I just don't like Mello. I don't own Death Note.

1. Steal his chocolate.

2. Eat the stolen chocolate in front of him but pretend you don't have it.

3. When he finally stops blaming you shout "Ha it was me!"

4. Cut his hair.

5. Say L would be ashamed of him.

6. Say "Um, yeah this is awkward but um, well what are you? A guy or a girl?"

7. Act very surprised when he says a guy.

8. Then ask "Are you sure?"

9. When he says he is say "Ooooohhhh I get it, so when did you have the operation?"

10. Ask very annoying questions about his parents.

11. When he says they're dead stare at him for a long time.

12. Then say "Yeah I would kill myself too."

13. Tell him that Near called, something about Death Note, a head, and winning.

14. Tell Near Mello called him his dirty little secret.

15. Tell Matt Mello called him his dirty little secret.

16. Tell Light that Mello thinks he's a sexy beast.

17. Tell him Near will never love him.

18. Follow him around singing 'Barbie Girl'

19. Say "You know I met this really hot guy, well he's really smart and knows how to make a really good plan. You two should team up."

20. When he asks who the hell you're talking about say "This guy Near, trust me you really need his help."

21. Repeat everything he says very seriously.

22. Say "Kira" at the end of each of his sentences.

23. When you see a picture of Light exclaim "Hey that looks exactly like my friend you wanna meet him!?"

24. Take him to the park and stand in front of a tree say that you'll have to wait for him to show up.

25. Then exclaim "There he is!" and point to a squirrel.

26. Go up to him and say some guy named Kira called.

27. When he asks why say he said something about surrender, obviously best detective since L.

28. After a few moments exclaim "Oh wait, he dialed the wrong number! He meant to call Near!"

29. Give him the phone number of a therapist saying "I think he could really help you with all your problems."

30. Tell him you love him because he reminds you of the old guy who useed lived next door to you and liked to go to gentlemen's clubs dressed in pink hoop skirts.