It was about 2:15 in the morning. I was wide-awake.

All of my brothers and sisters were dead to the world-Malcom was snoring louder than a grizzly bear, so I don't know how they fell asleep-but not me. I had the top bunk tonight, and all I could do was stare at the stone ceiling. I hugged the gray silk sheets closer, thinking they might help me forget this plan I'd formulated throughout the evening.

But I'm a daughter of Athena. I follow through on my plans.

Softly as a feather falling to the ground, I gently hopped down from my bunk. If anyone woke up, I told myself, I'm sleepwalking. But the Athena cabin stayed soundly asleep...lucky them. I yanked my sister Susannah's satin dressing-gown-thing from the hook on the mirror, because even though it was midsummer, we'd just had a storm last week and the nighttime temperatures were dipping into the mid sixties.

Every creaking step made me flinch. About a billion years later, I finally made it to the door, clicking it shut behind me and huffing a huge sigh of relief. I started down the line of the other eleven cabins, with my stomach doing backflips at what I was about to do. It had only been a couple steps when I eyed the stone owl, symbol of our mother Athena, gazing down at me questioningly.

"Shut up!" I snapped, trying to whisper as I pulled my arms through the dressing gown. "I...I just need to do this, okay?"

The owl's expression didn't change.

"Forget it," I muttered. "You wouldn't understand."

I walked as quickly as I could, pulling the gown around me to try to warm myself against the cool night air. I heard one of the harpies cry out hungrily, and I walked faster.

I noticed a pattern here: with every step I got closer to the low, stone-hewn building, the shimmering one with coral studding the walls, my throat became tighter and my heartbeat got louder. It was really annoying, because once I'd reached the conch-shell doorknob on the double doors of the cabin itself, my heartbeat was too loud for me to hear myself think. It was worse than having ADHD.

Here goes nothing, I thought, biting my lip as I ever-so-quietly opened the door and tiptoed inside.

Percy was sprawled sideways on his bed. Of course, half the sheets were wadded at the footboard and the covers were in a pile on the floor, fully kicked from the mattress in his sleep. I sighed and smiled...just a little bit.

"Hey, Seaweed Brain, what's up?" I whispered, praying to Hypnos himself that he wouldn't wake up. He didn't. I pulled up a softly cushioned wicker chair to the side of his bed and sat, cross-legged, watching his closed eyes and hearing his soft breathing, like a mom watching her kid fall asleep. It was different, seeing his face still and peaceful, and very up close.

Suddenly, a figure shifted in the far end of the cabin, hidden in the shadows.

As it moved forward, I saw it was a bear.

"Hey! How's the creepin' going?" asked the bear.

"Who the Hades are you?"

"Me? Oh, I'm Pedobear."

Pedobear? What the...

"Wait, what are you doing here?" This bear dude was kinda scary.

Pedobear smiled. It creeped me out. "Same as you, princess. Watching him drool."

"Riiight..."

A moment of awkward silence passed by, and Pedobear was still smiling like he'd just won the lottery.

"So... First late-night creep, right?" Pedobear asked.

"Uhh, yeah."

"I could tell. You left the door ajar; that's a rookie mistake. Someone might walk in on your creeping."

"Okay."

"Or perhaps they'll walk in the cabin while you're trying to molest a sleeping child. Oh, I hate when that happens! They're all like, 'dude, the hell are you doing?'. Because child molestation is frowned upon in modern society. I wonder why, it is so NICE! I should know about this, I've had a lot of practice with both creeping and molesting, you see."

I was confused.

What was a bear doing inside camp? Why was it in Percy's cabin? And is it just me or did the bear just say he liked to molest sleeping children?

Whoa. I will never feel safe in camp anymore.

My face was probably priceless, because Pedobear continued to smile like an idiot.

He continued his creepy monologue. "Yeah, I have a lot of experience. Especially when it comes to sneaking into the Zeus cabin."

"Whaaa?"

"It's empty now, of course. Such a pity."

No wonder Thalia joined the Hunters.

Pedobear didn't seem to mind my horror.

"So at night you come to Cabin Three?" I asked.

Pedobear scoffed. "Honey, if I had to leave in the morning, I wouldn't be doing my job all that well. Part of the fun is sneaking into the showers."

Eww.

"I've had time to practice. Actually, Cabin Three has been my fave since ancient times. They're all so pretty, with those green, green eyes..." continued the talking bear.

Pedobear's smile widened, if possible. "Wanna join the fun, Annie-bell?"

I screamed, the sleeping boy in the cabin absolutely forgotten.

I ran to the door immediately, trying to get as far away from Pedobear as possible.

Ignoring the angry wails from the Harpies, I made my way to Cabin Six. The stone owl had a strange expression, almost like it was laughing.

I busted through the door and quickly climbed in my bunk.

Burying myself in the covers, I silently promised to never visit Cabin Three by myself.

...

Meanwhile, in Cabin Three:

I can't believe it was that easy, she thought as she took off the bear head.

When the mortal girl had thought up that plan, she didn't expect to scare Annabeth off so easily.

It only took a bear costume, some acting skill, and permission granted from some random kid from the Hermes cabin who thought she was the pizza delivery.

And just like that - pretending to be a bear who molested her best friends - she gave the fantabulous Annabeth Chase, daughter of Athena and kick-ass warrior, bear-filled nightmares for a month.

FIN

(A/N) Hehe. That was fun.

Special thanks to CrayolaMarkers and her one-shot 'Listen to Me'. This is actually the review I left.

This came to mind because it was, in fact, quite creepy and stalkerish. And mushy. And very, very Percabeth. But well-written, so I decided to honor that one-shot by taking the time to ridicule it. But hey, it still has a plot!

In case someone doesn't know who Pedobear is, there is a video explaining it all RIGHT HERE: www. youtube .com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ&ob=av2e. If that does not work, try HERE: art of trolling .com, just remove the spaces and copy-pasta into your browser. It is very important that you try the video first, though, since it contains the explanation of Pedobear's origins and philosophy.

Love, Coffee, Turtles,

{{Cass}}