Mother's Day- happy holiday everybody!
Helga G. Pataki got up out of bed with an unusually bad taste in her mouth. So she shuffled into the bathroom and gargled. It would never do to say that the secret love of Arnold had bad breath! But the nasty taste in her mouth must have been a premonition because when she turned off the tap, Helga heard a voice she had seldom heard in her life at the door. But her mother Miriam's voice chimed with it, sharing in joint laughter which was rare in this house. Eyes wide, Helga crept down the staircase still in her lavender nightgown.
"Oh, it's so good to see you!" said Miriam and Helga angled her head to see what visitor had come to her door. Her mother embraced the stranger. All Helga could see of her was a dress and a broad-rimmed garden party hat before her mother turned. Then Helga saw with a jolt it was her aunt, someone she had seen in pictures mostly. It was her mother's only sister.
"Oh! Helga, dear!" said Miriam waving towards Helga cheerily. She was much peppier today than usual, and more sober. "Come say hello to your aunt, Claire!" Miriam ended with her cutest drawl. Helga marched closer with trepidation.
"AWWWWW!" said her aunt who, unlike Miriam, was rather broad-shouldered. Her firm hug was so tight it made Helga grit her teeth in pain.
"Just look at you sweetheart! Look how adorable you are! Like mother, like daughter!" Aunt Claire exclaimed. Miriam and Claire broke out into a chorus of laughter. Helga angled her eyebrows as she studied the two of them. Her mother being cheerful like this was very strange. Almost suspicious. As if reading her thoughts, Miriam rolled her eyes backwards and smiled her soft, coy smile. There was bad news ahead.
"Well, dear," said Miriam laying out her new mischief for Helga. "Claire and I are going out for Mother's Day! Just the two of us! We'll have breakfast, do a little shopping, and attend the mother's day parade! Isn't that nice? Since you're already twelve, you're plenty old enough to babysit so please watch Claire's baby. She's in her crib in the living room. Okay, dear?" Helga's eyes bulged.
"But Mom!" she protested with both hands stretched out in desperate plea. "I'm too young for this!" Miriam tsked.
"Oh, don't worry dear! I have faith in you honey! Besides, this is a good day for you to meet your cousin, Hangrid!"
"Hangrid?" said Helga, her eyes shifting. "What's with all the 'H' names?"
"Well, anyway!" said her mother still smiling at Helga's expense. "We'd better be going. Don't want to be late, dear, bye-bye!" And with that the front door to the Pataki household shut with a snap.
"Pfffsh!" said Helga, her hands balled up on either side of her in an angry march. "Some Mother's Day! Aunt Claire must be just as much a Floosie as Miriam! Leaving her kid with an Twelve-year old? What do I know about babies?!" fussed Helga as she turned the bend to her living room. A folding crib had been set up inside and Helga peered into the crib. There, kicking her ankles was a little girl dressed all in pink with pigtails and a unibrow a bit like hers.
"Wow," said Helga poking a single finger experimentally at the beast. "I wonder if this is what I looked like when I was young. So… drooly. Ew! Well, might as well make the best of it!" she said before finding the remote control and parking herself on Big Bob's favorite chair to watch television. Which lasted all of sixty seconds.
"Ah, man!" said Helga throwing the remote across the room. She glared, hunching over. "What's the matter with you? Why all the crying?"
Helga picked up a toy rattle and offered it to the pink 'thing'. Then she tried a floppy bunny. But when neither of them worked she tensed. Maybe it needed its diaper changed? She wasn't nearly as squeamish as most people, so it wasn't a problem. Heck, she could squish worms between her fingers, raw! But it wasn't the diaper, either. Hangrid had recently been changed. But she continued to cry irregardless. Helga picked up the girl and glanced all around, desperate for inspiration.
"I know!" she said going to the fridge. "You must be hungry!" But there was no milk in the fridge! There was no formula that she knew of. There was only an empty baby bottle rolled into the corner of the crib. Helga plucked it up with one hand.
"Stupid, irresponsible mothers!" said Helga rolling her eyes. "Just like Miriam! Leaving me like this! I'll have to go out and buy something!" Helga scratched her chin. This wasn't going to be easy.
A few minutes later, Helga hopped onto the local city bus with her cousin Hangrid bundled into her arms with a blanket for a sling. Her eyes rolled back and forwards because everyone was staring at her much too intently for comfort. Helga disembarked on Vine Street just as it began to rain.
"Oh, great!" she swore.
It was Mother's Day in the boarding house, too. Arnold had just descended the stairs for breakfast with a big bouquet of flowers in his hand. He handed them to Grandma Pookie and she sat down in a chair while Phil gave his wife a fond peck on the top of her head. Then Arnold, too, sat down on a chair beside his Grandma. Phil sat down on her other side.
"Happy Mother's Day, Pookie!" Grandpa Phil said with unusual sentimentality. It was a special day and Arnold had surprised them all by cooking breakfast himself. It was only pancakes, but it was the thought that counted. And ever since the Parent's Day contest, Arnold had been more comfortable with his nontraditional family. As he had said, his grandparents were like real parents to him.
"Aw, Arnold!" said Grandma Pookie. "Aren't you the sweetest boy!" But Phil rubbed his chin.
"Say, Arnold," he began. "Speaking of mothers, I've been thinking you're eleven! Almost twelve! And you don't even really know what a mother is do you?! I think it's about time you and I had… the talk!" Phil said narrowing his eyes in menace. The boarders around the table gasped. Ernie stood up at the table, as did Mr. Hyunh.
"The talk?" said Ernie with horror.
"The talk! The talk!" Mr. Hyunh repeated in his high pitch.
"You poor boy! Now you're in for it!" said Mr. Kakashka before laughing in his strange way. Arnold's eyes were large.
"Grandpa," he said. "We don't need to have the talk today! Besides, I promise you, I would never do anything like that!" Arnold shook his head.
"Hm, well I guess we could wait until tomorrow," said Phil, still scratching his chin as he thought, one hand supporting his back. He and the boarders continued to sit around the table when the doorbell rung. Grandma Pookie went to go get it. She came back quickly carrying a note.
"Here, Arnold!" Grandma said in her most cheerful voice. "A note for you from a young lady! She said it was urgent!" Arnold turned over the note.
"What's this?" he wondered out loud as the boarders crowded his shoulder. "Dear Arnold, please take care of Hangrid until I come back. Sincerely, Cecil…. Cecil?!" Arnold repeated in wonderment. He had found out since then that Cecil was really Helga in disguise. But why was she leaving him a note like this? He wondered.
"Say, Arnold, who is Cecil?" asked Mr. Kakashka. Arnold coughed nervously.
"Oh, just some girl I had dinner with once!" he explained, hoping the boarders would drop the subject. But the doorbell rang again and Grandma came back with another note. Arnold read it aloud like the first.
"Open the door, idiot?!" Arnold read out loud before he got up and walked to the front door. A curious crowd followed after him as Arnold wrenched opened the front door. There on the doorstep in the pouring rain, was a pink blanket draped on top a basket. Arnold plucked it up and carried Hangrid inside.
"Probably just a cat," said Arnold whipping the blanket off the basket top. His eyes bulged when what he found inside was a blond baby in pink. Hangrid cooed up at him. Feeling the hot stares of Mr Hyunh, Ernie, Mr. Kakashka, and his Grandpa, Arnold forced a very nervous grin.
"It's not what it looks like!" he pleaded.
When Arnold finally returned to his room fifty minutes later, he sat down on his couch with a slump. Hangrid waved across his shoulder in joy at Helga. At first, Arnold did not notice that Helga perched on his bed, but when Hangrid kept cooing he turned and faced her with slouched eyes.
"Oh hi, Helga," said Arnold in a sour mood. "Or should I say, Cecil? Thanks to you I had to listen to 'the talk'. Like five times until I could repeat it!"
"The talk, eh?" said Helga. She smiled and plucked Hangrid from Arnold's arms. Arnold found the energy to sit up at last. He leaned forward, one hand on his knee.
"So tell me, Helga! Who is Hangrid? And don't try to tell me she's mine," Arnold said giving his head a shake. But Helga only smiled.
"Of course she's not yours, silly! She's my cousin. Only my mother told me to take care of her. But I needed to go buy some milk for her and it started raining. I knew you wouldn't hesitate to give a poor baby some shelter!"
"You could have walked in the front door," complained Arnold. "Like a normal person! Thanks to you, I've got a reputation."
"Well, that's okay!" said Helga. "You can help me take care of Hangrid!"
"I can?" said Arnold, his lidded eyes and slouch returning.
"Aw, come on Arnoldo!" pleaded Helga. "You've got to help me with this! I know, I'll go downstairs and explain that Hangrid is my cousin! But in the meantime, can you help me with this?" asked Helga holding up a paper box of formula. She handed it to Arnold.
"Well, you've got to warm it first!" said Arnold who had taken care of kittens before. Plus he could read.
"See, I knew you were better at this stuff!" Arnold's eyelids lowered halfway. His shoulders rolled back as he sighed. This Mother's Day was turning out miserable.
"Okay, Helga! Have it your way! We'll go down to the kitchen and fix 'Hangrid' a snack."
"Great!" said Helga supporting Hangrid by her bottom. They tiptoed down the stair and nervously poked their heads out into the dining room. All of the adults Arnold lived with were still there. Arnold and Helga froze before their stare.
"Hm, this must be the woman," said Grandpa scratching his chin. "Cecil, was it?"
"It's Helga, Grandpa," Arnold corrected him sourly. "It's always been Helga. Cecil is just a name she uses sometimes. And like I told you, it isn't mine. Right, Helga?" said Arnold looking up at the girl, hoping Helga wouldn't do anything further to embarrass him.
"Nah!" said Helga with a firm grin. "Hangrid is just my cousin! But I'm desperate. I just need my ol' friend's help! Thanks for taking us in from the rain!"
"No problem," Arnold lied, poorly. "Well, let's go into the kitchen and get a bottle for Hangrid. How does that sound?"
"Great!" said Helga still smiling as she held Hangrid over her shoulder. The two kids wandered off into the kitchen and the grownups watched them silently. Then Phil banged his fist on the table.
"Oh, drat! I thought I was going to have something to brag about! Not that him having kids at this age is a good thing."
"Don't worry, Gramps!" voiced Ernie. "I'm sure he'll settle down before you croak!"
The rain clouds dried out within a few hours. Arnold and Helga stayed in till then, watching Hangrid crawl across the carpet and amusing her with an odd assortment of objects. But after a time, it became boring, because a baby's concept of play is very limited. It's not like they can play baseball or do sodoku puzzles.
"Oh, man!" said Helga laying across the couch upside down. "This is boring!"
"I know," said Arnold rubbing his cheek. "I'd rather be at school. How about we take Hangrid to the park?"
"Are you crazy, Football-Head?" said Helga. "Everyone will see us! It will be so embarrassing!"
"Well," said Arnold, inventing. "We can wear disguises. Maybe no one will recognize us."
"As midgets?!" asked Helga, throwing her hands up in the air.
"Well, yes," said Arnold. "I'm pretty sure we have an old stroller in the attic. It was mine once." Helga rolled her eyes.
"Fine, Football-Head! We'll go! But this had better turn out well!"
The fresh and sunshine after the rain were glorious. The grass was extra green and smelt intoxicatingly fragrant. Helga skipped a few steps along the sidewalk as Arnold wheeled his old stroller with Hangrid in it to the park.
"Ah, this is the life!" said Helga. She and Arnold played frisbee while Hangrid watched, trying to reach down out of the stroller but held securely in by the belt. Helga paused and posed tauntingly at Hangrid.
"You want to wander, don't you, little scamp? But you can't! That seat belt holds you nice and snug!" Helga mocked, but tenderly. She walked over to check that Hangrid's belt was as secure as she thought. Then she stood.
"You know what, I think I'm gonna go get some ice cream cones!" said Helga standing up. But Arnold caught Helga's shoulder just then. He pointed.
"Uh-oh! It's Phoebe's parents! We'd better move on!" They pushed the stroller far away. Soon they escaped the sight of Phoebe's parents, but from another angle came Harold with both of his parents.
"Quick!" Helga hissed and they rolled the stroller down a different path. Arnold stopped.
"You know, it might be easier if we just explained that this is your cousin to anyone we meet."
"Maybe, Arnoldo," said Helga thinking deeply. "But there are an awful lot of people in the park here, today. Wait a minute! I know! They are all going to the parade! They must be!"
"What parade," asked Arnold. His interest was perked. Helga grabbed his shoulder.
"You know, we should go to the parade, too! My aunt and Miriam said they would be there! At least we can blend in with the crowd!"
"Well, gee, I don't know," said Arnold, uncertain. But he pushed the stroller along, anyway.
Parade cones lines a small part of one the the largest roads in Arnold's neighborhood. The parade would make a small appearance in his block before winding all the way downtown to the Statehouse. Some people had brought chairs to sit on, but Arnold and Helga stood, basking in the sunshine before they heard voices. Arnold froze.
"Isn't that Stinky's voice?" he whispered.
"Don't turn around!" Helga advised as he and Sid passed harmlessly by. They both breathed out a sigh of relief.
"Maybe we should go to the museum, instead," said Arnold. But Helga lifted a finger up.
"The parade's already started!" she said lifting a finger up. A marching band walked down the street. After several more, there came floats and even a float with a car-sized balloon.
"Wow!" remarked Helga standing up on her toes. "They are getting better! Although I still think our float was best!" said Helga giving Arnold a gentle nudge.
"Thanks," said Arnold with a smile, remembering their ninth-grade float. He looked down at the stroller at Hangrid, then bounced with a jolt. Hangrid was gone!
"Hangrid?" Arnold called uncertainly. Helga jabbed a finger out towards the street!
"Arnold!" Helga hollered in fear. For Hangrid had somehow unbuckled herself and was crawling towards the marching parade. One of the drummers spotted Hangrid and stopped suddenly. As he did so, so did everyone behind him until the entire band collapsed in a jumble. The band groaned in pain. But Hangrid was safe.
"Hangrid!" said Helga snatching up her cousin and holding her up against her chest. "Don't you ever scare me like that again!" Just then, a loose band drum rolled by and unnerved by it, Arnold swung up Helga from her feet and carried both her and Hangrid away from the street into the crowds. Then he lowered Helga to her feet again.
"Don't do that!" Arnold complained, one fist at his waist. "One thing's for sure! I'm going to throw that stroller out when we get home! No way I'm trusting a baby in it again!"
"Me?!" asked Helga. "Hangrid just about gave me a heart attack!"
"Well, I'm just glad the two of you are safe!" said Arnold before hearing his name spoken.
"Arnold? Helga?" said Mr. Simmons from the crowd. Their school teacher stared down at the two of them in shock. "Is that you?"
"No, no!" spout Helga waving her hand. "Of course not! We don't know a Mr. Simmons!" Just then a news reporter came by. She thrust her microphone in Arnold's face.
"So on this Mother's Day Parade, a brave, midget father rescues his midget wife and average-sized child from what could have been a somber accident! Tell me, Mister, what are your thoughts?"
"Ah…" said Arnold. "I'm really embarassed right now?" But Helga spotted Miriam and her Aunt Claire. She held up Hangrid for her aunt to take.
"Ah! My baby!" fussed Claire. Miriam lay a hand on her cheek and rolled her eyes up surprise.
"Oh, my! Who would have thought such a thing would happen? Well I'm glad you're both okay, honey. But what are you doing here?"
"Hangrid got hungry," Helga mumbled. It was likely she would get blamed for leaving home with Hangrid, but in her usual, careless, carefree way, Miriam seemed to be shrugging all that had happened off.
"Oh, well! Since it is Mother's Day, honey, why don't you join me and your Aunt Claire in getting something to eat? We were just going to get burgers!" Helga shifted her eyes.
"Is it alright if Arnold comes?" asked Helga. Miriam rolled her eyes in thought.
"Well, sure, okay!" she said. Helga gazed at Arnold.
"Just a sec!" said the boy. He strode over to the stroller they had come here with and lifted it up to toss it into a nearby dumpster. Then he dusted off his hands.
"Don't worry," Arnold said. "I won't be needing it for a long time anyways. Not after what I've been through today." The end.