mike needs Harvey.
Mike knows Harvey's is doing research with a few of the other partners over a big merger they're all working on but he isn't thinking straight. If he were then Mike would've thought it wise to stay put or maybe go home but the only thing he could think was that he really just needed Harvey.
He needed those arms around him and that strong, sure comforting voice in his ear, Harvey would fix this. Harvey would make it better. He always did.
The elevator makes him feel like he's suffocating and the people he runs into in the halls are in his way, make him squirm, make him flinch. The closer he gets to Harvey's office the worse he feels.
Because he knows that as soon as he sees Harvey he's gonna shatter.
It happens a little faster than that since apparently he looks like a wreck, comes down the hall like a maniac because Donna jumps out of her chair, meets him halfway around her desk. She takes his face in her perfectly manicured hands, stares at him so hard, surveys him with squinted eyes. But then she softens as she starts shaking her head and she looks just as devastated as Mike feels, "No, oh no no no Mike, no," and Mike really wants to sag into her but he's saving the breakdown for Harvey because if he's gonna lose it he'd rather it be in the safety of Harvey's arms, against the sturdiness of his chest when he does.
Mike feels himself start crying, slow trickles of hot salty tears; he doesn't want the dam to break, not yet.
He swallows it down.
Mike pulls himself out of Donna's arms and steps around till he's face to face with the glass door to Harvey's office. He can see two of the other senior partners, with their associates and Louis, because he's the numbers guy, pouring over something on the couches as Harvey leans coolly against his desk sifting through a file that Seth has just handed him but Donna must know how bad Mike needs him because she doesn't try to keep him out or stop him from tearing into the office like a bat out of hell.
His throat tightens around the ever growing lump, his eyes burn with the tears that so badly want to fall.
The door is heavy for his weak, limp self to manage, and when he steps over the threshold Louis is on his ass like always.
"Nice of you to finally join us Mr. Ross," it's Louis. Harvey picks his head up to look at what caused Louis' outburst but neither he nor Mike are listening anymore, not as soon as they see each other.
Their eyes meet, brown on blue, blue on brown, Harvey holds his breath as he tosses the file on his desk, steps away and closer to Mike.
Something's wrong, something is definitely wrong.
He hopes it's not anything major but the look on Mike's face is telling Harvey that his partner's life just damn near ended. It's like Mike's entire world had stopped spinning, rocked on its axis even as it was left frozen in time, in a presumably awful moment before it picked up again, slowly rotating in the opposite direction.
It's the tormented loss written in Mike's eyes, on his drawn face like a banner, the heartbreak in his solemn stare, the sorrow in the pained grimace that's twisted his lips so cruelly - it physically pains Harvey to see Mike like this.
The younger man lets out a heavy, strangled breath, eyes well up till he can't even make out the color of the tie Harvey's wearing.
"Mike," Harvey's voice is warm and gentle but he sounds like he's on the war path. Determined to see to it that somebody pays for making Mike cry, intent on slaughtering whoever broke his young lover, Harvey doesn't know how pointless that would be though.
Vengeance won't bring her back.
Donna's still standing outside the office, tears of grief bright in her eyes and Harvey knows. He knows and no!
Please no! Not this, anything but this.
Harvey takes a measured step forward, couldn't care less about the audience that is eyeing Mike's troubled face, his defeated stance with interest. Doesn't care if this outs them to the entire firm because Mike needs him, Mike needs him right now and Harvey won't let him suffer through this alone.
The younger man starts shaking his head, forlorn and dejected. Like that's all he can manage, it's pitiful but he can't do anything else.
"I didn't even get to say goodbye," it's nothing more than a whisper but the room is eerily quiet, so everyone hears it. Harvey knew without him even saying it what had happened, one look at Donna crying said it all. Very few things shake that woman, death and loss, right there...that was it.
Mike's grandmother had passed away, he didn't need the confirmation. The words make his stomach churn, this can't be happening.
His heart breaks for the other because how can the world be so cruel to someone so beautiful and sweet and kind? Harvey's a man of principle, a man of the law, a man of justice but he's still waiting for the day when the world stops slighting people like Mike. He's waiting for the day when all the wrongs that Mike's been dealt in his life are finally righted. The law can't help people with this sort of loss, can't help Mike handle this and the system can't fix it but still Harvey waits for justice.
Justice for the man he loves because nobody should have to suffer so much, not when they've hardly had a life of living to match it.
Harvey closes the distance between them and as soon as he's in range, Mike collapses.
Dead weight against his shoulder, he wraps his arms tight around Mike's back, clutches him to the point of pain but Mike doesn't seem to care. The floodgates are open now, tears coming fast and hot, relentless, grief filled shuddering sobs fill the tense air and Harvey just holds him closer.
"I cancelled on her," Mike simpers as he clings to the front of Harvey's suit jacket, face buried in his shoulder. Mike's own words seem to hit him, the reality of it coming at him full force because he chokes on his next inhale, cries, "Oh my god! I cancelled on her…I-I-I didn't, didn't kn-kno-know that that would b-b-be the…the last, the last t-time,"
Harvey wraps a hand around the back of his head, fingers grasp at soft blonde hair to hold him still and steady against him, Harvey shushes him quietly as he nuzzles his head along the side of Mike's. He shoots for soothing but nothing could soothe Mike right now. He just lost the last remaining member of his family; Harvey can't even imagine the pain that comes with that.
Harvey had lost his father and that was hard, he isn't close with his mother and he's still got his brother. It's different for Mike though because that woman was his whole world for the longest time. They took care of each other, they were all the other had. Mike's Grammy was all he had left of his family and now she's gone, Harvey hopes harder than he's ever hoped for anything else in his life that he's enough to bring Mike some comfort, some solace. Even if it's only a little bit, he hopes he's able to do that for him.
Mike curls in his arms. Harvey can feel the exact moment his legs give out and he's no longer able to support his weight because he sways into Harvey before he sinks to his knees. Harvey lets him go, crouches so he can wrap himself over Mike so he isn't left alone but has a moment of clear, realistic thinking and decides they probably shouldn't sit on the floor, not in the middle of the work day. Mike needs to cry, Mike needs Harvey there with him as he cries so he manages to get his arms underneath Mike's body, hoists him up and over so they can settle on the vacated couch.
Harvey looks at the other senior partners, Louis and their associates and he can't help but feel his protective instincts kick in. He doesn't like how they're staring at them, Mike's so vulnerable in this moment and Harvey wishes they would all go away. He doesn't want them seeing Mike like this, doesn't want to risk Mike's security, his peace of mind...this is private and personal and so very intimate but his colleagues seem to understand. Mr. Haynes and Mr. Dupree the other senior partners get it, wiser than the idiot associates they've been charged with, nod their heads at Harvey as they gather their things to leave.
Louis looks like he wants to say something, Harvey wants to deck him. But Donna comes in before he can snap at Louis for staring, with a glass of water and some Kleenex, she ushers Louis out before he makes matters worse. Harvey doesn't miss the troubled look he shoots at Mike and for once in all the years that they've known each other Harvey thinks this is the first time they've been on the same page. Harvey's only sorry it took this happening for it to come about. And then he's gone and Harvey feels the animal inside him retreating because it's just him and Mike and Donna's outside and they can keep Mike safe, they can love him back to good.
"I n-never get to say goodbye t-t-to, to people. They just disappear before I can t-t-t-tell them…I-I-I don't even remember if I told her I loved her the last time we talked,"
"She knew Mikey. No baby of course she knew," Harvey closes his eyes as they began to prick with his own tears, kisses Mike's forehead because he doesn't know what else to do.
There's a sense of hysteria, agitation, panic that comes with losing somebody you love and nothing makes it better, you just have to ride it out. Harvey remembers the 'what if's' that accompanied his father's passing because did his father know that he appreciated him and everything he'd done even though Harvey had never said it? Did he know that Harvey loved him even when he acted like he didn't, even when he stopped calling home did he know that Harvey missed him and that he wanted to call but couldn't? Harvey remembers, vividly how long it took for him to be able to listen to his Dad's record again, sit through it without flinching or having to turn it off.
Harvey knows that the same thing is going to happen to Mike, he'll have to go through all that but Harvey will be there to help him. To hold his hand and kiss away his tears and ease him back into the world because Harvey loves him and he'd do just about anything for Mike, he'd never let him go through this alone.
Mike knows that, it's why Harvey was who he ran to when he found out. He's grateful for it, for Harvey and his presence and he'll let him know as soon as he's able to breathe again.
Harvey starts making soft cooing sounds that he'll deny vehemently after the day is done but he knows those calm Mike down when he's on edge and it works. Mike settles a little in his arms although he does manage to curl himself a little tighter against Harvey's side. Harvey kisses his head, rubs his back, squeezes his side, whispers promises into his flushed, salty skin. He swears to Mike, because it's all he's got right now that it'll get better in time, it hurts now but one day he'll be able to talk about her and he won't have a hard time catching his breath and it won't sting as thoughts of her pass through his head.
There a slight cough from across the room and Harvey's head whips up, body curls around Mike's defensively, a shield from whoever's trying to get a leg up on Mike when he's as exposed as he is right now.
It's Seth.
Seth Keller.
Harvey could've sworn that everybody left but apparently…
He narrows his eyes at the other man, dangerous and threatening, daring him to so much as think about using this against Mike later on.
Everybody's allowed to cry, and sure Harvey's always pushing the emotions make you weak card but Mike's softened him a little, melted his icy heart, he doesn't think that's necessarily a bad thing. And who wouldn't cry in a situation like this? Really, after losing the last member of your family, who wouldn't fall to pieces? That's what Harvey wants to know.
But then he looks at the younger man, the associate who Harvey knows Mike isn't terribly fond of, they've butted heads on more than one occasion, he sees something he wouldn't have ever expected to see.
Regret. Pain. Sympathy.
There are tears swimming in his dark eyes and Harvey's shocked to say the least. But he still wraps his arms tighter around Mike's quivering body, pulls him closer because Mike's still a sobbing wreck. Harvey can see Seth on the verge of saying something, something that Mike probably isn't ready to hear.
Donna's back then because she has a sixth sense when it comes to the people she cares about and when they need her. She places a hand on the young man's shoulder and says something to him that Harvey doesn't hear but doesn't really care about; she's got it under control. He goes back to Mike, tucks his head against the top of Mike's because this man right here needs his attention more than a guilty associate, Mike needs him and Harvey will tend to him till he's 110%.
Harvey's only acutely aware of the shades being drawn shut and the door closing behind Dona as she leaves with the other man, he's too caught up in Mike hiccupping into the collar of his shirt, fists closed tight around the crisp poplin fabric.
And every time the other tries to speak, Harvey quiets his attempts, hushes him with a whisper and a kiss, rubs more circles into the other's hunched back.
It'll take time to get Mike back on his feet after this Harvey knows that. But he also knows that he is gonna be there every step of the way.
His sobs quiet down some time later, leaving silent tears in their wake, never-ending streams of sadness weave down the splotchy skin of Mike's cheeks. He cries soundlessly into Harvey's shoulder in the car on the way home, refuses food when Harvey tries to get him to eat, he only wants to sleep.
He wants to shut his eyes and wake up and have this all just have been a dream. A terrible, awful dream, a nightmare…even though he knows that'll never happen. He doesn't speak, doesn't trust his voice for one but also doesn't know what to say, Harvey stays quiet as well. Just holds him as he cries, whimpers into the darkness and flexes his arms every few moments to remind Mike that he's got him, that he'll always have him.
He falls asleep in Harvey's arms, with Harvey's lips on his forehead and he feels safe but he also feels empty. Harvey has the ability to fill this gaping hole in Mike's chest but he just isn't there yet. Isn't to the point where he can let Harvey in so his love can fill the cracks in his heart, his soul, in his sanity.
Soon, he thinks as he slips into a restless, fitful sleep.
Harvey's talked to Jessica and he's been given a vacation, they both have, 'as much time as you need,' is what Harvey had said but Mike just wants to be better. He doesn't want 'time' or a vacation or anything else but the ability to stop crying! Wants to be able to talk and still be able to breathe, wants to sleep and not be brought back to the night of his parents accident because death always makes him think of that horrible night. He wants so many things from this, things that don't come.
So he clings to Harvey's hand as he leans against his side, wishes he had just one more minute with his Grammy. He'd need more than a minute but he'd take what he could get at this point honestly. He'd take anything.
It's the things he didn't say...and it's the fact that he was 'too busy for dinner', had 'too much work' and a case that needed 'all his attention'. It's those things that are suffocating him now. They all seem so small, so stupid, so insignificant now. If he'd know, Jesus if he'd just had a fucking clue, he would have taken advantage of their dinner. Seeing as it would be their last.
But life doesn't work like that. People don't get to know when things like that are going to happen. People don't get a heads up before things fall apart. Losing your loved ones doesn't come with a storm warning.
He knows Harvey can tell that the regret and the guilt are eating him alive. The fact that Mike's never gotten to say goodbye to anyone he loves they've always just been ripped away from him without a warning.
There's a consistency to Mike's life that Harvey finds disgusting and cruel. Not many people get to say goodbye because it's very rare that you're able prepare yourself for death but it's different with Mike. Maybe Harvey's a little biased, okay a lot biased but it's not fair.
Harvey knows that when Mike latches onto him one moment then shies away from him the next it's just him remembering that everyone he loves gets taken away from him, and maybe if he distances himself from Harvey he won't end up losing him too. Like Harvey was saying, not fair.
Harvey wants to tell him that he'll never leave, Mike will have him till the day he decides he no longer wants him, till Mike decides he can do better than a grouchy, sometimes emotionally stunted Harvey Specter. He wants to promise Mike that he'll always be there, always be around as long as Mike will have him but how can he say that with any certainty, how can he make Mike believe that when that fact has never held true for anyone in Mike's life.
How can he promise something that Mike won't believe?
Harvey's had Donna call all the remaining, pertinent people in Mike's life, friends from school, and friends of his family's…anyone who should be told of Edith Ross' passing.
He gets a lot of calls forwarded to his phone, people he wouldn't know from Adam expressing their condolences, asking how Mike's doing…Mike doesn't speak to one of them, refuses the phone when Harvey asks him silently if he wants to talk whoever's on the other end.
Mike simply watches as Harvey thanks them for their sympathy, tells them they'll be contacted when they've set up a service.
Mike flinches at the mention of that.
The funeral goes as expected. Tears are shed just not by Mike. Though he does nearly have a panic attack while getting ready to leave the apartment. Then again in the car and one more time before going up to say a few words about the woman they're all gathered for.
It isn't as hard as he anticipated, speaking about his Grammy, knowing she's gone. He relives a memory from his childhood and it makes him smile because his Grammy was who got him through. Yes, Mike's afraid because how can he manage without her now but when his eyes meet Harvey's over the bowed heads of his Grammy's friends, it gives him courage, strength, faith. Grammy got him through, raised him and helped him become the man he is today, the man that Harvey loves, maybe it's okay, he's okay.
At the very least he's on his way.
With that thought in mind, he hugs his friend Tess, let's Jenny and Donna and Rachel smother him. Is surprised to see Louis and Harold, almost cries when Louis claps him on the arm and tells him he's sure if his Grammy was anything like Mike, she must've been one hell of a lady.
And he accepts the condolences from all the little old ladies from the nursing home and the nurses who thought his Grammy was 'quite the woman'.
Mike let's out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding when everything comes to a close, funeral home workers clearing away the chairs, Donna and Rachel splitting up the flower donations because Mike doesn't want them.
He scurries into Harvey's open arms, a lone tear trickles down his cheek as the older man kisses his forehead.
It's then and only then that Mike realizes he's gone numb.
Harvey's just gotten out of the shower as Mike gets comfortable on his side of the bed, flat on his stomach, hands under his head.
It occurs to Mike as Harvey comes out of the bathroom, sleep pants hanging low on his hips, hair damp and torso still flushed from the heat of his shower, that he hasn't said thank you for all that's Harvey's done.
He hasn't uttered an 'I love you' in a week.
He's barely even talked to him, he's been so shut off, so quiet, so distant.
"Harvey," he says, squeaky and a little scared. Harvey drops his towel in the hamper just outside the bathroom door, walks over to the bed and Mike doesn't miss how worried he seems.
He sits on the edge on the bed, leg pulled up so he can face the younger man who's shifted on his side to better see the other. Harvey's hand lands on Mike's arm, squeezes as his eyes scan Mike for the cause of his frantic tone.
"I-I'm scared," Mike whispers as his eyes glisten with tears. And that isn't a thank you or a declaration of his love but it's something he needs to say. He has to say this, it's what he's feeling and it's practically suffocating him.
"No actually I'm terrified,"
Harvey's fingers move soothingly down Mike's arm, up and down a few times but Mike's already freaking out.
"I know my Grammy was sick but I never expected to lose her so suddenly, I talked to her the day before she...it happened so fucking fast Harvey,"
Harvey's heart breaks as Mike's tears run from his eyes, over the bridge of his nose and down the other side of his face because of how he's laying on his side.
Mike's eyes zone out, move from Harvey's to a spot on the wall across from them.
"Everything's so unpredictable and I hate that. I've lost so many people in my life, it's seems like I always lose the people I'm closest too and I know I've been weird," and Harvey wishes he wouldn't say it like that. He hasn't been weird.
He just lost his Grammy, he's grieving, everyone handles loss differently. And nobody can judge you for how you grieve or tell you it's wrong.
There isn't a 'right way' to deal with the loss of a loved one. There just isn't and Mike presuming that he's doing it wrong bothers Harvey on an almost subliminal level.
"But it's only because I'm so scared of losing you-" Mike breaks off with a small sob. Sniffles and it's loud in the quiet room.
Harvey feels like he can't breathe.
"I can't lose you but right now I feel like it's bound to happen no matter what I do, or what I say or...Harvey, I can't lose you I just can't," and another sob cuts off his words,
"I don't want to even think about it but I can't stop thinking about it either,"
"Mike," Harvey's voice is hard, stern but there's an edge of something tender in it. He tugs at Mike till the blonde sits up, forces him to look at him. His eyes are bloodshot and watery with all the tears he didn't let fall today at the funeral.
"Listen to me, are you listening," Mike's slow to nod his head but once he does Harvey's pulled him close, talking fiercely to him so maybe he believes what he's saying.
"I can't promise you that I'll be around forever. I can't tell you something that I know you won't believe because it's happened to you so many times before but I can promise you that I will fight like hell to stay in your life. No matter what, I'll always fight for you. And if something happens to me or I get taken away from you, you need to know that I would've done whatever I could have done to stay. Mike you are my entire world and I would do virtually anything to keep you in my life, to stay in yours and I know things are crazy and life's a crap shoot at the best of times but I swear to you, I will never intentionally leave you, and certainly not if I can help it. Leaving you won't ever be I choice I make."
Harvey moves his fingers over Mike's cheeks to wipe away his tears.
"If I have any say in the matter, I'll never ever go and you'd never be lonely and I'd never leave you alone."
He says with so much determination, so much conviction that Mike has no choice but to believe him. He trusts it, let's himself soak it in, warm him up, he's been so cold lately.
There's no hope of stopping his tears though, they slide endlessly down his cheeks, his vision is blurry with them, "I love you Harvey, I love you so much," he sobs brokenly.
And he keeps sobbing as Harvey kisses all over his face, lips never relenting as they pepper Mike's face in warm, light and loving kisses.
"I love you too, Mike you know I love you, Jesus," Harvey pulls him into his lap as his lips keep working feverishly over Mike's jaw.
Their mouths slot together and Mike's still rasping out soft sobs as his tears slide down to settle on Harvey's tongue.
"Marry me," Harvey whispers but it's jumbled because Mike's mouth is there to swallow it down, desperate kisses still coming hot and heavy.
"Mike," Harvey pulls away but Mike chases him, "Mike marry me, marry me,"
He holds Mike's face in his hands, forces their gazes together, wide blue eyes meet his, bleary and starry, "Marry me."
"What," Mike squeaks, and those eyes get even wider. "Harvey,"
"I know you're scared...about everything, getting close to me again, letting yourself get too close but Mike we can't control everything. That's just how it is, maybe we won't have forever to spend with one another but even so, say you'll marry me so we can spend as much time together as physically possible. Be mine and I'll be yours, forever, God willing...let's get married so we don't have to worry about losing too much time. If it's all over next week, at least...I don't know, I just don't want us to waste time, especially when it's gotten you so worked up. Marry me Mikey and I'll be your family,"
Mike just stares at him.
Harvey licks his lips, doubting this decision now that it's out there, Mike looks lost and Harvey doesn't like that.
"Mike,"
"Really," the other man whispers, "You wanna get married,"
Harvey smiles, shifts a little while Mike stays solid and unmoving in his lap. "Yeah...well I don't have a ring, but I'll get you one...I'll get one tomorrow if you-" Mike cuts him off with a kiss.
Several kisses, long and deep, "Yes," Mike's voice is tight and gritty, catches in his throat.
"Yes, Harvey yes, I don't care how much time we have I just, I just know that I want to spend it all with you, and I want you to be my family,"
And that night when they make love, it's a mixture of hard and soft, fast and slow, hungry and sweet. It's vicious and desperate but still loving and longing, fingers leave bruises on pale hips and thighs, teeth bite down just a little too hard but a tongue follows shortly after to soothe away the sting.
Harvey and Mike fall asleep with their bodies entwined, both a little frightened because life is scary and Mike's been scared a lot in his brief time on earth but also hopeful.
Hopeful because they love each other, truly, madly, deeply and they want forever.
They'll always hope for forever but they'll take whatever they can get as long as the time they get is time they can spend together.
When Mike returns to work a week and half after his Grammy passes away he's expecting the stares full of pity and the soft, considerate smiles that make him want to barf.
However...
He isn't expecting Seth, who is hardly his favorite person to stop him outside the bull pen with this frantic expression on his face. He isn't holding a file; he doesn't look like he has any work to discuss so Mike's confused as to why he's standing in front of him like he's got something he needs to get off his chest.
And then, "I get it," he's saying like it's this huge revelation and Mike wants to know what he's been smoking, for real, is he high? But he's clearing his throat, composing himself, "I mean…uh okay, I lost my brother a few years back...Matt, he was in the military, killed by a road side bomb and I…"
He tapers off and Mike feels something inside him twist a little, his heart gives an involuntary kick in his chest. He doesn't know what to say, he knows personally how much he hates hearing the endless apologies and the 'It'll get better's' because they don't fix anything, he appreciates the compassion but it doesn't bring the people he's lost back, it never will.
So he just tries to focus on breathing and not crying as he watches Seth break down in front of him.
Seth takes a deep breath as Mike's eyes soften at him, "I just know what it's like to regret not having said certain things. Like one second they're there and then they aren't and it just hits you that maybe you should've said some things that you didn't…but now you can't."
He's got tears in his eyes now, eyes glistening with the water that wants to spill over, Mike steps closer, places his hand on Seth's arm.
"Hey…"
Seth lets out this shaky, shuddering breath that makes Mike's lungs squeeze. He ducks his head, refuses to look at Mike's somber blue eyes.
"We had a fight and it was so stupid but I… and I didn't get to tell him that I missed him, that- that I loved him…he was my hero ya know and I'm gonna regret…"
He takes a deep breath, closes his eyes, Mike watches him compose himself, get himself together. He feels awful for the guy, the same guy he thought he couldn't stand and he wonders if his own pain will still be that prominent after years just like Seth's is now.
But that's a stupid thought because of course it will be. It's been well over a decade since he lost his parents and it still hurts to talk about them. Something's just don't fade, some wounds don't heal completely. Rather they scab over, able to break open and start bleeding again if prodded at properly.
"I just get it," he sniffles angrily like he's mad at himself for crying like that. Mike's happy he did though, he obviously needed it. "I just really fucking get it and I know it's hard, shit you're probably sick of hearing that but…if you need to talk, like if you wanna talk…I'll listen." The dark haired man shrugged his shoulders lamely as if he hadn't just changed everything for them with that simple statement.
Mike stares at him, wide eyed and completely unguarded, he's never…his entire view of Seth just did a total 180 right in that moment and when Seth looks at him, blinks away his tears they both go in for a hug and Mike can feel all their prior differences, tiffs and disagreements falling away, a new budding friendship taking its place.
"Thanks man," is what he says, mouth right beside Seth's ear, the other man gasps quietly before pressing closer. He had forgotten how wonderful hugs could be, Mike gives good ones.
His arms tighten around Seth's back and it's different than hugging Harvey, there isn't that chest-warming tingle or the thrumming under his skin, it doesn't flood his system the way Harvey's touch does...it's odd. It feels, simple like hugging a friend, like hugging Trevor used to feel like, sturdy and secure and easy. They pull away after a few moments and Seth looks better, happier and Mike feels the same.
Seth looks frightened as he takes a step back, Mike waves a hand in front of his face to bring him back to the present and the dark haired man startles even more.
Mike gives him a weird look, before glancing over his shoulder to see what's got the other so freaked out. Harvey.
Mike can't fight the smile, it spreads across his face, real and honest and Seth looks so appalled that Mike's smiling that the blonde actually laughs.
"He isn't going to kill you for hugging me," Mike chuckles. And then it hits him that Seth knows about him and Harvey…shit! Does everyone know?!
"Wait," he squeaks, Seth raises an eyebrow at him as he takes a couple steps back to make the space between them a bit more platonic. "You know…"
Seth huffs a laugh, nodding his head, "Yeah, I mean…you are right…" and Mike remembers how he all but flung himself into Harvey's arms the last time he was here. That probably did it, mere friends don't hold each other the way Mike and Harvey had that day.
His smile becomes sheepish, but happy, Seth smiles back because that's answer enough to his question, Mike and Harvey definitely are.
"Is it still a secret," Seth asks after a few moments of companionable silence.
"Well yes and no…I mean, it was but now," Mike sighs, "I don't think I care who knows…or what they think. I'm trying this new thing where I enjoy every little moment that happens, take nothing for granted and leave nothing unsaid."
Something in Seth's eyes softens but Mike can't place the emotion that's there now.
"That's a good policy to live by," he pats Mike on the back, chancing one more look to the senior partner who's hovering at the end of the hall, surveying the interaction, eyeing Seth suspiciously.
It's unsettling, that stare Mr. Specter is shooting him but he figures he has every reason to be protective of Mike. Seth feels protective of him and they only just became friends…if friends' even the right word. But when Mike thanks him one more time, sends him a friendly wave and tiny smile, Seth decides that yeah, they're friends.
Harvey stands checking his phone, fixing his jacket, trying not to stare too hard at his partner and the other associate he isn't sure he fully trusts yet.
When Mike reaches him they just stare at each other for a moment before Mike places a hand on Harvey's arm and to Seth it's like watching the beast be tamed, watching some epic reunion of long lost lovers even though the pair probably just saw each other, just an assumption but Seth thinks it's got some ground.
Harvey shrinks under Mike's attention but at the same time he glows.
Seth watches them walk down the hall, down to one of the conference rooms and can't help but feel good, happy with everything. The way their hips knock together every few steps, how their shoulders bump but don't separate right away. If someone had told Seth a few months ago that he'd be standing in the middle of the office, smiling after Mike Ross and Harvey Specter, glad for their happiness and the love that they so obviously share because they seem so right for each other it's unreal…he would've called them crazy. And probably a few other more colorful things, but it's okay now. Everything is going to be okay, he knows it.
About two weeks later, Mike and Seth have formed an easy and solid, albeit odd friendship, that all the other associates raise their eyebrows at because how did that happen so quickly? And how did they not see it? Didn't they hate each other mere weeks ago?
The two have bonded, on levels deeper than their co-workers can comprehend.
Starting with the loss of people they loved, they talked till they couldn't talk anymore and Mike felt safe with Seth like he could cry, in a way he only felt he could with a few select people in his life, Harvey and his Grammy included.
And then once their tears had dried up, they got sick of crying, it turned into them connecting over their mutual dislike of fancy food, their shared interest in college basketball, professional football and the outdoors, since apparently Seth is an avid biker too.
They're close and Mike's glad to have another friend, Seth's glad for it too and Harvey's just happy that Mike's found somebody he can talk to who's his own age. He's still on the rocks about this guy but Harvey knows Seth Keller will get what's coming to him if he should ever try to cross Mike, that's what makes Harvey feel better about the whole thing.
Seth has started to understand Mike and Harvey's relationship a little better now. He's a little surprised at first though because how did somebody like Mike capture Harvey Specter's attention so entirely, sure intelligence is attractive but really? That thought would've drove him batty a few weeks before but now… Yeah, now he's surprised but it isn't that shocking. They're devoted to each other in a way Seth hadn't understood was possible till he saw it for himself, between those two. It's sweet and life-altering...life affirming watching them, now that he knows they're in love. And it makes sense now that he knows Mike, and he gets it, they work and they're good together and Seth hopes one day he'll find the Mike to his Harvey, though he'll never say it out loud.
So now that he gets their dynamic just a little bit more, he's only mildly shocked when Mike asks him to be his best man at his wedding. And then he notices the ring on Mike's finger, Seth swats at Mike for not telling him right when it happened. They scurry into the break room like two kids on the playground with this extraordinary secret. He grills Mike for more, because what? Harvey proposed and you're only just telling me now?
"He asked me about a month ago, and we were gonna plan something but I don't wanna wait any more," he's got this frantic look in his eyes that sort freaks Seth out. He places a comforting hand on Mike's arm, realizes he's shaking; he pulls him closer as they lean against the counter. "I don't wanna waste any more time, ya know," and Seth gets it, oh boy does he get it. "I could lose him tomorrow and I just…yeah,"
Seth squeezes his shoulder and then he's got an armful of Mike, who's really shaking now, quivering and crying softly. "No, no Mike, it's okay don't…don't cry," Seth struggles to find something to say. "Hey, listen, I'll be your best man okay, I'd be honored,"
Mike sniffles as he picks up his head, wipes at his eyes then under his nose, eyes bright and hopeful, "Really, you'll do it," and then his face breaks out into a smile, a full blown grin, and his eyes are positively shining.
"Of course I will," he grins at his friend, who looks about ready to explode he's so happy.
"Oh Seth, thank you," Mike squeals and Seth can only imagine what kind of attention they're attracting from the room full of associates just outside the door. "This is awesome," and Seth would never know that he was just having a mini-meltdown a few seconds ago.
"Okay so it's only gonna be a few people, me and Harvey, obviously, Donna and Jessica, Harvey's brother and you, nothing major," Mikes gaze flits down to the ring on his finger, simple and understated and so very Mike. There's just a few people who will be missing but Mike believes that his Grammy and his parents will be smiling down at him as he ties the knot with the man he loves.
"Nothing major," Seth whispers, nudges his side, "But something very special,"
Mike gives this breathless laugh, throws his arms around Seth's shoulders one more time and this time it's happy tears, Seth can handle those.
And when Harvey pops up, out of seemingly no where, Mike runs to him, smiling, hands flailing and twitching like crazy. Harvey takes them in his own, holds them to his chest to calm him down.
"He said yes," Mike says quietly as Harvey runs a hand down his back, identical smiles on both their faces. Seth always finds it funny, this side of Harvey, this side that only Mike has the ability to bring out. Soft and, and human. Mike makes Harvey Specter a human not that Seth would ever say it so someone could hear him. He values his life, thanks. And he also values Mike's friendship, he wouldn't want to risk either.
"We're getting married," Mike sighs, eyes twinkle up at Harvey. The older man checks the doorways, makes sure no-one but Seth is around to see as he leans down to nuzzle along Mike's forehead, stops to breathe in the scent of MikeMikeMikeMikeMike, strong at his hairline, against his temple, behind his ear.
Seth looks away because for whatever reason it makes him uncomfortable, he feels like he's intruding on this private moment between Mike and his fiancé, it's more intimate than a kiss, way more intimate.
Harvey extends a hand to Seth a few moments later, when he manages to pull himself away from Mike, it's the first attempt Harvey had made to acknowledge Seth since he and Mike became friends.
No words are exchanged but Harvey's nod says enough, says all the words Mike and Seth know he'll probably never say.
"Early lunch," Harvey asks Mike when he lets go of Seth's hand.
Mike nods quickly, "Burgers," quirked eyebrow, gaze challenging Harvey to protest.
"No tonight's take out, we can't have burgers and take out, that's...that's gross,"
Harvey cringes dramatically but it's mainly for Mike's benefit.
The blonde thumps him on the chest but he's still smiling, huffs as he turns to Seth with an eye roll. Seth can't help but think how they're already like a married couple, ridiculous.
"See ya later Seth," and he's pulling Harvey from the break room, he won't lose this one, they're having burgers for lunch!
"Thanks again," he calls and Seth heads back to work, smile etched onto his face, finds it a little hard to focus when Mike's getting married and everything's so good.
And everything is good.
Mike still misses his Grammy but he assumes it'll be like his parents where not a day goes by where he won't think about her but with time it'll get a little easier.
One day he'll be able to wake up and face the day and not feel like crawling back into bed. The mention of her name won't make his heart hurt.
He'll be able to think about her and it won't be painful, instead he'll be happy, and he'll smile because he had her in his life and that's what really mattered.
And for the days when it hurts a little more there's Seth who gets it, who's a friend that Mike didn't expect but definitely needed.
And there's Harvey.
Harvey who Mike loves to the moon and back 357 times over. Harvey who'll make it all better with a smile, the secure comfort of his arms, the warmth of his presence.
Harvey who loves Mike more than anything else in the whole entire world, would do just about anything for him. Harvey who thinks Mike is magnificent and is merely happy to be with him for however long he can have him.
Mike wants forever but he'll take 'till death do us part', and hope that death is something they can cheat till Mike's at least 103.