Pursuing Percy 3: The one you probably hate

by EchidnasJumpHastily

au in which Thomas (Thomasina) is a year 7 student and writes in her diary with her human hands.. Reviews: "ss' prity good"- me "Superb"- New York Times (note- this was a review for The Godfather, but it probably applies to this, too) "That's the greatest thing I've ever read"- you in a couple of minutes "Are you doing homework?"- mum

The following is an extract from the diary of Thomasina, a 7th grade student at Sodor High.

February 37, 20XX

OMG FML WTF LOL JK

My life is pretty cray cray right now tbh. Like, srsly. My gay boyfriend Percy dumped me for some skank named Edwina, and I'm like literally dying. If it weren't for that Tay Tay, I would literally literaly be dying hahahahahahHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAKCGDUKEFYHRGHQDWHEDHGE.

69/69/69

"But, fuck you stupid hoe. Yeah, fuck you stupid hoe

I said fuck a stupid hoe. Yeah, fuck a stupid hoe.

I said fuck a stupid hoe. Yeah, fuck a stupid hoe.

I said fuck a stupid hoe. Yeah, fuck a stupid hoe." –Nicki Minaj

Idk these lyrics really speak to me on a deep level. Anyone who doesn't like Nick Minaj is a sexist fucking asshole who deserves to die in a fire.

70/69/69

Fuck I hate Nicki Minaj.

20/5/2015

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I just found this hilarious video where this kid bites this other kid's finger and then the other kid's all like "Charlie bit my finger" and the other kid's all like *bites finger* all my friends think I'm like, totes the funniest chick at school coz I find the funny shit like that first. Like. I'm probably the first person at the school to ever see this video.

May 4th (Star Wars Day)

Omg I'm like such a nerd. I watched the a Avengers (but batman wasn't in it (bullshit)) and, like omg I have the biggest crush on that arrow dude, I think his name is Whore Guy? Lol. My favourite tho is X man (Hugh Jakman is so hot)

29/12/1999

Guys, this is an emergency!

All of the African people are dying! To support them you can like the facebook age I setup to raise awareness and remember, 1 like= 1 rip

3/3/3

Justin totally flirted with me today guys it was amazeballs (lollolollololololololololololololololololololololololololol)

Ok, so I was walking from the train station [Authors note: Get it? Probably not, because you are pretty stupid] and then Troy started walking the exact same way as me all the way to school! Jason has been acting like this for a long time, but I first got the hint back in the summer of '69 when he just happened to be sat next to me in the teacher's seating arrangements coincidence? I think not! Nice try, Michael. Anyway, #Thomallan #ishipit

1/2/3456

Hey, do you remember Adventure Time? Probably not, only 90's kids would. Man, I miss the 90's. Technically I was born in 2004, but I'm totally a 90's kid anyway

27/7/1987

I asked my mom if could go see Penguins of Madagascar with my friends (so random, LOOOOOOOOOL) and she said no. WTF I'm 12 and I can do what I want. Probs gonna go anyway lol

2/spooky/4me

Help me inanimate object!

Somebody sent me a message saying a dead girl named Emily was going to kill me unless I shared it to 10 people in 30 minutes, but I didn't read it until 2 hours later. This will probably be the last time you hear from me. Rip in peace

Thomasina was not killed by Emily. Thinking this was proof that she was invincible she later swallowed an entire can of Lynx deodorant as a dare. This killed her.