Companion piece/sequel to True Wish
Songfic: My Immortal by Evanescence
Pairing: Aizen x Ichigo
Warnings: Swearing and hints of BL
Centered italics~ Song lyrics
Normal italics~ Flashback, Aizen speaking
'…'~ thoughts
"…"~ speaking
Small FYI: There are bits and pieces of this story that will be further explained in my next story True Wish so if this doesn't make a lot of sense to you, please bear with me . This is a one-shot but its companion piece will be multi-chapter and will hopefully explain more.
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or any of its characters (person can still dream though~), all of that belongs to Tite Kubo
Summary: After the war ends, Ichigo reflects on the loss of his love, remembering the moments they had together before finally allowing himself to move forward
The rain poured down, drenching the vibrant orange haired teen and freezing his skin yet he took no notice as he stood on the Sokyoku Hill in Soul Society. The cold Ichigo felt inside his heart was far more numbing as he clutched an object in his hands, the only remaining evidence of his precious love and former captor.
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
He had lost count of the number of times he had tried to throw away the damn thing, lost count of how many times he had backed out at the last second. He knew what would happen if he destroyed the object. It meant throwing away the last piece of tangible evidence of his love away and that scared him because he wanted a physical reminder of what he once had so that he would never forget that one special person.
If you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
He could hear his inner voices demanding him to let go, to move on and stop being weak. That was a hell of a lot easier said than done, especially since the only person he had ever come to cherish as more than family or friend had died, killed by Zangestu, killed by him.
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just to much that time cannot erase
Even now, days after that unforgettable moment, he could feel his love's blood on his hands; the image of them stained a dark red color burned into his memory. No matter how many times he washed them, no matter how many times he tried to forget, one glance at his tainted hands would make everything come back in a rush, memories both good and bad.
When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
He remembered the first time he'd seen the proud man shed tears. The day Ichimaru Gin died had dealt a harsh blow to the man he had adored as a mentor. Ichigo could still recall when his captor had just sat in a chair facing his bed with an unreadable expression on his face. At first, he had thought the jerk was just there to taunt him as usual or harass him but instinctively, he realized this was different. He had been able to tell the man was hurting and despite the dislike he felt towards the deserter, he approached him.
He had hesitantly touched the grieving man's hands, the first slightly intimate gesture between them initiated by him willingly.
His captor wasn't crying but there was a heavy air around him that seemed to reveal the man's need for comfort. Ichigo had never been the sort of person to let someone suffer alone no matter how despicable or cold-hearted they were. After a couple minutes of silence, Ichigo quietly said, "He was the only person you really cared about wasn't he? The only one allowed to treat you as a person and not as a master or subordinate."
The man had stiffened ever so slightly before softly admitting, "He was the best student I had the joy of teaching and I was proud every time he succeeded at doing something new. He was a genius and now he's gone."
Ichigo's eyes softened at the last bit. He had also been fond of the mischievous man once he had gotten to know him. Gin had made his imprisonment a bit more bearable by chatting with him and telling him amusing stories about the espada. He sighed softly and said sadly, "It's always the best people that get killed or die early."
"That isn't quite true."
Ichigo blinked in confusion as the man said his next words almost too quietly for him to hear, "You're still here albeit against your will." And in an even softer tone, he murmured, "But you will be gone soon too, once you are freed and returned to your friends. Once that happens, I will truly be alone again."
Ichigo's eyes widened, shocked as much by the words as the sight of a single tear that refused to be shed in the man's eye when he finally looked at him. Much to the man's surprise, he brushed the tear away and stated, "You're not alone."
Ichigo smiled bitterly at the semi-sweet memory, always wondering why he had said those words to his arch nemesis when he was still feeling a bit sore towards him but never regretting them. His smile turned a touch fonder as he remembered the man's response.
When you screamed, I'd fight away all of your fears
His shocked expression slipped into a slightly disbelieving one and to be honest, Ichigo couldn't blame him. He mulled over his thoughts a bit, wondering how to best explain before he began speaking,
"As long as there is someone who will cry when you die, you're not alone. Because if there is someone who can be sad when you're gone, then that someone will also be glad that you're alive."
The man smirked humorlessly and questioned in a slightly mocking tone, "And who would be sad when this evil, manipulating betrayer dies?"
Lithe but strong arms wrapped around his head and pulled him into a warm chest.
"I would."
And I held your hands through all of these years
But you still have all of me"
After that, they had only gotten closer and it hadn't been long before Ichigo realized he'd fallen in love with the one person he could never have.
You used to captivate me
By your resonating life
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
His grip on the object in his hands tightened as memories of all their intimate moments passed through his mind, reminding him of the feelings only that man was able to instill in him and making the void inside his heart seem bigger.
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
The final night he had spent in his love's arms was the last time he had gotten a proper night's rest; after that, it had either been nightmares full of blood or painfully sweet dreams of a future that never had a chance of ever happening.
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
The object in his hands seemed so heavy despite its small size as if it was holding all the love he had felt for that man and all the secrets he kept from his friends and family about his forbidden felings. The ache he felt increased as he remembered all the times he had felt torn between the two wishes he had in his heart: to spend forever with his love and to protect his friends.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you screamed I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
Ichigo sighed at his stupidity for having fallen so hard for that man and sometimes wished his feelings had only been a passing lust. But just as quickly as the idea came, it moved on because he knew that no matter how much he was suffering now, that brief period of happiness had been one of the best moments of his life. Only the time when his mother was alive could rival the sheer bliss he had been in. And yet once again, the person who had been the center of his world was gone, leaving him empty and miserable.
I tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
He finally looked at the little object in his hands and felt the lump that had been building in his throat threaten to choke him. A simple golden ring speckled with raindrops glistened in his hand, the only design on it being a name, a parting gift from a man who knew how the war was going to end. His love had told him that it was to remind him that he would always be with him even if it wasn't in a tangible sense. He clenched the ring as he whispered, "Stupid lying bastard, if that's what it's supposed to do then why do I still feel so alone?"
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you screamed I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
He paused and then mentally chided himself for thinking something like that. 'Idiot, you're not alone. You still have Karin, Yuzu, Goat-face, Chado, Ishida, Inoue, Urahara-san, Rukia, Renji, and the other shinigamis. Zangetsu-ossan and Shiro are right, pull yourself together and stop moping.'
Lost in his thoughts, Ichigo was unaware of how much more time he passed standing in the rain.
"Ichigo? Where are you?"
He heard Rukia call his name and inhaled sharply in surprise since he hadn't sensed her before schooling his face into its trademark scowling expression and calling out, "I'm over here! What do you want midget?" He smirked slightly when he heard Rukia curse him for the height comment before she and Renji came into view.
They took in his soaked appearance as Renji bluntly said, "Whoa, you look like someone tried to drown you. How long have you been out here?" Ichigo rolled his eyes and replied, "Not that long, don't worry about it. What do you guys need?" The two shinigamis didn't look entirely convinced but they let it slide as Renji slung an arm around Ichigo's shoulders and stated, "Dude you could try to look a bit more cheerful. The war's finally over! Now let's go and party with the others~" Rukia shoved Renji off of the smaller man and began scolding him which meant the party most likely included a lot of alcohol of some kind.
Ichigo watched his friends' bickering in mild exasperated amusement. 'He's not here anymore and no one can replace him. But I can do this. I have my family and friends both here and in the human world. They're happy that I'm alive and I'm happy that they're alive and as long as that lasts, I won't ever be alone.'
He could have sworn that for a moment, he felt strong arms wrap around him and a faded voice full of love and pride speak,
"The best people are never alone. Now move on and remember my love will always be with you… Ichigo."
The faint presence dissipated and Ichigo was glad that it was raining for once since he was almost positive the liquid on his cheek wasn't just precipitation.
He quickly wiped his eyes before calling to the squabbling shinigamis that he was leaving without them as he slid the ring he had been hiding in his hand into his hakama. He let his finger brush briefly across the name engraved on the ring and let a small smile grace his face as he traced it and a single thought flashed in his mind.
'Sousuke, I love you.'
And you still have all of me
A/N: Hey guys, I'm brand new at this since I've always just read fanfics. Who would've guessed I would try writing them? XD Anyhoo, feedback/constructive criticism is always welcome~ ^-^ On a side note, I am currently working on True Wish which is basically the whole story of Aizen and Ichigo's forbidden love so if you liked this then look forward to it!