My Apocalypse
I could've laughed at that very moment. And at the same time, I could've cried. I'm torn between both emotions, feeling two forces pull against my body, ripping me apart. It hurt. Terribly. But what could've I done? What would've I done?
Nothing.
There's not a reason why I should fight against these feelings. All the feelings... swarming around my head, like flies around rotten pizza. But I know they should bother me.
And they just don't.
I'm perfectly fine with the feeling of confusion. He had confusion a lot too. In some way, I might see him soon. I hope so. I've missed him with every part of my aching heart. And even then, after months of hearing his voice echo in my brain, I just... can't...
All I see is black. I wish I could frown. The darkness... it called out to me. It promised me a safe, warm cavern from this world. But I hated it.
He once told me he was scared of the dark. Maybe that's why my accustom to the dark had changed over the years, and I just can't sleep without a small miniature light on. He would've liked that. After what happened, I couldn't turn on a night light anymore. I couldn't...
I swear I can feel tears pushing against my closed eyelids. But they don't fall. Instead, they burn my eyeball, making it sting and causing me to internally whimper. And I still see nothing... nothing but darkness. It frustrates me. Why can't I see something else besides this God forbidden darkness?
Like him?
I can still remember the way he'd look at me. Those cerulean blue eyes wide but faintly happy. That crazy mess of blonde spikes on his head. That milky white skin.
I wonder if he's thinking about me. I wonder if he is at home right now, getting ready for my return.
I'd like that.
A lot.
I doubt he is though. He doesn't know when this might end... I don't even know. Every day I feel like I'm growing weaker. Every time I hear his voice, my heart breaks. He cries everyday, every time he's with me.
And I can't comfort him.
In some way, that pisses me off. Life is being a bitch. What the hell did I do to deserve this? What the hell did he do to deserve this?
...The door opens. I can hear it faintly, but I know it's open. Soft, light footsteps enter the room, and the door closes. I wonder if it's the nurse. But I can't check.
Someone grabs my hand, caressing my palm with their fingers. If I could move, I'd smile at the gesture. But my facial features aren't working. They haven't been working for months.
"Axel..." The shaky voice tears my heart in two, "When are you waking up?"
When am I waking up?
How should I know?
"I'm tired of waiting, Axel... I miss you so much..." The soft voice grows even more shaky, and I can't tell if they're crying yet. They grip my hand, and sure enough I can feel warm, wet drops on my palm. He's crying...
I would kill just to hug him right this very second. To hug him, shush him to sleep, hold him in my arms. I would kill just to kiss him once again, to hold him close to me, to see those cerulean blue eyes stare at me with affection.
A sniffle breaks me out of my thoughts. "I... I brought you your iPod. It took forever to find, but like I promised, I brought it to yo-ou..." More tears. I can't take this suffering. It's just hurting me too much.
But what can I do?
"Ple-ase wa-wake up soon..." He whispers, and I can feel his breath tickling my cheek, before he lightly kisses me and slips an earbud into my ear. No! I don't want to listen to my damn music, I want to listen to him! No!
Redemption by Gackt fills my ears. I inwardly sigh, mentally humming along to the song, my mind taking me somewhere else...
"Axel, I'm not in the mood!"
"C'mon, Roxy," I stare at the teenager in front of me, with his cute little pout and that sexy, angry stance.
"No, Axel!" He snarls. I can't help but laugh lightly and walk over to him till I'm practically cornering him against the wall. Of course, he backed away, all of his 'tough-guy' confidence fading.
"C'mon, Roxy..." I whisper in his ear, taking his earlobe in between my teeth and nibbling lightly. He shudders and doesn't say a word, so I assume he doesn't want to stop. Wrapping my arms around his petite body, I begin trailing butterfly kisses down his neck, nibbling on the soft skin every once in a while. He gasps when I bite down on his shoulder rather roughly and suck hard.
"A-Axel," Roxas breathes, his arms slowly wrapping around my neck. I smirk, knowing he wants more.
"What is it, Roxy-poo?" I say, slowly discarding his shirt and studying his upper-body. He blushes a bit.
"I-I- my parents will be here soon, Axel, I don't think we should do this right now." He whines, but I merely laugh and kiss him. Knowing the power I have over him, my hands begin trailing down his body, causing him to shiver. Finally my fingers grip the button on his jeans, and he looks at me with innocent, blue eyes. I stare back, before he decides it's time to stop searching each others eyes and he presses himself against me, kissing me roughly, slipping his tongue into my mouth. I smirk and let my tongue fold over his, while unbuttoning his pants and letting my hands play lightly on his still-growing erection.
A small moan escapes his lips, and a blush covers his face. I smile and discard my own shirt, pulling him onto our bed and getting on top of him in seconds.
"W-What if my parents knock on the door?" Roxas whispers, not stopping me while I tear his jeans off.
"Let them knock," I whisper back, pressing myself on him while making it impossible for him to talk with my lips on top of his.
His fingers crawl up to my jeans, shakily unbuttoning them during our kiss and jerking them off. I resisted smirking again (for some reason, he always gets a bit irritated by my smirk) and my lips begin trailing down his jawline, slowly past his neck and resting on his collarbone, sucking and nibbling on the tender skin. He lets out a mewl in affection.
My hands find his hard length and I squeeze him, the fabric getting a bit wet from his pre-cum.
"Aah," He sighs, biting his lip. I can tell he is, since most of his moans are being resisted and released in his throat.
Finally ripping the fabric off of his full-blown erection, my lips begin moving again, letting butterfly kisses trail down against his chest, his firm stomach, and finally his waist, before my tongue lightly flicks at his length. He squirms under me, but makes no move to tell me to stop. I smile to myself and lick the head of his length, causing him to moan louder than before.
"G-Goddamn it, Axel," Roxas breathes, "don't tease me!"
I swear I could've laughed, but I resisted it and did exactly the opposite of what he demanded. Instead, I lick at the pre-cum and blew softly on the head, but that's it, causing him to growl in frustration.
"Don't get your panties in a twist," I say, laughing lightly. Another growl, but I ignore it and abruptly deep-throat him. His body shudders and I hear him purr my name, his hands grabbing a handful of my hair. I begin slowly bobbing my head up and down, barely moving, just to frustrate him.
Of course, it works. He groans in frustration.
"A-Axel, move!" He demands. When I don't complete his order, he grunts and thrusts himself further into my throat, almost choking me while moans sprout from his mouth. I finally get the idea and start sucking harshly while bobbing my head noticeably, hearing him moan my name over and over again.
His climax is coming – fast. Just as he's about to release, I pull away, and he growls in anger.
"What the hell?" He snarls. I smile innocently at him, just as I hear knocks on the front door.
"I think we should go answer the door," I say innocently, crawling off of him and putting my clothes back on. I can tell he's extremely pissed off, but oh well, heh.
The memory abruptly ends. All I see is darkness, but I feel that same, warm feeling in my stomach from that day. The day I met his parents. Oh, that was too fun. Roxas, with his still full-blown erection, and my innocent looks. Oh, what a day that was.
I try to open my eyes now. They refuse to open at all, and I feel slightly cold. Damn it, why the hell can't I wake up? Why the hell was I to face that damn accident? What the hell did I do to deserve it!
My hands feel empty. I assume it's night, since the lack of light pressing against my eyelids. And it's freezing.
Through the whole night, I just listened to the good and bad songs on my iPod. I'm surprised it didn't run out of battery – I bet he remembered to charge it fully. If I could smile, I would, right now, right at this moment. Ah, spoke to soon. The music suddenly went dead, and I was met with pure silence. Ugh, I hate silence...
After what seems like centuries, I hear the door open again. Thoughts swarm in my head. Is it him? Is it another person? What if it's the nurse? Can I open my eyes? For the time being, I try the last question. Nope, my eyes are still glued shut.
Judging by the sniffles, I assume it's him. My heart breaks again as I hear him breakdown, though I'm not sure why he's crying so hard. I feel him tower over me, his arms wrapping around my freezing being.
"A-Axel," He cries quietly, "the doctor sa-said they're gonna ta-take you o-off of life su-support if you don't wake up so-on. Wa-Wake up, Axel! Please, wake up!" His fist collides on my chest, and I try desperately to pull my eyelids apart, but it's just no use. They refuse to open.
"Pl-Please..." His warm tears fall on my cheek, my lips, my neck, and I can feel his head resting on my chest, where most of his tears wet the hospital dress I assume I'm wearing. Jesus, why can't I open my eyes? Why the fuck can't I move? Goddamn it! I'm sick and tired of not being able to do anything to comfort him! What the fuck am I supposed to do – just listen to him cry? No, that's not right!
But what can I do?
Finally, his body heat is gone and I can still hear him crying softly.
"Ax-el, I miss seeing your eyes in the morning... I miss your teasing... damn it, I even miss you calling me 'Roxy'!" This surprises me. He used to always scold me for calling him Foxy Roxy, more or less Roxy alone. "Just... please, open your eyes..."
Once again, I attempt to tear my eyelids apart. And they don't. I can feel my own tears wielding up in my eyes, causing more pain to shoot around my eyeball, but I feel none of its wetness crawl down my cheek. It's still as dry as ever. Goddamn it... Goddamn it! I'm going to fucking kill myself if I can't hug him, if I can't look at him.
But what can I do?
His fingers caress my cheek, slowly crawling up to my hair and petting it. I swear I would've purred at the touch.
"You know..." His voice became soft and calm, "I bet you would purr just because I'm petting your head. Remember when I'd tease you for it? You always did act like a cat in some way..." Yeah, I do remember some nights he'd pet my head like as if I were an animal, and I'd just purr to his touch like a cat, rubbing my head against his head. He told me I was just like a cat.
"I love you, Axel."
XXxxXXxxXX
XXxxXXxxXX
I assume it's night now. He had left some time ago, telling me he'd charge my iPod and bring it to me the next day. I felt worn out. I've tried so many times today to open my eyes, to awaken, but nothing works. My eyes have been burning from the tears that never escaped my eyes. I felt stiff, and I had a very bad itch on my leg, making me go fucking insane. Jesus, can't someone scratch my knee! I'd forever be in their debt if they would just fucking scratch my knee!
Listening to the silence now, ignoring the irritating ache in my knee, I can almost see every detail of that very day. That very horrific day...
"You can't go walk in that!" Roxas cries, staring at me. I smile softly at him, kissing his forehead.
"Roxas, you worry too much. All I'm gonna do is go get that movie from Demyx. You do want to watch it, don't you?"
"O-Of course I do, but baby, it's raining!"
"A little rain never hurt anyone," I laugh quietly, "Did you call me 'baby'?"
A blush immediately covers his cheeks, "I-I-I-" He stutters. I give another laugh and kiss him on the lips, savoring the taste. He kisses back, seeming to do the same, and before we can get any farther, I detach myself from his face. A slight pout is on his lips, and I just grin and ruffle his hair, earning a glare.
"I'll be back before you can blink, baby," I say and give his hand a light squeeze before putting on my rain coat. God I hate the rain with a burning passion, but oh the fuck well. I have to go get that movie from Demyx anyway – I don't understand why he doesn't just come over here. I think he said something about Zexion or whatever – I obviously wasn't listening.
Taking a few steps out of the house, I look around, feeling the rain beat down on my head. Oops, almost forgot.
Easily, I slip my earbuds into my ears, immediately hearing My Apocalypse by Escape the Fate blast in my ears.
"Never fall asleep," I sing to myself walking walking down the sidewalk, hands stuffed in pocket and hood over face, "you won't wake up. Destroy the guillotine, before he does." God I love this song. I mean, seriously, it's fucking perfect. I love Escape the Fate so damn much. Even going to their concerts was like heaven to me. Heaven in fucking hell. I smirk to myself.
Half way to Demyx's house and I'm already worn out. Jesus, that kid lives far!
I stop at a light, looking around. It says not to walk, but fuck, I don't see a car within a mile! Shrugging to myself, I make my way across the street, and BAM! I don't know what happened. All I know the next minute is I'm flying in the air for about three seconds before my body collapses on the ground, and my head slams hard into the wet road. I can feel warm liquid running out of my hair along with the rain, and my side aches terribly.
Amazingly, though, my iPod wasn't knocked out of my hands, and the earbuds stayed in my ears, so I couldn't hear anything but Escape the Fate's music.
'End transmission, the satellites are down, I need an earthquake to shake this pity off the ground... all the vibrant colors I see... And the shades that fill the gray...'
My eyes shoot open. Sweat beads down my face, and I can still feel that damn god-awful itch at my knee. As fast as I can move (which isn't very fast), I scratch my knee and moan in relief. God, that felt good.
After blinking a few times, I realize two things. One: I'm hungry, and two: I'm awake.
I look down at my hands. They've gotten paler. My arms became even more bony than before – they almost look like skeleton bones. My eyes trail down to my stomach, and I lift up the dress, enough to see my stomach practically shrank three sizes smaller. A frown appears on my lips and I look up, noticing the hospital room is nothing but white, except for a very old-fashion, out-dated TV that hung on the corner ceiling, and a window. The sun is beaming rather high in the sky, so I assume it's at least around noon.
What's today?
Why did I suddenly wake up?
Where is he?
Is there any good food around here?
The first question is hopeless to answer unless I ask someone. The second question is, too, hopeless, because I'm at lost for an answer. Question number three won't be answered until I see him. And the last question seems easy enough. I see a nurse hat button on the bed, and my finger touches it, but I don't press it.
Maybe that's because the doorknob just twisted.
I look up and my eyes widen.
"Hey, I brought you your iPod, again," He says in a raspy voice, almost like a whisper, while his eyes are fixed on the device in his hands, "Demyx tried to steal it, but I practically bit him just to keep it away from him," I can see him trying to laugh it off, but he can't.
I do laugh, though.
He looks up in shock, and his eyes are as wide as dinner plates; his feet freezing and he drops my iPod.
"Aw, don't break it!" I whine playfully, my voice aching, but I don't care. I smile at him.
"A-A-Axel..." He whispers.
"I guess you missed me, huh?" My question is answered with a very fast embrace. As in he literally ran to me, wrapping his arms around me and his eyes teary.
"A-Axel, ar-are you really awake? A-Am I dreaming again?" He whispers into my shoulder. It's sore, but I manage to wrap my arms around him. His neck, at least.
"Yeah, I'm awake," I mumble into his ear, closing my eyes and taking a huge whiff of his hair. Just as I remember it. Warm vanilla sugar... mmm...
When he looks at me in the eyes, I feel myself almost choke at the tears threatening to spill. Beautiful... simply beautiful cerulean blue eyes that I've longed to look at. They're finally in front of my eyes.
"I missed you so much," I say finally, weakly pulling him so he's eye-level with me. And then I kiss him. His lips are soft and warm, while mine probably feel cold and hard, but I don't care. I kiss him, and he kisses back, and I can tell we've both longed for this again.
I pull away and nuzzle my neck into his neck, hugging him close, and finally, finally I whisper in his ear, "I love you, Roxas."
Awww D; I'm always a sucker for a happy ending in AkuRoku land. Yeah, anyway happy early AkuRoku day! Nine more days, by my count! I swear, I thought this would take me days to complete, but in four hours, and lots of music (plus Escape the Fate music XD ), I produced a pretty damn good fanfiction, if I do say so myself, -sniffles cockily-
XD Sorry, I'm just so damn proud of myself! Anyway, I'd LOVE it if you guys would review? Please? :D