Future fic set 13 years post s6. Can be read as stand alone but idea came from the oneshot I wrote How Am I Supposed to Live Without You. Peyton and Lucas didn't leave Tree Hill, Brooke went to L.A. to be with Julian.
At 35 Brooke has a pretty great life, except for the regret of friendships left in tatters by events years ago. When tragedy strikes and she returns to Tree Hill will Lucas be able to repair the friendships he tore apart in order for Brooke to find the strength she needs to survive. Features Brulian, Brucas, Naley, Leyton and others.
Italics is a flashback.
Sleep escaped her and she shivered beneath the wealth of blankets that covered their bed. Despite the heat outside she was cold, she was always cold when he was away on business. He was her warmth in a world that had been cold for many years. He was her saviour when her life had seemed close to ruin. She nestled down deep into the softness of their bed. She could hear the soft snuffles of their youngest child over the baby monitor and she smiled. Tyler had been an unexpected but welcome addition to their family. Mostly welcome anyway. With Sophie and Hannah both at school she'd felt like she was regaining some semblance of a life away from motherhood. She loved her children and had enjoyed her time as a stay-at-home wife and mother, but with her husband away frequently with work and the children getting older she was growing lonely. She'd begun to give real consideration to taking up a more active role in her fashion business again, then when her daughters were 9 and 6 respectively she'd discovered once again she was pregnant. Her husband was of course thrilled, she often joked he'd have her barefoot and pregnant for the rest of their lives if he could. Truthfully she'd been slightly disappointed at the discovery, her newly revived dreams of returning to her first baby were dashed. But she'd bounced back fast, thrilled at the prospect of the new addition. Her husband had been even more delighted when the baby arrived and he finally had a son. She knew he'd always wanted a boy of his own, not because he didn't adore their girls, but so that he could have the father/son relationship he'd never had with his own father. Their life seemed perfect on the outside, and while she loved her family she'd never truly settled here, it had never really felt like home to her. She'd struggled to make true friends beyond the false women she met at her husband's work parties and the other woman at the playground and school gates. Nothing like the friends she had once known. The familiar pain shot through her heart as she thought about how her life should be. That her children should have had as playmates the children of her oldest and best friend. That had always been their plan. They'd grow up, met two wonderful men, get married and have children. They never counted on only meeting one man, both falling in love with him and the years of heartache that followed. However when she'd met her husband she truly believed all the suffering was behind them, even when that woman's husband had shown up at her door begging her not to leave. Perhaps she had been naïve in believing that things would still all work out. Her eyes closed as she pulled out the memory from so many years ago.
The banging on the door was angry and relentless and she wondered who on earth would be at the door. She peeped through the hole to ensure it was someone she knew and not some psycho before pulling the door open. She was stunned at the person at her door.
"What are you doing here?" Since she'd moved here and into the gorgeous home that he'd chosen for them she'd had no visitors from home. It had been almost 6 months and yet she hadn't been able to face her. She needed longer to forget about how she'd left things with him before she could contemplate seeing her. Phone calls and e-mails and messages were exchanged almost everyday, but not a visit. She was pushed against the wall as the other woman barged past her into the house. She shook her head confused and followed the path of the woman through her home.
"Here." A card was thrust at her and she took it, she recognised it instantly as the response to her wedding invite. She was sure there must be some joke as she saw both guests had responded that they would not be in attendance.
"You're not coming to my wedding. Is this because I asked Sam to be my maid of honour? You know I love you, and I know we always planned that you would be mine and I yours and you honoured that but she's my daughter." Somehow the feeling in the pit of her stomach told her that it was not Sam being maid of honour that was the problem. The woman scoffed at her and she began to back away from the seething mass of anger that was her best friend.
"Were you ever planning on telling me? It all makes sense now. The fact that you've never been back, not even to see your godchildren. That despite the times I asked if we could visit you never once had time. You never ask about him when we speak, nor does he ever ask me about you. It makes sense." The anger disappeared in front of her eyes and the woman in front of her, who sank down onto the chocolate leather couch seemed so broken. Truth always had a way of making itself known. "You made me into a fool." She knew exactly what her friend was talking about. She broke from her spell and rushed to her, kneeling on the ground in front of her friend and taking her frozen, shaking hands in her own.
"You're not a fool. He loves you. It was a stupid confession, once, and even then he admitted that he did love you. He married you didn't he?" Teary eyes met her gaze as her friend looked up at her.
"Maybe he does. Your invitation, he didn't say a word when I showed him it. I tried talking to him. I called Nathan to talk to him. I knew he still held some ill will to Julian, but not the extent he obviously did. In the end he said he wasn't going. I told him that considering all the sacrifices you'd made for us over the years he'd be selfish to let his feelings about Julian get in the way. I must have been blind. He laughed in my face and told me Julian was irrelevant. He wouldn't, or couldn't watch you get married. Even then I stupidly asked why not. He asked you to stay." She nodded. "He wants you." At that she bolted up and began to pace around the neatly done room.
"No, he always wants the one he can't have. You know that." It hadn't been meant as an accusation or a barbed insult but she knew that was how it sounded. "He wouldn't leave you, even as he was asking me to stay he admitted that."
"Not being able to leave me is not the same thing as wanting me over you." Sad eyes met sad eyes as both friends knew once again one boy was threatening their lifelong friendship.
"This was over in high school. He made his choice then and reaffirmed it the night you went to Las Vegas, and again the day your daughter was born, and the day he married you. I'm just the road not travelled, a spark of curiosity nothing more." The other woman tore her gaze away and shook her head sadly.
"It wasn't over then, but it is now. I'm done. I filed for divorce." She was stunned. This just could not happen. After all the years of torment they simply had to be together. They were supposed to be epic weren't they?
"You're being crazy, you just need to talk to him. He loves you and your daughter. We both know that. Peyton he loves you, he wants you, he married you. I'm just a footnote in your love story." The hollow laughter from her friend disturbed her.
"Why didn't you tell me? I've spent the whole plane ride just going over everything in my head. I was labouring under the obviously wrong belief that the reason Lucas had such animosity towards Julian was our history. But the more I think about it the more I see they managed to work together well, until you. How many guys did you date in high school post-Lucas? Let's see Felix, the summer guys, Chris, Chase and me there was Jake and Pete. Lucas liked them both. He hated every guy you dated, even Chase. Deep down, sure he likes him now but then…so what do they all have in common? You. He hated them and still hates in Julian's case, simply because he's jealous. He was never jealous when it came to me." Brooke was surprised by the bang as her hand connected with the table top to silence Peyton. The blonde jumped and broke off, leaving the room silent for a minute while Brooke gathered her thoughts. She took deep calming breaths, but they did little to settle her.
"Just listen to yourself, no wonder you're in such a state if that crap has been going round your head for almost 6 hours. You read Ravens how many times Peyton? That entire book was you!"
"The Comet was you – or so I'm now told." Brooke felt a little of her soul die at the words and she cursed Lucas for having said this to Peyton, to his wife.
"Nonsense Peyton, we all knew it was you the second we read it. Even Lindsey." This time it was Peyton banging things as her cell phone rang and she threw it against the wall. Brooke didn't need to ask to know it was Lucas.
"Listen to me and listen carefully, I am sick of being epic. I was epic Brooke, my love for Lucas was epic. It transcended everything, even our friendship. Because we both know I was willing to give you up for him. But OUR love was not epic. If it had been then he wouldn't have been so in love with you, if you'd have told him back then that I'd told you I loved him the night of the rehearsal dinner you think he'd have come to me – ever the way he felt about you then. My love was epic, his wasn't." Brooke sighed deeply and pushed a hand through her hair. She finally sank down onto the sofa beside Peyton.
"If love being epic means screwing me over to have the other person then trust me his love for you was. Peyton since the two of you got it together after Lindsey he has barely spoke to me. He gave up our friendship to have you. A year ago if Lucas had said all this I might have given it a little more credibility, but truth be told things have changed a lot in the past year and the two friends who played with Angie together are not the same people anymore – so how could he possibly love me when he no longer knows me like he did." Peyton let out a yawn and tiredly rubbed her eyes, she'd not slept in over a day and it was beginning to hit her now.
"If that's the reason why he can't possibly love you then apply the rule to us. Lucas and I hadn't exactly been close while you two were dating but I said I loved him, and we got together. And after 5 years apart Brooke we couldn't have known each other less than we did when he called me out the blue to go to Vegas." The phone rang interrupting them and they glanced at one another, both with a good idea of who could possibly be on the other end of the phone. Brooke tentatively got up and walked over to the phone, her finger hovered over the answer button, not completely sure she could handle any of this. She swallowed and answered the call, very aware of Peyton's eyes on her.
"Hello?" Relief washed through her entire body and calmness prevailed upon hearing his voice. It seemed as though her whole world was right just knowing he was there. She felt almost coy in front of Peyton and he could sense something in her voice was off, he made the decision then and there that his meeting would wait and he had to go home. They both bid the other I love you and goodbye before hanging up.
"I assume that was Julian." Brooke clasped the phone to her chest in both hands her back to Peyton, trying to draw his strength through the phone into her to deal with this mess. She finally replaced the handset in the base unit and turned back to Peyton.
"Yeah it was." Peyton slowly licked her lips.
"Does he know?" Brooke was unsure whether to be glad of being interrupted so she didn't have to answer the previous question or worried over the new line of questioning.
"Honestly Peyton it seemed so silly and unimportant, so unlikely to be genuine that I didn't bother telling him simply because there were more important things to deal with."
"Like?" Brooke knew she'd trapped herself there.
"The house, the wedding…our baby." Peyton's face betrayed the shock at Brooke's words.
"You're pregnant?" She nodded slowly.
"We only found out last week, well I did a test last week. The doctor confirmed it two days ago. It's still very early so we weren't going to say anything to anyone. Thankfully the wedding is just two months away so I'll only be about 13 weeks by then. Though I guess I'll hear a lot of shotgun remarks, especially when Victoria finds out." She knew she was rambling but it's what she did when she was nervous, they both knew that. "So you see Peyton, there's no chance of what Lucas said being real, like I said road not travelled and all that. Just stress and sleep deprivation. He loves you and married you and you have Sawyer, I have Julian and we have our baby. Everything is as it should be." Her tone seemed too bright even to her. It seemed like the silence between them stretched out for an eternity until Peyton finally spoke.
"I've not slept for a while and I'm tired, can I stay here for a day or so?" She nodded. Peyton stood and seemed ready to follow where she would lead. Unsure of what else to say to fill the silence Brooke said nothing leaving both women with their own thoughts. Brooke swung the door to the guest bedroom open, a small smile on her face knowing that by this time next year the large bed and neutral décor would be replaced by colourful walls, a crib and toys. Peyton walked past her and perched on the edge of the downy bed. "I'm going to take a nap." Brooke nodded and escaped, both glad to be alone again. She hurried down the stairs, wanting to get as far away from Peyton as she could. She had no idea whether anything she'd said to her meant anything. She felt an urge to pour herself a brandy to steady her nerves but held back. She took a glass from the cabinet next to the fridge and put a few cubes of ice in before filling it from the cold filtered supply from the fridge door. The cool liquid soothed her lips and throat, both burned from the intensity of the past hour. The click of the door stopped her mid-flow and she placed the glass on the worktop before slipping silently towards the door. She relaxed the second she saw him and was in his arms before either of them knew it. He softly placed a kiss on the top of her head as he held her close and drank in her fragrance.
"What's wrong Brooke? You sounded so upset on the phone." She wriggled against him trying to get closer, though it would be impossible to do so.
"She's here. She said she's divorcing him because of me."
The entire jumbled mess came spilling from her mouth then, and she recalled how well Julian had reacted to it all. He soothed her and reassured her. Peyton had slept the rest of the afternoon and was still asleep when they'd gone to bed. The next morning Brooke had found a note from her saying she still intended going through with the divorce and that as far as she was concerned it would be many a year before she'd be ready to see or talk to Brooke again. Logically Brooke knew that she had not destroyed their marriage. Lucas had destroyed their marriage and he had destroyed her friendship with both Peyton and himself. While Los Angeles had never felt like home in some ways it was better. There was no drama here like there was in small towns like Tree Hill. But in truth she bitterly missed her friends. She missed being able to see Haley whenever she liked, and Jamie. Nathan and she barely spoke these days. He held her leaving against her – still. On impulse she snatched the cordless and punched in Julian's cell number.
"Hi it's me, I know you're probably still mid-flight and won't get this until you touchdown in L.A. but you know me well enough to know I get this idea into my head and it won't go. And with this one I figure I best say it now otherwise I'll only chicken out. It's been almost 11 years now baby and I think it's time I visited home. I miss Tree Hill, I miss Hales, Nate and Jamie. Nathan still hasn't forgiven me for leaving and he's still upset we've never visited them and we always make them come here. And honestly I've been thinking about Peyton. I miss her too and I figure if we happen to be in the same town for once and happen to bump into each other then maybe now so much time has passed there's a chance we can maybe salvage something from our friendship. I'd love our kids to meet Sawyer too. They were supposed to grow up together and be best friends like we were – well maybe without the boy drama. Anyway I'm going to go now because at this rate you'll still be listening to this message when you walk in the door. I love you Julian, I can't wait until you're home." As Brooke rolled back across the bed to place the cordless back on Julian's bedside chest she heard the click of the door and seconds later felt movement as a small body bounced on the bed.
"Was that daddy you were talking to? Is he home?" Brooke opened her arms wide for her younger daughter to snuggle into her. Hannah obliged and Brooke cuddled the 7 year old close.
"I was just leaving daddy a voicemail for when he lands. He'll still be on the plane right now baby." Hannah wrapped her small arms around her mother, the two becoming tightly entwined.
"Mommy I miss him." Brooke smiled and kissed her daughter's head.
"I miss him too darling. But he should be home by lunchtime. How about you girls skip school today and we make daddy's favourite cookies for when he gets home?" Brooke didn't usually allow the girls to stay home from school on days when Julian came home, but this time had been a particularly long trip and she knew how much the girls missed him. Truth be told she just didn't think she could wait the extra few hours it would be between Julian arriving and school letting out for them to be under the same roof as a family again.
"Did I just hear you say we could skip school?" Sophie was stood barefoot in the doorway with her brother in her arms. At the sight of his mother Tyler began to squirm until Sophie placed him on unsteady feet and he stumbled over to the bed. Brooke twisted down to scoop her son up and plopped him down in the small space between her legs and Hannah's. Sophie then scrambled up onto the bed to join them.
"I sure did, I thought we could make daddy's favourite cookies for when he gets home."
"You really miss him don't you mom?" At ten years old Sophie was incredibly aware of the essence of her parents' marriage. Brooke was sure that she was too intelligent for her own, or their good. But she'd always been that way. Sophie had most certainly inherited her father's personality if not his looks. Sophie often slipped her hand into Brooke's for a reassuring squeeze as they waved Julian off, as if aware of the fact that though all three children missed their father no one could possibly miss him as much as their mother did. Before she had chance to answer her daughter there was a knock at the door. Brooke scrambled from the bed and grabbed her robe, wrapping it around her body as she hurried to the door. Her blood went cold as she opened it to the police.
"Mrs Brooke Baker?"