AN: This took me a whole two hours to write, so it might suck. I was really jsut playing with a song that I was writing, and thought it sounded like the kind of thing Edward would be thinking in those days before he left. So I started putting his thoughts in, and this is what I came up with.
It's For the Best
No matter how hard I try
It will never be enough
Nothing I could ever so
Would repay you for this love.
I didn't deserve Bella; I just put her in danger. Jasper, my own brother, tried to kill her. If nothing else that should prove to her that I was bad for her. She was so perfect—so pure. I was a monster. How could she ever love me, and how could I let myself hurt her. To stay with her in spite of how much harm I was bringing would prove me to be exactly what I said I was. A monster. I was breaking what was left of my own heart, but it was worth it. She would always be worth it. Who wouldn't give up anything they processed to save an angel? For that was what she was. An angel.
You were always where ever I needed you.
You were always in my thoughts
You were always so perfect
That you masked even my flaws
When I was with Bella, I could almost be human. I was almost just like any boy on a date with the girl he loved. Her perfect soul could hide even the thing that lived within me. She thought that there was nothing to hide; she really believed that I was as good for her as any human boy. That I was better for her then any human. I wasn't, the only thing that I was good for was hunting, and that was not good for her. All I could truly do was love her. That was not a good enough reason to leave her in the kind of danger that I threw on her. She could move on and love someone else, and I could live with the abyss that my life would become. She would live a full human life, and when life ended for her, I would follow as quickly as I could.
Why do I ignore all the signs?
Why can't I see what you need?
I know that I love you,
but I can't show it through my greed.
I couldn't ever show her how much I loved her. I wanted to, to prove to her that I loved her more then anything in the world. But I couldn't, instead I was going to break her heart, and mine. All I could do was make every kiss, every touch as sweet as I could. Because for the rest of eternity, those memories would be all that I had of my Bella. That and the memory that I was going to make tonight; the memory of her face when I tell her that I don't want her. The crushed look and broken gaze that I knew she would give me. I will have to lie to her for hours, and every minute it will get harder. I'm not sure that I can do it. But I don't have a choice, it's this or keep putting her in danger until something gets to her; hurts her irrevocably. It hurt just to think about that. I can't let that happen to her. She's to perfect to be hurt for a creature like me.
I've never given you a hand to hold
I've never been the person you cried out to for light
You have been my lover and my friend
Holding me, protecting me day and night
She does trust me. That makes it so much harder, the knowledge that she doesn't think that I could kill her. I could, if there was just one second when I wasn't thinking, wasn't being careful. If she cut herself, Jasper might succeed in getting to taste her blood. There was too much about me that could kill her. I can just keep telling my self that I'm protecting her, one last time. One last time I'm going to keep her safe. If I tell myself that, I can watch her heart break. She'll get over it. She's strong; she'll get a new boyfriend, one that won't be able to accidentally kill her beauty. One that won't have to break her to keep her safe. One that deserves Bella's perfection. Or at least comes closer to deserving her then I do.
I've never even tried to prove how much I cared
I never equaled your love
You have been my life my crutch
And I can't love you enough.
She thinks that I've saved her life. That's not true, I'm the reason she's in danger in the first place. If anyone has been saved, it's been me. She has shown me that it was possible to truly love someone with all you had. I knew my family loved their mates, but I never understood how deep the bond goes. It's not only the love, it's the need. The need for then to be safe, somewhere in the world. I can't live if Bella's not here. It will torture me just to be away from her, and know that it's all my fault. If I could be sure that I wouldn't hurt her. If I knew that I wasn't putting her in danger, then I could be happy. But I know that I'm the reason that she was in that hospital in Phoenix. It's my fault that I couldn't protect her from James. If I leave, then she won't have to worry about that.
You need someone that's your equal
Someone to share your life
I am just the leech
That is the center of your strife.
I admit that I need your love
But it's better if you keep it
It's yours to have for life
And I'm just intermittent.
Sometimes I think that the wolves name for us is right. We are leeches, parasites that bleed off the lives of humans. But I've done worse then that. I haven't just taken Bella's blood, but her love, something that should go to someone who was good for her in every way. I'm doing the right thing. For once, I'm being deserving of an once of the love that she has given me. I'm being her protector. But to do that, I have to break her heart. I have to watch her learn of a lie. One that will tear us apart, forever. And one that will make sure no vampire ever looks at my Bella more then any other human. She'll be protected by the fact that she won't be anything more to a vampire then the next human, and the wolves make sure that vampires don't hunt here. So she will be safe. Safer then she's been since she met me.
Why do I ignore all the signs?
Why can't I see what you need?
I know that I love you,
But I can't show it through my greed.
I've never given you a hand to hold
I've never been the person you cried out to for light.
You have been my lover and my friend
Holding me, protecting me day and night.
If you're asking do I love you
The answer will always be yes.
If you're asking if I'll stay
Only if it's for the best.
Now I have to leave
You need to keep on living
I'm not a healthy obsession
I'll just keep on missing your light
I have to leave, it's the best thing I can do. I told her that I loved her more; because I cold leave I could leave if it was for the best. James proved to me that it was the best thing possible. I stayed with Bella for months after that for my own greed. That was so cruel of me, to get her hopes up that she could spend eternity with me. She can't. I can't let her; it's for the best that I go now. Before I make life any harder for her. My existence is dependent on her well being, so I have to keep her safe. Those thoughts should keep my greed under control. But they don't, I know that I'm giving up all that I care about. The only person that I could ever truly love.
Why do I ignore all the signs?
Why can't I see what you need?
I know that I love you,
But I can't show it through my greed.
I've never given you a hand to hold
I've never been the person you cried out to for light.
You have been my lover and my friend
Holding me, protecting me day and night.
I can't love you as you deserve
You can find someone better
We will go our separate ways
Because life won't be so had on you
After I'm gone.
I am one of the world's best liars, and now I'm going to truly test myself. Can I truly hide every bit of love I have for her? Can I see her break down and not run to comfort her? I've never had to do anything that would hurt her directly. I've always just been the underlying cause. The reason behind other people hurting her. I need to do this, I have no choice. If I don't, then she will never have a human life. Just because my family is denied that joy, I have no right to deny it to someone else. Especially the woman I love. I've made my choice, I'm leaving. One last time, I'm protecting my Bella.
Please review. Reason 1: this is my first time writing about something really depressing. Reason two: this is my first song or songfic. So please tell me what you think of both the song part and the story part.
Thanks, SickMasochisticLion