He had gone over what he was going to say what felt like a million times. He had enough packed to last him a week at his parents before he had to come back to the flat. He had already had it piled by the front door last night, so after he talked to Dan, all he had to do was just walk out and catch a cab and that was it. He already had asked Peej and Chris to be on call to pack up his stuff (he hadn't explained why, but he honestly didn't think he did. They both had known about his crush on his flatmate for years).
Phil was mentally ready for the fall out. Taking the final leap, he pushed open his door and unsteadily walked into the living room where Dan was, unsurprisingly, in his browsing position, unaware of the shit storm that was about to go to ignore his heart beating in his chest and the panic that was slowly swallowing him, he took a deep breath.
"Hey Dan?" Phil said, clearing his voice after hearing how shaky it was.
"Yeah, Phil?" Dan glanced away from tumblr, closing the screen a bit and looking over his shoulder at Phil in the doorway.
"I, uh, have something to tell you." He said, twisting his fingers nervously. Dan opened his mouth to respond, but Phil cut him off. "Wait, just- just listen. If you talk I might not be able to finish." Dan closed his mouth, nodding for Phil to continue, attentiveness lighting up his eyes.
No.
Focus, Phil. He just looked down.
"Alright, so I've already packed, so you don't need to yell at me to get out and stuff, so yeah. And I already called my parents, so it's not like I'm going out on the streets, so you don't have to feel guilty about that." Phil risked a look at Dan, and the younger boy looked like Phil had punched him. "I mean, yeah, it's not you. It's me. I haven't really told you everything, I mean," Phil took a huge breath, trying to keep his voice from wavering. "Alright, I'm just gonna- I like you." He shook his head at how pathetic that sounded. "Actually, no. That doesn't even cover it in the least bit, honestly. I'm in love with you. And I know that you're straight, so I don't even know what I was doing. But I've always loved you, and I usually try and hide it, but all the shit going on with the phan rumors and I look at you and sometimes I want to just slap myself because God, I'm just a dumbass, and it's honest to goodness the tiny things you do that make me want to slam my head into a wall, like how you only get one dimple when you're too tired to smile fully, and how when you go on your social justice rants you get so passionate about it, and how you stay up until three am every night online, and sometimes I'll peek in just to make sure you aren't dead or gone, and I see you stuff your phone under your duvet and pretend to be asleep, and your hobbit hair that you resent, but it's one of the reasons I'm always up before you, and I know you're straight as a ruler, but I can't help myself from falling in love with you and every day it's ruining me more and more and I feel like I'm drowning in unreciprocated love and I can't fucking stand it anymore and I'm afraid I'm going to fuck it up because one morning I'm scared I'm going to ignore my mind and kiss you and I can't do that because that'd fuck up everything we've built, as if this isn't, but I mean at least I'm not accidentally making out with you right now, despite how much I want to, and I-"
"Jesus christ, Phil, slow down and breathe." Dan cut Phil off, letting him take a deep breath. What he had said was just now starting to register in Phil's mind, and he started to panic a bit more than he already was. Which said a lot.
"Listen, I'm sorry, I'll leave. I'm sorry, Dan." Phil stood up from leaning on the doorframe, and turned to go down the stairs.
"Wait, hold up, c'mere Phil." Dan called out, reaching his hand out as if he was grabbing Phil from where he sat on the sofa using the force or something equally nerdy. Phil felt tears well up in his eyes. This was it. Dan was going to be disgusted with him, yell at him for being so gross. "Phil?" Dan asked, seemingly concerned, but Phil really knew he wasn't. Oh shit, he didn't even realize he was crying.
"I'm sorry, just save your voice, I know I'm disgusting anyway. Everything you're going to say I've already told myself. I'll just head out, my shit's already downstairs, and I've asked Chris and Peej to get the rest, so you don't-"
"Phil, will you stop your rambling for half a second and come here?" Dan looked more worried than angry, but he knew Dan, he was good at hiding what he really felt.
"Why?" Phil asked.
"Because, dammit, I don't feel like getting up and walking all the way over there to kiss you, so get your cute ass over here." Phil's mind went completely blank. He was expecting disgusted stares and repulsed yelling, not that.
"Huh?" Yes, very well said. Dan just sighed and shoved his computer off his lap and standing up, grumbling.
"Goodness, not even two minutes into this relationship and I'm already doing all the work," Dan started walking over to where Phil was standing, completely frozen in shock of what was happening. "I can't believe you, you dumb ass, making me do all the moving like are you kidding me-"
But Dan cut himself off, leaning towards Phil, and softly placing his lips on Phil's. Phil felt electricity run down his spine, and subconsciously wrapped his arms around Dan's neck. He felt Dan smile into the kiss, and Phil felt like he was soaring. The need for oxygen finally overcoming their need for each other, and they pulled apart, out of breath. Dan kept their foreheads touching, and Phil had nothing else to do other than stare into the brown eyes in front of him, a swirling mixture of dark and light perfectly balancing the other out.
"Phil, you have no clue how long I've wanted to do that." Dan breathed out, staring right back at Phil. It felt like the boy in front of him was looking straight into his soul.
"I think I have an idea." Phil said.
"God, I love you so much." Phil couldn't resist the smile from appearing on his face, just looking at Dan, and Dan looking back at him the way he had the whole time. Dan's mouth mirrored his, but with the cheeky dimples that Phil loved. Quickly, Phil placed a light kiss on Dan's cheek, and placed his face on Dan's shoulder, wrapping himself even tighter around Dan in a hug, who returned the favor.
"C'mon you dolt, let's go watch some tv." Dan mumbled in Phil's ear, and lead the two over to the couch. Dan and Phil both flopped down as one, eliciting an "oomph" from Dan.
"Sorry."
"Don't worry about it, lion." Dan said softly, bringing back his old nickname. Phil felt Dan start to run his fingers through Phil's hair. He laid his head down, sighing in contempt, and he could hear the faint thumps of Dan's heart.
"So, bear, what'dya wanna watch?"
"Anything, as long as you're right here." Phil felt Dan say it just as much as he heard it.
"Dan, you sap." Phil laughed against Dan's chest, looking back up at the younger boy.
"You love me." Dan's smile matched Phil's own.
"You got me there."
...
Woop woop hello I am currently dying of pheels as of late so here have some badly written phan ( ﾉ ﾟｰﾟ)ﾉ ️