TITLE: Do I Look Like a Daddy to You?
CHAPTER: One, Free as an Eagle Flies
AN: This has been sitting in my file of finish-someday-writing for like ever.
"You know I'm a rake and a ramblin' man,
Free as an eagle flies.
Well look at me now and tell me true:
Do I look like a daddy to you?
Oh, do I look like a daddy to you?"
Confused and fuzzy with sleep Shepard rolled out of bed when Tali fled into the bathroom. He stopped short of the door when it shut in his face and when the lock engage he called out, "Tali? You okay in there?"
From the other side of the closed bathroom door, he heard a weak, "I'm okay. Be out in a minute."
Scrubbing the sleep out of his eyes, Commander Shepard slipped a pair of uniform pants over his naked lanky frame. With a large cup of strong black coffee, he pulled up his desk chair to wait and with mug cradled in his hands, he thought about their time together. About their first time, the past month and the first time they'd made love since meeting up again after his incarceration and her return to the Normandy. The actual first time had been the night before the Collector's Base. Both of those nights were the sweetest memories he knew. The first time she'd been a young woman and more than a little unsure of her place in the world. Then she'd returned to the Normandy an Admiral, a grown woman, and a respected member of her people. A little unsure of each other at first, ever since she'd said, 'I don't want to beg, but I didn't come up here just to look at the fish,' they'd been making up for lost time.
Through the sound of the young quarian's retching, John thought about his enthusiastic and energetic quarian lover. She carried those two personality traits into everything else in her life, and that included the bedroom. Endlessly curious and eager to learn, for a virgin, she was the most exciting woman he'd ever known. Skilled lovers were for sale anywhere. Genuine affection was not. He counted himself a lucky man.
He'd fallen in love with her at the exact moment they discovered her father's body, on the Alarei and he pulled the grieving young woman into his arms. An emotion hit him at that moment, through the barrier of his armor, he knew he would never willingly let her go again. He'd said, come here and that it meant forever. That feeling of protectiveness toward her had never left him. While he'd often felt protective of his crew, his ship, and his career. He'd felt lust and desire, too. But this combination of love and protectiveness proved a powerful force. More profound than anything else he'd experienced in a relationship.
The missions leading up to facing the Reapers on Earth were dangerous, grueling, and often tragic. After those missions, by the time he dragged himself up to his quarters she was always there waiting for him ready with solace and comfort. He loved his little Fauve with his entire being, and he intended to keep it that way. Yeah, he admitted to himself, should probably add possessiveness to the list. Although, he knew he had nothing to offer her in the way of a future, that worry he could keep hidden until that day finally arrived. And until that day, he would give her everything he had.
The door to the bathroom slid open to reveal the slender quarian leaning against the doorframe bared to the waist, with her suit just pulled up to her hips. A sight Commander Shepard would typically appreciate if it were not for the pale face and bowed shoulders. He'd always understood her sensitivity to him. But up until now, it's only been a slight cold, cough, or fever. She'd never actually been sick. Shouldn't she be getting used to him by now? That's what he thought he understood.
"Tali, is there anything I can do for you?" He asked gently placing a hand on her shoulder.
"Ancestors, what is that smell?" She pointed to the cup in his hands.
"It's just coffee, Sweetheart."
"It stinks… Oh… not again."
"Tali…?"
So as he watched his beloved Tali lose whatever was left in her stomach into the commode. His thorough mind began to add up the evidence. Looking at her from behind, he noticed she'd put on some weight and last night her breasts felt heavier in his hands. That fact hadn't penetrated his lust-clouded mind at the time, but now it seemed obvious. Gods! How he loved making love to her. He'd never tire of that sensation of her locking those legs around him... sinking into her... losing himself...
The blood left his hands and feet, and his heartbeat pounded in his throat threatening to choke him. The coffee slipped out of his hand and crashed to the deck. Something that his mother had said to him a long time ago entered his brain like a biotic blast. She'd mentioned once in passing, that when she'd been pregnant with him, she'd spend most of her days lying on the bathroom floor.
"John! Are you okay?"
"Tali, I love you."
"I know, and I love you."
"I'll… I will get a ground assignment and… We can settle… Get married… Wherever you want... I will take care of you… Don't worry."
"I'm not worried. What are you talking about? I'm flattered… but we have a job to do."
"No! Not in your condition, you can't live like this."
"My condition? John, are you sure you're okay? And, since when do you tell me how to live my life?"
"You're pregnant!"
"John, you are a born leader, a skilled soldier, and a natural diplomat. In spite of all that talent, it is not possible for you to impregnate a quarian."
"Why not?" he asked glaring at her and defensively crossed his arms over his chest.
"Because, I am pretty sure I'm not old enough to be fertile. Because our body chemistry is entirely different and because I use birth control.
"What? Birth control!" Shepard scrubbed a hand over his short hair. "Isn't that something you should discuss with me? I should have some say in that decision! Tali, you've surprised me… I thought we understood each other."
Tali slid her hands inside the sleeves and pulled her suit up over her shoulders. She'd let him a make two more laps around the room before she stopped him. But this wasn't the way she imagined them sharing this news. He appeared angry and frustrated, not happy at all, and it scared her. Tali watched the man she loved pace around the room. Finally, he stopped at her photograph. For several minutes, he just stared at it. The look on his face, when he turned to her, did not fill her with confidence. The way he said her name chilled her. Not the rich tones of his confident voice, but hollowed out and sad.
"You're right of course. For all we've given each other, that's just not a dream we can share. Tali? I know we haven't said we were exclusive. So just tell me. I can take it. Of course, it can't be me. Tell me now, who is the father?"
Before she could compose an answer, with his tone changing completely, he snapped. "How can you even think of bringing a child into this world?"
"You-you... think I've been with someone else?"
"In less than a month, we could all be dead. I will almost certainly be dead. Now, instead of having you on my team, where I need you… I'll have to leave you behind. I don't suppose you thought about what this would mean to the mission?"
Yes, he was angry. Damn pissed, in fact. And a little frightened. He didn't like surprises, and he did not he didn't like feeling this afraid. More than a fear that he might die, or the mission might fail. He realized he was just plain, pit-of-his-stomach terrified of what this might mean for Tali's health.
Unfortunately, Tali couldn't read his mind, she could only hear his words. Much too late, he heard her cry. When he turned, she had already clicked her helmet into place and headed for the door. He tried to stop her, but she shook off his hand on her arm.
"Let me go, bosh'tet!"
"Tali… wait."
At the door, Tali turned and pulled herself to attention. "Commander Shepard, I apologize for inconveniencing you and jeopardizing the mission. If you recall, from the beginning, I voiced my concern about distracting you. As for the pregnancy, I certainly didn't do this all on my own, did I?"
"Tali… don't leave. Not like this. I never imagined…"
"Never imagined I might be with someone else or that you're the father of this child? I will also apologize for not telling you sooner. I could hardly believe it myself. Good day, sir. I have duties that require my attention." And because, she was feeling very ill, very misunderstood, and very hurt, just before she walked out the door, she turned, "I think I'll find Garrus and share my good news with him."
That comment silenced him and stopped Shepard in his tracks. Was Garrus the father?
~o~
Startled out of his post-calibration doze by the entrance of a whirlwind into the Main Battery. Garrus reached out and caught her by the arms. "Tali? Slow down, girl. You'll set off the fire suppression system. What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
Garrus put his arm around her shoulder and did a quick mental checklist of possible reasons she could be this upset and possible outcomes of his response. In fact, he's never seen her this emotional, never heard her cry or appear so dejected. The only conclusion he drew is if she's this unhappy and didn't go to Shepard for comfort, then Shepard must be the cause of her tears.
"Tali, you'd better tell me what happened. Please stop crying. Please."
"Don't you think I want to stop crying? I'm being ridiculous and over-emotional and all because I'm…"
"You're what?"
"Never mind! You wouldn't understand! I'm sorry I bothered you."
As quick as she'd entered, she was gone. Rubbing a talon across his brow, he pondered the mysteries of the feminine personality. Life was much easier when you placed it all in the context of black and white, on or off, zeros and ones, calibrated or out of calibration. It was all merely a matter of the best algorithm to acquire the desired outcome.
~o~
Headed full speed toward the port observation area, when the door opened Tali collided with Kaidan.
Tali didn't slow down and shoved past him. "Hey, Tali… Tali?" He followed her in and sat down, where she'd curled herself in a ball on a couch.
"Tali?" He asked quietly, placing a tentative hand on her back. "Are you ill? Should I get the doc?"
"I. AM. NOT. SICK!"
"Okay, okay. I can't leave you like this. Please tell me what I can do."
"Nothing. There's nothing anyone can do. Please leave me alone, Kaidan. I know you mean well."
"Tali wait!" She was already up and moving toward the exit. What would Shepard say if he didn't try to help her? Something was very wrong. He'd catch up with her and talk to her.
"Leave me alone!" Shouting and evading his outstretched hands. The young quarian did not stop until she slid down a ladder and stumbled into the starboard cargo area, where Diana Allers was just finishing a broadcast.
"Hey, Honey. You okay?"
"I'm fine. I forgot you were in here. I'll leave."
"You most certainly are not fine. Come on in here. Man trouble?"
Tali nodded miserably.
"What other kind is there, right? Sit over here. Is it because of your pregnancy?"
Tali looked up in horror at the reporter. Someone knew her secret. "How did you know?"
"Sweetie, there's no hiding anything behind that gorgeous suit of yours. Besides, have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately?"
"No. I-I've been too busy throwing up."
"Oh, sweetie. It's all part of the package. I'll bet you're glowing under that helmet. Seriously, a girl has to learn to take care of herself. So if he doesn't want the kid, maybe you should just head on home and be with your family."
"My family? Leave…? Diana, he thinks it isn't his."
Diana slid her arms around the weeping young woman and pulled her close. "Tali, just listen to me. It's a hard lesson to learn, but you'll be better for learning it. Men are pigs. That's all there is to it."
"What's a pig?"
~o~
With his uniform in place, Commander Shepard went searching for his turian friend. Although, how much longer they could remain, friends, he couldn't say. What he did know with growing rage and uncertainty that he would find out just what Garrus thought he was doing sneaking around with Tali.
His Tali.
Garrus Vakarian stood in his usual place at the weapons console, but his thoughts were on Tali and not on the thanix cannon. So he was genuinely startled when Shepard walked in and equally startled at Shepard's fist connecting with his left mandible.
"Shepard, is there something we need to talk about?" He asked innocently and tried very hard not to give in to his instinct to return that punch. This was his friend standing in front of him with more misery and confusion on his face then he'd ever seen before.
"Do you love her?"
While he rubbed his sore jaw, Garrus studied the human standing in front of him. Human body language was a curious thing. "As you know, turians don't have a word for love. So if you could be clearer on one or two things. Such as why you just hit me and who is 'her'?"
"You know exactly who I'm talking about. After all the missions! All the late night talks… in here. In this exact place and all the time you and Tali… God dammit, Garrus. Do you love her?"
The turian shook his head. Honestly, how did these over-emotional squishy creatures even get out their own front door, much less off their home planet? Watching the human leaning on the console as if it were the only thing holding him up, Garrus thought about what to say. What could he possibly say?
"Shepard, you listen to me and listen well. You are the best friend I've ever had, and friends of any kind are a little thin on the ground right now. To answer your question in the terms you used. Of course, I love Tali. I love you both." Garrus took him by the shoulders, his blue eyes blinking rapidly and gave him a shake. "You find her and make it right. She needs you, now."
"I've ruined everything. The things I said..."
"Humans!" The turian yanked Shepard into his arms and hugged him hard. Hard enough for Shepard's forehead bounced off the turian's armor cowling. "Congratulations, by the way. Go and find her. Take care of that our little angel or I promise you, I will." And Garrus shoved his commanding officer out the door. Insubordination? Maybe. He'd worry about that later. Right now he had to fix the damage Shepard had done to his console. Damn guns didn't' calibrate themselves.
If it's a boy, they might name him Garrus. John Garrus Shepard vas Normandy. Yes, he liked the sound of that very much.
~o~
This time, she had a destination in mind and headed straight for the MedBay. She noticed two things as she rounded the corner of deck three. One was the large group of crew members standing around, and the other was the strong arm that caught her as she streaked past.
The arm swung her up and set her down on her feet. Then sliding both arms around her, he pulled her against him and whispered, "Never run away from me, Tali. There is nothing we cannot face together."
She nodded while taking in the group of people forming a circle around herself and the commander. Doctor Chakwas was grinning, Garrus was scratching his head, Kaidan was also smiling, and Joker was shouting over the loudspeaker demanding to know what he was missing.
"Ladies and gentlemen. I just found this out myself, so I'm still recovering from the shock. Tali and I have an announcement to make. We are expecting a baby."
The entire mess erupted in cheers. Joker is shouting louder than anyone, announcing he'd won the ship's pool.
While everyone congratulated themselves as if they'd done something surprising. Shepard turned Tali in his arms and placed his hands on her faceplate. "I love you, Tali. If that's not enough, then teach me how to say the equivalent in your language, so you'll understand what you mean to me."
Tali laid her head against the solid wall of Shepard's chest and tried very hard to keep the nausea at bay so she could enjoy this moment with him while she figured out how to get revenge on Joker.
"I thought it would be so easy, another one night stand.
She seemed so warm and willin', right in the palm of my hand.
Now it's three months ago last Wednesday since I woke up in her bed.
Lord I think I love her, but it scares me half to death.
'Cause you know I'm a rake and a ramblin' man
Free as an eagle flies
Well, look at me now and tell me true:
Do I look like a daddy to you? Oh, do I look like a daddy to you?
Now she's feelin' sick in the mornin's; She can't get into her jeans.
I spent my last ten dollars, bought her a second hand ring.
I start to work next Monday 'cause I just can't let her down.
I've had me some good times, but it's all changin' now.
You know I'm a rake and a ramblin' man,
Free as an eagle flies.
Well look at me now and tell me true:
Do I look like a daddy to you?
Oh, do I look like a daddy to you?"
~o~
-Don Williams, lyrics Bob McDill, Rake and a Ramblin' Man