She's different now. When she smiles, I can see it's a fake smile. Her real smile is rare, more rare than you can possibly imagine. Even when that smile makes a special appearance, it is only there for a second, if you're lucky 2 seconds at most. I would blame most -if not all- of the stuff that she has seen & or gone through on the notebook, the Death Note, but I blame myself somehow. I believe the hardest thing for her was losing L Lawliet, or Ryuzaki, when the Shinigami killed him. Her eyes don't sparkle like they used to, they used to be a brilliant gold yellow that literally glowed an amber glow that could light up the whole room, the whole world. L always reminded her how beautiful her eyes were, how beautiful she was, and her cheeks would go bright pink as she thanked him. Though they never spoke of it, or made a big deal of it at all, it was obvious they were a couple. When they were around one another, they laughed, smiled, played, messed around. He even shared his cake and candy with her. She did the same. They bought one another food -sweets, cake -always strawberry-, candy, coffee, tea, etc.- and would share it amongst only themselves. She was truly happy with him. Now he was gone. Like stated previously, her smile was fake, her eyes were a dull gold, her cheeks no longer rosy. The only thing she does the same is eat, but no strawberry cake. She loves it to an extent that truly is amazing, but Strawberry cake was L's favorite and it reminds her too much of him. She can't look in mirrors at all. She & L had always looked similar in facial features, especially with those dark evident bags under their eyes, She was reminded of L again. She is so similar Ryuzaki still. She loves going barefoot, always has even before she knew L. She wears black skinny jeans, and varies shirts everyday usually black, leathery, she is always ready to fight when she needs too. L loved that about her too. She didn't need a notebook, she was already a death sentence is something was asymmetrical, or if you got her mad. She never gave up any of those traits either. L died 2 years ago, and she hasn't stopped mourning or hasn't recovered from losing him at all. Literally, not one bit. She will still walk around the house, obviously confused, and right before she askes "Where is L?" it hits her, her eyes go wide and she stands completely still as she replays the memory of him dying in her arms. Our arms, we were both holding him, but I did let her cuddle him on last time. She sometimes forgets he is dead, though she watched him, FELT him die, and that made it so much worse. I didn't understand how she could forget such a traumatic event, so frequently. I went to doctors, various doctors, and asked thier opinion. After many many tests, and months spent in hospitals as they kept her overnight after night after night, the doctors informed she didn't have memory loss, but vivid dreams, possibly even schizophrenia. They said she dreamt of Ryuzaki, EVERY night, of old memories, new fantasies, good and bad. The dreams were so real apparently she couldn't distinguish them from reality, until it was too late. She didn't know that was all they were. Dreams. Even if I tried to enlighten her she would yell, "LIGHT! I know he is still alive somewhere, his soul is here! I have seen him, heard him! He is still alive!" She would start crying, and I would just hug her until she calmed down. Worse part was, I was starting to think maybe Ryuzaki could still be out there. Poor poor Kenzi. Hmph...her name. Kenzi. L loved her name. So did I.
L loved her. So do I.
So far so good.
Kenzi is a new O.C., Original Character, I am trying out so we will see. :)
Anyway, tell me what you think so far and stay stellar and tune in later for updates :)