the pianist and the goddess, chapter 1

I love you. tree simple words I never said to her.

How come you somtimes only understant how much somthing is worth to you by losing it?

when i was 15 years old, I went to music lessons, for i so dearly wanted to become a pianist. the class i went to was beeing tought by an sweet old lady, and al the other students were verry nice.
al was well. however, one fatefull day introduced us to our new fellow participant, Elizaveta Héderváry. how come I didn't notice it back then? that the way she smiled made my hearth go wild, how I'd love to touch her brown curly hair, how even the faintest memory made me feel weird? how come I didn't notice that?

Once a week, we were blessed by the presence of an angel, no, the most divine goddess to ever roam our blue planet. and though all of the participants were amazing with their instruments, Elizaveta was beyond good.

she was perfect.

I like to believe I was her best friend in those classes. for both of us shared a mutual interest in reading, though I was more into it than her. every week our teacher and fellow classmates would be iritated by our (mostely me) talking about the latest books. and that went on, until the summer vacation came, together with a dark message from Elizaveta.

she was going to quit the cource.

she had been accepted for a trial year at an conservatory. how could I not be happy for her? it was her dream after al.

if only I had know back then what I knew today.

For the year of music class without Elizaveta was one of the hardest things to complete. evry week felt like there was something missing, and evry week it became worse. while I was normally a very talkative girl I felt silent during breaks between pieces. I became a shadow of the woman I used to be around her. I felt empty, unfinished.

it was than that I realized I loved her.

it was than that I began questioning my sexual orientation. because of her I became bisexual.

but I had to move on with my life, I had to follow my dream to become a pianist, and maybe if fate wasn't so cruel, I'd forget about her.

but fate was very cruel.

during the year of her absence, I applied for one of the conservatory's in our land. and weirdly enough, I got accepted right away. I was happy, so very happy, for there was a slight chance that my dream would finally come true.
however, I was also happy that I got into this particular school, since it was the same were she had her trial year. which meant that when I started the second year at that school, she'd start her first and it'd probably see her on daily base.

this thought both exited and scared me. for I was fairly certain that she didn't like girls. and maybe the two years of not seeing each other would be enough for her to forget about me.

but it weren't two years, it was just one. for one day, when I was working at our local supermarket during summer vacation, she and a couple of her friends walked in. I couldn't believe my eyes for once again I was reminded of how gorgeous she was. she smiled at me, introduced me to her friends, whom gave me funny looks and left shortly after.

I'm pretty sure she saw how red my face got. I'm pretty sure she heard my heartbeat, for it was supper loud. I'm pretty sure she noticed I liked her and I'm pretty sure she doesn't feel the same way.

for the rest of that day, I couldn't think straight. for my mind was clouded with her presence, and her presence alone. I fantasised about asking her, but even in my fantasy's I sounded like a crazy stalker, and I was always rejected. I think I cried myself to sleep that day.

she was like a rose, beautiful to look at, but she'd hurt you twice as much just by simply touching her. and however much I tried, her face, brown hair and green eyes always lingered in the back of my mind.

that was of course until I got into the conservatory, and met him. but that is a story for a next time, goodbye.