Disclaimer: I own nothing, this song is amazing if you should find it and listen to it.
Always
She feels the weight on her heart. It keeps her from moving, from leaving the state. She feels the weight keep her on the floor of another scummy motel that she's staying in. The grime on the walls only adds to her misery. She watches helplessly as a spider crawls across the floor. Normally she would have smashed it into the ground but she has no life left in her to even do that miniscule task.
The cold shield in her heart keeps her from making the one call she knows she wants to. She wants to hear the reassurance in his voice, just to hear him say her name would be enough. She knows the police are keeping taps on his phone, so she does not call. Rather than risk it all just to talk to him, she stays quiet and hides in her motel room.
I guess I'm trying to say I'm sorry
but it always comes out wrong
I think a part of you still loves me
even though we're moving on
always, all ways I wanted us to be
always, all ways you and me
It was so easy to slip away from the rescue boat, they didn't notice her slip into the crowd. However, he did and he tried to stop her. His small attempt at making her stay went as far as his heartbreaking stare he was so good at. His eyes didn't leave hers as she walked off the dock and out of sight of any news reporter or police officer.
The sleepless nights she spent like this were beginning to get the best of her. She would always stay awake, thinking of him and what he might be doing at the given moment in time. If only he would find her, she could escape her own private hell and join him in their private heaven.
If only she wasn't so damaged.
If only she was more like him.
and I'll wait here on my own always all ways
and I'll wait for you to see
all the time I've spent alone now won't comfort me
She tries not to think about him or how her past has affected her future so much. She tries to focus on their happy moments together, the day she learned his name and the time she stitched him up. She hopes that these memories will keep the heavy onset of tears from falling. Hopes that she won't become helpless and weak once more.
She hopes that she won't cry, but she does.
and I'm sorry for what happened
but I want you now to see
that I'm changing all my actions
I don't wanna set you free
always all ways, I wanna see it through
always all ways, me and you
She stares at the peeling paint on the wall. It seems that with every flake cracking and breaking, its her heart chipping away. She longs for him, begs for him to be by her side at this moment in time. When she is so frightened about her status as a fugitive. Every person in the world knows her face, she's been plastered all over the news like a heartless bitch.
And she feels the effects, she feels heartless because she left him alone.
Another chips falls from her heart as she imagines his face and how hurt he must be now.
and I'll wait here on my own
and I'll wait for you to see
all the time I've spent alone now won't comfort me
More tears fall from her eyes as she pictures the worn and tired look in his eyes without her. The questions form in her mind as she thinks about everything he must feel.
How angry he must be at her for running again?
How sad he must be that she isn't there for him?
And she feels selfish for disappearing on him.
cause I'm waiting for you
yeah I'm waiting for you
give me answers, get me through
I will wait
Her cheeks are red with her sobbing. She can barely breathe due to the amount of dust in the room and her shortened breath as she cries. Her heart breaks again as she realizes now how he must feel.
She cries harder at the image of a broken man thinking of her.
Realizes how much damage she really has done.
Sheis in fact damaged.
And now. . .so is he.
always all ways, I wanted us to be
always all ways, you and me
The leaking faucet does little to stifle the heavy sobbing she is currently undergoing. She echoes down the hallway and a few other visitors to the motel begin to look outside for the source of the sound, but they know before their searching ends.
They see how broken she really is and they hope she finds her happiness soon.
The scummy motel seems like the perfect place for her, it is dirty and rotted: the way she feels. The water is brown and filled with muck, she hopes that he saves her again and takes her away from this place.
He was always her savior.
Always helped her.
and I'll wait here on my own
and I'll wait for you to see
all the time I've spent alone now won't comfort me
Her sobbing quiets down, she feels a little better. She crawls to the bed and lays down, a few more tears fall from her eyes.
She sleeps for the first time in weeks and she dreams of him. A life with him she will never have. A house, kids, the whole deal, everything she wishes she could have and more.
She knows she will never have that, but she still blissfully dreams.
His smile is everything she wants to see and more.
cause I'm waiting for you
and I'll wait here for you
give me answers, get me through
I will wait
cause I'm waiting for you
yeah I'm waiting for you
give me answers, get me through
I will wait
As one more tear falls she stops crying completely, but she still wants him.
She needs him.
And in his own house he needs her too.
They will always need each other.
Kate Austen and Jack Shephard.
always all ways
The End
Always All Ways - Lostprophets