WHEN THE NUMBERS DON'T ADD UP
Written By Celeste Shinra
CHAPTER ONE:Living Is More Than Breathing
"The x is the answer. So, maybe if I do the equation backwards, leaving the x and …"
It was late at night when Charlie heard his brother storming into the garage. Turning his head, he took a quick look at him and then turned back to the black board in front of him. The equation was far more important than whatever his brother had to tell him but he still turned back around when his brother called his name.
"Charlie?"
It had started in elementary school. He had always known that there was something different about him but he had never really put a finger on it. The kids had been teasing him about his curly hair and big nose so he thought perhaps it was the way he looked that was wrong.
"Mommy? Why is being me bad?" He had asked while they were cooking cookies together. He would never forget the look on his mother's face. Her face was frozen in a half-smile and it slowly changed into a sad frown. She had bent down, kissed his forehead, and pulled him into a big hug.
"Oh Charlie, being yourself isn't bad." Then, just like a good mother, she handed him a sugar cookie from the pan. "Now you forget what everyone else says and you just go on living with your head held up high." The conversation was never repeated again. There was never a need to.
Charlie had taken those few lines to his heart and refused to let himself forget them. When the kids would tease him, he would run over to the swing set and hum songs his mom had taught him. It never really bothered him that he was different.
"Charlie is a bright boy, Ms. X, but the other boys feel intimidated. Perhaps we could let him jump ahead. Skip a few grades?"
His older brother by two years, Don, wasn't too happy when he saw his young baby brother walk into his classroom. Charlie had always loved his older brother but it soon became apparent that Don wasn't too thrilled about having him around at school.
"You're the baby! We're supposed to be in different classes!"
The kids picked on him and the teachers ridiculed him. Charlie's only happy time was when he was at home. Don would be his old self, agreeing to play UNO or Monopoly. His mother would be baking cookies or patting their heads, reminding them that she loved them. Sitting on the couch, reading up on the stocks, would be his father. Time spent at home were the happiest times for Charlie.
"Honey, what are we going to give Charlie for his birthday? He doesn't want any of the stuff the other teens are asking for."
"Oh don't worry about our Charlie. I have the perfect gift for my little math genius."
When he turned 13, he hadn't really expected anything for his birthday. He hadn't really asked for something special so he was very surprised when his mom took him to their garage. On all the walls were dusty blackboards and on the floor were chalk pieces.
"We can buy you some new white boards and markers and erasers and then you'll have your own laboratory, Charlie. It's all yours, to disappear into for hours."
"How did you know, Mom?"
"A mother understands her child's needs."
Charlie had never hated homework. It gave him something to concentrate on, to give him a refuge. Now, homework became his favorite pastime. Working out his problems on those boards, the smell of the markers and the dust from the chalk, it seemed as if nothing else in the world mattered.
His mom would come in every day after dinner and watch him. Sometimes, he would forget she was even there and begin talking out loud to himself. When his mom laughed at his outbursts, he would whip around and turn bright red, which made his mom laugh even harder.
Her laugh never sounded cruel or condescending but warm and uplifting. Always smiling at him while he struggled with a problem and then applauding when he solved it. There were even times when Don would come in and watch, eyes wide with disbelief.
"You watched the teacher do it! You copied the one in the book!"
"Don, apologize to Charlie. This is the same homework you worked two hours ago."
Charlie always felt guilty when his mom defended him in front of Don. He knew that Don was jealous of the attention their mom gave him, of the time they spent together. Yet, Don never argued with his mother or mentioned his jealousy. It was just something both brothers knew and kept to themselves.
Growing up in high school was hard for Charlie, especially when his big brother became the most popular kid in school. With his slick hair and blue forget-me-nots, he was hard not to notice. The girls fawned over him and the guys wanted his advice. No one ever visited the math center where Charlie stood at the white board, getting ahead on his homework.
"Hey, isn't that Don X's brother?"
"Yeah, but he's a math geek. He's nothing like Don!"
It was hard to keep his head held high around his brother's friends but he was determined to not let it affect him. He tried to make friends with a couple of them but they never acted the way he thought they would. Not that it mattered that he made friends with them. The only person whose word mattered was his mother. Perhaps she would have the answer to this problem.
"Charlie, you can't predict what people are going to say or do with math. Sadly, not all life's problems can be solved with a simple equation. Things happen that can't allows be explained by math."
Nevertheless, he wouldn't believe her. Soon, he became obsessed with solving everything and doing everything by math. He started searching through all the math books, writing down all the equations and theories, and making his own notes. When his small predictions of people's behaviors started coming true, he was convinced that he had stumbled onto something special. Something that only he had access to. All those kids would be sorry that they had ever laughed at Charlie X.
"Charlie?"
Whisking his mind back to the present, Charlie blinked. A little annoyed at being interrupted from his daily equation solving, he gave a short sigh. Shaking his head, he went back to the blackboard.
"Charlie, this is important."
"What do you want, Don." He didn't turn around but kept his eyes on the tall blonde. It was odd that he would even be in the garage, much less speaking to him about something he deemed important. Probably some homework he needed help on or a test to study for. He wished Don would just come to him for other things as well like girl trouble or just to talk. Things that he wouldn't know anything about but would still love to talk about with his older brother.
When Don didn't answer him back, he started to feel worried. His eyes narrowed in concern. Don wouldn't even look up at him, his face on his chest. Something was wrong, Charlie could feel it.
"What is it?"
Don lifted his head, large tears on his cheeks. It was hard to watch and not feel a chill run up his spine. Dropping the chalk, he ran to his brother and hugged him. He expected him to push him away but was surprised when he hugged him ferociously back. After a few moments, Don stepped back and wiped the tears away.
"Come with me, Charlie. Mom needs to talk to you."
"Okay," Charlie nodded and followed his brother out of the garage. He patted Don's shoulder comfortingly. "Don't worry. Whatever's wrong, Mom can help you. Mom can fix anything. "
At this comment, Don burst into fresh tears and bowed his head in shame.
"NO!" Charlie pushed the garage door open, bursting in. His face flushed and his eyes wet, the boy stood by the door trying to regain his composure. Wiping the tears away, he looked around the room.
"Mom can fix it." He said once and then repeated it over and over. The words sounded comforting but held no truth to him.
That's all they were.
Words .
"Honey? Charlie? Oh, my sweet Charlie. You have to be brave for Mom, okay? Can you be brave for me, Charlie?"
"Mom can fix it," Charlie sat down in the old rocking chair. He rocked forward and then kicked himself back. Like a man possessed, he rocked the chair. "Mom can fix it."
"Mommy is very sick, Charlie. I won't be able to join you in the garage for some time. Can you be tough for me, Charlie?"
Faster he rocked, closing his eyes. Tightly shut, the tears leaked down his face. Mom was going to be okay. She would be back in the garage tomorrow, sitting right here with a smile on her face. He would make a funny face while concentrating and she would laugh.
"You don't worry about me, Charlie. I'll be fine. I just need a lot of rest. Let Don take you to school and help you, okay? He's your brother and he loves you very much. Make your brother proud, Charlie. Make me proud, sweet."
The rocking slowed. Opening his eyes, Charlie looked through the garage window at the house. It was dimly lit with candles, casting shadows in the corners. His mother's room was dark. He wasn't a kid anymore and he knew when something was really wrong.
And something was very, very wrong.
"Mom can fix it."
His dad mentioned that mom had something in her body that was hurting her and that he might kill her. The doctors said that they weren't sure where it came from or why they hadn't been able to see before and could only help slow the process. Someone had to know something!
Wait, what about his equations? Getting up, he went to his boards and looked at them as if for the first time. He had solved a lot of hard problems with math, been able to predict how people would act or where they would go. Why couldn't he apply that to this?
"I can fix it."
Bending down to grab the chalk, he felt a comfort as he let the white dust rub against his fingers. He knew what he was doing now. Solving life's problems was just like solving math problems.
"If I get really sick, I might have to go away for awhile but you'll see me again. Just promise me one thing, Charlie. Don't forget how to live. You'll still have a brother who will look out for you and a father who will watch out for you and watch you grow. They both love you very much."
His mind reeling back in all the theories and equations, he didn't hear the rain begin to pour outside. And he didn't hear when his father came in and left a bowl of soup for dinner. He didn't see his brother stand in the doorway, watching him with hardened eyes. Didn't feel the cold breezes in the middle of the night. And he didn't listen to the dog howling a mournful goodbye. Night and day he struggled to solve the questions of life, never noticing the outside world.
"You won't always be able to explain everything that happens to you. Sometimes, you just have to rely on what your heart feels. Oh Charlie, I worry about you worst of all. I fear of the danger and the hurt you'll go through and I won't be there to kiss your head and fix it. Oh my sweet little lamb, don't forget to live. Life is much more than numbers and equations. Life is so much more than you can realize. Don't forget life, Charlie."
So close. He could tell. The equations were all coming together now. Wait, no, that doesn't go there. It's supposed to be part of this over here. He sighed and erased the bored quickly. Starting up again, his hand swept over the board like a wave. His mind soon became lost again and all time stopped.
"Oh Charlie … my Charlie …
Don't forget how to live.
END OF CHAPTER ONE