You, Me, He, Him, We
Chapter 1: Christian
You
- Never leave me, your place is here by my side. Never leave me, Chris I love you.
You cut my heart in small pieces, you put my soul, my feeling and also my heart under your feet and then trample on it. It hurt, I wonder why I still here, kissing you, let you take all my body, my heart, my soul. I wonder why I still can live with this pain.
- Adam, I am not Chri….
- Shut up, you are my Chris. Says it says that you will never leave me.
- Yes, I will never leave you. I am all yours, soul, heart, body it all your.
Then you came inside me, I love the way you touch my cheek and kiss me after we have sex, but you call that name again, then I realize that…all of this thing was not belonged to me, like your soul your heart, there have not belonged to me. It belongs to the person you really love, the one made you smile every time you saw him. He in your heart, he is your lover, your life then…..who I am I? I looked you go deep into your sleep, I touch your lips, your chest. I touch the place where your heart is and I ask myself, whether in here have my place or not.
3 months ago
- Chris…he leaves me, what I am going to do now Jay…I can lose him.
- Come down Adam…maybe it just a stupid fight, maybe he will back with you in a few days.
I try to comfort you, I know that's you are hurt and it makes me hurt too. Tear in your eyes it burns my heart. Chris was so blind and stupid when he leaves you, you are wonderful, you beautiful, you….perfect. Then you kiss me, a kiss that I dream about it for thousands time…we kiss deeply and when I am in the tipsy of your kiss…you push me away. I can see the panic in your eyes…you cover your mouth, then wipe it like you just touch something dirty and….you slap me.
- What the hell are you doing Jay? You are my friend, not a bitch, how can you do that.
- I… I am sorry Adam…it just…I am drunk. I am sorry.
Lie…I just made a lie…the lie tell you that you are not cheating on your lover and all of it was my false.
- Is it hurt…I am sorry Jay…I just can't control myself.
You touch my cheek, where you just slapped on it minutes ago. It doesn't hurt at all, even it hurt it will never like how I am hurt deep inside my heart.
- No, I am fine Adam, really.
- Jay…stay with me tonight…stay with me…don't leave me.
That night was the first night of us, I give you all I have, I give you everything…we make love…but it's not like what I imagine….you hurt me, you tear me in half…maybe in your way you call that makes love, but with me it's more like you rape me…Then before you fall to sleep you call his name, not my name and at that time, I know that. I am just a substitute.
I live in pain and tear all 3 months long, but as long as I can be by your side, I can accept this pain because I love you.
- Why are you crying? Now you can be by his side, why you still cry? Please don't cry, I hate to see tears on your face.
- I try so hard, I try to ignore the pain. I try to feel that very thing he did is for me. But he always calls that name…why? He made me act like Chris, speak like Chris…now I don't even know who I am I?
He covers me with his muscular hands and put me in his warm enfold.
- Why you do it? Why? It does not fair for you. I know how it hurt so please leave me. It just not fair to you.
- If in love they all have the fair, then why tear still on your face. Just like you, if you can wait for him to accept you so do I. Because I love you, Jay.
Me
I know it's not normal, I scared at what I feel…I am in love with my best friend. I panic, screaming in my dream try to find a way out. Meet you were the perfect thing that god bring to my life, I don't want to lose you, so I lock my feeling, lock my love for you in a box, then bury it deep down in my heart, you will never know, you don't need to know and we still best friend.
I try to date with a couple guys, but everything just ends up with holding hands and a small kiss on the cheek, I never let them touch me, never… even though some of them just look like you but I can't…I just can't do it.
We walk into this business together, we fight together, we travel together just like what we plan when we were a kid, it was the greatest time in my life. Then the most hurting part is we must stand on our feet. You continue going on your way to the top of your world, I am going to TNA…I just can't control myself if I still keep staying by your side, I exchange everything I have to keep our friendship so I have to leave. You mad at me, I know. You didn't call me or speak to me in one month, it hurt me, but it better than if you know my little secret.
I told that time and distance can help me forget you, but I may wrong…for all those times you still in here. In love with you just like being poisoned, hurt, bleed, anguish…
- Mom…why in love with someone is so hurt?
- Honey…that why we call it is love, and love always finds a way. Don't cry.
I back to WWE, I want to tell you everything. I could be now or never….but it's too late.
There was someone stay by your side right now, that person made you smile, make you happier than I ever see before…that person is not me and…you love that person.
I cry with all my heart, I can't believe that I still have tears to shed.
- Don't cry…please don't cry.
- How..how.. It so hurt. It hurt me so hard.
- Shhhhh don't cry, love always find a way. So please don't cry, I will be here with you. You have my shoulder.
He kisses me on my forehead, then my cheek…then he stops…he knows that he can't kiss my lips. It not fair for him not fair…he deserves to have someone better than me. I try to push him away, but he still here for all the time I got hurt, he still here… I hide my face in his chest and cry with all my tears.
- Thanks…thanks to be here with me.
- My pleasure.
I know this is wrong, but please let me borrow your shoulder just for this time, just for this time.
He
Sometimes, I wonder that why Adam choose Chris, what he has that I don't. See they hand in hands, see them kissing, hear they speak words of love…it burns my heart…but what can I do? Run there, separating them, and regained Adam for my own? But can I have Adam heart or just his body. Every time I saw Chris I just want to kill him, I wish he disappears, then I can take a time to get into Adam's heart. But now what? He was gone, but I just play a substitute by Adam side… Maybe for the first time we meet, his heart doesn't have a place for me.
- Chris can we talk? – I look at Chris, Chris Jericho. I was jealous of him, he has Adam love, Adam heart he has everything that I dream for. But I don't know why he leaves.
- What Jason? You need to be fast because I don't have time.
- Why you leave Adam? Why Chris? You know he loves you very much, so why Chris?
He looks at me and smirking, then he came close to me, grasp my chin.
- Let ask you first Jason, why did you care? It our business, not your?
Yes, I know that not mine thing to care, but Adam hurt and it makes me hurt more.
- Because I am Adam friend, I must care about him.
- Just it…you are a worse liar Jason. I know what you are, I can see crystals clear inside you Jason. You love him, right?
- No…I don't
I need to get out here, but he grasps my chin so tight, he made me face him.
- How the feel of substitute is, is it good?
- Let me go Chris.
- Hey, we haven't done yet, Jason. You don't want to know why I left Adam don't you?
He releases me, we sat on the chair and the talk begin…I hear every word he said, I hear it clearly…why? It so horrible. Why when he has something that I want so badly, but with him it's just a joke.
- Make some want in love with me is my target. Adam…that guy he just takes it so seriously. At the first time, it was a joke, a fun for me, a match I need to win. Then when I get what I had, I play enough, I begin to bore.
- How could you… asshole. I slapped him, how could he do it with Adam. He was an asshole, I can't keep myself calm anymore, I start to beat him, I do it for Adam… but everything is not going like what I think. He fights back, he hit me hard and struck me down on the hard floor. He on the top of me, grasp my hair.
I slapped him, how could he do it with Adam. He was an asshole, I can't keep myself calm anymore, I start to beat him, I do it for Adam… but everything is not going like what I think. He fights back, he hit me hard and struck me down on the hard floor. He on the top of me, grasp my hair.
- You can't do anything Jason, you always be a loser. I talk that you much, thank me because I help you climb on the bed with your dream man.
- Asshole, I will tell with Adam. He will see the truth about you.
- Oh! I don't think so, maybe you will break his heart again.
Chris was right… Adam heart will crumble to pieces.
- Please, Chris…back to Adam. I am begging you. Just only you can fix his heart now.
- So sweet, Adam so lucky that he has your beautiful heart. You make me want to have that too. How about we make a deal Jay?
He smirks at me again, I don't know what he plans for, but if I can do anything to bring the happy back to Adam so I will do it, even trade my life.
- Don't be so stress angle, it easy. One day trade one night.
- What do you mean?
- One day happy for Adam, then you must do the night job with me on my bed, so deal?
- No…you crazy…I can't…
- Don't answer too quick angel, you have all day. I will wait for you in my room tonight. Adam happy now on your hands.
He left, but what I going to do now?...the love with Adam make me can't betray him but…
The room cover of the dark, and when I choose the way to walk into the dark then…no way back for me anymore.
- I know you will come, Jay. Your soul and your heart so beautiful and I love to maculate it. So let start our party. But I forgot to tell you that we have so guest will join us.
- What?
I panic, there were more than 5 people in the room. They look at me, their eyes like a wolf. It fulls of hunger and desire. I turn to run, but…the light was off and that night I have been burying deep down to the darkness.
If Chris is an asshole because he plays with Adam's heart so what I am I? I betray Adam, I sold my body for the darkness. I open my legs for them, moans when they inside me, I let them kiss me. I let each of them take my body… Chris is an asshole, I am is a cheap slut, a whore….a substitute.
Him
I meet him the first time, no it actually the first time we talk to each other is when we in the Vince McMahon birthday party. I sat there alone, watching Adam chat with his friend. It just so childish when he catches my attention by dropping his drink on my pants. We talk, we have fun. I never wonder how funny and gentle he is. If you watch the way he does in the ring, then the person in front of me is totally different.
He is by my side when I get hurt, he cheers me up. He protects me. But I do not deserve for that.
I don't know why I stay here, in front of his room door. I want that warm hug to cover me right now, I want to hear that gentle voice. How cheap I am I now, I love one person then let them fuck me, then I come to ask another one to comfort me.
- OH MY GOD! What happen to you, Jay? Come get in here.
- DON'T TOUCH ME
He looks at me, his hand still on the air. God, I want him to touch me, and wrap me in his warm hug…but I am so filthy now, I will make him filthy too.
- Please don't touch me, it will make your hands dirty. I just want to use your bathroom, I can't let Adam see me in this mess. Please, I will leave immediately.
- You are an idiot Jay. Stop hurting yourself, he will never know what you did for him, please stop hurting yourself
.
I just too weak to stand on my own now, I can feel their dust keeps outflow inside me, it makes me sick, make me feel nauseous. I want to clean myself, clean everything. Then he came, embrace me with his warm hands. I know that I did not deserve it, but…I still keep lying to myself this will be the last time I ask for help.
- What happens, Jay, please let me know.
- They…they just raped me. Ha…actually I let them do it, it not rapes…I volunteered for it. Now you can see how cheap I am I, I am a cheap slut. Ha ha ha…
He slaps me…for the first time.
- You…how could you.
Silence engulfed the room, I let him clean myself for me, and I just too tired to do it. He wrapped in a big towel and carry me to his bed. I know I need to back with Adam now, but…I can face Adam now. One more time I am just taking advantage of his kindness.
- I am sorry
- Shhh, don't be sorry for anything. Let sleep, everything will be OK.
I hide my face in his chest, smell emanating from his body and listen to his heart.
- Jay, people say if you chewing Gum while cutting onions, then you will not be teary. So let me be that Gum.
- I can't do it. You know, I can't do it.
- Shhh, you can't stop me love you and care about you, just like you can't stop yourself love Adam. We are pawns in the game of love. So let me be Adam substitute, let me wipe out your tears, let me love you.
I sleep in his hands that night. No pain, no nightmare, no tear…just me and him breathing the air together.
"My life was filled with wrongdoing and sin, my body was engulfed in filthy. Why you are still here with me. I can't give you anything, my heart is not mine anymore, my body was so dirty to let you have it. I have nothing for you, why you still here…but thank you, thank you for being here with me… Randy thank you".
TBC...