Disclaimer : Of course I do not own the original story!
This is my first fiction, and I hope my English will be good enough. I wrote it like a year ago, before the translation of the 4th novel was finished, so just think about it as an alternative ending :)
Personal Battle
She wanted to see him, she really did, but was afraid to do so at the same time, no, rather mortified to do so. She had made a promise, sure, but uh... she had kissed him, without asking or anything, in front of Touma-sensei (the super-famous writer and his all-time idol author) and all the staff members... and when he was in a weak state, unable to stop her.
Thinking it over and over, she couldn't help but cringe at her boldness and what seemed now like an extremely pushy and selfish act of her part, on no other than demon Instructor Dojo.
Oh my god, he's gonna be so mad. Uurgh
Maybe... maybe if he had been his usual self, he would have rejected her right on the spot, scolding her for being pushy, disrespectful, out of her mind... He would have for sure.
She hadn't been able to look him in the eyes at that time, afraid to see his reaction, even though she'd been scared she might never see him again.
Iku was indeed extremely relieved that the man she secretely loved was eventually safe, and she really wanted to go and see for herself how he was. He was still in recovery, with a wounded leg and sick. Shibasaki had told him he'd even almost contracted pneumonia.
But that didn't mean she was ready to face him. And he had complained about her not coming yet.
So he's already angry at me!
But it was terribly difficult for her to go. She wasn't sure to do. Would he remember her kiss? What if he didn't? Worse, what if he did? She felt so embarrassed. What she had said at that time was so close to a confession! And unfortunately, it didn't help to know that Dojo was already aware of her feelings. She had annoyed him as usual, and there was no way he could feel differently about his stupid, childish, hot-headed, good-for-nothing, ape-like subordinate.
Walking towards the hospital, she gradually sank into a spiral of self-loathing that shook her already fragile confidence.
When she got in front of the large building in the late afternoon, Iku almost turned away. But instead, taking a deep breath, she tightened her grip on the bag she was holding and she crossed the gate, her apprehension still growing.
Entering the vast hall, Iku silently cursed herself for not asking Shibasaki her man's room number beforehand. She had been too embarassed to ask for any details to her overly sharp friend when the latter had talked about her visits. The tall girl headed toward one of the information desks, placing herself at the end of a long line of people. Anyway, had she known which room her superior officer was in, she'd never been in this hospital before. There was no way she could have found it in the huge facility, even with the map that was displayed on one of the walls. All she could see were intricate patterns of corridors and rooms, repeating themselves infinitely on each of the many floors and wards on the luminous board.
She had deliberately chosen to come this late. There was only one hour left for visitors, making it the perfect excuse to flee after a short courtesy visit. But she hadn't expected so many people to be there at that time of the day. The employees at the desks seemed very busy with the visitors' requests and the frequent phone calls. After some time, Iku's turn finally came.
"Hello. I'm here to visit Dojo-san. Can you tell me the way?"
The woman in front of her raised her eyebrows.
"Room number?"
"No, erm, I don't know the number."
"I see. Ward?"
"Err... Reco-recovery? Or was it ...Care... err... expensive care... no I mean..." Iku started to stutter.
"You do realise there are more than twenty different wards here, Miss, don't you? Dojo is not a rare name. Do you at least know the reason of his stay here?"
"Oh, erm, yes, I think it was...err... bullet injury... or pneumonia... uh..." Ashamed, Iku was turning red, struggling with her already tense nerves, as the receptionist grew impatient and the people around started to look.
"Maybe if you search for Dojo A-Atsu... Atsushi... from the Library Force..." At the mention of the full name of the patient, the woman behind the computer rolled her eyes, no doubt wondering what the young woman in front of her had been waiting for to tell her that information if she knew it.
A few moments later, the woman finally put her hand on his file.
"Room 209, ward B. Go down the corridor at the end of the hall and use the elevator on your left to the third floor. There, go through the gate on your right straight to the end of the ward and use the other elevator to go to the second floor. You should then be in ward B. You can take a look at the map over here." Iku stared at her with obvious confusion. Looking annoyed, the receptionist repeated herself with an audible sigh.
Iku tried to memorise the explanations, and quickly withdrew from the line of people, and for an instant, forgot a little about her fears. But she was still too anxious to concentrate properly, and she got lost after getting in the second elevator. Was it third floor or second floor? She wasn't even sure she'd gotten into the right elevator. She had seen several similar ones while walking through the corridor, and wondered if they all led to different sections of the gigantic hospital. When she got out, she couldn't find any room 209 and wandered in similar-looking corridors, getting more and more agitated. She wanted to ask someone but everyone she came across had rushed past her in a busylike fashion.
She finally saw a more gentle-looking nurse coming out of a room and stopped her before she hurried somewhere else. The young woman laughed when she heard her story and took her to another elevator.
"Indeed, you must have gotten into the wrong one! Our colleagues at the counter can sometimes be a little short on their explanations when there are too many people waiting. It's not rare for visitors to lose their way in such a big building. It used to happen to me quite often when I was in my first year! I got myself harsh earfuls from my ward boss all the time!" The nurse went on chatting merrily while they walked, and Iku smiled at her own recollections of the many times her bad-tempered superior had lectured her. Paradoxically, it was always so easy to pick fights with him, even without taking their equally heated disposition into consideration. She couldn't act so laid-back with any of her other superiors. She felt sometimes closer to him than to the other members of the force, except of course her best friend Shibasaki.
When they arrived in front of room 209, Iku was more relaxed, and eager to see the man she loved. She thanked her good savior, hopping she wouldn't get in trouble because she had to escort her.
"Don't worry about that. I can handle Takano-san. If he wants to yell at me, well he can all he wants, I had a valid reason to leave my duties, and I'm pretty immune now anyway" the nurse giggled. She still ran away quite quickly, looking slightly worried.
Iku once again tightened her grip on the bag she had been carrying. It contained a book she had chosen on the recommendations of Lieutenant Komaki. She hoped he would like it.
The tall woman knocked briefly. After a few seconds, the door opened to reveal a woman of about her age, but quite shorter. She was very cute, with long glossy hair that fell down in feminine locks on her trendy dress. Iku suddenly felt self-conscious again, and wished she had worn something that didn't make her look like a tomboyish giantess. She had picked a pair of tight jeans and a white shirt that were rather cuter than her usual outfit, but right now it still seemed to her like it wasn't enough to turn her into anything attractive. She fought the urge to simply take to her heels and run. She still had the small hope that she had gotten to the wrong room. Maybe the counter-lady had made a mistake.
"Er, hello. I-I'm looking for someone, but this must be the wrong room. Is this Dojo Atsushi-san's room?" She wasn't going to repeat the same mistake than earlier, trying not to think about the awkward feeling she got calling her superior by his full name.
"Kasahara? Is that you?"
The young woman flinched as a well-known voice called her name from inside the room. The woman who had opened the door let her in, somehow reluctantly, and she soon saw Dojo sitting on his bed. He was looking at her, his expression unreadable.
She felt awkward, and suddenly wondered why she had come. He was obviously busy and recovering, and surely didn't need his annoying subordinate at a time like this.
"Sorry for the intrusion. I came to see how you were, Sir, but you seem fine. So I'll be leaving now. We will see each other at work when you are fully recovered. I guess my report on our mission can wait until then. Take good care of yourself." She had avoided his gaze while speaking, unsure she'd be able to keep a steady voice otherwise.
She then remembered the bag in her hand. It was all too clear that she had meant to bring it for him, and couldn't simply walk away with it now.
"Er, uh... that's f-for you, Sir. I thought, well, that you might enjoy it. B-but y-you don't have to use it now, or anything... I mean, if you don't like it, that's ok. Anyway, you're busy, I should leave now. Sir.." As she had begun to salute, Dojo had taken a wrapped parcel out of the bag and was now looking at it. His voice rose bluntly.
"Stay. I've been waiting for you for days. All the others have already come to visit me several times, but you, of all people, haven't even showed up once till now. Don't think you can run away just after getting here."
His tone was angry, as usual, and she bit her lips, depressed at the thought of how pathetic she was. His girlfriend was eyeing her in a suspicious way, obviously disappointed that she wasn't leaving straight on. Dojo, as if remembering something, turned to her. "Yuki, this is Kasahara. She's in my team at the Library base."
"I'm Sanada Yuki, nice to meet you", she said to Iku.
"Nice to meet you, too", replied Iku quickly, getting more and more uncomfortable.
"So, you're in Atsushi's combat unit too. It's unusual to see a girl with such a rough occupation. But it's true that you seem quite fit for it", Sanada added, looking without reserve at her tall figure. Iku winced inwardly at the comment. It had been spoken in a soft, sugary voice, but she could sense the underlying animosity, and was not stupid enough not to understand that she was in fact saying "Don't think you and me are on the same level. You're not anyone's idea of what a girl should be."
"Yuki, I need to talk to Kasahara about some private matter," interrupted Dojo.
"Then, I'll wait outside until you're done", she replied, implying that she expected their exchange to be short.
"You were about to leave anyway, right? You can go home, I'll see you on your next day off."
"If you say so, Atsushi, I'll be leaving then, take care" she said curtly, and walked away without addressing a word to Iku.
Now they were alone in his bedroom, she thought, and felt her cheeks turn slightly red. Sure, it was only a hospital room, but still...
She realised that Dojo was now opening the wrapped package.
"Wait! You can open it when I'm gone, Sir," she said, flustered and bright-red.
"Didn't you say it was for me? If I want to open it now, why on earth shouldn't I?," he retorted. But when he raised his eyes and saw her red face, a playful smile appeared on his lips.
He finished to tear away the gift wrap and held a heavy-looking book in front of him. As he was keeping silent, Kasahara hesitantly questioned him. "Is this one alright? I asked Lieutenant Komaki about your readings, but I chose it myself, so I not sure if it's any good. Or maybe you've already read this one. I can bring it back if you don't want it... pick a better one. I'm sorry, you know how I suck at librarian duties, and I can't even pick a suitable book, even though I really tried to find something you'd like, I'm..."
"Iku" She froze when she heard him call her by her first name, and a second later felt his hand patting her head.
"It's perfect. Thank you. I love it." Seeing her wide-opened eyes, he told her that he had indeed already read this book years ago at some local library, and had since wanted to buy a copy for himself. It seemed that it was quite hard to find, as it had been censored a while ago, a fact that Iku had ignored. She was delighted by his bright smile. He looked truly happy. But he soon changed the subject.
"You had something else to give to me."
She perfectly understood that he meant his insignia. He had lent them to her while entrusting her with Touma-sensei's protection, and she had promised to give them back, but that was not all there was to it. The moment she had dreaded had finally come. But she felt even worse now that she'd had the confirmation of her deepest fear. Her prince already had someone he cared about. She had seen her with her own eyes, and the reaction of the woman had left no room for doubt. For one second, she considered lying to him, pretending that she had left them at the base. But it was not in her nature. She was honest, and knew the best was to grit her teeth and get this quickly over.
"uh... yes, right..."
She rummaged in her pocket and found the piece of cloth in which the two small objects were wrapped. Not looking up, she handed it over to Dojo. But as he wasn't taking it, she slightly raised her head to look at him.
"I won't take them until you keep your promise, Kasahara." He was looking straight into her eyes, waiting.
Iku shrunk inwardly. Why was he torturing her?
Eventually the heavy silence was more than she could bear.
"How could I?," she burst out miserably.
Surprised, Dojo stared at her, his face taking a hurt and angry expression. "If you don't want to, why did you say that back then?," he asked her in anger. "Go away, then. Don't come here just to mock me." Although he sounded furious, there was something else. Almost as if he was upset. Iku was completely at loss.
"Bu-but... back then I didn't know that you had a... a..."
"A what? Spit it out!"
She swallowed. "A girlfriend," she finished in a weak voice.
"What the hell? What are you talking about? I don't have someone like that." His frown soften a little, replaced by a puzzled look. "Who told you that?"
"Now you are mocking me. You just introduced her to me," she answered miserably, tears forming in her eyes. No, she thought, I don't want to cry now, not in front of him. I don't want him to pity me.
"You mean Yuki? She's a... childhood friend. There's nothing of the sort between us!"
"Really? Then why was she so cold and disappointed when I arrived? Don't you think I can tell when a girl's in love?"
"She's a bit possessive, that's all. You shouldn't jump to conclusions after seeing people just once."
"Are you serious ?! I'm not jumping to conclusions! You don't have to deny it, that's ok, I'll leave her alone!"
"Do you ever listen to anything I say? We're not together! Spare me your stupid theories, idiot! How is it possible to be so dense?"
Iku winced at his words. Why did he have to be so blunt? She knew she wasn't the brightest one, but there was no need for him to humiliate her on top of everything. She could feel yet more tears gathering in her eyes, and carefully kept her face turned the opposite way. Seeing that she wouldn't look at him, Dojo bent closer to her and added in a softer tone, "There's no one else. Honestly."
Iku couldn't help but hesitantly turn her head back at those words and stare at him, wondering if he indeed meant what she thought he did.
"What are you crying for?!"
"Uh?" She hadn't realized that the tears had finally trickled down her cheeks. She quickly began to wipe them off with her hand, looking away again, feeling even more pathetic than before.
Suddenly, she felt his fingers on her skin, brushing her tears away, his other hand taking hers away from her face. Her body had tensed up, but she didn't protest, her eyes closed and her head still bent down. He softly turned her face toward him and she slowly let herself be guided by his hands as he pulled her to him, her head coming to rest against his chest.
"I'm sorry I'm such a bad-tempered jerk", he said in her ear.
"It's ok, I love you the way you are."
She felt Dojo freeze.
When she heard a little gasp, Iku realised her tongue had slipped. She waited anxiously for his reaction. After a minute or so, he wrapped his arms around her tightly, pressing her hard against him, as if he was afraid she'd go away. They stayed like this for several minutes, Iku mesmerised by the sound of his heartbeat, until the young woman slowly broke free from his embrace to face the man she had so often referred to as her prince. She was suprised to see him with his eyes shut, a familiar frown on his face, as if he was angry at her for pulling away. That brought an instant smile on Iku's lips, and she couln't resist the urge to kiss him again. Since that brief moment in the bookstore, she had wondered how he would have reacted if he had been in his normal state.
Dojo instantly opened his eyes wide, and she withdrew a little. They found themselves staring at each other, their faces nearly touching. Then Iku whispered the words that had for long been echoing in her mind. "I love you."
After that, she remembered Dojo had kissed her with more passion, one hand pressing her neck and the other wrapped around her waist. Then the world had gone blank for what seemed an eternity, until a knock at the door had forced them to pull apart, both slightly out of breath. A nurse had then come in, announcing the end of visiting hours.
"Will I see you tomorrow?" Dojo had asked her, as Iku was about to leave. She had told him that she would definitely make it after work.
He knew well their work could drag on late in the evening, especially since Kasahara was prone to make mistakes while on office duties. But, that night, remembering her determined tone at that time put a small smile on his face and he chuckled softly to himself, as he drifted off to sleep.