Summary: Sheldon comes up with a drastic plan to get Amy back. A Big Bang shortie. Set after S9 E7 "The Spock Resonance".

Disclaimer: I don't own The Big Bang Theory.

a/n: No, I haven't given up on Concession. It's just that these 70 and 80 hour work weeks over the past months have been taking a toll on my thought process. And with the holidays coming up, it'll get worse before it gets better. This came to mind in the meantime.

a/n: This story's not put together very well and I was slightly delirious at the time. But I had to get it out there while I had the time and the nerve to do it. Enjoy.

Devious

Amy was only half awake when she thought she felt something tugging at the blankets at the foot of her bed. Assuring herself that it was only a dream, she rolled over and went back to sleep.

What could have only been moments later, Amy became certain that there was something or someone tugging at the blankets at her feet, so she sat up quickly and squealed at what she saw.

"Sheldon!?" she shouted as she turned on the lamp beside her bed.

Sure enough, her ex-boyfriend was sitting at the foot of her bed using his free hand to lift her blankets. He was wearing a headlamp and in his other hand was what appeared to be a turkey baster.

"Sheldon, what the hell?!" was all Amy could ask.

"Oh, dear. This would have been much easier had you stayed asleep," was his reply.

She never understood how he could get into her apartment so easily, but that wasn't really her main focus right now. Her main focus was: "What are you doing?"

"My intent is to inseminate you," Sheldon said as though it were nothing.

"WHAT?!"

"The method is a little crude. I lack the proper equipment, but I believe this will do. The semen is fresh and with your child-bearing hips, I imagine you're quite fertile."

Amy blinked a few times to make sure she was actually awake. "WHAT?!" she repeated.

"Feel free to go ahead and go back to sleep. This will only take a moment and then I'll show myself out." Her ex-boyfriend tried to position her legs to his liking, but she was doing her best to keep them shut.

None of this was making sense. "What is wrong with you?" She attempted to push the blankets down to cover herself again. "What makes you think that sneaking into a woman's apartment and home-inseminating her in her sleep is okay? Why would you even want to do something like that?"

Sheldon frowned and looked at his baster. "You know, semen doesn't live for very long outside the body. If I don't do this now, it'll all be for nothing."

Amy folded her arms and looked at Sheldon sternly. "Answer me."

"Fine," her ex sighed as he continued to stare at the turkey baster. "I saw you kissing a man outside your apartment building. I reasoned that if he found out in a few months that you were pregnant with someone else's child, he would leave you alone."

She stared at him strangely for a moment before she asked, "And this is your semen?" That probably shouldn't have been what she asked next.

"Of course. Who else's would it be?"

Amy shook her head. "You know, that's a very round-about way of getting us to break up. Not to mention the fact that if it had worked, I never would've forgiven you."

"Had it worked as planned, you never would've known how it happened," Sheldon reminded her.

"Well, thankfully it didn't work. I like Dave. And I'm seeing him again."

Sheldon frowned. "You may like him, but you love me. You said so yourself. Now, let's stop all this foolishness. Just be my girlfriend again."

She couldn't believe what she was hearing. The man in front of her had apparently lost his mind. "The answer is no, Sheldon. We broke up and with good reason. Now, please leave."

"Wait," he began as he fished around in his jacket pocket. "If you won't be my girlfriend again, will you at least be my wife?"

When he pulled out the little black box and opened it, tears began to sting her eyes. "You're asking me to marry you?"

Sheldon gave her his patented look of derision. "Isn't it obvious?"

Amy thought for a moment as she wiped the tears from her face. Since when had he considered asking her to marry him? Was this all a part of his scheme? In case insemination didn't work, he'd pull a ring out of thin air and make her fall in love all over again? "No," was all she said.

Her ex-boyfriend looked at her strangely. "No, it's not obvious? Or no, you won't marry me?"

"No, I won't marry you."

"I see..." He put the ring box back in his pocket and grabbed his turkey baster. "Well, thank you for your time."

"You snuck in here. I didn't have a choice." She was determined to stay strong. He had been right about one thing, however. She did love him. Even with all his quirks, she loved him.

Thankfully, he had nothing else to say. He simply took his things and walked out of her bedroom.

After turning off the lamp beside her bed, Amy lay back down to try and get some sleep. What was she thinking? The man she'd fallen so desperately in love with had finally asked her to marry him and she said no. Another opportunity like that would never present itself again. And after turning him down so bluntly the way she had, he'd probably never want to see her again anyway.

It was for the best...

Then why was she curled up under the blankets and weeping like a little girl?

Suddenly, Amy felt a tug at the blankets at her feet and she couldn't help smiling through her tears. Without even showing her face she said, "Go home, Sheldon."

"Fine. Fine," he told her.

Maybe he wasn't done with her just yet.

The End

a/n: This little ficlet came out of nowhere. Sorry. I'm hoping this'll help my mind get back on track with my other fic. Thanks for reading and please review. It's okay if you bash it. It's kinda weird, but it was fun to write.