Cry:.
Disclaimer:. Shonda Rhimes, you rock.
Summary:. He cried because he was torn apart. He cried because he was trying to pretend that his life was okay, when it wasn't. He cried for the person that he had lost. He cried for the love that he had lost. He cried... because there was nothing else he could do. Oneshot.
"Meredith."
The words came out of his mouth like an overflowing river. They trickled off of his dry tongue and left to join the tense air which surrounded him. It wasn't a command, or a question. It was a statement. He figured that she knew the meaning behind it.
Time... well, there wasn't such a thing. It hadn't stopped, or even slowed down significantly. It simply wasn't there. Besides, he would have waited there for ages until she reached a decision. He needed to know what this evening had meant.
Lethargically, her head crept around to find him, his eyes burning into her, like they were drowning, and she was some sort of life-saver.
"Meredith."
Another voice rang out into the bitter environment, bouncing off of the linoleum floors. He couldn't fight the resentment that slowly began to build inside of his chest, while he selfishly thought that it was forbidden for someone else to say her name.
Again, her body twisted towards the other man, and pain enveloped him entirely, draining all of his hope. Why was she doing this to him? Had he meant nothing to her? Did she honestly think that he didn't care anymore? What did this guy have that he didn't?
Oh, wait, he thought. He didn't fall in love with her, forget to mention he had a wife, pick his wife over her, sulk around because he chose his wife, continue to watch her every moment he could, get a dog with her, and then have sex with her in an empty exam room while he was still married to his wife. Plus, he loved her even more after all of it.
Abruptly, Finn glanced at Derek, while Derek suddenly looked at Finn. Meredith looked at Derek, then at Finn. They all looked at each other in random, confusing motions.
It was like a game of neverending tag.
And he had no idea who was "it".
It continued to go on. Meredith solomly gazing between the man whom she so desperately loved, and the man who she longed to love. Then, as if a lightbulb had sparked over top of her head, she opened her mouth,
"I'm sorry," she breathed. "This has gone on long enough. I don't want to hurt anyone, but it's too late for that. And someone is going to get hurt either way, so..."
I tried to force her to look at me, but she continued to stare intently at Finn.
"I'm tired of being distracted, and frustrated. I just want to be happy. I want to feel safe," she finished.
No. She want's to be safe. I'm not safe. Well, I am safe, but she doesn't think that. She's positive that he's safe, because I'm sure that he is the perfect guy, who says all the right things, and promises to be there for her no matter what, and to always protect her, etc. Why can't she understand that I would give anything for her to be happy. Sure, I may not have made it seem that way in the past, but it's true. God, why couldn't I have picked her? Why didn't I choose her? And why can't I stop loving her?
Before he knew what was happening, there she was. Standing in front of him, salty tears forming in the corners of her expressionless eyes.
"I can't do this anymore, Derek. I'm sorry."
Without another word, another look, or anything else that he could have hoped for, she was following him towards the elevator, his hand pulling her along. She wasn't resisting, yet she didn't seem positive that what she was doing was right.
And it wasn't.
When you love someone with your heart and soul, you don't just leave them hanging. You fight for them, for your relationship, and for the love that you have created. Derek had learned that.
So he stood there, clutching the balcony for dear life, and cried. Because that was all he could do. He had nothing left.
Listen to the sound of my head pounding
Wish that it was make-believe
Praying for the skies to open up and
Wash away your memory
The sky was rumbling, and rain was pouring out from every crevice of the huge cloud that had engulfed Seattle.
Derek sat, mumbling words of pity to himself, underneath a large oak tree that seperated his trailer from the forest. Addison was inside, sound asleep most likely. He hadn't bothered to check on her, nor had she been concerned as to what he was doing. She knew. She knew everything. Besides, he was pretty sure that she didn't care if he jumped into the lake and drowned himself, or crashed his car into a streetlamp. That's why she was content, lying in their bed, sound asleep. And she had every reason to be.
I can walk around with a pretty face on
Even when I'm black and blue
What's the point in telling everybody
I'm not over you
She was probably lying in bed right now. Next to him. Their breathing was probably right in synch, just like everything else about them was. Maybe she was heartbroken. Or maybe she was relieved. He didn't really care, because there was no going back. Nothing could change. He hadn't meant it when he had said that it was over. Now, it was over. Now he had finally lost her.
He cursed himself for letting her slip away, and for making the wrong decision. Giving his marriage another chance was the right thing to do, but then again, it wasn't the right thing for him to do. He had known from the beginning that it wasn't going to work, so why did he go to the inconvenience?
Somewhere beneath the bottomless pit of self-loathing and grief that he felt for himself at that moment, he was happy for her. Wasn't true love the ability to be happy for someone even if you're not the person who makes them feel that way? Or something like that...
I'm so happy for you
I could cry
Yeah, I'm so elated
Cross my heart and hope to die
I don't think about you every night
Before I close my eyes
I'm so happy for you baby,
I could cry
All of sudden, the raindrops that had been drenching his hunched over form ceased. Confused, he looked to the sky, and saw a large, black umbrella hanging overtop of him.
"It's raining."
Realization dawned on his cold, damp face as another body joined him on the ground. A small, shivering frame huddled aginst his, and it took all of his strength to drive himself to look at her. He had never been so sure that he was in a dream. Not even a miracle could have brought her back to him.
But, there she was. Looking enchanting, as the moon reflected every detail in her face, and her wet hair curled around her chin.
"It's you."
She smiled, "It is me."
"You made the right choice," he struggled, his breath ragged from the cold air, and the pressure that was holding his lungs captive.
"No."
"What?"
"I couldn't just abandon the person that I love, could I?"
"I, well... no, but..."
"Shhh," she whispered, bringing her hand to his lips. Her touch soothed him, like a dose of chamomille.
"I've hurt you too much. I can't take away the misery that I've caused you, I know that, but I'm sorry. I am truly sorry, from the bottom of my heart," he sighed.
"I know. I'll find a way to forgive you. It might take awhile, though, I'm warning you," she stifled a laugh.
"I... no, what's happening here? I thought you couldn't do this."
She paused, "Yea. But, I can't not do this either."
Fin:.