Siblings and Secrets
Cowes, 1909
"He looks like an Emperor Fish!"
Tatiana's sharp ears caught her younger cousin's exclamation and laughed. Nudging Maria, who looked at her, puzzled, she tipped her head back at Johnnie and explained the cause of her merriment.
"He says Papa looks like an Emperor fish!"
Maria laughed, elbowing Anastasia to share the joke. Even Olga, holding little Alexei by the hand, chuckled, and Tatiana counted that as a success. Two years older than her, thirteen-year-old Olga often thought she was a grand young lady and too old to laugh at Tatiana's jokes, especially in public.
Yet, when she turned to look at her English cousins, expecting them to laugh as well, Tatiana saw seven-year-old George flushed with anger. His arm was round his younger brother's shoulders protectively.
The sight made Tatiana bite the inside of her cheek. She'd thought the joke was a good one; she hadn't meant to embarrass the younger boys by sharing it with her sisters. Guilt welled up in her and she slipped away from her sisters, crossing back to crouch down beside the English Princes.
"We're going to take Alexei to the outcrop over there to see if we can see anything special in the water," she murmured, "Would you like to come with us? You like animals, don't you, Johnnie?"
She kept her voice soft, trying not to startle the youngest child, whom she had decided must be very shy, but he still froze, looking up to his older brother for help.
George shook his head, "Johnnie will have to go inside soon; he'll get too excited and tired if he stays out much longer," he whispered, flushing even darker with embarrassment and glancing hastily around to make sure no-one had overheard him.
Not knowing what was making the younger boy so uncomfortable; it was perfectly normal for a four-year-old boy to still need the occasional nap in the afternoon, after all – Alexei still had them when their governesses could cajole him into them, she knew – Tatiana decided not to press the issue, but instead simply nodded and walked away to re-join her sisters by the water's edge. Her curiosity had been awoken, however and she resolved not to leave Cowes before she'd discovered why the youngest English Prince was so shy.
Later that day, their cousin Princess Mary coaxed all of them; herself, Olga, Maria, Anastasia, George, Henry and Albert and Alexei into playing Sardines around the upper floor of Osborne House.
"Georgie can hide first. He's the youngest who's not a visitor," Mary decided. Tatiana put out a hand.
"Do you not want Johnnie to play with us?"
Mary shook her head vehemently. "He's too young. He doesn't understand how to play this game."
"But you're letting Alexei play," Maria pointed out indignantly, "He's no older than Johnnie."
"Well…" Princess Mary hesitated, then countered triumphantly, "Yes, but he's a visitor, not our baby brother. Besides, he's only playing because he can play with one of you. You will look after him, won't you?"
Trapped into agreeing, all the good-natured Maria could do was nod and take their little brother by the hand as Mary gave George a nudge, "Go on Georgie, go and hide. We'll count to fifty and then try and find you."
George ran out of the room and the others started counting in a mixture of English and Russian.
Before long, they had scattered in search of the hidden George. Tatiana watched Maria and Alexei disappear down one passage and turned the opposite way. If she remembered correctly, she'd seen a curtained alcove half hidden by a grand piano down this way. That was exactly the kind of place she'd have hidden, if she'd been hiding first.
It took her two or three tries, but she found the room she'd thought of eventually. Twitching back the curtain, she saw George crouched behind it, as still as though he'd been turned to ice.
"Great minds think alike," she breathed, then pressed a finger to her lips and slid in beside him.
For a few moments, they sat in silence, George's small, narrow shoulders pressed against Tatiana's chest as they hunched together stiffly. At last, Tatiana decided to risk breaking the silence. George was clearly the sibling closest to Johnnie. Maybe he'd be able to tell her more about her youngest cousin.
"Did Johnnie not want to play too?" she breathed, bending her head to touch her lips to his ear.
George shook his head. "Henry and Mary wouldn't have let him anyway."
"That's not very fair."
"Mary's right. He doesn't understand these sorts of games. He can't keep still for long enough. But he's not stupid. He's not!"
Something in George's voice and the speed with which he delivered the retort told Tatiana that he'd spent far too much of his young life defending his little brother. She was about to reply, but just then, Henry's voice drifted towards them, "Georgie! Where are you? I'm coming to find you!"
The hidden pair froze, scarcely daring to breathe, until the footsteps receded. When they had, Tatiana turned to face her younger cousin, searching to find his features in the gloom.
"My brother's not very well either," she confessed, scarcely daring to do more than whisper. Mama and Papa would hate her telling anyone, after all the lengths they went to to hide Baby's illness, but Tatiana sensed that this confession would strike a chord with her younger cousin, "You mustn't tell anyone, but he's a bleeder. He can't ever be allowed to cut himself or hurt himself seriously, because he just won't stop bleeding. That's why Olga and I are so careful with him. We're his older sisters, we have to look after him."
"Oh." George's voice was small, "I didn't know."
"Not many people do. Mama and Papa don't like us telling anyone. They try to keep Alexei's illness hidden. But you won't tell anyone, will you, Georgie?"
"No, of course not. I'm good at keeping secrets." There was a note of proud defiance in George's murmur and Tatiana knew she could trust the younger boy.
Silence stretched between them for a little while. Tatiana mused, wondering how she could persuade the younger boy to open up. At last she ventured, "I bet you have to look after Johnnie too, don't you, Georgie?"
"Hmm," Georgie murmured, "He doesn't learn things as well as other people. And he has fits. He starts kicking and shaking and can't stop. Lalla has to take him away into a private room and hold him until they go away. They're worse when he's tired or upset, so Lalla told me I had to protect him and tell her whenever he's feeling ill, if he won't do it himself. And I have to remind him to keep still. He doesn't know when he has to do that yet."
"I'm sure you're very good at that. I'm sure Johnnie loves you very much for doing that and keeping him out of trouble." On impulse, Tatiana leaned down and smoothed George's hair with the palm of her hand. He slumped against her as though relieved of a secret burden.
"If I don't look after him, they'll send him away. I don't want them to do that. I won't let them. I won't!"
"Of course you won't, zmaj," Tatiana soothed, using the term dragon as an endearment, the way Mama did with Alexei when he was being particularly brave with his pain, "They'll see what a good job you do looking after him, don't you worry. They won't send Johnnie away."
"Promise?" George twisted his head to look up at her, wide-eyed. Tatiana's heart, maternal as any girl's on the cusp of puberty would be, clenched. George was so young for such a big responsibility.
"I promise," she whispered, stroking his hair.
The moment was shattered as Anastasia wrenched back the curtain, "Found you! You've got to stop whispering you know. I'm going to win this game and I don't want you to ruin it for me!"
"Well then, stop making so much noise, Nastya," Tatiana chuckled, shifting over to make room for her youngest sister and returning her attention to the run of the game.
As she did so, however, she felt George slip his hand into hers. She squeezed the hot little hand almost imperceptibly, knowing even then, in her heart of hearts that she would always have a particularly special bond with the second youngest of her English cousins.